*** How to get over a break up ***

just broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half, last thursday. I'm only 19 so I know there's plenty more girls to come. Excellent thread for anyone going through this.

Originally Posted by Novare330

its not about losing to women, its about not losing the fight against ourselves and being able to beat the depression and sadness that entails a rough break up

u are right...and i still need help with that sometimes...keep me posted with techniques

Originally Posted by Novare330

keep thinking like that and you wont, the only thing thats stopping you from getting a date is you, and the fact that youve accepted defeat by saying "youre not supposed to be with someone", youre currently your greatest enemy/adversary

how are you not getting dates? are you actively going out and approaching girls? if so where? or do you wait for girls to approach you in public? give me as many details as you can and i'll do my best to help

maybe its because i dont really want to date anyone eles..

we havnt talked much for the past 2 years but i used to see here every now and then where she works (dance club) few days agot she finished work and came to me and we talked for few min

just tthe regular "hi" and "how are you" chat

she said she bought ticket to India, and she wanna go there for long time


i cant sleep since then. i donno how to stop her

we havnt stayed in contact iin those last 2 years but still, just to think she will be gone forever is the worst thing that can happen to me

i dont know what to do

i dont know how to stop her from leaving but i know i'll do anything to stop her

WOW this forum is amazing all of the posts are excellent....Heres my little story
So Im 23 now I meet this girl when I was 20 and she was 17, At the time she was driving a black 5-speed 323I that her daddy had bought her and I was instantly hooked. I dont know if I was more attracted to her or her car, I had a POS civic hatch at the time. Well to start it all off the very first night we meet was solely based off of lies which is never a good sign. I had asked her GF. if she was single and that if she was 18 yet and I was lied to on both accounts saying yes she had just turned 18 three weeks prior (not true) and that her highschool BF had dumped her 3 months prior (not true) in truth she was still dating her HS. BF and the B**** had just turn 17 So me and her start dating.......... she remains dating the other guy for two weeks into our relationship unknown to me. As time goes by 1 year turns into 2 years things get slowly worse as she repeatedly cheats on me with multiple guys most of which I introduced her to being that they were all my F**KING Friends or so I thought they were. By now we have been together for almost Three years on and off many times. She has herself a decent paying job as a nurse at a local hospital by this time....(She is 19 now and Im 23) and she decides it time to buy "OUR" first home so "WE" can be together forever. I say okay sounds great! As our new house is being built (brand new) I am excited as hell buying TV's, furniture, Tools for my new garage etc.. The day comes for us to move in and Im so excited Im freaking out the house IMO was sweet and new. I feel the only logical next step in our Relationship would be to get married. So three weeks after living happily together in our new house I buy her a 2 carrot $3700 dollar engagement ring and ask her to marry me which she excitedly say yes to and takes the ring. Looooooooooooooooooooooooong story short we lasted about another 4 months in the new house and on a monday morning (memorial day of this year) I woke up with two short and sweet text messages on my phone say "Eric I am sorry but I no longer feel the way I once did about us you are a great guy but I am no longer in love with you. Plz. dont make this harder then it needs to be. Could you have all of you belongings gathered up and out of "MY" house by the time I get home from work today. Dont call me back and I wont bother you. Just leave me alone....I am truely sorry but this is whats best for the both of us. Goodbye" I swear to god I thought I was dreaming I didn't know what the hell was happening. I started to panic and sweat all over and just started to pace around the house. I called her IMMEDIATLY and she didn't answer I must of called her 100 times that day. I did the only thing I knew to do and drove to her work. She was not there . I did the only adult and mature thing at that point I thought I could do....I listened to her request and removed every single item from "OUR" home that day. The next day she changed her cell #.

We have been apart now for almost 7 months and to this day I will not drive by "OUR" house or even go down that street. One week ONE WEEK after we split She had a new man moved into "OUR" house. A 33 year old local Sheriff and she is only 20 years old. The 4th week they were living together in our house she turns up pregnant by him. She is now 5/6months pregnant and engaged to get married this coming april or may after she has his kid. She has since Lost her job at the Hospital and is working at a local Mcdonalds.

