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-   -   Urget Help Needed - I love her (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/showthread.php?t=948371)

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 09:34 AM

Urget Help Needed - I love her
 
In a nutshell, seeing this girl for a month (short I know, but we moved fast), we've done everything together, she loves everything about me but she says she doesn't see a future with me. How can I get around this? I love this girl, and she has told me she loves me.

I know I sound like a rookie, but this scenario hasn't taken place before. I need help rather urgently as I will be seeing her soon and need some ideas on how to deal with this. I feel like she is the one deep down.

Solidjake 10-03-2012 09:36 AM

Why she said that she doesn't see a future with you?

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solidjake (Post 14783613)
Why she said that she doesn't see a future with you?

Not 100% because I am not getting full grasp of the situation, this happened all of a sudden.

I believe parental pressure, as her parents basically said to her don't bring home a black guy or Muslim. I'm Muslim, she's catholic. Her parents have not met me or know that I am Muslim. They just know of me. Plus, I think she is scared she won't be able to live the life she wants with me cause I am Muslim. Which is untrue. I am totally chill. These bastards in the middle east aren't helping with the killing of the ambassador and all.

I don't know how to tell her that the life she wants to live will be possible with me and her happiness is more important to me than anything else.

KaliVertBoy 10-03-2012 09:54 AM

Parental pressure? You guys must be young. Hopefully this is not a case of the girl only being interested in you to rebel against her parents. And you're not in love dude, you're infatuated. The first months of any relationships are always the best. Just give her her space and go hang out with your buddies.

Solidjake 10-03-2012 09:57 AM

Just take it slow with her. Don't say things like you want to be with her forever, etc.

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaliVertBoy (Post 14783655)
Parental pressure? You guys must be young. Hopefully this is not a case of the girl only being interested in you to rebel against her parents. And you're not in love dude, you're infatuated. The first months of any relationships are always the best. Just give her her space and go hang out with your buddies.

I've been looking for a girl like this since I broke up w/ my fiance of 6 years, 2 years ago. Been w/ several girls since then who were utterly garbage and she has been the first girl to check all the boxes of what I've been searching for.

We aren't young, but we both come from a culture to respect parents.

Here is the deal, she is in her late 20's been in a couple of really bad relationships. She is looking for a permanent one now. So she would be actively looking for someone else if things don't work out between us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solidjake (Post 14783663)
Just take it slow with her. Don't say things like you want to be with her forever, etc.

She has said that she is pretty sure she won't change her mind, so I am unsure how to handle this. I told her we should move slow, but she says she doesn't want to drag it out.

Solidjake 10-03-2012 10:27 AM

How old are both of you if you don't mind me asking.

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solidjake (Post 14783757)
How old are both of you if you don't mind me asking.

I'm 32, she's 28

Solidjake 10-03-2012 10:35 AM

I don't see how the parents can be an equation in your relationship but I assume it's because you are in OC. Idk man, I'd have a sit down with her and ask if she wants to keep going or end it here. I know you might not want to do it but you're 32. I personally don't think you can afford to waste time if you get what I'm saying.

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solidjake (Post 14783778)
I don't see how the parents can be an equation in your relationship but I assume it's because you are in OC. Idk man, I'd have a sit down with her and ask if she wants to keep going or end it here. I know you might not want to do it but you're 32. I personally don't think you can afford to waste time if you get what I'm saying.

She stated that it's very hard on her and she wants to end it because she doesn't want to hurt me more.

Solidjake 10-03-2012 10:42 AM

Man, gotta tell you that the crap that goes on in womens minds is BAFFLING. Her saying that she doesn't want to hurt YOU is a lie.

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solidjake (Post 14783799)
Man, gotta tell you that the crap that goes on in womens minds is BAFFLING. Her saying that she doesn't want to hurt YOU is a lie.

It's been 2 years since I told someone that I loved them. That is why this is so hard to deal with for me. I feel like she is making a grave mistake and she hasn't really understood that things can work out. Since things have already been working out.

Solidjake 10-03-2012 10:46 AM

What I would do is ignore what she said. Just keep hanging out with her normally, take her to new places, do fun stuff etc so she is happy again and slowly she will not want to let go

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 10:53 AM

Her words:
"in so many ways I would like to be. Honestly. I have a blast with you and think your truly amazing. But deep down I know it's not a right fit for me and for my future"

How the hell do I respond to something like that?

Green_Shine 10-03-2012 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redtoesblue (Post 14783834)
Her words:
"in so many ways I would like to be. Honestly. I have a blast with you and think your truly amazing. But deep down I know it's not a right fit for me and for my future"

How the hell do I respond to something like that?

Ask her why it's not a right fit.

boostedisbetter 10-03-2012 11:16 AM

Sounds like you have a fvck buddy. I'd let your emotions go and just have fun with it... It's only been 2 years, and if she's giving you the run-around now, she's obviously keeping her options open for a reason. If I were you I'd start seeing other people but continue beating the bottom out of it...

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green_Shine (Post 14783871)
Ask her why it's not a right fit.

I believe she envisions her children to be brought up in a different way. I would like them to be knowledgeable in both areas. Plus she eats pork & drinks. Drinking doesn't bother me, but the pork does. It's not like it's impossible for me to get over that. But I don't prefer it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tampa02e46 (Post 14783918)
Sounds like you have a fvck buddy. I'd let your emotions go and just have fun with it... It's only been 2 years, and if she's giving you the run-around now, she's obviously keeping her options open for a reason. If I were you I'd start seeing other people but continue beating the bottom out of it...

How do I let my emotions go in this situation? I love everything about her and we get along great.

CollinsE90 10-03-2012 11:35 AM

I need more details. Is she divorced, or have children? If not, she could have a major issue with settling down, and have an insane bar for men to reach. Have you already told her you love her? You could've spooked her by being too overbearing. Your gut knows it's over, hence the urgency for advice. If you want any chance at this, you need to pull out now. She's began to emotionally walk away, instead of trying to fix it like she expects, do the opposite. It'll make her rethink what she's doing. But honestly, sounds like that probably won't work and it's already too late.

Green_Shine 10-03-2012 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redtoesblue (Post 14783950)
I believe she envisions her children to be brought up in a different way. I would like them to be knowledgeable in both areas. Plus she eats pork & drinks. Drinking doesn't bother me, but the pork does. It's not like it's impossible for me to get over that. But I don't prefer it.

.

IMO she is breaking it off now while it's early before some major feelings are caught. She just has a different lifestyle than you, sorry bro.

redtoesblue 10-03-2012 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollinsE90 (Post 14784011)
I need more details. Is she divorced, or have children? If not, she could have a major issue with settling down, and have an insane bar for men to reach. Have you already told her you love her? You could've spooked her by being too overbearing. Your gut knows it's over, hence the urgency for advice. If you want any chance at this, you need to pull out now. She's began to emotionally walk away, instead of trying to fix it like she expects, do the opposite. It'll make her rethink what she's doing. But honestly, sounds like that probably won't work and it's already too late.

So I told her that I want to see her tomorrow and talk about what she has decided to do. Not divorced, had 2 pregnancies w/ each engagement, but miscarried. Guys treated her like crap. No insanely high requirements. I think I'm the first awesome guy she's met.

I told her I loved her the first time she brought up all this last week. She told me she loved me too.

I think you're right about my gut feeling, just don't know how to handle this. I have no one. I let all the other girls I was seeing die out, and I did not prospect for more girls while with her. I gave her all my attention.

I really miss seeing her & being with her. She told me last week that she needs time and 1 week to work things out in her mind. Tomorrow is the end of that time period.


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