I think I am a MMTL!

Don't listen to them. Best advice you can take is sit on the couch and let me have her for about six hours. I'll repair any damages to your bed, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and/or garage (if you have one).

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

Don't listen to them. Best advice you can take is sit on the couch and let me have her for about six hours. I'll repair any damages to your bed, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and/or garage (if you have one).

Your not funny, it's the 4th time now?

Being a Latino myself all I can say is get out. Once a slvt, always a slvt.

Why exactly is her wanting threesomes and other women a bad thing, presumably you'd be allowed to experiment and have fun as well? To me it sounds like a case of, 'fear of the unknown', that and fear of the social stigmas that would come attached to your particular situation. As for her daughter, it really doesn't matter. Sex is not a bad thing, IMO the perception and sanctity of sex and sexuality in america is actually quiet pathetic. I'm not stating we should all be sluts and just have sex with anyone whenever wherever, but if consenting adults would like to experiment and have fun, swing and/or whatever, I really don't see what the problem is nor how it would somehow negatively influence the daughter.

As long as everyone is honest with each other, as long as there are some ground rules, as long as the love is still there, as long as you're confident in yourself, in her and vice versa, as long as the daughter is still loved and cared for...what's problem? The only problem I see is your perception, not even your own but societies. Let's look at a more common example; society used to and I guess largely still looks down upon gay couples and marriages, why because it's 'unconventional', it's not 'normal', etc. Likewise, it's often looked down upon when gay couples raise an adopted child and/or children. But is there actually anything wrong with it, is it hurting anyone...really what it comes down to is ignorance, plain and simple.

Originally Posted by adrianrbls

Your not funny, it's the 4th time now?

Being a Latino myself all I can say is get out. Once a slvt, always a slvt.

My not funny what?

Originally Posted by CRSmoak

Why exactly is her wanting threesomes and other women a bad thing, presumably you'd be allowed to experiment and have fun as well? To me it sounds like a case of, 'fear of the unknown', that and fear of the social stigmas that would come attached to your particular situation. As for her daughter, it really doesn't matter. Sex is not a bad thing, IMO the perception and sanctity of sex and sexuality in america is actually quiet pathetic. I'm not stating we should all be sluts and just have sex with anyone whenever wherever, but if consenting adults would like to experiment and have fun, swing and/or whatever, I really don't see what the problem is nor how it would somehow negatively influence the daughter.

As long as everyone is honest with each other, as long as there are some ground rules, as long as the love is still there, as long as you're confident in yourself, in her and vice versa, as long as the daughter is still loved and cared for...what's problem? The only problem I see is your perception, not even your own but societies. Let's look at a more common example; society used to and I guess largely still looks down upon gay couples and marriages, why because it's 'unconventional', it's not 'normal', etc. Likewise, it's often looked down upon when gay couples raise an adopted child and/or children. But is there actually anything wrong with it, is it hurting anyone...really what it comes down to is ignorance, plain and simple.

It's not the sex that would bother me regarding daughter it is the possibility our marriage might fall apart because of infidelity.

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

My not funny what?

You're not funny either

Originally Posted by BigDRick323

It's not the sex that would bother me regarding daughter it is the possibility our marriage might fall apart because of infidelity.

So basically you don't trust her; if this is the case then you need to sit down and have an honest conversation with her about it. I'm by no means stating that you should just jump into it, rather experiment at a pace you're both comfortable with, again honesty is going to be very important. It's a partnership and you two are going to have to work together on this, if you can't then honestly...why did you two even bother to get married? It's true that one of you may fall for someone else; what that comes down to is simply a play of value and investment, he whom has the highest value, he whom she has more invested in is the one who'll get the girl. I won't lie, these type of relationships often don't work out, and it's usually the result of someone becoming insecure, subsequently losing perceived value, that or the exact opposite, becoming to comfortable; but really the same could be said for a conventional relationships as well. Bottom line is that most relationships fail, and if it is going to fail it'll likely happen regardless. My advice would be to take to it slowly and stay open minded, really talk about it, set some ground rules and get comfortable with the idea first. Try getting more involved with the idea, try getting some different perspectives, meet up and talk with other couples in similar arrangements, etc.

Originally Posted by BigDRick323

Read my post closer, she only started stripping 6 months AFTER we got married, she had never stripped before, but she had been to stripclubs before we got married.

Honestly, it makes no difference man. Her behavior isn't that of someone who really wants to be a mother.

"Mommy was a stripper."



The problem with this is the wife has most likely known from a much earlier time that she wanted to go down this road. There wasn't honestly to begin with.

Societies views on sex are very archaic but try explaining that to a 7 year old child. All the child will know is that her friends tell her mommy dances on a pole sometimes and takes off her clothes.

Add to it that it's already been said she is set for life why would she strip? She could do that in her own bedroom for BigD easily enough. Huge red flags for me when there is talk of sharing financial assets with a woman that behaves like that.

I'm ALL for having fun with a situation like this but spending the rest of your life/money dealing with the new challenges a relationship like this brings isn't worth it TOO ME. Different strokes though!

Get your ***** off the pole first.. She is making you look like a fool.

Then focus on whether you want another woman in the mix.. Might not be a bad thing and pluses and minuses have been mentioned.

Make her quit the pole like today.

Originally Posted by SLVR JDM

This just keeps getting more entertaining. I can't believe there are people that are this naive.

AGREED. at this time the e46 group is making the suggestions here for a life circumstance. OP you must sometimes let go of those you love most. Reading into your posts, you certainly have feelings clearly and expected, but you do not seem to approve and are ambivalent.

