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|11-11-2011, 01:56 AM||#1|
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Sydney, Australia ( Best Country In The World !)
My Ride: 2002 e46 M3 SMG Coup
Making a Baby??
Sitting in the Airport lounge in Bangkok reading through some emails i missed and I saw the below joke which I thought was worthy of a posting here. Made me LOL. Have a good weekend all.
Subject: Making a baby
I don't usually forward jokes but this one is quite funny!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should
be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am',
he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know
babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,
and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and
out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs... Smith quietly.* *
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with.'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.* *
'Yes, I'm afraid so.. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement..
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we
can get to work right away.'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big to be held in the hand very long.' **
Mrs.** **Smith** **fainted*********
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|11-11-2011, 04:46 PM||#7|
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Outer Eastern Melbourne, Australia
My Ride: 2000 325Ci Auto :(
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.
They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland .
Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal.
Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.
Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).
These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love,
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.
|11-13-2011, 05:05 PM||#10|
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Preston, VIC
My Ride: '00 318i
both are funny...good stuff guys!
- 19" CSL Wheels / Lowered
- Clear Rear and Side Indicators w/ Invisible Bulbs
- Clear Front Indicators w/ black inserts
- LED License Plate Bulbs
- MTech 100w Cosmos Blue Headlights w/ black inserts
- White CCFL Angel Eyes
- Real Carbon Fibre (coloured) Badges
- Alpine Sound System:
* 800w Type S Sub w/ 800w Monoblock Amp
* 6.5" Type S Speakers all round w/ OEM tweeters
* Head Unit w/ Direct iPod Connectivity
|11-13-2011, 10:27 PM||#11|
Join Date: Aug 2009
My Ride: MY13 Maloo
600hp Blown Maloo
|11-14-2011, 08:18 PM||#13|
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Riverside: Melbourne
My Ride: 325Ci ClubSport
well that was an anti climax
|11-14-2011, 11:39 PM||#15|
Join Date: May 2011
Hope this helps
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