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Old 02-04-2013, 03:15 AM   #55
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,508
My Ride: 01 330i
(Long reply here as authored during my annual 45 minute post Super Bowl dump. And yes feel honored for getting all of this very quality time.)

1. You made the right move in not confronting further, nothing to gain but macho points and if it comes down to your word against it always looks worse for stopping and getting out of your car because you didn't have to. A court will tilt against you every time if there is a fight or worse; stopping and getting out reads like instigation; also, all the heroes on here forget to consider that your MOTHER lives on this street and may have to deal with any fallout. You kick his ass and drive home happy and then he attacks your mom or burns her house down or cuts her brakes... I'll trade my Randy Savage image points for not risking my mom any further every single time. That's actually job no. 1, do what's best for your mother.

2. So, you typically have 24-48 hours dependent upon jurisdiction to file a police report. I would throw on my front plate (just so obvious it could buy you a ticket in the parking lot) and take a bunch of pictures of your damage, and then go file a report. If this guy is as stupid as you make him sound its likely he's got a record and that's in your favor, of course. The cops are not going to come listen to your pipes or measure your coils, in fact if you take good enough pics you don't have to even bring your car (can say you were concerned it was illegal to drive with broken window - only downside is they may ask to see for themselves but you're filing a legal report so good bet it will be taken seriously even if you do not bring the car). Now personally heres where I'd also fudge the story a little bit in my favor both because you can (f him he's a d*ckhead) and to save yourself grief (priority no. 2 after taking care of mom). I'd leave out the noise complaint on his part altogether and say you couldn't understand what he was saying and that he yelled at you for "tearing in and out of here all the time in your BMW." Firstly this eliminates the noise complaint (eliminating the scrutiny and giving you time to swap back to oem until it's all settled, if you care to I wouldn't, they're not going to check, even if you have no exhaust he has no right to attack you and isn't arbiter of what's too loud or what isn't) and second it makes him look like a jealous dbag who is merely hating on a younger guy in a nice car (even more believable and sounds like the actual situation anyway). You of course claim that you never speed there (I mean my mom lives on this street and there are kids everywhere!) and you have no clue otherwise... all you can think is that he didnt like your car or something (truth). Emphasize that you went out of your way to stop for him only he provoked the entire situation by approaching you to the extent you were concerned about hitting him if you moved. Don't be afraid to "gild the lily" and polish up your side of it as this increases the likelihood that they will pursue it at all. Even if you should have stopped and didn't and were actually at fault, he has no right to damage your property. He could have stood in front of your car and begged you for a fair fight, so regardless, he broke it he fixes it. File in the complaint for the full value of a replacement part (most expensive price you can find plus $100) and also list your insurance deductible, but make it clear you want the full amount as claiming the deductible will negatively impact your driving record even if he is at fault. Suppose you get in an accident a year from now and once again it is he said she said. Having this listed will hurt your case so, you'd prefer for it not to be.

Some might question my ethics here for playing up your side of the story a bit but when it comes down to it, even if you pissed on this guy's front lawn he has no right to break your car and he 100% should be paying every cent of it, plus some inconvenience IMHO. Those who said stop and fight might think its weak to drive off without kicking some azz then tattle to the cops but even if beating him now wins you man points it always comes back to haunt you, even if its just worrying about your moms safety, you made the right move (of course if he does threaten your mom consider going to his house and shooting him in the face and then driving to Canada quickly). Another upside to going the legal route is now there is a record of his actions. If he did threaten or even harass your mother, the evidence is already there of a history, and honestly that's the main reason you have to go report it. You can go kick his ass later this week and claim that once again he started it by provoking you the lawful citizen who teied to do the right thing. (lol) Or what if he starts giving your mother grief? This gives you and her all the legal leverage, you attempted to go the correct route from the get go and now there's a legal history of his ongoing harassment, and given the circumstances I don't think this is altogether unlikely either, so do it for your mom too.

3. Now for some fun. Well after all is said and done and he's paid or at the least take an uncomfortable call from the police (and you know his name and address and something about his character, like if he's a raging psychopath and has tons of arrests [perhaps just best to move on] or he's a fat jerk with no life and no leg to stand on [drive him to suicide] or if his brother is chief of police [dont get caught or go too big]) think of a suitable manner of extracting your revenge, a method through which, and a sufficient amount of time down the road, where you will not necessarily be the immediate suspect. Wear gloves regardless of your plan: send him a male stripogram when he has company; put sugar in his car's gas tank in the middle of the night; take a dump in a shoebox and mail it to him with a typed note calling him a c*cksucker; poison his dog or cat; or even firebomb his house while he's at work.

I'd personally adjust the seriousness of my actions based on his response to your police report. If he's sorry and pays and leaves your mom alone, maybe just the shoebox of shite or send him a dozen large pizzas some night. If he puts up a big fight and you end up in small claims and he lies and insults you, take care of his pickup or put an end to poor helpless Spot (probably doing the dog a favor, and before anyone says anything I am a pet lover and if someone hurt mine I'd go the glock+facial route, but his dog is probably useless and mean anyways). If by chance he threatens your mom or sufficiently fd with you, to a great extent, keep an eye out and then when he's out of town burn his house to the ground, being careful not to make it dangerous for first responders or neighbors (hopefully he lives in a standalone sufficiently far away from his neighbors, if not torch his truck instead). You make it safe for everyone by using so much accelerant that it is gone in moments and no firefighter or random hero runs in trying to save anyone who might be there ( and you've of course ascertained upfront that no one in fact is there).

Ok so, some might say that's all weak and sneaky but it's all about self preservation and just desserts. This guy fd with you for no reason (if original story is true) and now he gets the raw end in as deserving a fashion aa deserving and possible. I've never personally burned someone's house down or poisoned their pet or even harmed their vehicle (without them in it, lol) but why f yourself over when really you can just f him and make him miserable. Hurt him but dont hurt you. If you're a Christian or something I guess you can skip the revenge part, I've actually opted for another route, subscribing the guy for free gay porn mags and advertising for random sex on Craigslist etc. use your imagination, this can be long in the planning and very cathartic, especially if you have other stresses in life. Make him hurt, always better if psychologically scarring vs physical. Physical wounds heal after all.

Go to the cops, get your money, make sure your mom never has to deal with ANY BS and then to whatever degree necessary f with his life. Make sure you don't get splattered in the least, even in terms if having to deal with grief from your mom for any of it.

But whatever you do, don't just take it, because you don't have to. I wouldn't (unless my mom knew about the whole thing and asked me not to and then I'd just wait a year or so and begin anonymously harassing him mercilessly, say by publically advertising for NAMBLA under his name and address [using a public computer that can't be traced to you, say at Kinkos using an anonymous untraceable gift card or credit/calling card).

Have fun and get yours.

Last edited by hizhinezz; 02-04-2013 at 03:22 AM.
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