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-   -   Think I messed it up....advice? (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/showthread.php?t=942808)

Glidde8 09-04-2012 09:53 PM

Think I messed it up....advice?
 
So I have been dating this chick for about 7 months now and I think I may of blown it up the other night....
First some background info. We are both 25 with full time jobs out of college. We have mutual friends and would all hang out together from HS all the way up to now. About 8 months ago we went out tell each other we like each other go out on a couple of dates blah blah blah become official. So about 4 months into the relationship she drops the I love you line and yes I said it back and really meant it. For the record I have been in Long relationships in the past where I was always the first one to drop the love you line...usually a little while longer then 4 months but I really did feel like I knew this girl enough that my feelings were legit.
Fast forward to sat night. Having people over my house and we start day drinking. We are both pretty drunk and I see a dude start talking to my girl...don't think anything of it. Then it looks like he's getting pretty close to her so I keep an eye on it still not worried. Then I see him take out his phone, she looks at it says something then walks away. Well me in my drunken state took that as her giving him her number. We go inside and a big drunken argument ensues. Ok so I'm an ass when I get drunk but that's not the problem (well it is but nothing a nice dinner can't fix). So my problem is in my drunken rant telling this girl how much I care about her I dropped the gem "you're the girl I want to marry". Honestly I think I may have scared her a little bit because she has been acting kinda strange the past few days. Just want to get other people perspective. Let me know if you think I could of blown it?

BMWDon 09-05-2012 05:19 AM

if you can't talk it out, then it wasn't meant to be. she dropped the I love you bomb first (you followed right up...so you're both in the shti deep now)...so if the thought of marraige has her acting weird, then the I love you phrase was just a bunch of bs. talk to her and sort it out, better to pull up anchor now than waste more of each others time if you can't get over this quick. good luck

Mark M 09-05-2012 07:10 AM

Give her space...pull away and become somewhat distant / aloof. Whatever you do, don't chase after her trying to pine away and make it all better. No girl ever said they want a clingy man. Be the man, make her think you're not afraid to walk. She'll come back around.

casino is no lie 09-05-2012 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark M (Post 14706145)
Give her space...pull away and become somewhat distant / aloof. Whatever you do, don't chase after her trying to pine away and make it all better. No girl ever said they want a clingy man. Be the man, make her think you're not afraid to walk. She'll come back around.

Personally I think that is a terrible idea. It's essentially punishing her for something he said then coercing her back into the relationship because the fear of being without him is greater than being with him.

The fact is... she should want to be with you. Not that it's some how more convenient or more attractive to be with him than without.


OP, it's going to be a delicate balance of giving her some space to simply digest what you said. The best you can do is play it cool, apologize for your behavior and be patient. If things don't improve in a couple weeks then there may be more to it. Just don't remove yourself from the picture entirely.

Mayo 09-05-2012 09:00 AM

Next time you see a girl do something like that, keep quiet and snoop through her phone a couple days later.

casino is no lie 09-05-2012 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mayo (Post 14706302)
Next time you see a girl do something like that, keep quiet and snoop through her phone a couple days later.

That's healthy. If there is no trust the relationship is doomed.

BimmersGarage 09-05-2012 10:22 AM

Saying something when you're drunk should not be the issue. And what you said to her should not be a problem neither.

Now that both of you are sober, just keep your communications open. Mention to her that you've notice a change in her behavior and that you think it's from what happened during the get-together... Just ask her straight - is there something bothering/worrying you? (instead of beating around the bush, asking for our perspective.) Listen to what she says and go from there.

kushy 09-05-2012 10:23 AM

tell her "you're everything I didn't think I wanted in a girl"

Mark M 09-05-2012 10:35 AM

Or dedicate several Air Supply songs to her "You're every woman in the world to me" and lavish her in wine, roses, and have those cute his and her's personalized license plates made up with both your initials together. Then afterward go out and get her name tattooed on your chest :)

Mayo 09-05-2012 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by casino is no lie (Post 14706367)
That's healthy. If there is no trust the relationship is doomed.

I'll build my trust my way. Women are sneaky, much more than most guys will give them credit for. Fvck blind trust, keyloggers, when I see a girl shut down numerous guys over FB ect. without me "knowing"...that's how I build trust.

casino is no lie 09-05-2012 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mayo (Post 14706601)
I'll build my trust my way.

Might I recommend working on your insecurities first?

Glidde8 09-05-2012 12:13 PM

Dude I'm not going to go looking through her phone I personally think that's messed up. I wouldn't want her going through mine, not that I have anything to hide. But it's that sense of privacy that I feel even in a relationship each person needs...

I think I'm going to go with the tattoo on my chest.

Seriously though, i am going to see how things go for the next few days of she is still acting weird Ill straight up ask her what's going on and let her know how I'm feeling about the way she's been acting. Thanks for the advice everyone...I'll keep you updated

CollinsE90 09-05-2012 12:13 PM

If you think snooping through your girl's phone will prevent her from doing anything, I feel sorry for you. If you thinking catching her with a phone will make it easier, again, I feel sorry for you.

OP, sounds to me like your gut feels you're losing her so you made a drastic move to prevent it. You've already shown a lack of trust, it will take some work to fix. Good luck.

DylloS 09-05-2012 03:34 PM

IMO if that line scares someone at this age and that far along into a relationship you two were on very different levels as it was.

casino is no lie 09-05-2012 04:00 PM

OP needs to get DL with the FL.


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