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Old 09-25-2012, 10:07 PM   #1
SteelGray3
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How to be hard"er" to get as a guy

Godspeed if you read all of this.


I wouldn't necessarily say I have a problem with this, but I am a nice guy by nature so I can't exactly put myself in the category of guys who completely drive girls insane with their non-chalantness. I'm a sophomore in college and I'd say I've done pretty well for myself as far as my sex life goes. I banged plenty of girls last year that I met out at parties or hung out with briefly. I even had a thing going on with a junior last year for a couple weeks where were pretty much **** buddies. It's not at all that I don't think I get enough girls, I just don't know how to pull a girl and keep things going. All of my hookups in the past year and a half(since I've been in college) have been basically "one(or few) night stands."

Fast forward to now, we're 5 weeks into the semester and I met this really awesome girl in one of my labs. It meets for 3 hours once a week and I knew that I liked her on the first day instead of the other 10 or so girls in the class. We actually ended up working together on the first lab and I met another kid in the class who has a modded b5 s4 who actually knows his **** about cars; I left that first class more ecstatic than a golden retriever puppy. I later find out that this chick has a ton of mutual friends with me, like some of my good friends.

The next two labs we like plain didn't say a word to each other. We we ended up sitting at different tables each time and working in different groups. Last week we took our first field trip and did a lab studying glaciers, anyway I started talking to her as soon as we left to go to the bus. Turns out we end up carrying on great conversation and got along really well. I finally let all my worries that she didn't like me go from those two weeks we didn't talk. During the lab she told me that she wanted to do the pre-lab with me because I got good grades on them, so I told her to come over the upcoming weekend. My car buddy and I were talking about off roading and she told us how much she missed going out with her friends from back home. So I told her we should go up to lefthand canyon.

(The field trip)



She agreed and I got a group of guy and girls to come. My buddy brought his Wrangler and KTM 250 and another friend brought his Xterra. I picked her up in my 4Runner on Saturday and we met up with my friends and headed up to the trails. We had the most awesome day together. She immediately got along with everyone else(she didn't know any of them) and we rode up to the top of the mountain together just having the best time. We got up to the top and everyone was hanging out by the overlook and eventually everyone but the two of us had walked back up over to the other side of the ridge to shoot some clay pidgeons. We ended up just talking about life in general and what we thought was important in friends. After talking for like 20 minutes straight we decided to rejoin the group. We ended up heading down around dark and she told me that I should come party with her and her friend's that night. In short, she had an awesome day, and so did I.


(she's the one hanging off the passenger side of the jeep in the green top and shorts.)



I met up with her around 10:30 Saturday night at her friend's apartment. Party was already going and like 5 minutes after I got there I was just starting up a conversation with her when like 5 of my good girl friends unknowingly made me look like a boss by running up and nearly tackling me. She gave up trying to talk to me at that moment and literally walked away haha. We moved on to another party still having a great night, got some shots and found a fresh keg at this house. Then we danced for a bit and finally ended up back out on the front porch probably about 1am I'd estimate. At this point in the night as usual, I'm pretty intoxicated. This is where I fear I screwed myself, we were standing outside and we had been facing each other talking about what we were gonna do for the rest of the night and then we stopped and I was just looking at her for a couple seconds and she said something along the lines of "what do you want to do?" To which I foolishly replied, "I just want to kiss you." She says, "I know you do, but I'm hard to get." I reply, "just a peck" and went in for a kiss and she obliged. We ended up walking home like 30 minutes later and I gave her another quick kiss before we split. In hindsight, when she said she was hard to get, I really wish I had been quick witted enough to pretend to get upset at her for saying she was hard to get, and was that implying that I was easy, because I wasn't some slut. Haha, it would have been a good line; next time I guess.

