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Old 01-17-2010, 02:26 AM   #1
HyeWarrior
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Need to vent... Big time

Ok so this is probably gonna be really long, so be prepared. A couple of things you should know about my situation is that I'm only 19, and I consider myself a very reserved type of person, almost everyone in my click of friends is the same way, just a heads up.

So here's the situation. Last July, I got to know a girl in our group of friends a lot better one night. Prior to this, I don't even think she knew my name, but by the time the night ended, she voluntarily gave me her number and invited me to go a beach house the next day, so I thought she had a thing for me after we talked. However I was a little turned off after I learned how many guy friends she had, and the fact that she was moving to South Carolina for college the following month. Needless to say, I didn't pursue her, but then later on, I find out that my other friend goes after her right before her leaving. They never became 'official' like other couples in our group, but they would make out every now and then, and they obviously had feelings for each other. I wasn't happy about it, but what was I gonna do? I let it slide, but the thing is that the guy is one of my closest friends since high school.

Fast forward to about a month ago. Everyone came home for the holiday break, and my buddy told me about a story that happened at his dorms. Long story short, he's been pursuing other chicks while Tara still thought they were together despite being so far apart, and he ended up boning a different chick when he was the one claiming: "Nah dawg, I'm gonna wait for marriage, I'm not one of those people." Hypocritical right? Needless to say, I was a little steamed that he did this behind Tara's back when I still like her, I just thought it was ****ed up to do. So one night, I go out with Tara and a couple of her other friends to just hang out and she tells me while we were alone that this dude/my friend apparently needs to have a serious talk with her very soon. Instantly I know what's gonna go down, and I tried to talk to her and comfort her without telling her what it is myself. Couple of nights later, he told her, and she messages me on skype and facebook telling me about it. I just tell her she needs to be strong about it and know that its for the best, which it is since he doesn't appreciate her. Not trying to sound like a hater, but he thinks of himself as a player, he can't commit to anything.

So fast forward a little more. We hang out more and more with other friends and we get along great. Then a different problem appears.. We go to Universal Studios one night with Tara's best friend Shandale and a couple other guys. The ENTIRE time there, Tara's really clingy to me and me only, holding on to me arm, holding my hand, etc. On the way back home, we had to cram in the back of a friends car. I'm on the left, Tara on my right, a guy friend on the right, and then Shandale laying straight across us with her head and chest resting right on top of my crotch. We've been friends for a while, but never that close (no pun intended lol), and apparently after that night, she's had a thing for me according to Tara. It's pretty obvious too when we go out, she always laughs and is touchy feely with me and she's the one who always wants to do something... Just me and her. Now this would be awesome because she's a very cute girl, in shape, was captain of the cheer squad back in HS, funny, same majors, we have a lot in common, but there's 2 problems. One, she goes to school in San Fran which is 6 hours away. Two, I REALLY don't want to sound like a racist ass here because I don't consider myself racist, but she's black. It sucks because I don't want to hurt her feelings and blow her off, so I was never sure what to do. As if thats not enough, the other day I went to Tara's to what I thought was gonna be a day of just watching The Office with a bunch of other people. I show up as mostly everyone's leaving early in the day. Only people left? Tara, me and Shandale sitting on the couch in that order. We watch some TV, then we just hang and talk about stuff, nothing major except for Tara's bad luck with dbags and how they keep harassing her. I made it very obvious that she needs to stop replying to these types of guys that just want her to fool around with.

