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-   -   How to proceed (potential for awkwardness) (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/showthread.php?t=942266)

HellFish 09-02-2012 10:04 AM

How to proceed (potential for awkwardness)
 
Cliff notes

I am 27 and work out at my alma matter's gym (nicest gym I have ever been in, not because of the hot co eds hah)

Not sure what got into me because I never do this but there was this girl working out near us that was incredible - perfect 10.

For what its worth (not much) - she looked a little older. Not sure though.

I walk up to her and ask her if she would like to grab a cup of coffee sometime to which she accepted...

This was yesterday (Saturday) - I was thinking about texting her tomorrow (Monday) and asking if she wanted to still grab a cup of coffee on Tuesday... Should I ask her to go in the morning? evening? Lunch even?

I am really afraid of her getting there and being like "ya I am 19"... I would feel really awkward obviously. If she was in that age range and she found out I was 27, do you think she would think I was a psycho?

Thoughts on this situation?

KrasivataSabine 09-02-2012 11:07 AM

In before mark m, sollyd, and colinse90!

OP, just be cool until you find out her age. No point having something throw off your confidence and character if it may not even be an issue in the first place. keep us posted?

HellFish 09-02-2012 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KrasivataSabine (Post 14699401)
In before mark m, sollyd, and colinse90!

OP, just be cool until you find out her age. No point having something throw off your confidence and character if it may not even be an issue in the first place. keep us posted?

Agreed. I'll let ya know what happens.

HellFish 09-02-2012 11:09 AM

Also instead of coffee I was thinking about making asking her to lunch instead? What do you think?

dmax 09-02-2012 11:19 AM

The chinese think that 8 years' age difference is perfect.

Call, don't text.

Just read this to her: "Hey, this is Hellfish from the gym. I'm sure you get a lot of offers from guys, so I'll just remind you I'm the huge, handsome body builder with the green tank top on who asked if you'd join me for coffee yesterday. Thought I'd call and ask when might be a good time for you. If you have time, I'd love to turn that coffee invitation into a dinner invitation...or lunch if it's more convenient."

KrasivataSabine 09-02-2012 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dmax (Post 14699423)
The chinese think that 8 years' age difference is perfect.

Call, don't text.

Just read this to her: "Hey, this is Hellfish from the gym. I'm sure you get a lot of offers from guys, so I'll just remind you I'm the huge, handsome body builder with the green tank top on who asked if you'd join me for coffee yesterday. Thought I'd call and ask when might be a good time for you. If you have time, I'd love to turn that coffee invitation into a dinner invitation...or lunch if it's more convenient."

Well put; good luck OP :thumbup: Dmax, could you ask out my future girlfriends for me?

dmax 09-02-2012 01:12 PM

Krasivata, be glad to...but first, I need to get some more practice for myself!

My best call ever went...

"Hi this is Doug from the party yesterday"

"Did I lose an ear ring?"

"Ha, no, I just called because I enjoyed talking with you, I think you're beautiful, and I was wondering if you'd care to join me for dinner."


Sincerity can be done by a formula...just be both clear and concise. You're welcome! Expect pics of connections made with this advice!

CollinsE90 09-02-2012 03:06 PM

First thing you need to do is dissociate your brain from her being a '10'. If she really is that hot, she gets treated like that everywhere she goes by guys that don't know any better. You have to treat her like she's a 6, like every girl out there is the same as her. When you put her on a pedestal she will sense weakness and not be intrigued. Personally, I wouldn't hit her up until you see her again at the gym. To land a girl like that you have to put more ground work in person for her to take you up on the offer-- in my experience. How often do you see her at the gym? If you see her again soon, walk up to her and give an excuse for why you haven't called yet, and work on building your value with her--in person.

dmax 09-02-2012 08:49 PM

You have her number...she gave it to you. You have enough value to her that she gave you her number.

Would you guys stop trying to 'game' every female. I think you should call...which sounds like it'd be easier on you than building up your value with her one-on-one. Just saying.

I think that often beautiful girls aren't approached as much as you think they are...because they're so beautiful. She gave you her number because she wants you to call. I think you need to do that soon. If you see her again in a few days at the gym and haven't called, you're telling her you're not that interested in her...or 'weak.'

Should I write an entire script for you? Oh, btw, don't do what another fanatic did and text her a photo of your penor...although it worked out great for that fanatic, ymmv!

