E46Fanatics

E46Fanatics (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/index.php)
-   Love Line (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/forumdisplay.php?f=83)
-   -   Annoyed. Lifestyles clashing. (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/showthread.php?t=1003096)

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 12:29 PM

Annoyed. Lifestyles clashing.
 
I have been with my girl almost 9 months now. With that being said, shes my dream girl. Period. Perfect in every way, except she loathes the relationship/obsession i have with my car and working on it in general. Now, i know this may come off as a little ridiculous. Hell, it even sounds stupid to me. This has always been my dream car, it was such an accomplishment upon purchasing it. I've always enjoyed working on my own cars & we all know between maintenance & modding. This car needs a lot of attention.

The relationship i have with my girl is great. However she always busts my chops about the money/time i spend on my car. It is quite a large investment for my age. Being 21 years old...you can imagine how large of an undertaking it is. Wise or not. It is my passion. But don't assume that i neglect her or never have money to take her out ect ect. That is not the case.

She is getting extremely far with her career in music. She flies out to LA frequently to record for a subdivision of Warner Bros who is currently "shopping" her music. I always support her in that respect and am quite proud of her. She is very driven. When it comes to my car, she will do stupid little disrespectful sh1t like put her hands all over it after washing it, pulling on the handle with all of her weight when its clearly locked, puts makeup on inside the car and gets it fukn everywhere and just picks at stuff. Little stuff. I know as a DD its being put through daily wear/road duty. But i keep the car immaculate and that stuff really bothers me especially after telling her not to do it. Mind you, her car is fukn disgusting. Never been washed. Sticky. Trash, headliner coated in makeup fingerprints. "Its a nice car, but seriously its just a car" she says to me... I feel as if i do not get the same support that i give her with her hobbies/interests. While this seems childish and stupid. Pisses me off, royally. I have spoken to her about it multiple times and how it irks me. She subsides and apologizes only to do the same **** the next day. I work extremely hard for the things i have as my family does not come from much money. We all know the difference between given and self obtained items

What do i do? as its getting beyond obnoxious. I will not choose between one or the other....So....how do i make it work?

The two ladies causing the dilemma :tsk:

http://i1279.photobucket.com/albums/...ps819a71cd.jpg

http://i1279.photobucket.com/albums/...ps9d57d868.jpg


Paging Solly....Paging Solly :eeps:

DylloS 08-26-2013 12:35 PM

It's a car. In a few years you wont even give a sh1t about it. But that's not the issue. The issue is that she wants to feel like the most important part of your life and she feels like you care more about the car at times. Do something that makes her realize you care about her way more. Blow off a car show, a car wash whatever to spent time with her. Show her it's just a care. Trust me, you will look back and laugh at this in a few years.

yousharenow 08-26-2013 12:36 PM

LOL you are retarded.

It's a car. Show her she is a priority in something like what solly said

SLVR JDM 08-26-2013 12:39 PM

Prioritize her over the car and make it obvious that you are doing so. It is great that you love the car....but it is just a car. You can still work on it / clean it / whatever, but in the end, it is just a depreciating asset.

I'd be sure to tell her that she's #1, but that she needs to observe some simple respect for your property (within reason).

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 12:52 PM

Maybe you are right. I mean is it selfish to feel this way considering i see her everyday?... I work 10 hours everyday. So by the time i get off, its nice to have some alone time every once in a while. Whether i'm playing my drums or working on the car. I cant spend every waking second with her. I never see any of my friends except when we have time to work on our cars together which is part of the reason. If i was older i could understand some of the advice. But i'm relatively young.... I spend plenty of money on her and going out/gifts ect.

I don't think its a "waste" of money spending it on her by any means. But spending it on the car i can see/feel results for a long long time if that makes any sense?

SamDoe1 08-26-2013 12:52 PM

You're an idiot if you prioritize an 11 year old car over "the perfect girl for you". This isn't a hard fix at all, just go spend some quality time with her over the car. Just mention that you need to do some random work, replace blinker fluid or headlight coolant, but you'd rather take her out for the day. Repeat this every other week and it'll be smooth sailing.

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yousharenow (Post 15667741)
LOL you are retarded.

It's a car. Show her she is a priority in something like what solly said

Kill yourself.

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SamDoe1 (Post 15667791)
You're an idiot if you prioritize an old car over "the perfect girl for you". This isn't a hard fix at all, just go spend some quality time with her over the car. Just mention that you need to do some random work, replace blinker fluid or headlight coolant, but you'd rather take her out for the day. Repeat this every other week and it'll be smooth sailing.

Maybe i wasn't clear....Im with her every day. Every day. We go out every weekend. At least once. I literally don't see anyone other than her...

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 12:55 PM

And might i add, she never passes up a show, recording session, practice to see me...

