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-   -   How to be hard"er" to get as a guy (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/showthread.php?t=946960)

SteelGray3 09-25-2012 11:07 PM

How to be hard"er" to get as a guy
 
Godspeed if you read all of this.


I wouldn't necessarily say I have a problem with this, but I am a nice guy by nature so I can't exactly put myself in the category of guys who completely drive girls insane with their non-chalantness. I'm a sophomore in college and I'd say I've done pretty well for myself as far as my sex life goes. I banged plenty of girls last year that I met out at parties or hung out with briefly. I even had a thing going on with a junior last year for a couple weeks where were pretty much **** buddies. It's not at all that I don't think I get enough girls, I just don't know how to pull a girl and keep things going. All of my hookups in the past year and a half(since I've been in college) have been basically "one(or few) night stands."

Fast forward to now, we're 5 weeks into the semester and I met this really awesome girl in one of my labs. It meets for 3 hours once a week and I knew that I liked her on the first day instead of the other 10 or so girls in the class. We actually ended up working together on the first lab and I met another kid in the class who has a modded b5 s4 who actually knows his **** about cars; I left that first class more ecstatic than a golden retriever puppy. I later find out that this chick has a ton of mutual friends with me, like some of my good friends.

The next two labs we like plain didn't say a word to each other. We we ended up sitting at different tables each time and working in different groups. Last week we took our first field trip and did a lab studying glaciers, anyway I started talking to her as soon as we left to go to the bus. Turns out we end up carrying on great conversation and got along really well. I finally let all my worries that she didn't like me go from those two weeks we didn't talk. During the lab she told me that she wanted to do the pre-lab with me because I got good grades on them, so I told her to come over the upcoming weekend. My car buddy and I were talking about off roading and she told us how much she missed going out with her friends from back home. So I told her we should go up to lefthand canyon.

(The field trip)
http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...60225340_n.jpg


She agreed and I got a group of guy and girls to come. My buddy brought his Wrangler and KTM 250 and another friend brought his Xterra. I picked her up in my 4Runner on Saturday and we met up with my friends and headed up to the trails. We had the most awesome day together. She immediately got along with everyone else(she didn't know any of them) and we rode up to the top of the mountain together just having the best time. We got up to the top and everyone was hanging out by the overlook and eventually everyone but the two of us had walked back up over to the other side of the ridge to shoot some clay pidgeons. We ended up just talking about life in general and what we thought was important in friends. After talking for like 20 minutes straight we decided to rejoin the group. We ended up heading down around dark and she told me that I should come party with her and her friend's that night. In short, she had an awesome day, and so did I.


(she's the one hanging off the passenger side of the jeep in the green top and shorts.)
https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?ui...line&safe=1&zw


I met up with her around 10:30 Saturday night at her friend's apartment. Party was already going and like 5 minutes after I got there I was just starting up a conversation with her when like 5 of my good girl friends unknowingly made me look like a boss :clap: by running up and nearly tackling me. She gave up trying to talk to me at that moment and literally walked away haha. We moved on to another party still having a great night, got some shots and found a fresh keg at this house. Then we danced for a bit and finally ended up back out on the front porch probably about 1am I'd estimate. At this point in the night as usual, I'm pretty intoxicated. This is where I fear I screwed myself, we were standing outside and we had been facing each other talking about what we were gonna do for the rest of the night and then we stopped and I was just looking at her for a couple seconds and she said something along the lines of "what do you want to do?" To which I foolishly replied, "I just want to kiss you." She says, "I know you do, but I'm hard to get." I reply, "just a peck" and went in for a kiss and she obliged. We ended up walking home like 30 minutes later and I gave her another quick kiss before we split. In hindsight, when she said she was hard to get, I really wish I had been quick witted enough to pretend to get upset at her for saying she was hard to get, and was that implying that I was easy, because I wasn't some slut. Haha, it would have been a good line; next time I guess.

She came over Sunday for like 2 hours and we did our pre-lab in the hammock(very cute I know, it was awesome laying next to her for that long) like we planned and then she went to the library and I stayed at my place. As far as texting goes, the last time I texted her was Sunday after she left and we both just left it at "I'm sure I'll see you this week." Since then our only interaction has been limited to some likes back and forth on facebook and instagram. She generally likes or comments on most of the stuff I post on instagram and her responses make me feel confident about her liking me more than a friend. For example, when I instagram'd the sandwich I made for dinner tonight she commented back "omg (insert a few emojis) where was my invite?" I purposely haven't been hitting her up to chill the past two days, I'm just trying to give her room since we have class tomorrow anyway. Guys, I really feel like I showed my whole hand of cards on Saturday night when I said I wanted to kiss her. I feel like I completely let things get out of hand by blatantly letting her know I care. How do I not screw this up? I can always go get girls at a party, but I really like everything about this girl which I know is gonna make me fubar this.

