You're not going to want to hear this but I'll just say it. She sounds like she has the typical issue of wanting to control her man, without having the same done to her. She didn't tell you because she knew it wasn't appropriate, but she selfishly did it anyway. Sounds like she isn't sure what she wants with the two of you and starting to make her way towards the single life. There's nothing you can do at this point but hold your ground and hope for the best. Don't waste too much time if she isn't putting the same amount of effort into it. They'll say one thing, but they think entirely different. It's one thing to have a tru****l relationship, and I understand that. But, her not wanting you at the strip club tells me if she truly was secure enough to allow that, she would've told you everything before the party happened out of mutual respect. She just wants to do what she wants to do, and you can't stop it.
Good luck man, but I personally don't see it working until she drastically changes, and people usually don't change.