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Love Line

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Old 08-16-2010, 10:08 AM   #21
Mark M
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Haha....BMWDon, you are right. Yes, she seems like a really good girl. We even had a chat about faith. Most guys would be put off by that, oddly I was intrigued and attracted.

In the past I always went into dates / relationships just looking to get the poon and then deal with the differences as long as I was getting regular poon.

This one is different, oddly I find I am attracted to her for different reasons. Ha, maybe at 35 years of age I am finally growing up.

But who knows....it was only one date so far.
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Old 08-16-2010, 10:11 AM   #22
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Haha....BMWDon, you are right. Yes, she seems like a really good girl. We even had a chat about faith. Most guys would be put off by that, oddly I was intrigued and attracted.

In the past I always went into dates / relationships just looking to get the poon and then deal with the differences as long as I was getting regular poon.

This one is different, oddly I find I am attracted to her for different reasons. Ha, maybe at 35 years of age I am finally growing up.

But who knows....it was only one date so far.
haha i know what u mean.. awwww u still have the tinglies and just wanna be with herrrrr sooo cutteee
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Old 08-17-2010, 03:25 PM   #23
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Old 08-21-2010, 10:15 PM   #24
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Ok, paging our resident expert CR for his opinion. This one is over. But very odd circumstances.

2nd date went great. Picked her up at her place, toured her house, chatted with her female room-mate....then Kim and I went off for dinner and jazz. We had a great night, light kino at first but mutual flirtation, her grabbing my hand or arm or knee. Before dinner we were close and listening to jazz, so I was bold and leaned in for a kiss...she leaned in and met me. We shared several more kisses throughout the night. Fun evening, good conversation, then when I dropped her off back at her places we had a little make out session outside in the dark. But I did not go any further. She agreed to meet me the next night to go out again.

So tonight we were going to meet up and go out again. Background, her online dating profile speaks a lot of her faith and wanting to find a man who also shares faith. I do....I just have a devil on my shoulder at times. She comes over.....I give her the tour of my place. We share a pizza.....then we end up on the couch watching a little tv to waste time. I lean over and give her a kiss or two.....those kisses lead to more, now she moves on top straddling me and we are making out hardcore. Sure I am enjoying it. She is hot and I am really into her. A couple times I tried to break off the make out session saying we should cool down and then go out. Each time she responded by leaning in and kissing me even more intensely. Then we end up in my bedroom. More making out.....and again I give a couple more chances for us to break off and get ready to go out. (I like her.....I did not want to force or rush things even if I did enjoy it) She pulled me closer and the heat kept rising. We end up doing the deed......Gave her two Os then got mine........

.....The moment we were done, she turned ICE cold. Tried to get a kiss...nothing...closed lip peck is all I got. So I rolled off and layed next to her. She then begain to complain that she should not have done that, and it is not the way a Christian girl should behave. Said she wants sex to be with someone she loves and she does not love me, has only just met me. Said she feels guilty and un Godly. I told her I really did like her and have hoped all along we could turn into something more. She said that could not happen. Said she wants a man who can exercise restraint about sex. Ok, so now it is just plain awkward. We lay there a little bit longer then we get up get dressed and she gives me a half hearted hug, apology then leaves. Her attitude made it clear the door was closed....there would be no more dates.

So...I think she is a flake who does not know WTF she wants. Or perhaps I was just used as a booty call for her. Dunno. I have been with quite a few women in my 35 years....this was a first. Getting tons of positive signals, interest, and vibes.....then immediately after the deed COLD. Weird!!!!

What ya say CR?
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Old 08-22-2010, 12:16 AM   #25
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That's pretty weird man, sure sounds like she doesn't know what she wants in life. Don't bother chasing it, she'll probably blow your mind off with confusing acts lol

I don't blame you, you did what ever guy would. If she was testing you, she would have resisted getting closer when you told her to go out

Proceed to the following thread http://forum.e46fanatics.com/showthread.php?t=638947

And post up pics!
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Old 08-22-2010, 12:34 AM   #26
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So...I think she is a flake who does not know WTF she wants. Or perhaps I was just used as a booty call for her. Dunno. I have been with quite a few women in my 35 years....this was a first. Getting tons of positive signals, interest, and vibes.....then immediately after the deed COLD. Weird!!!!