She came over Sunday for like 2 hours and we did our pre-lab in the hammock(very cute I know, it was awesome laying next to her for that long) like we planned and then she went to the library and I stayed at my place. As far as texting goes, the last time I texted her was Sunday after she left and we both just left it at "I'm sure I'll see you this week." Since then our only interaction has been limited to some likes back and forth on facebook and instagram. She generally likes or comments on most of the stuff I post on instagram and her responses make me feel confident about her liking me more than a friend. For example, when I instagram'd the sandwich I made for dinner tonight she commented back "omg (insert a few emojis) where was my invite?" I purposely haven't been hitting her up to chill the past two days, I'm just trying to give her room since we have class tomorrow anyway. Guys, I really feel like I showed my whole hand of cards on Saturday night when I said I wanted to kiss her. I feel like I completely let things get out of hand by blatantly letting her know I care. How do I not screw this up? I can always go get girls at a party, but I really like everything about this girl which I know is gonna make me fubar this.

I need to know how to make her want it, to really hook her and make her chase me. What can I do to drive her crazy about me.


(One more looking back at the front range)
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:12 PM   #2
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You are thinking too much
I skimmed through most of what you wrote... don't try to fake anything
Just handle your business
You are in college
Go to class, hang with friends, and hang with this girl when you can and want


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Old 10-06-2012, 01:40 PM   #3
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Dude
You are thinking too much
I skimmed through most of what you wrote... don't try to fake anything
Just handle your business
You are in college
Go to class, hang with friends, and hang with this girl when you can and want


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Btw I met Collin in person, probably one of the chillest guys on this forum.

Edit: and Alex just be yourself and be comfortable in your own shoes. You have time man.
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:19 PM   #4
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You've passed the first stage, most guys start getting sentimental and trying to date them. Just chill and show no emotion, unless you've already shown too much already. Sit back and say to yourself she's just another girl, and treat it like that for a little while longer.

I think you're alright. Quit worrying about her and worry about YOU. Say something like this next time "You know, you're not the only one that's hard to get" and smile. She'll say "Is that right????" and smile, and leave it at that. Do not talk abut anything like relationships or sex, watch for body language and just do what you want, stop asking for it. Next time you pause with her, just kiss her, etc..Don't be predictable, don't hit her up for a few days, and out of no where tell her to meet you for lunch and a drink or something simple. Keep her on her toes, doe the exact opposite of what she's expecting and what other guys would do. Be different, and indifferent.

Bottom line: When your instinct says do something, think before you do it, and say is this what every other guy does? Girls get tired of the simple plain way of intrigued them, they want a guy they can catch, that's different.
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:49 PM   #5
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You my friend are vastly helpful. I don't think I have messed things up, but I think another stupid move like that would. In class tomorrow I'm sure we will be working together, as excited as I am, there's no way I'm gonna let her know. I'm just gonna treat her like you said, and just chill. Think I should try and make plans for the weekend tomorrow while I'm with her in class? Any ideas on being un predictable? I think that's something this girl would really eat up, I already haven't texted her in 2 days, but I'd like to get her on her toes as you said.
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:00 PM   #6
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In class tomorrow, seem reserved, but don't seem like you've lost all interest. Find ways to pick at her, make fun of her clothes with sarcasm, make fun of something small but not in a douche way (doing this will make her want to impress you). Let her do all the talking, she will start to ask you things most likely, and when you notice those interest indicators, don't fall for them, just know they're there and continue what you're doing. You've said you have many mutual friends, wait until you 'run' into her again. Shows you only care about you, if she's truly interested, she'll find a way to see you. When you do see her, this is when you turn it up. First indicator you get from her, kiss her, much more than a peck. After that, walk away and hang with your boys for a bit and let her think about what just happened, most likely she will come find you because she won't be able to resist. Then continue that and try to take her home, most likely she will try to just stay with you with no intentions, and it's up to you how you handle it. If she's dating material, I'd try hard to smash, but give up, at least show you aren't a wimp and want to try, make her feel accomplished for not sleeping with you.

