Help me figure something out...

So I dated this one girl for a several months and then I just slowly started losing interest and stopped talking to her in the past month or so. This has happened to me in the past few years with several other girls as well. Normally I'll lose interest in a girl because she wasn't stimulating me much beyond the physical aspect (lack of mental and psychological stimulation) like because they weren't ambitious or we weren't on the same level as I am. However, the last girl had a lot to offer besides the fakies... She had a graduate degree, ambitious, a had good career, was sweet, independent, and a great relationship with her family so that's what is causing me to wonder why I lost interest in her. I've had serious relationships in the past, including being engaged with a girl I was with for 3 years (we moved in together and realized that we couldn't live together). Ever since mutually ending that engagement, I have tended to lose interest in the girls that I date faster and faster (especially after having intercourse). I'm wondering if it's because that "challenge" of "hitting it" is gone that causes me to lose interest. I'm just not sure if it's me or the girls that I date or a combination of both.

try dating guys?

Originally Posted by 13//

try dating guys?

That's not a viable option as I'm not into sausage. I heart the vagina with a set of nice fakies.

probably just haven't found the right girl yet. I was the same way. I was annoyed by every single girl I've ever been involved with before my current gf.

What are the reasons you lose interest?

Originally Posted by USCTrojanMan29

So I dated this one girl for a several months and then I just slowly started losing interest and stopped talking to her in the past month or so. This has happened to me in the past few years with several other girls as well. Normally I'll lose interest in a girl because she wasn't stimulating me much beyond the physical aspect (lack of mental and psychological stimulation) like because they weren't ambitious or we weren't on the same level as I am. However, the last girl had a lot to offer besides the fakies... She had a graduate degree, ambitious, a had good career, was sweet, independent, and a great relationship with her family so that's what is causing me to wonder why I lost interest in her. I've had serious relationships in the past, including being engaged with a girl I was with for 3 years (we moved in together and realized that we couldn't live together). Ever since mutually ending that engagement, I have tended to lose interest in the girls that I date faster and faster (especially after having intercourse). I'm wondering if it's because that "challenge" of "hitting it" is gone that causes me to lose interest. I'm just not sure if it's me or the girls that I date or a combination of both.

Cause you're not ready. Simple as that, no point forcing the issue.

Dude I had a hour long talk with my best friend in New Orleans this weekend walking around Burbon talking about this EXACT thing.

The girl I was dating was crazy beautiful, she was fun, smart, hot, great in bed, and utterly insane. But as a smart guy who won't admit to himself "I like the drama" because thats retarded, I have come to the conclusion of I LIKE A CHALLENGE.

One of my BEST chick friends is beautifull, doing a post-baccalaureate Bio Medical Science Degree at my school (pre-med), shes smart, fun, easy going, cool as hell, ALL my friends like her..but I have 0 attraction to her...like hanging out with here is awesome but its like hanging out with one of my guys...but why?

He told me "Dude, how many awesome/cool/self sufficent/hot chicks do you have in your life? A lot right? so why aren't you dating THEM and instead only dating the crazies? Is it the fights and adrenanline rush that makes you feel alive and keeps you there? Are you in it for the Challenge?"

As soon as I heard that it all clicked in my head...I'm a really mental kid and I CRAVE a good witty battle, something I can conquor...I just like the challenge about her...she is young and insane and maybe in a few years she will be really cool and I'll have 0 interest in her then..

Being 23 I just like a challenge..but unfortunately with work and night school I don't really have time to date LOL

Originally Posted by Green_Shine

Cause you're not ready. Simple as that, no point forcing the issue.

That's probably what it is. I'd say maybe he is always wonder "what else is out there"

hmm... settling in to the relationship? How many months is "several"? I know I went through a period where I really wasn't feeling as interested in my now-wife as I had when we started. It's natural. You're not going to maintain the immediate passion of a relationship forever (imagine if you could, I thought about it and realized I'd probably be the most unproductive person in the world).

Now's the time to figure out if she really does have everything you want, or if it was just the physical. Find other things to do together, start a new hobby together, or spend more time apart. Have you talked to her about this? I know it seems like mentioning that would be the start of a fight, but she should know how you're feeling about it too. Maybe she's wondering the same thing.

Originally Posted by SLVR JDM

What are the reasons you lose interest?

That's what I'm trying to figure out. I slowly start losing interest (it always seems to happen after having intercourse several times). Maybe a part of me deep down inside over analyzes things and comes to the realization that things won't work out in the long term so I begin to put space between myself and the girl until they get the hint. With some of the girls that I've dated (dancers, hairstylists, waitresses, etc) once the physical aspect has worn off I begin to realize that I'm not on the same level with them. As for girls who are educated and career oriented as well as on my level, I just don't know why I drift away (that was the purpose of this thread). It's not like I look for a deal breaker, I just seem to get bored and want to move on. A part of me thinks that I'm stuck in a repeat pattern and want to know why.