Fast forward a little further. Tara and I keep getting closer as friends and we talk about anything and everything... This past week alone, we've chatted online and texted each other until 4 in the morning or until one of us falls asleep and doesn't respond. It's been that way for the last 3 nights in a row while Shandale has started chatting with me really late at night during the same time... Awkward to say the least, they're best friends, both talking to me and each other, and I'm sure they're giving a play by play with their convos with me. The past few nights, Tara and I have been talking about relationships and the L word. I've told her a lot about me, and she's told me a lot about herself. She's told me how she's hurt after the whole ordeal with my buddy and that she already misses having that special someone in her life. I've said something similar to her a couple of nights before and she told me basically the whole: "You're a great guy, whatever girl you find is gonna be so lucky" speech. I told her relatively the same thing, but that maybe it's best if she's single while she's at school on the other side of the country and hopefully something comes up when she comes home for summer. She seemed happy and agreed, but nothing between us two is coming up at all. I feel like I may have bit myself in the ass because when I was comforting her about the drama from earlier, I said it's not wise to have a long distance relationship at this age. I want to just tell her to lose the zeros and get with the hero (me), but I don't want to cause any tension between our great friendship. Now I guess it's routine for her to talk to me late at night since she's always the one messaging me. I guarantee she will get online in the next 30 minutes and want to talk. She leaves Monday night, and there's gonna be a BBQ at her place tomorrow to say goodbye. Should be interesting, but I can't help but get the feeling that I'm stuck in that damn friend zone.

At this point, I'm just thinking that maybe it'll be different when she comes back in the summer and maybe I'll have the balls to ask her out on a proper, private date. I haven't all of this break because I didn't want to put her in awkward situation especially with the whole thing with my friend. Now what I can't get through my damn head is this: Why the **** am I so hung up for this chick? I don't understand. We have little to nothing in common besides movies and TV shows, but we get along great, and she's been on my mind for months which just sounds sad. I don't get it, I really don't. I'm not sure what's gonna happen, I know this sounds childish but I've been in the process of losing a **** ton of weight since last summer and I've been wondering to myself if I've been doing it to try and impress her? Up until now I've lost about 25 lbs and still have another 15 to go before summer. My mind wanders a lot, and I've even thought to myself: "Oh she'll be all over me when summer rolls around and she sees how much I've toned up and gained muscle." Childish I know, but it goes through the thought process.

*sigh* I'm sorry for murdering your eyes with this essay, but I really needed to vent somewhere. Any thoughts, words of wisdom, harsh realities? I need to know what to think of this trainwreck of a situation.

Last edited by HyeWarrior; 01-17-2010 at 02:29 AM.
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Old 01-17-2010, 03:00 AM   #2
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Cliffs?
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Old 01-17-2010, 03:06 AM   #3
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Cliffs?
Hmm let's give it a shot:

-I've liked this chick for about a year
-She dated and got burned badly by a friend of mine a few weeks ago
-I comforted her and we're way closer as friends
-She lives across the country for school
-I'm afraid I'm stuck in the friend zone
-Her best friend has a crush on me but I don't feel the same way back
-Hoping that things will be different for the better when she comes back in the summer
-Can't figure out why I can't move on to other chicks

Best I could do
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Old 01-17-2010, 03:35 AM   #4
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just move on... lol u didnt even go out with her...
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Old 01-17-2010, 12:31 PM   #5
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My advice to you man is take a patient approach to it. theres nothing wrong with a girl catching your attention like that. Shes moving on to college and lets face it. what do girls do while they are at college? just because you may bring out the sweeter version of herself doesnt mean shes going to act like that around her college buddies. all you can do is sit back and let the chemistry between you to unfold. nothing you can say or do is going to make things go faster, your young man, have fun, relax and do your own thing. its alright to think about her, let your feelings grow if they wish too. my point is to just keep them in a mature standpoint. you see girls always go for the one guy that stands out from the crowd, that one guy they have never met anyone like. Be him, and just play it smooth. make her realize your something thats not going to stick around each summer for her personal pleasure. even though us men hate games, it seems that thats all young girls like to play, GAMES. Im 21 man and it took me that to realize i was dating all the wrong girls. if you want something serious? your going to have to wait till your MUCH older. for right now just let it ride out for what ever its going to be. and dont let yourself get hurt in the process. girls are like monkeys man, they wont let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on the next one. it seems like you were that next branch after your buddy. think about it man, and play it cool
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Old 01-17-2010, 12:50 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by HyeWarrior View Post
Hmm let's give it a shot:

-I've liked this chick for about a year
-She dated and got burned badly by a friend of mine a few weeks ago
-I comforted her and we're way closer as friends
-She lives across the country for school
-I'm afraid I'm stuck in the friend zone
-Her best friend has a crush on me but I don't feel the same way back
-Hoping that things will be different for the better when she comes back in the summer
-Can't figure out why I can't move on to other chicks

