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DGBMW11 05-31-2010 02:40 PM

Need advice
 
I know this is a long story but I seriously need help and all my friends have preconceived notions of the situation so I cant talk to them.


Ok so my freshman year of college (Fall 2008) I met a girl from NJ and we hit it off so good, like creepy good. We started dating and got very close I even went up to her hometown to visit during the Christmas break. It was awesome and we got so much closer, her family loved me and it was a good experience. Anyway, around march of 09 she started to get into the Sorority stuff at school and we saw less of each other. I was in the middle of baseball season so we had limited time together anyway and we drifted further apart.

So, all the sketchy people associated with Greek life started to get to me and we mutually broke up before summer break (Mid April 09). It was hard but I eventually got back on my feet and was enjoying my summer, it was easier since she was 1,000 miles away. In Mid June I was invited to play in Cape Cod for a couple weeks on a tryout and I was planning on driving up there. About that time she called me for the first time since classes ended and I told here where I was going. She insisted that I went and saw her when I was done with the league. Well I tore my rotator cuff so the league was cut short for me, and the guy I took the road trip with (his car) was staying for another month so I had to fly home. I decided to fly out of NJ so I could take a trip to see her (public transport in the NE is wayyyy better than in Florida btw) I had to navigate the NY subway system to get on a train to NJ which is no small feat for a Florida boy. Anyway I stayed with her a couple days and everything was awesome. We got back together and just had a long distance relationship until the next school year.

Well when school started again (August 09) we were together for a couple weeks until the sorority thing ruined our relationship again, I was busy rehabbing from my surgery and she couldn't find the time to spend with me during that hard time. We broke up but stayed kinda close until January when she said we should move on and see other people so I started dating a girl in February and we didn't talk after that. Before the semester ended we saw each other between classes one day and hung out that night and decided we needed to be together again but since it was the end of the semester (April '10) she thought it would be better to wait until next year to do it. I still have the girlfriend but the NJ girl keeps talking about life after college and marriage and things like that, I don't know if I should ruin a decent relationship to go back to someone I actually love but has screwed me over before. She says she know what she wants now and knows what she lost, she wont do it again blah blah.

Soo what say you? Should I give it a shot or stay with what I have. I do have all summer to make a decision though.

In b4 "she just wants to sleep with other guys" shes not a slvt

undercover foO 05-31-2010 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DGBMW11 (Post 11814618)
I know this is a long story but I seriously need help and all my friends have preconceived notions of the situation so I cant talk to them.


Ok so my freshman year of college (Fall 2008) I met a girl from NJ and we hit it off so good, like creepy good. We started dating and got very close I even went up to her hometown to visit during the Christmas break. It was awesome and we got so much closer, her family loved me and it was a good experience. Anyway, around march of 09 she started to get into the Sorority stuff at school and we saw less of each other. I was in the middle of baseball season so we had limited time together anyway and we drifted further apart.

So, all the sketchy people associated with Greek life started to get to me and we mutually broke up before summer break (Mid April 09). It was hard but I eventually got back on my feet and was enjoying my summer, it was easier since she was 1,000 miles away. In Mid June I was invited to play in Cape Cod for a couple weeks on a tryout and I was planning on driving up there. About that time she called me for the first time since classes ended and I told here where I was going. She insisted that I went and saw her when I was done with the league. Well I tore my rotator cuff so the league was cut short for me, and the guy I took the road trip with (his car) was staying for another month so I had to fly home. I decided to fly out of NJ so I could take a trip to see her (public transport in the NE is wayyyy better than in Florida btw) I had to navigate the NY subway system to get on a train to NJ which is no small feat for a Florida boy. Anyway I stayed with her a couple days and everything was awesome. We got back together and just had a long distance relationship until the next school year.

Well when school started again (August 09) we were together for a couple weeks until the sorority thing ruined our relationship again, I was busy rehabbing from my surgery and she couldn't find the time to spend with me during that hard time. We broke up but stayed kinda close until January when she said we should move on and see other people so I started dating a girl in February and we didn't talk after that. Before the semester ended we saw each other between classes one day and hung out that night and decided we needed to be together again but since it was the end of the semester (April '10) she thought it would be better to wait until next year to do it. I still have the girlfriend but the NJ girl keeps talking about life after college and marriage and things like that, I don't know if I should ruin a decent relationship to go back to someone I actually love but has screwed me over before. She says she know what she wants now and knows what she lost, she wont do it again blah blah.

Soo what say you? Should I give it a shot or stay with what I have. I do have all summer to make a decision though.

In b4 "she just wants to sleep with other guys" shes not a slvt

So, how do you feel about the girl you're with right now if the NJ girl is the one you actually love? Do you see a future with her, or are you with her just to have someone there?

