Lol, let me know if that ever works Brady, I might start trying it on the local forums.
I did end up tearing into the e46 lsd I purchased this past summer. Sadly the seller failed to mention his real reason for removing it from the car, and upon closer inspection the inner spider gears are marked and pitted. I would guess he grenaded it, opened it up to clean it and then put it back together. Oh well, life goes on. I haven't lost hope that someone will come in here one day and have the perfect solution.