Best I could do
this is juz my personal opinion so no hard feelings k...you cant forget her coz you been having a crush on her since the very beginning....you've always wanted her but your buddy played a better game, fuked her senseless & dumped her...now you're confused: i still like her but do i really wanna kiss her when i know she's been blowing my buddy for teh whole year?
mistake #1...you comforted her...seriously, comforted? if i were you, i'd be all up offering her some rebound secks....imo thats all the comfort she needed.. i'm being super-serious though
mistake #2...you realized you're in teh friend zone but you let yourself stuck in this situation...you could keep her as a friend but she should be your last priority...
mistake #3....shandale or whoever is so into you, she practically placed her tittays on your crotch & you did nothing ...so what if she's black? if she has a decent face & a bangin body, you should be doing her day & night till you're sore...
i believe if you hook up with shandale, you'll forget this girl easily....at least keep shandale as a bootay call?
if you still cant forget her, then juz fap twice or thrice a day
get shandale to help with all dat fapping for faster reaction
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Old 01-17-2010, 06:44 PM   #7
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:02 PM   #8
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Advice?

Get rid of the GTi before 80,000 miles. This will avoid all the electrical issues that creep up as well as avoid the failures of VW's cheap parts.

GL
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Old 01-18-2010, 10:12 AM   #9
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Advice?

Get rid of the GTi before 80,000 miles. This will avoid all the electrical issues that creep up as well as avoid the failures of VW's cheap parts.

GL
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:27 AM   #10
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Just read the cliffs, but if you want a shot with her, you need to sack up and make a move. Talk to her directly about it rather than waiting another 5-10 years hoping that she'll initiate something. By then, maybe you can pick up the pieces after her first or second divorce.
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Old 01-19-2010, 09:06 AM   #11
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read the whole thing. this is a good situation, but id passively suggest shlt to get a better understanding of how she sees you.

for example, say to her, ill take u out to dinner when u get back, and see what the reaction is like. make her know its just you and her that will be partaking in this dinner too.
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Old 01-19-2010, 04:32 PM   #12
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read the whole thing. this is a good situation, but id passively suggest shlt to get a better understanding of how she sees you.

for example, say to her, ill take u out to dinner when u get back, and see what the reaction is like. make her know its just you and her that will be partaking in this dinner too.
This is a good suggestion.

You need to man up and not let this secret attraction eat you up because you're not with her. Don't be passive, but also don't be too fast with things. Also don't think that she will come back in the summer and be on you're d!ck because you lost a few pounds. Women don't find that a deal breaker, and if she does then she is not worth the trouble!

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Old 01-19-2010, 08:09 PM   #13
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Definitely a good idea... I'll be sure to try it and see how it works out. A part of me thinks that she might not be interested in me because her best friend (Shandale) has told her that she likes me. Possibility? I dunno, but at the moment, I'm gonna just try to forget about it and hope somebody completely new comes along.

Thanks again for the input fellas. As for the GTI, it's getting replaced sometime this week by the e46 lol....
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Old 01-19-2010, 11:14 PM   #14
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Definitely a good idea... I'll be sure to try it and see how it works out. A part of me thinks that she might not be interested in me because her best friend (Shandale) has told her that she likes me. Possibility? I dunno, but at the moment, I'm gonna just try to forget about it and hope somebody completely new comes along.