SamDoe1 08-26-2013 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChrisRedmon (Post 15667795)
Maybe i wasn't clear....Im with her every day. Every day. We go out every weekend. At least once. I literally don't see anyone other than her...

That's all fine and dandy but you need to specifically point out that you are going out with her over doing something on your car so she gets the point. Obviously don't do it in a mean way but just pointing out to her that you care about her over your car is the best way to do it. Not saying you don't do it now, but unless you say it specifically, it's not going anywhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChrisRedmon (Post 15667808)
And might i add, she never passes up a show, recording session, practice to see me...

Mentioning this to her will not go well for you.

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SamDoe1 (Post 15667822)
That's all fine and dandy but you need to specifically point out that you are going out with her over doing something on your car so she gets the point. Obviously don't do it in a mean way but just pointing out to her that you care about her over your car is the best way to do it. Not saying you don't do it now, but unless you say it specifically, it's not going anywhere.



Mentioning this to her will not go well for you.

Hahaha agreed whole heartedly. You raise good points. Maybe i'm just not portraying it correctly to her. She knows she is my number one. Its just a little bit smothering knowing i have no time for friends between work and seeing her. I certainly like my alone time which doesnt happen very often. I just feel as if she doesn't take my hobbies seriously as i do hers.

Every single one of you have an undeniably unreasonable obsession with a inanimate object. Whether its guns, cars, boats, house.....you get the point.

yousharenow 08-26-2013 01:16 PM

Take a step back and look at the thematic idea of this thread.

"GF doesn't appreciate my car which is super important to me despite me being supportive of her career etc"

Seem's kinda petty eh?

DylloS 08-26-2013 01:24 PM

Chris, if you're not seeing your friends is that because you usually want to spend time with her or because she b1tches when you do?

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yousharenow (Post 15667865)
Take a step back and look at the thematic idea of this thread.

"GF doesn't appreciate my car which is super important to me despite me being supportive of her career etc"

Seem's kinda petty eh?

Well note the fact that everyone here gives valid advice in attempt to help remedy the situation. Regardless of your personal take of whether or not its "petty" While you come off as a...

You are missing the premise. Its not about the car and how she doesn't respect it. Its regarding what i enjoy doing as a hobby.

If you don't have anything that you truly love doing. That sucks. Imagine your significant other brushing it off regardless of how much it means to you.

Fergo 08-26-2013 01:27 PM

My girl likes cars just as much as I do :str8pimpi

yousharenow 08-26-2013 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChrisRedmon (Post 15667895)
Well note the fact that everyone here gives valid advice in attempt to help remedy the situation. Regardless of your personal take of whether or not its "petty" While you come off as a...

You are missing the premise. Its not about the car and how she doesn't respect it. Its regarding what i enjoy doing as a hobby.

If you don't have anything that you truly love doing. That sucks. Imagine your significant other brushing it off regardless of how much it means to you.

I have plenty of hobbies that I didn't share with my gf's in the past, paintball or Sailing or aviation or drums - Supporting my participation in them is one thing - actually participating in them with me is another.

I always found you gotta be fair to 3 things in a relationship.

You,her,and the relationship. You gotta be fair to all 3 (this includes guys nights or alone time).

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DylloS (Post 15667891)
Chris, if you're not seeing your friends is that because you usually want to spend time with her or because she b1tches when you do?

Both, honestly. She expects to see me everyday. And i love that. But at the same time i want to see the boys, ya know? And they go hand in hand as we mostly work on cars when we do see one another. Its so hard to tell her that i'm chilling with ____ or doing _____ because she gets all sad and pouty. Then its just depressing knowing i let her down. All of her friends have recently gone to college. Shes staying behind for one more year to crank on her music. I honestly feel smothered. Haven't seen any of my friends in months. Working on my car is more or less therapy for me, a release from work and the stresses of life in general.

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fergo_the_mule (Post 15667900)
My girl likes cars just as much as I do :str8pimpi

Lucky man!!!

yousharenow 08-26-2013 01:33 PM

Yeah you got a clinger. How old is she?

ChrisRedmon 08-26-2013 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yousharenow (Post 15667909)
I have plenty of hobbies that I didn't share with my gf's in the past, paintball or Sailing or aviation or drums - Supporting my participation in them is one thing - actually participating in them with me is another.

I always found you gotta be fair to 3 things in a relationship.

You,her,and the relationship. You gotta be fair to all 3 (this includes guys nights or alone time).

You play drums?!? :luv: I don't necessarily need her participation, although it would be cool to work with her! Just her cooperation. She gets to do everything she would want to do in a day from 7-6. Once i'm off, i'm next on her list. In that time frame i haven't gotten anything personal accomplished.


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:31 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
(c) 1999 - 2011 performanceIX Inc - privacy policy - terms of use