BTW she still has my engagment ring I gave her and refuses to give it back stating that it is the only thing she has to show proof of the three years of her life she wasted on me!!!!!! She has his engagment ring on her finger and still F***KING keeps mine hidden somewhere

Words cannot describe the emotional rollercoaster that my life has been these past 7 months. It really is surreal

I'm not attorney, but sometimes I try to play one on the web. I'm pretty sure you can sue her for it, unless you gave it to her for her birthday/Christmas etc... With that said, sometimes its easier to write off your losses. By the way it could have been way worse, it could have been your kid - think of the savings over just the first 18yrs.

Originally Posted by Eric W

WOW this forum is amazing all of the posts are excellent....Heres my little story
So Im 23 now I meet this girl when I was 20 and she was 17, At the time she was driving a black 5-speed 323I that her daddy had bought her and I was instantly hooked. I dont know if I was more attracted to her or her car, I had a POS civic hatch at the time. Well to start it all off the very first night we meet was solely based off of lies which is never a good sign. I had asked her GF. if she was single and that if she was 18 yet and I was lied to on both accounts saying yes she had just turned 18 three weeks prior (not true) and that her highschool BF had dumped her 3 months prior (not true) in truth she was still dating her HS. BF and the B**** had just turn 17 So me and her start dating.......... she remains dating the other guy for two weeks into our relationship unknown to me. As time goes by 1 year turns into 2 years things get slowly worse as she repeatedly cheats on me with multiple guys most of which I introduced her to being that they were all my F**KING Friends or so I thought they were. By now we have been together for almost Three years on and off many times. She has herself a decent paying job as a nurse at a local hospital by this time....(She is 19 now and Im 23) and she decides it time to buy "OUR" first home so "WE" can be together forever. I say okay sounds great! As our new house is being built (brand new) I am excited as hell buying TV's, furniture, Tools for my new garage etc.. The day comes for us to move in and Im so excited Im freaking out the house IMO was sweet and new. I feel the only logical next step in our Relationship would be to get married. So three weeks after living happily together in our new house I buy her a 2 carrot $3700 dollar engagement ring and ask her to marry me which she excitedly say yes to and takes the ring. Looooooooooooooooooooooooong story short we lasted about another 4 months in the new house and on a monday morning (memorial day of this year) I woke up with two short and sweet text messages on my phone say "Eric I am sorry but I no longer feel the way I once did about us you are a great guy but I am no longer in love with you. Plz. dont make this harder then it needs to be. Could you have all of you belongings gathered up and out of "MY" house by the time I get home from work today. Dont call me back and I wont bother you. Just leave me alone....I am truely sorry but this is whats best for the both of us. Goodbye" I swear to god I thought I was dreaming I didn't know what the hell was happening. I started to panic and sweat all over and just started to pace around the house. I called her IMMEDIATLY and she didn't answer I must of called her 100 times that day. I did the only thing I knew to do and drove to her work. She was not there . I did the only adult and mature thing at that point I thought I could do....I listened to her request and removed every single item from "OUR" home that day. The next day she changed her cell #.

We have been apart now for almost 7 months and to this day I will not drive by "OUR" house or even go down that street. One week ONE WEEK after we split She had a new man moved into "OUR" house. A 33 year old local Sheriff and she is only 20 years old. The 4th week they were living together in our house she turns up pregnant by him. She is now 5/6months pregnant and engaged to get married this coming april or may after she has his kid. She has since Lost her job at the Hospital and is working at a local Mcdonalds.

BTW she still has my engagment ring I gave her and refuses to give it back stating that it is the only thing she has to show proof of the three years of her life she wasted on me!!!!!! She has his engagment ring on her finger and still F***KING keeps mine hidden somewhere

Words cannot describe the emotional rollercoaster that my life has been these past 7 months. It really is surreal

wow dude...i duno what to say...take your house back man!!

subscribing = potential venting later on lol

just saving my space

This is some good advice.

Recently went through a break up and man, it sucks. Like some other members said, it went from being with that girl all the time to non whatsoever. The thing is she is feeling the same way, and forcing our break up. She doesnt want to talk to me to get over me, for atleast a month she said. Then she wants to be friends. Its hard not being able to see your bestfriend.

And yes, after the break up, i realized how many other friends I have left behind, stopped spending time with, because of her. It has been a good time getting to know them again. $hit happens for a reason. Life sucks sometimes, but I know there will be someone better fit for me in the future.