What ya say CR?
Or maybe those "O"s weren't what you thought and she was less than pleased

I've gotten the "I shouldn't have done that" with probably 90% of the girls I've been with... it's generally nothing but a way for them to not sound as much as a **** as they feel at that moment. Obviously you got the added twist of "YOU should have stopped it" BS, but I still don't think that's a sign of a closed door necessarily. You never really know...
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Old 08-22-2010, 02:32 PM   #27
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Should have broken it off early and gone out, but she does sound like a loon. I can't imagine laying there hearing her say those things. I've found breaking it off early makes a girl even hotter and want you more.
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Old 08-22-2010, 02:41 PM   #28
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Give it some time, she will most likely be back. Severe case
case of Anti slüt Defense imo. She wanted it and afterwards felt bad about giving it up so quickly. You were doing TOO good of a job. I say when she does eventually contact you just show her that you werent at all put off by the encounter and try to take it slowly from there. Ive been in that situation and
made it work before man she might just not want to lose your respect cause she likes you a lot
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Either pursue her and risk getting Mono, or don't pursue her,...stay home and use your Mano.

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Old 08-22-2010, 08:14 PM   #29
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So CR or others. What's my next move? Let it go chalk it up that she is a flake. Or as was said maybe she likes me but is ashamed? If so, what do I do?
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Old 08-22-2010, 09:44 PM   #30
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Tell her that god doesn't exist and even if he did she is going to hell anyway, so she might as well forget about it and have some fun. That said, she is crazy. Are you just wanting to have more sex with her or do you actually see yourself dating her long-term.
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Old 08-22-2010, 11:03 PM   #31
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Dont give up right away to save face if you like the chick. I would let her know after a few days that you are still interested in her and would hate yourself for giving up so easily(true or not). She might stick to her guns and not want to build a relationship on lust if so F-her and move on. Chicks are screwed up not just the ones you meet on the internet. Try the grocery store IMO its the best place to meet normal girls.
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Old 08-23-2010, 12:06 AM   #32
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Give it some time, she will most likely be back. Severe case
case of Anti slüt Defense imo. She wanted it and afterwards felt bad about giving it up so quickly. You were doing TOO good of a job. I say when she does eventually contact you just show her that you werent at all put off by the encounter and try to take it slowly from there. Ive been in that situation and
made it work before man she might just not want to lose your respect cause she likes you a lot
WORDDD. This is definitely a case of "buyer's remorse."

What you did by telling her to stop or take it easy was EXACTLY what you're supposed to do to get past a girl's defenses, so remember it, haha (read: LMR/freeze-outs). You did everything perfectly except you failed to build enough comfort/trust/display higher value. People in CRS's line of work say that it takes around 8 hours of time, combined through dates, before a female would feel "comfortable" with the decision to have sex.

I'm not really qualified to tell you how to get her back (CRS would be), but literature on "buyer's remorse" says that dhv'ing (no negs) and focusing on everything BUT sex for your next few dates, will help. Now as for waiting for her to contact you, or you contacting her...I don't really know. The Afghan says to let her contact you first and I feel he may be right however, there's always an exception to the rule and you may able to pull off hitting the ball from your end of the court.

Anyway, I like how everyone is telling you she was off her rocker and wasn't worth in the end. Since religion is a major proponent of this outcome, I'd call this a blessing in disguise. haha, okay I'll stop
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Old 08-23-2010, 12:27 PM   #33
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WORDDD. This is definitely a case of "buyer's remorse."

What you did by telling her to stop or take it easy was EXACTLY what you're supposed to do to get past a girl's defenses, so remember it, haha (read: LMR/freeze-outs). You did everything perfectly except you failed to build enough comfort/trust/display higher value. People in CRS's line of work say that it takes around 8 hours of time, combined through dates, before a female would feel "comfortable" with the decision to have sex.

I'm not really qualified to tell you how to get her back (CRS would be), but literature on "buyer's remorse" says that dhv'ing (no negs) and focusing on everything BUT sex for your next few dates, will help. Now as for waiting for her to contact you, or you contacting her...I don't really know. The Afghan says to let her contact you first and I feel he may be right however, there's always an exception to the rule and you may able to pull off hitting the ball from your end of the court.

Anyway, I like how everyone is telling you she was off her rocker and wasn't worth in the end. Since religion is a major proponent of this outcome, I'd call this a blessing in disguise. haha, okay I'll stop
My line of work... lol, you're giving me way to much credit man, thanks though. Anyway, there're guys out there much more knowledgeable then I am. For the best advice I would recommend posting questions such as OPs in a forum actually relevant to these topics. Examples below...

http://www.theattractionforums.com/
http://www.venusianarts.com/forum/index.php

That said this is definitely what would be called buyer's remorse. Keno's advice is pretty solid take emphasis on NO NEGS! You should contact her IMO but others might say different.

