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Love Line

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Old 07-24-2010, 09:25 AM   #1
G3nome
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Girl issues, need serious advice.

I have been seeing a girl for 7 months now. She loves me. She has introduced me to her family, all her friends, and talks about marriage all the time. She tells me how shes waited 27 years to find me, etc. But there are problems with our relationship. First, the biggest one for me, is that she doesn't like making out. Last time I checked, couples made out every time they were alone at least for the first 6 months of going out. I bring it up to her, and she tells me "that she is just not as sexual as I am," and that "I am really tired, I dont want to spend an hour and half after already having such a tiring day." I dont think the few times we have made out that it ever went that long.

Every time I tell her it bothers me that she never wants to make out, she says the same stupid lines: "What can I do to make you feel better?" Is it stupid that I have to ask my girl friend to make out? This **** is really ****ing with my mental health, and it tears me apart that someone I care and love so much doesn't share the same feelings for me.
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Old 07-24-2010, 09:33 AM   #2
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if she doesnt show the passion for u during this "honeymoon phase" then something is definitely wrong. probably wants to scale back on her sexual advances to balance out what she did in her past.
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Old 07-25-2010, 04:38 AM   #3
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she just may have a much lower sexual appetite than you. Could just be her normal level, it could also be a sign of a medical problem.

But you need to either:
A. Get over it
or
B. Get over her
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Old 07-25-2010, 10:53 PM   #4
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maybe she has teh herpes? lol jk!! but yeah...she's 27 & she dislikes making out?? sounds loco to me...
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Old 07-25-2010, 11:13 PM   #5
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Its definitely a problem at this stage. Usually you dont want to make out anymore after 10 years of marriage. Some maybe less. But new relationships should have this passion and if not, her interest in you maybe less than you think. Advice is dump her now before you get your heart broken. But no one knows what your relationship is really like except for you both. If she keeps up with this, its just a matter of time till you find someone who does like to do all that stuff. Too many girls out there to experiment.
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Old 07-26-2010, 08:11 AM   #6
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17 years and 3 kids later with my wife at 40 and me at 43 we still like to "make out" frequently. Unless you can live with out it I would do yourself and her a favor and move on soon.
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Old 07-26-2010, 08:56 AM   #7
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Talk to her.

Ask her.

Maybe you have bad breath or use too much toungue or something and she doesnt know how to tell you.

Communication and Honesty are the two most important things in a relationship.

At least then you will know.

Not everyone is built the same.

And NO, not everyone makes out once someone leaves the room.

Maybe she thinks you are more interested in physical than mental, that spirals because its a turn off.

Rinse and repeat.
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:06 AM   #8
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I believe initially its gauging interests. I was married for 7 years with 2 kids, divorced, bachelor hood for 5 years being a playa then engaged again Words dont mean anything if they dont act the part. Try to pull back a bit. My experience, if they are interested and you ignore them, the more they want you. go figure.
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:12 AM   #9
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i don't mean to get you in trouble or anything, but i kinda had the same happen to me... this may be different in the long run for you but my girl did the same thing... i loved her and wasn't about to kick her to the curb so i talked to her and kept pushing.... it got to a point that i just told her what was up and she slowly... dang very slowly, feels like forever but she got up to the plate...

married 4 years now, no kids but the love life is good... she just needed a little intimacy and a bit more education on the subject... see if you can talk to her friends and go from that angle...

good luck bro
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:24 AM   #10
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how's the sex?

Making out is important but if the sex is really good I wouldn't worry too much about it. Also, it may sound funny but does she have breathing problems like allergies or anything. I know sometimes when mine are acting up me and my gf wont make out as much because I'll suffocate haha.
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Old 07-26-2010, 07:51 PM   #11
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i don't mean to get you in trouble or anything, but i kinda had the same happen to me... this may be different in the long run for you but my girl did the same thing... i loved her and wasn't about to kick her to the curb so i talked to her and kept pushing.... it got to a point that i just told her what was up and she slowly... dang very slowly, feels like forever but she got up to the plate...

married 4 years now, no kids but the love life is good... she just needed a little intimacy and a bit more education on the subject... see if you can talk to her friends and go from that angle...

good luck bro
I needed to hear this. She has terrible anxiety, and work and school are always on her mind. I dont think she gets in the mood because she has too much **** on her mind. It drives me crazy.
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Old 07-27-2010, 01:44 AM   #12
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Just talk to her about it. You should be able to be as upfront to your girlfriend of 7 months as you can to a forum of strangers, more so even.

Tell her something like, "*Name*, I'm feeling a bit frustrated. I want to demonstrate my affection for you but I feel like we're not on the same page. I'd like to know how you truly feel about it so I can fully understand the situation better and respect you more."

This shows her you feel like YOU aren't understanding something. By putting it on yourself, it immediately lets her defense down. Asking her how she feels about it with a reason that would directly benefit her your relationship is going to be a relief to her. Especially since she won't have to worry about adding you getting overly anxious to her list of things to stress about.

More than likely she's going to tell you why, definitively. If not she should at least let you in on something. If she insists on avoiding the subject... contemplate her lack of ability to communicate within a relationship, and respect for you.

Also, this is also (hopefully) what you are feeling, and therefore, most importantly, the truth. That's what she needs to hear.

Hope that helps, FWIW.

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Old 07-27-2010, 05:42 AM   #13
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I'm surprised no one's saying that she's cheating on you yet. That's usually the e46f LL answer to "why is my gf/wife doing X"
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:33 AM   #14
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I'm surprised no one's saying that she's cheating on you yet. That's usually the e46f LL answer to "why is my gf/wife doing X"
haha yeah man. Most people will be like "she's cheating on you, go find another girl"
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Old 07-27-2010, 09:38 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by NOVAbimmer View Post
she just may have a much lower sexual appetite than you. Could just be her normal level, it could also be a sign of a medical problem.

But you need to either:
A. Get over it
or
B. Get over her
this. She will NOT change.
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Old 07-27-2010, 02:20 PM   #16
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Respectfully I submit this:

The things that bother you now will NOT go away inside of the relationship/marriage. They will get magnified.

There have been a few great suggestions about communicating it safely and with the idea that you want her to feel comfortable. Do that. But remember: you aren't her therapist... and if you see no reaction to your thoughts or entreaties, that is when you may want to walk away. It takes two people working together and putting all their efforts into a situation to see it succeed. Seriously, it does not get better unless you are both aware, and make the effort. Because as a number of others put it: 7 mos = desire still there. Not the opposite. Guys enjoy affection/sex... that isn't going to change.
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