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-   -   Alpha way to handle this situation.... (http://forum.e46fanatics.com/showthread.php?t=955039)

Mark M 11-09-2012 07:13 AM

Alpha way to handle this situation....
 
Relationship has been going great, I have no doubts on how she feels towards me. I feel confident in the relationship. But here is the recent odd twist.

She has a few guy friends from her college years that she occasoinally keeps in touch with. They all are planning to get together this weekend to catch up and have dinner / drinks. She invited me along and two of the other guys will be bringing their dates as well. I asked her last night if there is history with any of these guys....turns out there is.

I get that...heck I have my own crazy past, BUT I would never take my current gf out with my past girls. It just seems very awkward to be in that sort of a face-to-face situation.

How would you deal?

1. Chalk it up as the past, go along with it, take it in stride and try to have fun.

2. Back out of it tactfully, but let her go.

NOVAbimmer 11-09-2012 07:14 AM

First option. No question.

Rubenk 11-09-2012 07:47 AM

Alpha way to handle it?

Come up with a baddass thing for you two to go do as a couple.

Neither of your options are "Alpha" unless you plan on dominating them after a few drinks and they hit on your girl.

xfixkaos 11-09-2012 07:50 AM

Go with plan one to be civil, it's the past is past. Now if someone gets smart alpha thing to do is prove a point.

If someone gets out of line with her, you put them in there place...

Or be a true bau5 steal there women, convoke current lady to have 3som or 4som with other girls. That's alpha as fvck

KingBeef 11-09-2012 07:57 AM

1st option

CollinsE90 11-09-2012 09:17 AM

I wouldn't go and subject myself to it. She clearly knows of the possibility of awkwardness, and plans to do it anyways. I would show my ability to trust her and do what I want to do instead of most guys that will go and try to protect their "property."

Mark M 11-09-2012 09:45 AM

I'm leaning the same direction Collin.

The old me of a few years ago kept past girls around as friends and even talked to them occasionally if I was in a new relationship. At the time I was selfish and didn't see anything wrong with it, but in reality, it is a bit disrespectful to the current partner / relationship.

New me has learned a bit and plans on keeping my past, in my past and would not subject a girl to that. Plus if I went along, I can't help but wonder would that send a signal to her that I condone it. Whereas if I don't go I am showing my disapproval with it.

I trust her and know she is totally into me, I don't feel threatened. It is just the principal here that gets me. To me it should not be ok to still meet up with past partners when you are in a new relationship even if you are all good friends.

Or am I being a beotch here and overthinking all this crap?

NOVAbimmer 11-09-2012 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark M (Post 14885523)

Or am I being a beotch here and overthinking all this crap?

This. And as far as "allowing" friends, that's over-controlling territory.

CollinsE90 11-09-2012 10:36 AM

It sounds to me like she is doing this for her own selfish reasons. Maybe she doesn't want to go alone to a place where an ex will have a date. Maybe she wants to make the ex jealous. But there is no reason for you to meet an ex that has nothing to do with you. Unless she has kids with him or something. If she gets angry that you don't want to go, she is counting on you to go for the aforementioned reasons. If she just wants to catch up with the guy and is literally just a friend, she won't be mad that you turned it down.

DylloS 11-09-2012 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollinsE90 (Post 14885435)
I wouldn't go and subject myself to it. She clearly knows of the possibility of awkwardness, and plans to do it anyways. I would show my ability to trust her and do what I want to do instead of most guys that will go and try to protect their "property."

I think this can come off as the opposite. She might think he lacks confidence if he stays home and avoids a little bit of awkwardness. I'd go for sure. Show her it doesn't mean a thing because odds are it really doesn't and you not going makes it looks like you are intimidated by her past. IMO you have to go especially because other couples will be there. Include yourself in this night.

Bimmer4Lyfe 11-09-2012 10:47 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAG1but2a_A

CollinsE90 11-09-2012 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DylloS (Post 14885695)
I think this can come off as the opposite. She might think he lacks confidence if he stays home and avoids a little bit of awkwardness. I'd go for sure. Show her it doesn't mean a thing because odds are it really doesn't and you not going makes it looks like you are intimidated by her past. IMO you have to go especially because other couples will be there. Include yourself in this night.

Going and not showing it means anything to you won't hurt. You may have no other option mark if she knows everyone will have a date, and she wants to go. But if it were possible to avoid without issue, I'd avoid it.

DylloS 11-09-2012 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CollinsE90 (Post 14885803)
Going and not showing it means anything to you won't hurt. You may have no other option mark if she knows everyone will have a date, and she wants to go. But if it were possible to avoid without issue, I'd avoid it.

I agree with that. But we all know how women look at everything lol. In this case she would be right.

Tom5933 11-09-2012 05:12 PM

If you have to ask, you aren't alpha.

zikhkd 11-11-2012 01:46 AM

Tell her she's not going.


If said like an true alpha, she'll remain in the kitchen

Mark M 11-12-2012 07:00 AM

Problem solved itself!

She got very ill Saturday morning, stabbing abdomen pain. She was sick all weekend. First instinct was apendicitis. Went to the ER Sat evening for tests, X ray and CT scan showed nothing abnormal. Doc felt it could be a weird GI tract strain.

Regardless nothing happened this weekend, problem averted.

casino is no lie 11-12-2012 02:52 PM

You didn't avoid the problem. It's simply been postponed. So with that said, let me give you a little insight based on my personal experience.

I know that my fiance engaged in "relationships" in the past before we met. Nothing I can do about that. I explicitly told her I did not want to who they were because I did not feel it was relevant. Needless to say, she felt guilty in situations where I would interact/socialize with said individuals. And over a year into our relationship it reached a point where she could no longer bare it. As a result, in the middle of dinner at a nice restaurant, out of no where... she divulged who those individuals were. I was furious. Not because she had relations with them, but that she explicitly ignored my request.

It was embarrassing. I felt like an utter fool. And that feeling continued for a couple of days. Then on the third day... no ****s were given. Those individuals still remain my acquaintances. I still see them and speak to them from time-to-time. If you are confident in yourself and your relationship you will have no problems.

Might be awkward at first, but you quickly get over that.



So my advice to you... don't avoid it. Conquer it.

217Bimmer 11-12-2012 06:03 PM

hopefully the guys with a past with her do the alpha thing and when you're in the middle of dinner he goes "hey, remember that time we piitb?" ha the look on your face will be priceless!

makecopies 11-14-2012 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 217Bimmer (Post 14893693)
hopefully the guys with a past with her do the alpha thing and when you're in the middle of dinner he goes "hey, remember that time we piitb?" ha the look on your face will be priceless!

:rofl:

Green_Shine 11-15-2012 08:42 PM

The alpha move is to go and be confident that she is with you.


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