Something to think about I guess.

CMT247 05-31-2010 11:27 PM

lot of back and forth man. So she wants to start back up again basically next school year? Is she still going to be part of the sorority again? Probably best to move on man, you 2 have been through a lot and it has never worked out. Just because she is in a sorority, doesn't give her the excuse to be some flaky drama queen. I know plenty of sorority girls who DON'T get caught up in the whole scene. Find someone with a good head on their shoulders.

DGBMW11 05-31-2010 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CMT247 (Post 11816347)
lot of back and forth man. So she wants to start back up again basically next school year? Is she still going to be part of the sorority again? Probably best to move on man, you 2 have been through a lot and it has never worked out. Just because she is in a sorority, doesn't give her the excuse to be some flaky drama queen. I know plenty of sorority girls who DON'T get caught up in the whole scene. Find someone with a good head on their shoulders.

She is going to still be a part of it but I guess shes learned to keep it separate from her normal relationships but idk. It really easy to tell someone deep things like she does over the phone, way harder in person and when they're in the situation.
Problem is I have moved on, I think, and she keeps coming back into the picture. But I totally agree, it is not an excuse at all.

N89 05-31-2010 11:56 PM

Basically she wants to do what she wants to do and still have you in her back pocket when she's ready to finally commit, dumb, if it didn't work the last two times it won't work the third, you might be more in love with the idea than the girl, move on.

aka she wants to have her cake and eat it too @ your expense.

mcr_driver 06-01-2010 05:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nineteen89 (Post 11816437)
Basically she wants to do what she wants to do and still have you in her back pocket when she's ready to finally commit, dumb, if it didn't work the last two times it won't work the third, you might be more in love with the idea than the girl, move on.

aka she wants to have her cake and eat it too @ your expense.

this ^ don't be her back up cus at that point she has your balls in a cup on her mantle...

DylloS 06-01-2010 10:50 AM

I'd wait until she's out of school.

AfghanScarface 06-01-2010 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DylloS (Post 11817801)
I'd wait until she's out of school.

+1, her "entourage" is fvcking sh1t up for you.

Also, you didn't seem to mention much about the girl you're currently with. How do you see her in comparison the girl you're trying to get at now? From what you describe it seems like the outcome of this situation would be something like you drop the current girl to get with this chick and the same thing happens again but for different reasons this time. I mean honestly if it didn't work out the first couple of times, what makes you so convinced it will work this time? You guys will still have to be a LDR, which will only increase the emotional strain on an already fragile relationship and just screw you over down the line. From what you say it really does sound like shes got feelings for you but she doesn't really know what she wants.

Like Led Zeppelin says, you need to find out which of these two girls is the "feather in the wind" and stop going after/trying to be with that one.

DGBMW11 06-01-2010 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AfghanScarface (Post 11817878)
+1, her "entourage" is fvcking sh1t up for you.

Also, you didn't seem to mention much about the girl you're currently with. How do you see her in comparison the girl you're trying to get at now? From what you describe it seems like the outcome of this situation would be something like you drop the current girl to get with this chick and the same thing happens again but for different reasons this time. I mean honestly if it didn't work out the first couple of times, what makes you so convinced it will work this time? You guys will still have to be a LDR, which will only increase the emotional strain on an already fragile relationship and just screw you over down the line. From what you say it really does sound like shes got feelings for you but she doesn't really know what she wants.

Like Led Zeppelin says, you need to find out which of these two girls is the "feather in the wind" and stop going after/trying to be with that one.

Yea, if i did get back with her I would have to dump my current gf, but we wouldnt be back together until the end of summer anyway. It wouldn't really be a LDR once she got back, just different breaks and stuff from school would be long distance.
And I'm not convinced at all, she says she will prove it... idk we'll see. And the Zepplelin quote is perfect, I have to figure all this stuff out.
I really appreciate the input guys, everyone is making a lot of good points.

By the way, my current girlfriend is crazy for me which would make all this harder because shes done nothing to deserve any of this. But I just cant shake the thought of liking somebody more than my gf, no relationship can grow like that.

Gaz_jones 06-02-2010 06:59 AM

The same thing will happen again man. She's done it twice already without learning her mistakes so why do you think this time will be any different?

I know it's hard to move on from one you love, but you'll end up scrwing yourself up if you cant get over her.

DGBMW11 06-02-2010 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaz_jones (Post 11821939)
The same thing will happen again man. She's done it twice already without learning her mistakes so why do you think this time will be any different?

I know it's hard to move on from one you love, but you'll end up scrwing yourself up if you cant get over her.

I agree man, but she says shes learned. Idk. Ill just have to see how she acts the next couple months apart. Btw Ive got a friend who lives in MK, nice place.


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