Thanks again for the input fellas. As for the GTI, it's getting replaced sometime this week by the e46 lol....
Can you forget about it? If you can then yes, do that (and bang Shandale). If not, make a move.
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Old 01-19-2010, 11:34 PM   #15
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i like the Idea of the dinner, but move quick dont wait or she will put you in the friend zone if she hasn't already. The sooner you make a move the higher your chances are for success. Ive been in this situation before and failed because I waited way too long.
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Old 01-20-2010, 01:25 AM   #16
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Can you forget about it? If you can then yes, do that (and bang Shandale). If not, make a move.
I think I can lol... Can't really bang her if she leaves tomorrow morning lol
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i like the Idea of the dinner, but move quick dont wait or she will put you in the friend zone if she hasn't already. The sooner you make a move the higher your chances are for success. Ive been in this situation before and failed because I waited way too long.
Well she's already back in South Carolina, so I think its already a lost cause. I wanna see how things will change when summer rolls around. We talk on daily basis, I think I'm already in the friend zone though. Whatever. I did some thinking today and basically told myself to sack up. It's just one girl, one freakin girl.
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:07 AM   #17
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ahhh I c well best thing to do know is meet other girls, dont talk to her too much tho... esp on skype that will bring you more toward the friends thing. keep the meeting short ans sweet and focus on intimate things that make her think about you as more than a friend, like sex stuff.
this will heat things up for when she comes back, ask her out on a ligitamte date (not say hanging out) make shure she know you are taking her out. Make it interesting and demonstrate your intentions. She will get it.

In the mean time find other girls and live it up

oh and is her freind hot? i live near sf lol
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:25 AM   #18
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Lol yea... She's pretty cute... Short, petite, nice smile and everything... It's kinda creepy how much stuff we have in common. Movies, TV Shows, Music which is huge to me, same majors, both the youngest of our families, and we're both pretty reserved. I couldn't help but lol at her latest Facebook status update: "I'm cold and i'm thinking of something to warm me up"

It would be SO easy for me to just ask her out and pursue her, but that kinda kills the thrill of the chase ya know?
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Old 01-20-2010, 10:02 AM   #19
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Wow,this made my morning...you guys should read this, way to funny.....

But anyways...acouple questions before I say anything else.

I consider myself a very reserved type of person, almost everyone in my click of friends is the same way, just a heads up.

What does this have to do with anything? unless its your way of saying you dont have the balls to ask a girl out or make a move on her.

Why are you worried about being with a girl thats gonna move cross country?

Dude, kills the thrill of the chase? what are you chasing, you didnt even ask her out.
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Old 01-20-2010, 10:45 AM   #20
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So here's the situation. Last July, I got to know a girl in our group of friends a lot better one night. Prior to this, I don't even think she knew my name, but by the time the night ended, she voluntarily gave me her number and invited me to go a beach house the next day, so I thought she had a thing for me after we talked. However I was a little turned off after I learned how many guy friends she had, and the fact that she was moving to South Carolina for college the following month. Needless to say, I didn't pursue her, but then later on, I find out that my other friend goes after her right before her leaving. They never became 'official' like other couples in our group, but they would make out every now and then, and they obviously had feelings for each other. I wasn't happy about it, but what was I gonna do? I let it slide, but the thing is that the guy is one of my closest friends since high school.

Your friend was smart, made a move before she left. He beat you to the punch.


"Nah dawg, I'm gonna wait for marriage, I'm not one of those people." Hypocritical right? Needless to say, I was a little steamed that he did this behind Tara's back when I still like her, I just thought it was ****ed up to do. So one night, I go out with Tara and a couple of her other friends to just hang out and she tells me while we were alone that this dude/my friend apparently needs to have a serious talk with her very soon. Instantly I know what's gonna go down, and I tried to talk to her and comfort her without telling her what it is myself. Couple of nights later, he told her, and she messages me on skype and facebook telling me about it. I just tell her she needs to be strong about it and know that its for the best, which it is since he doesn't appreciate her. Not trying to sound like a hater, but he thinks of himself as a player, he can't commit to anything.


Again, your friend is smart. Your 19, what are you going to commit to? You shouldnt be commited to anything.
and no guy wait till marriage to bang random chics