I post this link all the time in here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954


Do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? Guide for the long walk
Take it from me the absolute worst thing you can do is attempt to get in to contact with your ex (regardless of the reason). From a guys perspective, men have a far more difficult time getting over their ex. I think women have a far stronger support structure and tend to listen to the advice of family and friends; thus, when they hear enough times "that he's a jerk" and have their feelings validated by those outside the relationship, they tend to run with it.

If you have spent considerable time away from your ex, 4+ months, your gonna need a 100 yard touchdown pass to get him/her back into your life. I've been through this several times. All contacting your ex is going to do is really screw you up, like spiking yourself in the nuts with a snow shovel (know what I'm saying). You don't want to know how they are doing (its really more than you can handle). Nothing that you are doing is going to impress or endear them to you, regardless who dumped who.

I have noticed that those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plauged by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off).

In my opinion and after many conversations with guys and girls, you don't quite get over those you have been close to. If you have ever had a death in your family you will understand where I'm coming from. Regardless of time you will always have a small ache when their memory surfaces, fact.

However, the agony of loss will eventually go away. I am a firm adhearer to the concept of modeling the sucess of others to become sucessful. What I'm saying is mimic what others are doing to get yourself free. This is what I have learned.

1) Treat yourself as if you are your girlfriend/boyfriend when you first met them. how did you speak to them? Speak to yourself in the same way. Did you dress to the 9 to be more attractive for your love? Do the same for yourself now. Were you physically attentive to them? Get massages, change up your flat, put yourself in luxury. Did you workout to impress them? Exercise and get rocked up for yourself now.

2)You must treat your ex like he/she is a serial killing stalker. Avoid all (once again ALL) contact with them. Do not call, e-mail, PM, morse code, smoke signal your ex. You will go back to day one of your break up when you do this. Subconciously I think they want to hurt you, so you can hurt like they did.

3)Break your patterns. Do not drive by your ex's place, work, hangouts. You will not accomplish anything but hurting yourself. How would you feel if you see him/her with another (back to break up day 1)? Find other hangouts, other routes to work, other places to workout May cost you some extra money to change locale but it saves on the pain.

4) Become obsessed with a project (this is essential) do some thing you always wanted to do, I don't care what it is. Make sure it involves other people (makes it social). Give yourself little free time. Its when were alone that the demons come.

5) know your mind, find out when you think about your ex, and plan accordingly. I know when I'm tired or really hungry or have nothing to do, her memory surfaces (and she's a scrub). WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF. Congnitive Behavioral Therapy adhears to: What you think is what you feel. This for me is very true. When I feel bad, I do it to myself, not her, not you, ME.

6) Lay off serious relationships for awhile...REALLY! When you do have down time from your now hectic life, that is when you go out with friends and get your drink/party on.

7) Hook up......Yes I said hook up! People, really much of the time all we miss is the physical closeness we had with our ex (for guys this is normally 90% true). My ex was a walking version of the Blair Witch Project (that was me standing in the corner LOL). The physical was all that kept me, even when s**t was really bad. I have found now adays many people are into no strings realtionships or "booty calls" if you will (many people just don't want the hassle of being emotional, or have time for a relationship). My advice is enter into negotiations with a perspective girl/guy. Negotiations should consist of the nature of the realtionship (physical+no drama). Both parties must agree or someone is going to get hurt. I believe that once the physical is taken care of and no relationship is assumed you can be free to work on yourself. The power of the ex will be greatly diminished.

8)Emergency measures: If you run into your ex. If you can roll out before they see you, bail. YOU CANNOT HANDLE what they have to say to you. If you can't bail, wave, smile, roll out (somethings are better left unsaid). If you are trapped and you have to talk, follow these rules A) do not give any info out about you B) do not request info about them C)You are busy, state this nicely, with smile, roll out. You have just saved yourself a ton of pain and you are also mysterious, they think that they're not worth your time (they're not).

8.5) After action: After you see you ex, your going to be a tad screwed up. Refer rule 1) talk to yourself like you are your significant other. Flood yourself with realistic positive comments and walk it off and GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING.

