the beer poop- it arrives after a long night of drinking beer. its always messy, it always stinks and it always sputters when it comes out.
the big bobber poop- a poop that sinks to the bottom of the toilet only to then float back up to the top. it may or may not actually look like a real bobber.
the birthing poop- the poop so big and hard it feels as if you are giving birth to a soda can
bungee poop- the kind of poop that just hangs off your azz before it falls into the water
captain's hook poop- a poop that comes out in with a strange hook shape to it so that it curls to the left or right until it touches your butt cheek
the cement block poop- the kind of poop that when it hits the water it sounds like a giant brick was thrown into a deep lake. you can almost feel the bowl rumble
the clinger poop- the poop that clings to your butt and wont let go. it usually requires you to grab both but cheeks and giggle them in order to get it off. this is the one where you use the reflection of the water like a mirror to make sure it has in fact fell off
the cork poop- even after the second or third flush, its still floating in the toilet. how do i get rid of it? WTF! this usually happens at someone else's house.
the crippler poop- the poop that takes so long your legs begin to go numb from the lack of blood flow to the legs.
the dirty bowl poop- the kind of poop that flies out a million pieces a second, reminiscent of a avalanche- but with rocket like propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl
the frightened turtle poop- the kind of poop that just pokes its head out and then quickly retreats. this sometimes turns into a teflon poop.
the ghost poop- you know you have pooped. but there are no marks on the toilet paper and also no visible poop in the bowl... hmmmmm
the gooey poop- the consistency of hot tar. after you wipe your ass 30+ times the poop is still there. you end up putting toilet paper in your boxers to assure you do not stain them.
the incredible hulk poop- there are two main kinds. the large green poops we sometimes mysteriously take. or the poop that sits in the bowl over night and incredibly expands to twice its original size.
jack the ripper poop- the kind of poop that yanks the hairs surrounding your anus out and usually results in minor pain.
king kong poop- a poop so big that you know it wont go down the toilet unless you break it int smaller chunks. a coat hanger works really well. this too also usually happens at someone else's house
mexican food poop- the kind of poop that makes your butt hole feel as if it is on fire.
the never ending poop- the poop that flows like urine, and just when you start to wipe, your stomach rumbles and it begins to flow once again.
the OH SHYT poop- the kind of poop where you wipe so much that you run out of toilet paper and end up thinking OH SHYT.
the OH my god poop- you poop so much you feel as if you have lost weight poop. what a great feeling
the one-wiper poop- the poop that comes out so clean you only need to wipe once. sometimes a second wipe may be used but this is only because you do not believe that this is true.
the party poop- the giant poop that you have to take at a party. when you flush you begin to get scared as the water begins to rise to the rim of the bowl.
the peak-a-boo poop- the poop so eager to be free that you get a giant turtle head patiently waiting till you sit down on the toilet.
the periscope poop- a poop so long that it starts at the bottom of the bowl and sticks out the water resembling a periscope.
the fake poop. this is no poop at all. its the poop that you fake you need to take in order to wipe the swampness out of your azz crack.
the pop vein in forehead poop- this is the poop that killed Elvis. it does not begin to come out util you are sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. the end result is usually a very dense pebble and is not worth the effort put in.
the right now poop- one way or another, you are going to poop. this usually makes you waddle your way to the bathroom to make it on time
the ring of fire poop- similar to the mexican poop, this happens after you eat spicy food and your butt hole feels as if it is the inside of your car cigarette lighter
the second thought poop- the poop that when you think you are done and finished wiping. you begin to stand up only to realize there is more in you and it must come out.
the snake poop- the squishy poop that is usually very small in diameter but at least 3 feet long.
the teflon poop- comes out soooo slick, clean and easy that you hardly feel it. no traces of poop on the toilet paper. you have to look in the bowl just to make sure you have in fact pooped.
the dry heave poop- the poop you have nightmares about. it comes out like urine and very quickly. your anus has no idea that the poop has run out so it proceeds to dry heave above the water for an extended period of time.
the wet cheeks poop- the poop that hits the water sideways only to splash the urine/water mixture in the bowl up onto both azz cheeks.
the windy city poop- when you sit down to poop and fart so long and hard that you no longer need to poop
the wish poop- while sitting on the toilet all cramped up and in pain. you wish that you could just poop. this usually is accompanied by short sparatic farts.
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