Thought of the Day

The first grenade that flashes me tomorrow at Mardi Gras is going to get beads aggressively thrown at her.....I want her to know not to show those to anyone else for the rest of the day.

I have farted a minimum of 52 times this morning at work.

I'm hoping one of them wasn't a dingleberry.

Do Farts have lumps?

Originally Posted by evolved

The first grenade that flashes me tomorrow at Mardi Gras is going to get beads aggressively thrown at her.....I want her to know not to show those to anyone else for the rest of the day.

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! awesome...

i also like how about 30 percent of this thread is us wondering how our poop will be or just thinking man i have to poop

When I was peeing earlier nothing went into the bowl, But the floor in the bathroom all of a sudden flooded. Wonder why that happened.

Originally Posted by iwannagofast

i also like how about 30 percent of this thread is us wondering how our poop will be or just thinking man i have to poop

I'm currently contemplating whether I need to take poo numero dos prior to going to the gym......it could be a false alarm, though

I hate taking the time to walk to the bathroom, lock my door, drop my pants, sit down, reach over and get a magazine or turn on the tv, and just... fart.


So gay.

Why am I obsessed with making it big at my job and trying to secure a "boss" like paycheck when I ultimately know I would be plenty happy where I am currently at if I just took the time to step back and appreciate it all.

i thought i struck gold when i found some KGC in the fridge (that's kentucky GRILLED chicken for those not in the know)
but now i'm regretting it because...

i need to poop again

ummmm................................................nope nothin at the moment..................................................I'll stop back by...................

I hate when I do a lot for a guy and take him out to dinner and at the end he doesn't even put out.


I hate it even more that he's in this thread.

Originally Posted by southpaw

I hate when I do a lot for a guy and take him out to dinner and at the end he doesn't even put out.


I hate it even more that he's in this thread.

So you tell me that you have plans, and that you have to go somewhere, and that's supposed to turn me on?

Wiping at work is like giving a chainsaw a lapdance.

My food hangover is worse than my drinking hangover and Sriracha gives me the fire shîts. It is nice to poop with such an intensity though that there isn't a need to wipe more than once, rocket shîts FTW. Thats right, I have fire rocket shîts.

I want Gheybe right now.

the beer poop- it arrives after a long night of drinking beer. its always messy, it always stinks and it always sputters when it comes out.

the big bobber poop- a poop that sinks to the bottom of the toilet only to then float back up to the top. it may or may not actually look like a real bobber.

the birthing poop- the poop so big and hard it feels as if you are giving birth to a soda can

bungee poop- the kind of poop that just hangs off your azz before it falls into the water

captain's hook poop- a poop that comes out in with a strange hook shape to it so that it curls to the left or right until it touches your butt cheek

the cement block poop- the kind of poop that when it hits the water it sounds like a giant brick was thrown into a deep lake. you can almost feel the bowl rumble

the clinger poop- the poop that clings to your butt and wont let go. it usually requires you to grab both but cheeks and giggle them in order to get it off. this is the one where you use the reflection of the water like a mirror to make sure it has in fact fell off

the cork poop- even after the second or third flush, its still floating in the toilet. how do i get rid of it? WTF! this usually happens at someone else's house.

the crippler poop- the poop that takes so long your legs begin to go numb from the lack of blood flow to the legs.

the dirty bowl poop- the kind of poop that flies out a million pieces a second, reminiscent of a avalanche- but with rocket like propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl

the frightened turtle poop- the kind of poop that just pokes its head out and then quickly retreats. this sometimes turns into a teflon poop.

the ghost poop- you know you have pooped. but there are no marks on the toilet paper and also no visible poop in the bowl... hmmmmm

the gooey poop- the consistency of hot tar. after you wipe your ass 30+ times the poop is still there. you end up putting toilet paper in your boxers to assure you do not stain them.

the incredible hulk poop- there are two main kinds. the large green poops we sometimes mysteriously take. or the poop that sits in the bowl over night and incredibly expands to twice its original size.

jack the ripper poop- the kind of poop that yanks the hairs surrounding your anus out and usually results in minor pain.

king kong poop- a poop so big that you know it wont go down the toilet unless you break it int smaller chunks. a coat hanger works really well. this too also usually happens at someone else's house

mexican food poop- the kind of poop that makes your butt hole feel as if it is on fire.

the never ending poop- the poop that flows like urine, and just when you start to wipe, your stomach rumbles and it begins to flow once again.

the OH SHYT poop- the kind of poop where you wipe so much that you run out of toilet paper and end up thinking OH SHYT.

the OH my god poop- you poop so much you feel as if you have lost weight poop. what a great feeling

the one-wiper poop- the poop that comes out so clean you only need to wipe once. sometimes a second wipe may be used but this is only because you do not believe that this is true.

the party poop- the giant poop that you have to take at a party. when you flush you begin to get scared as the water begins to rise to the rim of the bowl.

the peak-a-boo poop- the poop so eager to be free that you get a giant turtle head patiently waiting till you sit down on the toilet.

the periscope poop- a poop so long that it starts at the bottom of the bowl and sticks out the water resembling a periscope.

the fake poop. this is no poop at all. its the poop that you fake you need to take in order to wipe the swampness out of your azz crack.

the pop vein in forehead poop- this is the poop that killed Elvis. it does not begin to come out util you are sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. the end result is usually a very dense pebble and is not worth the effort put in.

the right now poop- one way or another, you are going to poop. this usually makes you waddle your way to the bathroom to make it on time

the ring of fire poop- similar to the mexican poop, this happens after you eat spicy food and your butt hole feels as if it is the inside of your car cigarette lighter

the second thought poop- the poop that when you think you are done and finished wiping. you begin to stand up only to realize there is more in you and it must come out.

the snake poop- the squishy poop that is usually very small in diameter but at least 3 feet long.

the teflon poop- comes out soooo slick, clean and easy that you hardly feel it. no traces of poop on the toilet paper. you have to look in the bowl just to make sure you have in fact pooped.

the dry heave poop- the poop you have nightmares about. it comes out like urine and very quickly. your anus has no idea that the poop has run out so it proceeds to dry heave above the water for an extended period of time.

the wet cheeks poop- the poop that hits the water sideways only to splash the urine/water mixture in the bowl up onto both azz cheeks.

the windy city poop- when you sit down to poop and fart so long and hard that you no longer need to poop

the wish poop- while sitting on the toilet all cramped up and in pain. you wish that you could just poop. this usually is accompanied by short sparatic farts.

Originally Posted by SDKmann

My food hangover is worse than my drinking hangover and Sriracha gives me the fire shîts. It is nice to poop with such an intensity though that there isn't a need to wipe more than once, rocket shîts FTW. Thats right, I have fire rocket shîts.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I went to a casino last night for te buffet. We ate for almost 4 hours till 12:30 ish.

What I felt this morning wasn't normal. Worst feeling ever. As if the food was still partially in my throat. The shiit, was fabulous.

I pooped at work, and what came out were, as I like to refer to them, ready to grill sausages. Perfect shape balls of poop.

The wiping wasn't as precise as it usually is because of the brick like surface of the toilet paper and the fact that the last sausage bursted into ground beef on exit.

Why is she still talking? What is she still doing here? Since when do they put TV's and couches in kitchens?

Need to eat. .. and poop