9) Alone emergency measures: A) Get busy doing something (make a card castle, exercise, whatever) B) instill this thought: My situation is not bad, there are people on this planet dying from killer waves, sleeping on the street, being abused by those who should be taking care of them or wasting away from disease, all I got is heart ache, I'm being a little B**ch. If your really hurting just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off

To close, I am well on my way to walking this off. Big part of it was lurking here. This is all that I have learned. You people rock. I'm gonna stick around because unknowingly you did the same for me. Point of interest, I have two dates lined up for the rest of FEB. I'm back!!! I would not change one single thing. What dosen't kill us make us stronger.

Originally Posted by BIZ323

I post this link all the time in here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954


Do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? Guide for the long walk
Take it from me the absolute worst thing you can do is attempt to get in to contact with your ex (regardless of the reason). From a guys perspective, men have a far more difficult time getting over their ex. I think women have a far stronger support structure and tend to listen to the advice of family and friends; thus, when they hear enough times "that he's a jerk" and have their feelings validated by those outside the relationship, they tend to run with it.

If you have spent considerable time away from your ex, 4+ months, your gonna need a 100 yard touchdown pass to get him/her back into your life. I've been through this several times. All contacting your ex is going to do is really screw you up, like spiking yourself in the nuts with a snow shovel (know what I'm saying). You don't want to know how they are doing (its really more than you can handle). Nothing that you are doing is going to impress or endear them to you, regardless who dumped who.

I have noticed that those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plauged by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off).

In my opinion and after many conversations with guys and girls, you don't quite get over those you have been close to. If you have ever had a death in your family you will understand where I'm coming from. Regardless of time you will always have a small ache when their memory surfaces, fact.

However, the agony of loss will eventually go away. I am a firm adhearer to the concept of modeling the sucess of others to become sucessful. What I'm saying is mimic what others are doing to get yourself free. This is what I have learned.

1) Treat yourself as if you are your girlfriend/boyfriend when you first met them. how did you speak to them? Speak to yourself in the same way. Did you dress to the 9 to be more attractive for your love? Do the same for yourself now. Were you physically attentive to them? Get massages, change up your flat, put yourself in luxury. Did you workout to impress them? Exercise and get rocked up for yourself now.

2)You must treat your ex like he/she is a serial killing stalker. Avoid all (once again ALL) contact with them. Do not call, e-mail, PM, morse code, smoke signal your ex. You will go back to day one of your break up when you do this. Subconciously I think they want to hurt you, so you can hurt like they did.

3)Break your patterns. Do not drive by your ex's place, work, hangouts. You will not accomplish anything but hurting yourself. How would you feel if you see him/her with another (back to break up day 1)? Find other hangouts, other routes to work, other places to workout May cost you some extra money to change locale but it saves on the pain.

4) Become obsessed with a project (this is essential) do some thing you always wanted to do, I don't care what it is. Make sure it involves other people (makes it social). Give yourself little free time. Its when were alone that the demons come.

5) know your mind, find out when you think about your ex, and plan accordingly. I know when I'm tired or really hungry or have nothing to do, her memory surfaces (and she's a scrub). WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF. Congnitive Behavioral Therapy adhears to: What you think is what you feel. This for me is very true. When I feel bad, I do it to myself, not her, not you, ME.

6) Lay off serious relationships for awhile...REALLY! When you do have down time from your now hectic life, that is when you go out with friends and get your drink/party on.

7) Hook up......Yes I said hook up! People, really much of the time all we miss is the physical closeness we had with our ex (for guys this is normally 90% true). My ex was a walking version of the Blair Witch Project (that was me standing in the corner LOL). The physical was all that kept me, even when s**t was really bad. I have found now adays many people are into no strings realtionships or "booty calls" if you will (many people just don't want the hassle of being emotional, or have time for a relationship). My advice is enter into negotiations with a perspective girl/guy. Negotiations should consist of the nature of the realtionship (physical+no drama). Both parties must agree or someone is going to get hurt. I believe that once the physical is taken care of and no relationship is assumed you can be free to work on yourself. The power of the ex will be greatly diminished.

