Join Date: Oct 2003
My Ride: BMW
Hey bud, first, you might want to check out the thread I started the other day EX GF ISSUES...need advice!"
Originally Posted by Adriano323
Awesome Thread. Thank you for the great advice. Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago and its been the worst time of my life. We were young when we met and were eachothers first love and been going out for 3 years.
Im unsure on what to do because she did not cheat on me or anything, she says she fell out of love and ultimately as she was treating me worst and worst, i broke up with her, but never thought it was going to be for good and i still love her. she got over it very quickly and that i think hurt the most, we still talk and i want to be friends with her because i still love her and care about her, but im so confused if i should tell her i dont want to have anything to do with her anymore or be friends. i dont want her out of my life and she wants me there too, i just dont know what to do.
Any advice? Anyone went throught the same thing?
You kind of sound like you're in a similar situation as me as far as still having feelings for her. To be completely honest, if you still have feelings for her, talking to her and still being her "friend" is probably one of the worst things for you. A) You won't get back together with her if you do that, and if that's actually your intention; and B) it will just mess with your emotions talking to her regularly but not having the oldthings that came with the relationship.
Just based from the short post you made, I do NOT think you should get back together with her....or at least not for a WHILE (and I mean months+). If she said she's fallen out of love with you, then she means it. And that just means that if you do get back together with her, you'll be setting yourself up for the exact same situation you are in now...and that's NOT GOOD.
This is what I'm doing right now (and I do get the feeling of wanting to be back with her like you), so take it for what its worth.
1) Stop thinking about "getting back together": Right now, the relationship isn't working. Will it in the future? No one knows, but that really doesn't matter right now. I'm making my best effort to IGNORE all thoughts of relationship/breakup. The moment you think about her, you have a choice: IMMEDIATELY think abut something else and refuse to let yourself dwell, or give in and get all AND if you do happen to fall into the trap of thinking about her, think about the negatives. Not saying bash the girl in your mind, but remember a few instances where you were disgusted with her. Think about what she did to make you feel like that, think about how you felt, and think about how that is NOT something you want in a woman
2) AVOID all contact I have deleted my ex's #, email, and pictures. The only thing I left is my facebook - I will explain more below regarding "no reactions". All the things that remind you of your ex, remove them from your life. I took the framed pic she gave me of us, I opened the dumpster, and I threw that **** as HARD as I could, along with everything else I owned that reminded me of her. The last thing you want is to be walking around your house/on your comp., etc and have something remind you of her. If you come upon something like that, get rid of it ASAP. If you can't get rid of it, then just push the thought of her OUT! I know its hard, but you got to
3)No Reactions My ex started putting dumb **** on her facebook as to which I can almost guarantee were directed solely at getting a reaction out of me. (i.e. she's now "Single"). These acts are immature and dramatic. Dont respond, don't give-in, and really, avoid even looking for them! I didn't put "single" on my facebook, I didn't put some stupid status, or vent with some "blog" for her to see (she doesn't knw about e46 ). Nothing dude. Don't let her see you do anything that shows the effect she's having on you. Act like everything she does has ZERO effect on you. Not only will it make her feel dumb, but it will give you an EGO boost and start making you think, "wait...this stuff really doesn't have that much of an effect on me". I didn't delete pics of us off facebook, I didn't block her, nothing like that. As long as you can control yourself from looking, it will make you feel better, and make you the bigger person. And as time goes she will probably try to make bigger efforts to get a reaction out of you (i.e. posting a pic for you to see of her and another guys). One, you shouldn't be looking! Two, DO NOT REACT. The moment you react, you set yourself back in your own mind, and you have simply given in to her games. NO REACTIONS
4) Preoccupy!!! Like the original post said, just preoccupy yourself. I'm in the middle of law school finals so I'm trying to put all my energy towards studying. Go to the gym (SOOO theraputic), grab some food with buddies, go buy some magazines, rent a movie, anything. Just don't be idle!
5)LAST: NO NEGATIVITY If you do in fact talk to her (which you really shouldn't, at least until your feelings have subsided - and defintely no in-person stuff...stay away from actually beng around her!), don't be negative. Don't be an @sshole to her, but also dont be a p-ssy. Don't talk about your "relationship", or getting back together. Don't be snide or act bitter. If you act as though you're still happy and enjoying life (without her!) it will send her for a mind f uck, make you feel better about yourself, and make you the bigger person.
If you want to get back together with her, or be completely done with it, this will work for both I think. But like I said, you should NOT be thinking about getting back together. If anything, this is time for YOU to see if you are happier without her, or if you see other qualities in girls that you want in a wifey. You may love your ex, but you may just start talking to new girls and realize there are some qualities she's missing that you never realized you wanted. Use this time to grow as a person.
Goodluck bro! Its tough, but its definitely do-able
don't lose sight of what is important
Last edited by USDphil; 11-30-2008 at 04:38 AM.