CollinsE90 09-02-2012 10:37 PM

The fact that he already knows there's a chance of awkwardness, says his approach was short and he subconsciously doesn't feel confident he did enough to actually take her out. Many girls give out numbers without the intent of ever taking up the offer because saying no is more awkward than just giving the number. Especially in college. Hot girls in college get asked their number constantly, the ones that get somewhere are the ones that build more value than a simple approach and ask for number.

That's just my experience in a college atmosphere.

HellFish 09-02-2012 10:46 PM

I agree with the building value before asking for the number but in this situation - there really wasn't a way to build any value. It had to be really straight forward unless I wanted to have a full out conversation by the spin bikes.

I will let you guys know if I hear back from her tomorrow.

KrasivataSabine 09-03-2012 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HellFish (Post 14700553)
I will let you guys know WHEN I hear back from her tomorrow.

fixed :thumbup:

HellFish 09-03-2012 06:28 PM

She texted me "Hey 'HellFish', I should have said something the other day but I was in work out mode and wasn't thinking. I have a boyfriend and I don't think he would feel comfortable with my having lunch with another guy! You were very sweet and if I didn't have a boyfriend I definitely would wanted to hang out. I apologize for misleading you"

I responded "Hey no worries. Thanks for texting me back."

CollinsE90 09-03-2012 06:59 PM

She was too weak to say no when you asked, and was too weak to say it again via text. If she had a boyfriend, and respected the relationship, saying "I have a boyfriend" is much less awkward than 'no' and she would of went with that way. That's just her way of letting you down nicely.

HellFish 09-03-2012 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollinsE90 (Post 14702022)
She was too weak to say no when you asked, and was too weak to say it again via text. If she had a boyfriend, and respected the relationship, saying "I have a boyfriend" is much less awkward than 'no' and she would of went with that way. That's just her way of letting you down nicely.

That's your opinion. Reading her body language I think she was interested just caught completely off guard. If she was so weak I don't think she woul have even responded in the first place. Either way it's irrelevant.

CollinsE90 09-03-2012 07:37 PM

Do you really think your approach could actually make her forget about her boyfriend? If she did have a boyfriend, and she was still interested, you wouldn't have been told in the very first thing she said to you. She let you down easy, move on.

HellFish 09-03-2012 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollinsE90 (Post 14702078)
Do you really think your approach could actually make her forget about her boyfriend? If she did have a boyfriend, and she was still interested, you wouldn't have been told in the very first thing she said to you. She let you down easy, move on.

I'm over it I don't know why we are debating this. I was simply telling you guys what happened as I promised I would.

No need to point out that you think she wasn't interested in me rather than she could have been telling the truth - either way there isn't a date so who cares.

CollinsE90 09-03-2012 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HellFish (Post 14702085)
I'm over it I don't know why we are debating this. I was simply telling you guys what happened as I promised I would.

No need to point out that you think she wasn't interested in me rather than she could have been telling the truth - either way there isn't a date so who cares.

Every approach, failed or succeeded, needs to be analyzed. Only way you will get better. You did what most wouldn't do, but you now know what you need to do better next time. You fail when you get emotionally attached quickly, and you lose confidence for the next run. Consider each approach nothing but a game, and you will get better. The fact that me telling you this is getting you agitated, says you had already become emotionally attached.

Take my advice or not, but until you're rational about each attempt, you won't progress.

HellFish 09-03-2012 07:58 PM

But what did I do this time that I should have done differently? If I could go back in time and redo this I don't know what I could have done differently?

CollinsE90 09-03-2012 08:11 PM

1. You have to understand that sometimes women just won't like you for their own personal reasons.
2. You have to build value to get them intrigued, a simple approach and asking for a number doesn't work with quality women.
3. Make the approach seem as little like an approach as possible, lower her guard.
4. Before you ask for a number, engage in a normal conversation and listen or look for indicators that show interest. Once you've seen a couple, and the awkwardness is gone from the initial approach, then ask for a number. (i.e. they ask you questions like your name if you didn't give it, where you're from, about your career etc...) "So, what actions can we take to continue this conversation later,' she should instantly offer her number, if not just hand her your phone with the dial pad showing.
5. If you feel confident she's interested because of the indicators, wait a couple days at least and call her, have a plan set and say it in a confident way, don't give her a chance to say no. (i.e. 'Hey, I have some tickets for us to go to blah blah on XX date, make sure you're free')


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