8)Emergency measures: If you run into your ex. If you can roll out before they see you, bail. YOU CANNOT HANDLE what they have to say to you. If you can't bail, wave, smile, roll out (somethings are better left unsaid). If you are trapped and you have to talk, follow these rules A) do not give any info out about you B) do not request info about them C)You are busy, state this nicely, with smile, roll out. You have just saved yourself a ton of pain and you are also mysterious, they think that they're not worth your time (they're not).

8.5) After action: After you see you ex, your going to be a tad screwed up. Refer rule 1) talk to yourself like you are your significant other. Flood yourself with realistic positive comments and walk it off and GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING.

9) Alone emergency measures: A) Get busy doing something (make a card castle, exercise, whatever) B) instill this thought: My situation is not bad, there are people on this planet dying from killer waves, sleeping on the street, being abused by those who should be taking care of them or wasting away from disease, all I got is heart ache, I'm being a little B**ch. If your really hurting just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off

To close, I am well on my way to walking this off. Big part of it was lurking here. This is all that I have learned. You people rock. I'm gonna stick around because unknowingly you did the same for me. Point of interest, I have two dates lined up for the rest of FEB. I'm back!!! I would not change one single thing. What dosen't kill us make us stronger.

good post...i think deleting your contacts on your phone, facebook, msn etc too...should help...guys tend to always be hopeful in a way because we are so stubborn

great thread. its been abt 2 weeks now and im still struggling but im slowly getting better. a lot of these posts have helped me feel a lot better. thanks guys

she dumped me tuesday. we had a spring break trip planned this month. i have to meet up with her for the last time to give her $$ back. FML

oh and I spent 6 months of hard workouts to lose 20lbs in preparation for this trip

Originally Posted by urban

she dumped me tuesday. we had a spring break trip planned this month. i have to meet up with her for the last time to give her $$ back. FML

oh and I spent 6 months of hard workouts to lose 20lbs in preparation for this trip

Urban, if she dumped you take the $$$ and screw her otherwise if she broke up with you with respect then do it the gentleman way and say your last goodbye. NO TURNING BACK and tell her if Urban is trying to get you back dont take URBAN back bcoz you are now a monster. URBAN Rules...
Lost 20lb....time to hunt some fishes bro.

Originally Posted by Novare330

keep thinking like that and you wont, the only thing thats stopping you from getting a date is you, and the fact that youve accepted defeat by saying "youre not supposed to be with someone", youre currently your greatest enemy/adversary

how are you not getting dates? are you actively going out and approaching girls? if so where? or do you wait for girls to approach you in public? give me as many details as you can and i'll do my best to help

i donno man lots of girls hit on me but its never the ones i like, i guess im too picky but what can i do, i wanna be with someone i like

the problem is i never met anyone that i think is better then her


3.5 years now

that fkn btch, cant stop loving her and i dont know why, she doesnt even give a damn about me

weird

After my first brake up...I never let myself get close to a girl and always have that wall...Soo far it helped me on several occasions

Just finished up with my girl. We are still friends and I intend to keep it that way. She is moving to NY so I won't see her around all the time in a few months. We currently train together though. Trying to keep myself occupied and now this new chick, who also trains with us is beginning to flirt. I want to give chase, but also don't want to look like a complete a$$hole to my ex. What do you guys think?

Originally Posted by Ma Junior

Just finished up with my girl. We are still friends and I intend to keep it that way. She is moving to NY so I won't see her around all the time in a few months. We currently train together though. Trying to keep myself occupied and now this new chick, who also trains with us is beginning to flirt. I want to give chase, but also don't want to look like a complete a$$hole to my ex. What do you guys think?

Just wait till your ex moves to NY and thn train that new girl in your bedroom

Originally Posted by TheRusski

After my first brake up...I never let myself get close to a girl and always have that wall...Soo far it helped me on several occasions

Me too. It will take a lot for me to believe a girl when she tells me she loves me now.

actually kind of a odd question just recently split with my girl of over 5 1/2 years and i think i've forgotten how to be single none of my friends are single either so it makes it kinda hard to find a wingman to go out with, any tips for going solo to a bar/hangout place?

Originally Posted by mcr_driver

actually kind of a odd question just recently split with my girl of over 5 1/2 years and i think i've forgotten how to be single none of my friends are single either so it makes it kinda hard to find a wingman to go out with, any tips for going solo to a bar/hangout place?

GYM. and a whole lot of it. i'm going through the same ****.