My g-d...scott do you take paypal? That funniest post I have ever read. I can feel your pain. Great explanation in perfect detail.
I too have experienced the error of my ass hair judgement. You are a brave man. I shaved my ass cheeks. Wow....not pleasant. Ended up with rash, and itch that would never stop. My ass was perfect for about a whole two days. The pain began. Two words to your salvation. TALCUM POWDER. Buy a few bottles. I will never touch my hairy ass again.