The ENTIRE time there, Tara's really clingy to me and me only, holding on to me arm, holding my hand, etc. On the way back home, we had to cram in the back of a friends car. I'm on the left, Tara on my right, a guy friend on the right, and then Shandale laying straight across us with her head and chest resting right on top of my crotch. We've been friends for a while, but never that close (no pun intended lol), and apparently after that night, she's had a thing for me according to Tara. It's pretty obvious too when we go out, she always laughs and is touchy feely with me and she's the one who always wants to do something... Just me and her. Now this would be awesome because she's a very cute girl, in shape, was captain of the cheer squad back in HS, funny, same majors, we have a lot in common, but there's 2 problems. One, she goes to school in San Fran which is 6 hours away. Two, I REALLY don't want to sound like a racist ass here because I don't consider myself racist, but she's black. It sucks because I don't want to hurt her feelings and blow her off, so I was never sure what to do. As if thats not enough, the other day I went to Tara's to what I thought was gonna be a day of just watching The Office with a bunch of other people. I show up as mostly everyone's leaving early in the day. Only people left? Tara, me and Shandale sitting on the couch in that order. We watch some TV, then we just hang and talk about stuff, nothing major except for Tara's bad luck with dbags and how they keep harassing her. I made it very obvious that she needs to stop replying to these types of guys that just want her to fool around with.


Your getting excited over some hand holding? And a chic laying across you in a car? come on.

you made it obvious to her that she needs to stop replying to these types of guys? Not to sound like a bigger as$. But you totally sound like the guy in the corner alone talking about the dbags hooking up with the hot chic while your spending the whole night wondering why.

Chics like this type of attitude, learn that and understand and accept it.

I understand you on the black girl thing.....but you had both of them alone. If you couldnt making anything happen with either or both of them nothing is going to happen. That was your last chance.


This past week alone, we've chatted online and texted each other until 4 in the morning or until one of us falls asleep and doesn't respond. It's been that way for the last 3 nights in a row while Shandale has started chatting with me really late at night during the same time... Awkward to say the least, they're best friends, both talking to me and each other, and I'm sure they're giving a play by play with their convos with me. The past few nights, Tara and I have been talking about relationships and the L word. I've told her a lot about me, and she's told me a lot about herself. She's told me how she's hurt after the whole ordeal with my buddy and that she already misses having that special someone in her life. I've said something similar to her a couple of nights before and she told me basically the whole: "You're a great guy, whatever girl you find is gonna be so lucky" speech. I told her relatively the same thing, but that maybe it's best if she's single while she's at school on the other side of the country and hopefully something comes up when she comes home for summer. She seemed happy and agreed, but nothing between us two is coming up at all. I feel like I may have bit myself in the ass because when I was comforting her about the drama from earlier, I said it's not wise to have a long distance relationship at this age. I want to just tell her to lose the zeros and get with the hero (me), but I don't want to cause any tension between our great friendship. Now I guess it's routine for her to talk to me late at night since she's always the one messaging me. I guarantee she will get online in the next 30 minutes and want to talk. She leaves Monday night, and there's gonna be a BBQ at her place tomorrow to say goodbye. Should be interesting, but I can't help but get the feeling that I'm stuck in that damn friend zone.

Your talking to her about the L word? you love this girl now? Why are you talking to this girl till 4 am. There is nothing you can say to this chic that is worth staying up till 4 am.

Of course your in the friend zone. You never made a move on her, never asked her out. Nothing. Your window of opportunity has closed.




At this point, I'm just thinking that maybe it'll be different when she comes back in the summer and maybe I'll have the balls to ask her out on a proper, private date. I haven't all of this break because I didn't want to put her in awkward situation especially with the whole thing with my friend. Now what I can't get through my damn head is this: Why the **** am I so hung up for this chick? I don't understand. We have little to nothing in common besides movies and TV shows, but we get along great, and she's been on my mind for months which just sounds sad. I don't get it, I really don't. I'm not sure what's gonna happen, I know this sounds childish but I've been in the process of losing a **** ton of weight since last summer and I've been wondering to myself if I've been doing it to try and impress her? Up until now I've lost about 25 lbs and still have another 15 to go before summer. My mind wanders a lot, and I've even thought to myself: "Oh she'll be all over me when summer rolls around and she sees how much I've toned up and gained muscle." Childish I know, but it goes through the thought process.


your hung up on her because you liked her, she gave you signs, and you blew it because you didnt have the balls to ask her or make a move.

Remember this feeling...so next time your in this situation you wont make the same mistake again.

And keep working out, take your mind off of her. Just do you. When she comes back don't make the same mistake and maybe you might have a chance if she doesnt run back to your friend and bang him.
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