It's all good after all that.
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:20 PM   #7
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Collin, you can just keep talking because everything you've said so far has been constructive and relevant. So I was planning on trying to plan something with her before we dipped from class tomorrow, but I've decided otherwise. I'm sure she's expecting me to ask her about this weekend and to try and make plans. It doesn't even matter, we're both going to the same show this weekend at red rocks but with different friends. There's no doubt we will run into each other, not to mention I'm kegging my homebrew this weekend and we're having a little shindig to celebrate. She already knows that we're drinking it this weekend and she told me she'll be there whenever we tap the kegs. I can see it all so much better now, I've got it made, I just have to sit back. Writing all that out really helped me get her out of my head, or at least it let me write down all the thoughts I have been dwelling on.
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:33 PM   #8
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Just remember that playing hard to get only works if you give something up occasionally. You have to be man enough to take control when she least expects it, and kiss her, grab her, etc. Make her work for your attention, make her wait a bit, and then when you see she is begging you on the inside, just do it. Then continue that trend until you see it going somewhere and she's emotionally attached now, then tone it down. That's another talk, do the rest for now and see what she does.

I think if you do all of this, it will go exactly like I said it would. Seems like you've done a good job so far, stupid sh1t like Facebook comments are actually indications of interest believe it or not.

Just remember, give her something to chase.
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:53 PM   #9
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All of this makes sense, I'm still just not quite sure what that "something to chase" is.
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:57 PM   #10
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Make her believe you're a catch, a guy that doesn't just bow down to her when you get the slightest interest. Most guys subconsciously bow down to a girl initially to get their interest, and put them on a pedestal. If you focus only on you, and treat her as an equal, just a human, she will get intrigued. Think of it like you're a doctor, and she's just a girl. You have a lot to offer, and she would be lucky to land you. Except have that attitude without the doctor part, make her believe you're a catch, and she'd be lucky to have you. Do that by not worrying about if you 'get' her, and just worry about yourself. Do that, with the rest I said, and she'll be in your hand.
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Old 09-26-2012, 12:07 AM   #11
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Also, when you do run into her, don't drop everything for her. If she walks up to you and your friends, stop and say hey, but continue what you were doing for a bit and show she's not the only one in the room, she will stand there and wait most likely, but don't do it too long. After you've shown that, then focus on her for a bit, and then go back to your friends. Stay centered on you, and show her a little interest, she will then fight for all of your interest, and don't give it for a while, just give her enough to be satisfied. You'll know when she will start to get agitated about it, then give her some time to fix it.

It's all mind games, but trust me, it works. But don't let her know you're doing it, act oblivious to what's going on, don't say things like "am I making you mad," because she'll know that's what you want, act like it's just what you do naturally.
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Old 09-26-2012, 10:40 AM   #12
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"Pretend" if you want to get it in. Be yourself if you want something meaningful. If it's not a person who can appreciate you for you, then it's not someone you'll want to be with for an extended period of time (i.e., relationship).

Don't over think it. People who tell you to act oblivious and ignore her are the same people who are stage five clingers themselves. They have to force themselves to do that otherwise they come across as needy and insecure.

The best thing you can do is take her out on a date or something that makes it your intentions known.
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Old 09-26-2012, 03:35 PM   #13
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"Pretend" if you want to get it in. Be yourself if you want something meaningful. If it's not a person who can appreciate you for you, then it's not someone you'll want to be with for an extended period of time (i.e., relationship).

Don't over think it. People who tell you to act oblivious and ignore her are the same people who are stage five clingers themselves. They have to force themselves to do that otherwise they come across as needy and insecure.

The best thing you can do is take her out on a date or something that makes it your intentions known.
Casino, with all due respect, I'm going to disagree vehemently.. especially when offering advice to a college kid.

OP, Casino is trying to give you helpful information and is in fact spot on in that you need a girl to like you for you if you want something meaningful. BUT you can only form something meaningful once you've peaked a girls interest. My friend used to tell me that he didn't want to date lots of meaningless girls but rather to find "the one"... the problem with that view is that you're never going to find "the one" if you're not putting yourself out there. You miss 100% of the shots that you fail to take and you will botch 100% of the relationships in which you fail to peak the girls interest..