I need to know how to make her want it, to really hook her and make her chase me. What can I do to drive her crazy about me.


(One more looking back at the front range)
https://docs.google.com/viewer?attid...number=1&w=800

XKxRome0ox 09-25-2012 11:12 PM

Dude
You are thinking too much
I skimmed through most of what you wrote... don't try to fake anything
Just handle your business
You are in college
Go to class, hang with friends, and hang with this girl when you can and want


[bimmer app/galaxy s3]

CollinsE90 09-25-2012 11:19 PM

You've passed the first stage, most guys start getting sentimental and trying to date them. Just chill and show no emotion, unless you've already shown too much already. Sit back and say to yourself she's just another girl, and treat it like that for a little while longer.

I think you're alright. Quit worrying about her and worry about YOU. Say something like this next time "You know, you're not the only one that's hard to get" and smile. She'll say "Is that right????" and smile, and leave it at that. Do not talk abut anything like relationships or sex, watch for body language and just do what you want, stop asking for it. Next time you pause with her, just kiss her, etc..Don't be predictable, don't hit her up for a few days, and out of no where tell her to meet you for lunch and a drink or something simple. Keep her on her toes, doe the exact opposite of what she's expecting and what other guys would do. Be different, and indifferent.

Bottom line: When your instinct says do something, think before you do it, and say is this what every other guy does? Girls get tired of the simple plain way of intrigued them, they want a guy they can catch, that's different.

SteelGray3 09-25-2012 11:49 PM

You my friend are vastly helpful. I don't think I have messed things up, but I think another stupid move like that would. In class tomorrow I'm sure we will be working together, as excited as I am, there's no way I'm gonna let her know. I'm just gonna treat her like you said, and just chill. Think I should try and make plans for the weekend tomorrow while I'm with her in class? Any ideas on being un predictable? I think that's something this girl would really eat up, I already haven't texted her in 2 days, but I'd like to get her on her toes as you said.

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 12:00 AM

In class tomorrow, seem reserved, but don't seem like you've lost all interest. Find ways to pick at her, make fun of her clothes with sarcasm, make fun of something small but not in a douche way (doing this will make her want to impress you). Let her do all the talking, she will start to ask you things most likely, and when you notice those interest indicators, don't fall for them, just know they're there and continue what you're doing. You've said you have many mutual friends, wait until you 'run' into her again. Shows you only care about you, if she's truly interested, she'll find a way to see you. When you do see her, this is when you turn it up. First indicator you get from her, kiss her, much more than a peck. After that, walk away and hang with your boys for a bit and let her think about what just happened, most likely she will come find you because she won't be able to resist. Then continue that and try to take her home, most likely she will try to just stay with you with no intentions, and it's up to you how you handle it. If she's dating material, I'd try hard to smash, but give up, at least show you aren't a wimp and want to try, make her feel accomplished for not sleeping with you.

It's all good after all that.

SteelGray3 09-26-2012 12:20 AM

Collin, you can just keep talking because everything you've said so far has been constructive and relevant. So I was planning on trying to plan something with her before we dipped from class tomorrow, but I've decided otherwise. I'm sure she's expecting me to ask her about this weekend and to try and make plans. It doesn't even matter, we're both going to the same show this weekend at red rocks but with different friends. There's no doubt we will run into each other, not to mention I'm kegging my homebrew this weekend and we're having a little shindig to celebrate. She already knows that we're drinking it this weekend and she told me she'll be there whenever we tap the kegs. I can see it all so much better now, I've got it made, I just have to sit back. Writing all that out really helped me get her out of my head, or at least it let me write down all the thoughts I have been dwelling on.

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 12:33 AM

Just remember that playing hard to get only works if you give something up occasionally. You have to be man enough to take control when she least expects it, and kiss her, grab her, etc. Make her work for your attention, make her wait a bit, and then when you see she is begging you on the inside, just do it. Then continue that trend until you see it going somewhere and she's emotionally attached now, then tone it down. That's another talk, do the rest for now and see what she does.

I think if you do all of this, it will go exactly like I said it would. Seems like you've done a good job so far, stupid sh1t like Facebook comments are actually indications of interest believe it or not.

Just remember, give her something to chase.

SteelGray3 09-26-2012 12:53 AM

All of this makes sense, I'm still just not quite sure what that "something to chase" is.

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 12:57 AM

Make her believe you're a catch, a guy that doesn't just bow down to her when you get the slightest interest. Most guys subconsciously bow down to a girl initially to get their interest, and put them on a pedestal. If you focus only on you, and treat her as an equal, just a human, she will get intrigued. Think of it like you're a doctor, and she's just a girl. You have a lot to offer, and she would be lucky to land you. Except have that attitude without the doctor part, make her believe you're a catch, and she'd be lucky to have you. Do that by not worrying about if you 'get' her, and just worry about yourself. Do that, with the rest I said, and she'll be in your hand.