Originally Posted by Green_Shine

Cause you're not ready. Simple as that, no point forcing the issue.

Oh believe me, I never force the issue. I'm one of those guys that "let's the chips fall where they may" but I will proceed and initiate things if I get the green light (aggressive on the DL is a good way to describe it).

Originally Posted by yousharenow

Dude I had a hour long talk with my best friend in New Orleans this weekend walking around Burbon talking about this EXACT thing.

The girl I was dating was crazy beautiful, she was fun, smart, hot, great in bed, and utterly insane. But as a smart guy who won't admit to himself "I like the drama" because thats retarded, I have come to the conclusion of I LIKE A CHALLENGE.

One of my BEST chick friends is beautifull, doing a post-baccalaureate Bio Medical Science Degree at my school (pre-med), shes smart, fun, easy going, cool as hell, ALL my friends like her..but I have 0 attraction to her...like hanging out with here is awesome but its like hanging out with one of my guys...but why?

He told me "Dude, how many awesome/cool/self sufficent/hot chicks do you have in your life? A lot right? so why aren't you dating THEM and instead only dating the crazies? Is it the fights and adrenanline rush that makes you feel alive and keeps you there? Are you in it for the Challenge?"

As soon as I heard that it all clicked in my head...I'm a really mental kid and I CRAVE a good witty battle, something I can conquor...I just like the challenge about her...she is young and insane and maybe in a few years she will be really cool and I'll have 0 interest in her then..

Being 23 I just like a challenge..but unfortunately with work and night school I don't really have time to date LOL

The more that I think about it, the more that I think it might be the challenge that drives a part of the attraction and once I realize that the challenge is gone then things get boring for me. Just like you, I love a clever, witty girl that can keep me on my toes mentally. I definitely can't be with those passive types (the ones that say..."whatever you want" or "whatever you think"). I like a girl with some spunk and fiestiness to keep things interesting. I'm about 10 years older than you and I get some much flack from my friends (most of whom are married and/or have kids) and a mom who wants grand kids before she gets too old.

Originally Posted by DylloS

That's probably what it is. I'd say maybe he is always wonder "what else is out there"

I can't lie, I do like a variety of female and their breasts.

Originally Posted by NOVAbimmer

hmm... settling in to the relationship? How many months is "several"? I know I went through a period where I really wasn't feeling as interested in my now-wife as I had when we started. It's natural. You're not going to maintain the immediate passion of a relationship forever (imagine if you could, I thought about it and realized I'd probably be the most unproductive person in the world).

Now's the time to figure out if she really does have everything you want, or if it was just the physical. Find other things to do together, start a new hobby together, or spend more time apart. Have you talked to her about this? I know it seems like mentioning that would be the start of a fight, but she should know how you're feeling about it too. Maybe she's wondering the same thing.

This is some great advice. I've had a bad habit of not wanting to confront relationship issues head on in the past. Maybe the path of least resistance (which of course isn't the best path to take) for me is causing me to begin to distance myself at the first sign of issues. I know that relationships are work and maybe I need to roll up my sleeves and do some work on my end.

Several months = 2-4 months.

I think it's time you saw Dr Phil.

But on a serious side, you should also keep in mind that even if you find a girl that you have good constructive arguments (as opposed to destructive destroying arguments) with and get married, after a couple of years of this, it can turn into a deadly combination. So arguing is good on one hand to clear the air, but relationships shouldn't be based on how stimulating the challenging the arguments are. But also along the lines of what Green Shine said, you may just not be ready to settle down yet or really found the right one for you. Listen, my family though I was gay because I never brought any girls home for them to meet or talked about them, but that was only because I could always tell when I met a girl whether or not it was going to last or not, and the simple fact was that I wasn't going to bring home a girl I knew I was never going to get serious with. But then I found the one and bang I brought her home and within a year we were engaged and then married the following year. So at the end of the day, when your ready, your ready, and you'll know if she's the right one or not.

Originally Posted by shannon1

I think it's time you saw Dr Phil.

But on a serious side, you should also keep in mind that even if you find a girl that you have good constructive arguments (as opposed to destructive destroying arguments) with and get married, after a couple of years of this, it can turn into a deadly combination. So arguing is good on one hand to clear the air, but relationships shouldn't be based on how stimulating the challenging the arguments are. But also along the lines of what Green Shine said, you may just not be ready to settle down yet or really found the right one for you. Listen, my family though I was gay because I never brought any girls home for them to meet or talked about them, but that was only because I could always tell when I met a girl whether or not it was going to last or not, and the simple fact was that I wasn't going to bring home a girl I knew I was never going to get serious with. But then I found the one and bang I brought her home and within a year we were engaged and then married the following year. So at the end of the day, when your ready, your ready, and you'll know if she's the right one or not.

I brought home my gf of 2 years and thats the ONLY girl I ever brought home...Sister throws gay jokes at me all the time