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Give it some time, she will most likely be back. Severe case
case of Anti slüt Defense imo. She wanted it and afterwards felt bad about giving it up so quickly. You were doing TOO good of a job. I say when she does eventually contact you just show her that you werent at all put off by the encounter and try to take it slowly from there. Ive been in that situation and
made it work before man she might just not want to lose your respect cause she likes you a lot
ASD definitely played a roll in what happened. It seems to me like you were not leading the interaction, she was. You should be the one leading especially when only having sex for the first time. Best thing would have been to go with your instincts and to have actually stopped it... not simply try to stop it. Stopping is always a better alternative than not stopping when you have doubts simply because damage control will be much less if any. It seems to me you weren't man enough to stop her and you weren't man enough to take responsibility after the fact. Whatever happens in or to a relationship is on you, not her.

Honestly, there were probably many things you did wrong but without having been there, knowing and seeing exactly what happened... it's just really hard to say. Could be one of many things, not building enough comfort and investment is probably one of them.

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So CR or others. What's my next move? Let it go chalk it up that she is a flake. Or as was said maybe she likes me but is ashamed? If so, what do I do?
Whats next is... I would contact her and let her know that YOU were responsible (this comforts her and is a DHV). You're on damage control so NO negs, you'll ruin any chances you have very quickly by doing so... even if only once so be careful. You need to be comforting her and DHVing like Keno said in his post. Don't wait to take responsibility, do this now. Don't apologize directly, just say you made a mistake and you should have stopped it period. Let her know that you're intensions were not to get laid though it probably seemed that way... that you like her and enjoy hanging out with her... that your appreciate her faith and will respect it better in the future... blah blah blah, etc. Even the friendship zone would be better than nothing, though I don't really think it would be worth that much effort... but hey that's on you. Getting out of the friendship zone is a rather long drawn out process so don't bother unless she's really worth it to you. Honestly, I would just do as stated above and if she doesn't respond in some way positively to it... move on.

I wouldn't do it through texts or emails though. Do it in person if possible or over the phone if you have to. This is just another DHV, it'll be more personal and memorable to her as well.
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Old 08-23-2010, 12:31 PM   #34
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so did u her in the ///M or 135 ?
This. Did u or at all? Or did u ?
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Old 08-23-2010, 01:09 PM   #35
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Old 08-23-2010, 02:00 PM   #36
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am I the only one that thinks this is a good thing and she's not really all there? I know you could have done things differently but I think this "godly" personality would have come out eventually.

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Old 08-23-2010, 02:21 PM   #37
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Hey CR and others, thanks for the comments.

You are right, I should have stopped things. The sex was not even that good because of the cloud of 'oddness' that hung over the situation....especially since we were both sober.

As for actions, I guess we think alike on that matter or at least close. Earlier this morning I composed a short yet telling email and sent to her. I took all the blame for the action and I gave a sincere apology and a reason for it in hopes of reducing her ASD. I also cited several things about her I really like / admire and that I am still interested in her. In the end I said it would be nice to hear from her and I closed with suggesting a fun date that I know she would enjoy for this coming Friday. (making it time sensitive and not open ended yet enticing with a nice carrot)

However in this situation it is difficult to use DHV as a magnet. If I stay distant or illusive, then I look like an ass. Feel like my only move is to display some sensitivity which is what I tried to do in that email.

But that is all I can do. If I don't hear back, just gonna move on. Gut instinct tells me I won't hear back from her.
By taking blame you already did DHV. As mentioned before doing so in person or over the phone would've been better but none the less... you did the right thing though a bit too late, if this ever happens again be quicker about it. Preferably before she even starts telling you her regrets and what not. Oh and again, don't do direct apologies. Anyway here's an example...

Right after you guys had sex, you said she went "cold". Right then you should've said something along the lines of, "Wow, I should've stopped this... feels like it was a bit too soon for ME." "Listen how about we go out Friday and I'll take you on a "fun date" of a sort so we can get to know each other better first... I already have something in mind I think'll be a lot of fun." "Can't wait to see the reaction on your face when you see/find out what it is " Now grab her hand pull her up and say, "Listen get dressed, lets go let's go have/let's go do... it'll be... we can..." Proceed to get her mind off of what just happened. All this should've been said and done before she even got a word out.

You should've asserted your frame over hers is basically what I'm trying to say. Read up on frame control for more info. Either way it should've been a good learning experience to you. In the end just have fun, enjoy life, whatever happens... happens.
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Old 08-24-2010, 06:43 AM   #38
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time to move on

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The sex was not even that good
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am I the only one that thinks this is a good thing and she's not really all there?
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Old 08-24-2010, 07:21 AM   #39
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time to move on


What the hell, you guys are talking about this like it's a science project with your fancy acronymns and whatnot. She freaked out and is obviously not quite as stable as she seemed at first. Bounce!
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Old 08-24-2010, 11:55 AM   #40
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What the hell, you guys are talking about this like it's a science project with your fancy acronymns and whatnot. She freaked out and is obviously not quite as stable as she seemed at first. Bounce!
Actually a bounce refers to the principle of moving a woman or set from one venue to another... just saying
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