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 01:07 AM

Also, when you do run into her, don't drop everything for her. If she walks up to you and your friends, stop and say hey, but continue what you were doing for a bit and show she's not the only one in the room, she will stand there and wait most likely, but don't do it too long. After you've shown that, then focus on her for a bit, and then go back to your friends. Stay centered on you, and show her a little interest, she will then fight for all of your interest, and don't give it for a while, just give her enough to be satisfied. You'll know when she will start to get agitated about it, then give her some time to fix it.

It's all mind games, but trust me, it works. But don't let her know you're doing it, act oblivious to what's going on, don't say things like "am I making you mad," because she'll know that's what you want, act like it's just what you do naturally.

casino is no lie 09-26-2012 11:40 AM

"Pretend" if you want to get it in. Be yourself if you want something meaningful. If it's not a person who can appreciate you for you, then it's not someone you'll want to be with for an extended period of time (i.e., relationship).

Don't over think it. People who tell you to act oblivious and ignore her are the same people who are stage five clingers themselves. They have to force themselves to do that otherwise they come across as needy and insecure.

The best thing you can do is take her out on a date or something that makes it your intentions known.

ChrisRedmon 09-26-2012 11:41 AM

Lol

SamDoe1 09-26-2012 11:43 AM

Pics aren't loading.

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by casino is no lie (Post 14764163)
"Pretend" if you want to get it in. Be yourself if you want something meaningful. If it's not a person who can appreciate you for you, then it's not someone you'll want to be with for an extended period of time (i.e., relationship).

Don't over think it. People who tell you to act oblivious and ignore her are the same people who are stage five clingers themselves. They have to force themselves to do that otherwise they come across as needy and insecure.

The best thing you can do is take her out on a date or something that makes it your intentions known.

Coming from someone that's marrying a stage 5 clinger that searched through his browsing history, I find this post pretty ironic. Also coming from the guy that used online dating for years, and married his intern, it's even more ironic.

I don't chastise advice, I give my opinion. Take it or leave it, it's your insecurity that's speaking when you belittle others on a subject you clearly don't know as we'll as you think you do.

2000_328CI 09-26-2012 12:23 PM

WATCH AND LEARN

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-ajH...attract_women/

Quote:

The clip how to attract women from Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982) with Brian Backer, Robert Romanus

I'm in love.
See the mustache comin' in, Rat?
You can almost cross it out.
I'm in love.
You are a wuss. Part wimp, part pussy.
What do you mean wuss? This girl is my... exact type.
Where'd you see her?
In my biology class.
Did you get her number?
No.
Did you get her name?
No! No! It's too soon.
It's never too soon, Rat.
A girl decides how far she's gonna let you go in the first five minutes.
What am I supposed to do? Go up to this strange girl in my biology class...
and say, "Hello. I'd like you to take your clothes off and jump on me"?
I would.
I can see it all now. This is gonna be just like last summer.
You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat.
You bought $40 worth of ****in' film, and you never even talked to her.
You don't even own a camera!
You tell me, Mike. What should I do?
This is what you do.
Start from the minute you walk into biology.
I mean, don't just walk in. Move across the room.
And you don't talk to her.
You use your face. You use your body.
Use everything.
That's what I do.
I mean, I just send out this vibe...
and I have personally found that women do respond.
I mean, something happens.
Naturally something happens.
You put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.
That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.
The attitude?
Yeah.
The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays or prays.
Whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'.
Now, when you got that... then you have the attitude.

Good night, Stacy.

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 12:42 PM

I'm giving advice for a college situation. Every person in college has a high expectation because of the vast choices. Girls in college that are hot, get dozens of guys wanting to take them on a date, or are straightforward. When in college, a girl wants to feel accomplished when they start dating a guy. Every guy they meet tries to date them. Give them a chase, make them feel accomplished, then be straightforward.

I don't give this advice to people in the real world, just for college.

casino is no lie 09-26-2012 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollinsE90 (Post 14764261)
Coming from someone that's marrying a stage 5 clinger that searched through his browsing history, I find this post pretty ironic. Also coming from the guy that used online dating for years, and married his intern, it's even more ironic.

I don't chastise advice, I give my opinion. Take it or leave it, it's your insecurity that's speaking when you belittle others on a subject you clearly don't know as we'll as you think you do.

You and I both have our relationship failures. But ask yourself, do you have a success story yet?

So...

http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/ima...bNt1qzq72w.gif

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 01:47 PM

I'm also about 6 years younger than you ;)

casino is no lie 09-26-2012 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollinsE90 (Post 14764576)
I'm also about 6 years younger than you ;)

Not sure who old you think I am... :eek:

CollinsE90 09-26-2012 03:55 PM

I'm 23


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