View Single Post
Old 09-28-2012, 04:00 PM   #10
Registered User
dmax's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 23,711
My Ride: '99 328i 300K miles

I really liked the song a lot too, but rather than just leave it there, I'll be somewhat critical too.

First, though, know that I'm old, so listen for other stuff than maybe the kids and your audience would want to hear...and two, because as you may or may not know, I'm trying to get myself better at stand up, and although it pains me to hear criticism, I also really value the suggestions I've gotten from my friends (not really, but it sounds good, right? LOL).

Seriously, though, I think you have a lot of talent in your group. It's easy to listen to, interesting to listen to, and catchy. That said, and I'll try to be careful since I don't know who you are in the group (LOL!)...

I think you could do more with backing vocals...add a touch more harmony (or something). The backing sounds like a detuned instrument...seemingly just a little flat (not sure it's flat really), but I think more harmony in the back would give it more interest and character. Also, I couldn't get all the lyrics, but think the 'come around on you' is too much of the song...and think maybe if you repeated the verses more and cut down on the refrain a little, the song would have more import/impact.

...and for my final 'number' (and I really don't mean to do a 'number' on you)...I like to see the song change intensity as you get to the end. Build up to greater drama, so even as you're repeating the chorus, it's changing...building up.

All that said, even if you totally ignore my amateur impressions, let us know when you're appearing! I've done that with my 'comedy' and although only few have attended my performances, I have to say that having the support of totally random people I 'know' from just here has really given me great false hope and helped me to continue on...and I don't think I would have without the support I've gotten from here. I hope your mileage doesn't vary from mine!
See me in June!
Ha! Ridgehill, Yonkers, June 8, 8 p.m. & Broadway Comedy Club, Sat., June 10, 6 p.m., hosting at the Comedy Cove, Springfield, NJ, June 16 & 17 for Joe DeVito, 9 p.m.
See Facebook for other shows and PM me if you can make one.

Please view this vid so it looks like I'm popular. Please!

dmax on Facebook

Mangofy your E46!
dmax is offline   Reply With Quote