And you will NEVER peak her interests "being yourself and expressing a lot of interest". Unless you are already someone she desires, she will not want you if you jump in.. As solly commented, you need to be a prize.. something unobtainable by other girls. Have you ever noticed the guy at your school pounding girl after girl gets even more attention from other girls? It's not simply their appearance or swagger.. it's the fact that other girls haven't been able to keep him so he has to be some kind of desirable prize that girls will now work for.. they'll be buying you coffee, beers, whatever because they want to tie down the unobtainable prize.

So you like this girl.. so she likes you... so you want to tell her you like her and promise your undying love.. well, if you do that she'll run for the hills. But what to do to get her attention? For starters, she is not yours, you are not hers and you NEED to demonstarte to her that you have tons of other options. So when you're tackled by other chicks who miss you, you look like you've got tons of options.

My suggestion is to make it obvious to her that you like her, but that you don't need her. Be unavailable at times. If she invites you to do something, tell her you have other plans but that you'd like to hang out (suggest another day and a fun thing to do). This documents that you have options, that she isn't your everything, and that, if she's lucky, she can spend time with you.

Once she is hooked, and you plant your seed of awesome, THAN you can SLOWLY start showing more and more of your true colors (over say dates 5-10).. should you then determine that you have a ton in common, great.. should you determine it's not going anywhere, you still had a hot hook up session and, because of it, other chicks will want to test your waters.

There is a reason "good guys finish last".. and it's because they fail to learn (despite fail after failure with women) that they need to incorporate game..
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Old 09-26-2012, 03:46 PM   #14
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Casino, with all due respect, I'm going to disagree vehemently.. especially when offering advice to a college kid.

OP, Casino is trying to give you helpful information and is in fact spot on in that you need a girl to like you for you if you want something meaningful. BUT you can only form something meaningful once you've peaked a girls interest. My friend used to tell me that he didn't want to date lots of meaningless girls but rather to find "the one"... the problem with that view is that you're never going to find "the one" if you're not putting yourself out there. You miss 100% of the shots that you fail to take and you will botch 100% of the relationships in which you fail to peak the girls interest..

And you will NEVER peak her interests "being yourself and expressing a lot of interest". Unless you are already someone she desires, she will not want you if you jump in.. As solly commented, you need to be a prize.. something unobtainable by other girls. Have you ever noticed the guy at your school pounding girl after girl gets even more attention from other girls? It's not simply their appearance or swagger.. it's the fact that other girls haven't been able to keep him so he has to be some kind of desirable prize that girls will now work for.. they'll be buying you coffee, beers, whatever because they want to tie down the unobtainable prize.

So you like this girl.. so she likes you... so you want to tell her you like her and promise your undying love.. well, if you do that she'll run for the hills. But what to do to get her attention? For starters, she is not yours, you are not hers and you NEED to demonstarte to her that you have tons of other options. So when you're tackled by other chicks who miss you, you look like you've got tons of options.

My suggestion is to make it obvious to her that you like her, but that you don't need her. Be unavailable at times. If she invites you to do something, tell her you have other plans but that you'd like to hang out (suggest another day and a fun thing to do). This documents that you have options, that she isn't your everything, and that, if she's lucky, she can spend time with you.

Once she is hooked, and you plant your seed of awesome, THAN you can SLOWLY start showing more and more of your true colors (over say dates 5-10).. should you then determine that you have a ton in common, great.. should you determine it's not going anywhere, you still had a hot hook up session and, because of it, other chicks will want to test your waters.

There is a reason "good guys finish last".. and it's because they fail to learn (despite fail after failure with women) that they need to incorporate game..
I'll agree to all of this.
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Old 09-26-2012, 03:51 PM   #15
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Casino, with all due respect, I'm going to disagree vehemently.. especially when offering advice to a college kid.

OP, Casino is trying to give you helpful information and is in fact spot on in that you need a girl to like you for you if you want something meaningful. BUT you can only form something meaningful once you've peaked a girls interest. My friend used to tell me that he didn't want to date lots of meaningless girls but rather to find "the one"... the problem with that view is that you're never going to find "the one" if you're not putting yourself out there. You miss 100% of the shots that you fail to take and you will botch 100% of the relationships in which you fail to peak the girls interest..

And you will NEVER peak her interests "being yourself and expressing a lot of interest". Unless you are already someone she desires, she will not want you if you jump in.. As solly commented, you need to be a prize.. something unobtainable by other girls. Have you ever noticed the guy at your school pounding girl after girl gets even more attention from other girls? It's not simply their appearance or swagger.. it's the fact that other girls haven't been able to keep him so he has to be some kind of desirable prize that girls will now work for.. they'll be buying you coffee, beers, whatever because they want to tie down the unobtainable prize.

So you like this girl.. so she likes you... so you want to tell her you like her and promise your undying love.. well, if you do that she'll run for the hills. But what to do to get her attention? For starters, she is not yours, you are not hers and you NEED to demonstarte to her that you have tons of other options. So when you're tackled by other chicks who miss you, you look like you've got tons of options.

My suggestion is to make it obvious to her that you like her, but that you don't need her. Be unavailable at times. If she invites you to do something, tell her you have other plans but that you'd like to hang out (suggest another day and a fun thing to do). This documents that you have options, that she isn't your everything, and that, if she's lucky, she can spend time with you.

Once she is hooked, and you plant your seed of awesome, THAN you can SLOWLY start showing more and more of your true colors (over say dates 5-10).. should you then determine that you have a ton in common, great.. should you determine it's not going anywhere, you still had a hot hook up session and, because of it, other chicks will want to test your waters.

There is a reason "good guys finish last".. and it's because they fail to learn (despite fail after failure with women) that they need to incorporate game..
great post. I wish more people would see things this way. The number of "nice guys" I'm friends with is insane. If there is a girl that comes around my group 8/10 times I will be the one that peeks the most interest. Not because I am the best looking, but because I know to be funny, sarcastic, and not give a fuuck while still looking like a good guy. Perform inception on these broads. Make them think you're mazing without acting like a cocky douche bag.

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Old 09-26-2012, 03:55 PM   #16
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All you guys ****in rock. I've never posted in here before but I wish I did a long time ago. Chase I appreciate the post, I first need to believe I'm a catch before I can convince her that I am. That's what I'm working on myself now. She already knows that I like her. Now I just need to seem occupied(which I am) until this weekend when I'll see her and act totally cooooool. And then take my chance, grab her, and kiss her.
you have my attainable dream car. you are a catch to me.

Bait some broads to write on your fb wall. As gay as it is, and I'm turning 30 tomorrow, it makes girls go nutty lol.
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Old 09-26-2012, 10:41 AM   #17
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Old 09-26-2012, 10:43 AM   #18
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Old 09-26-2012, 11:13 AM   #19
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"Pretend" if you want to get it in. Be yourself if you want something meaningful. If it's not a person who can appreciate you for you, then it's not someone you'll want to be with for an extended period of time (i.e., relationship).

Don't over think it. People who tell you to act oblivious and ignore her are the same people who are stage five clingers themselves. They have to force themselves to do that otherwise they come across as needy and insecure.

The best thing you can do is take her out on a date or something that makes it your intentions known.
Coming from someone that's marrying a stage 5 clinger that searched through his browsing history, I find this post pretty ironic. Also coming from the guy that used online dating for years, and married his intern, it's even more ironic.

I don't chastise advice, I give my opinion. Take it or leave it, it's your insecurity that's speaking when you belittle others on a subject you clearly don't know as we'll as you think you do.
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Old 09-26-2012, 12:34 PM   #20
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Coming from someone that's marrying a stage 5 clinger that searched through his browsing history, I find this post pretty ironic. Also coming from the guy that used online dating for years, and married his intern, it's even more ironic.

I don't chastise advice, I give my opinion. Take it or leave it, it's your insecurity that's speaking when you belittle others on a subject you clearly don't know as we'll as you think you do.
You and I both have our relationship failures. But ask yourself, do you have a success story yet?

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