I am an optimist but this clearly cannot work long term and is no envt for a child. Buying a house is fine if you wish to be broke and homeless. You already permitted the wife to stay in the US. Have some pride. You sound confused & you are relying on the forum as a main support tool.
You need both legal and personal / couples counsel. Not we bavarian motoheads.

Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532

Honestly, it makes no difference man. Her behavior isn't that of someone who really wants to be a mother.

According to whom, if she still loves and cares for her child then what's the issue...

Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532

"Mommy was a stripper."



The problem with this is the wife has most likely known from a much earlier time that she wanted to go down this road. There wasn't honestly to begin with.

Didn't read the whole thread so maybe I'm mistaken but I would think the signs were there, OP in all likelihood knew what was up and was just a dumbass in rationalizing it otherwise. Though if as you suggest it just came out of no where then yeah, definitely got a point there.

Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532

Societies views on sex are very archaic but try explaining that to a 7 year old child. All the child will know is that her friends tell her mommy dances on a pole sometimes and takes off her clothes.

She would likely grow up being a better person for it as well. Being open minded and none-judgemental are great qualities to have, qualities still sorely lacking in todays society. Once upon a time you'd of been made fun of for not being racist as well; if anything I'd call it progress.

Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532

Add to it that it's already been said she is set for life why would she strip? She could do that in her own bedroom for BigD easily enough. Huge red flags for me when there is talk of sharing financial assets with a woman that behaves like that.

Some people are just into some kinky ****, maybe it means something, maybe it doesn't. Maybe the validation is simply a good source of confidence for her. Who knows, the point however is why judge it? Everyone seeks validation in their own ways, everyone has qualities that make them unique, stripping is obviously an extreme but at the same time I honestly don't see anything inherently wrong with it. There are many extremes out there that are worse IMO but aren't perceived negatively at all, hell some are even admired. Again it comes down perspective and the perception that sex and nudity is bad, that it should somehow censored and/or etc. As for sharing financial assets, yeah you should be smart about that regardless, again most relationships fail either way.

Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532

I'm ALL for having fun with a situation like this but spending the rest of your life/money dealing with the new challenges a relationship like this brings isn't worth it TOO ME. Different strokes though!

IMO I would't spend the rest of my life with just one women period but you're right, it really comes down to whatever floats your boat. People should not be judged and valued based on their sexual preferences. If you don't share the commonality then simply acknowledge the differences and leave it at that, my opinion anyway.

btw- if your name is on the kids birth cert, you can be held liable as her "father" and pay alimony/ child support....

Everything you said would be just dandy if the guy was interested, but the dude has clearly said he is not into it and that is what is wrong with her doing it.

Honestly I would feel the same way. When I was 20 this was cool, but I found out it isn't my deal and if my wife were to not only suggest it but go ahead and make a date I would be running for the hills.

Originally Posted by CRSmoak

So basically you don't trust her; if this is the case then you need to sit down and have an honest conversation with her about it. I'm by no means stating that you should just jump into it, rather experiment at a pace you're both comfortable with, again honesty is going to be very important. It's a partnership and you two are going to have to work together on this, if you can't then honestly...why did you two even bother to get married? It's true that one of you may fall for someone else; what that comes down to is simply a play of value and investment, he whom has the highest value, he whom she has more invested in is the one who'll get the girl. I won't lie, these type of relationships often don't work out, and it's usually the result of someone becoming insecure, subsequently losing perceived value, that or the exact opposite, becoming to comfortable; but really the same could be said for a conventional relationships as well. Bottom line is that most relationships fail, and if it is going to fail it'll likely happen regardless. My advice would be to take to it slowly and stay open minded, really talk about it, set some ground rules and get comfortable with the idea first. Try getting more involved with the idea, try getting some different perspectives, meet up and talk with other couples in similar arrangements, etc.

No one is judging anyone except you when you bashed closed minded people. Freedom works both ways- if closed minded people want to be that way, then let them be that way. If someone want to have an open marriage, let it be. Who gives a rip. I have not read a single post were someone was judging anyone for how they fvck.

The point is this dude does not want that and she has no right to force it on him after he agreed to marry her. Let her do what she wants and leave.

Originally Posted by CRSmoak

People should not be judged and valued based on their sexual preferences. If you don't share the commonality then simply acknowledge the differences and leave it at that, my opinion anyway.

Originally Posted by breiwa1

Everything you said would be just dandy if the guy was interested, but the dude has clearly said he is not into it and that is what is wrong with her doing it.

Honestly I would feel the same way. When I was 20 this was cool, but I found out it isn't my deal and if my wife were to not only suggest it but go ahead and make a date I would be running for the hills.

Originally Posted by breiwa1

No one is judging anyone except you when you bashed closed minded people. Freedom works both ways- if closed minded people want to be that way, then let them be that way. If someone want to have an open marriage, let it be. Who gives a rip. I have not read a single post were someone was judging anyone for how they fvck.

Bashing? LOLs, I'm not bashing anyone just making observations and giving some opinions. And everyone judges, to state otherwise would demonstrate ignorance and as such, I never stated to the contrary; the distinction is that I don't judge based on a persons sexuality, I find it irrelevant. And yes some posts here are doing exactly that, judging others based on sexuality, maybe not consciously and maybe it only shows and comes through subtly but if you look back and reread some posts carefully, it's really not that hard to see it.

Originally Posted by breiwa1

The point is this dude does not want that and she has no right to force it on him after he agreed to marry her. Let her do what she wants and leave.

OP also stated that he loves her and doesn't want to just up and leave, my posts simply give an apposing view point, a different perspective to what's already been posted. And again, the signs where likely there, I seriously doubt all this just came out of no where; if it did then obviously I'd be inclined to agree. But then that still wound't change the fact that he doesn't just want to up and leave. That said I have no stakes in this and as you yourself stated, who gives a rip, why do I post then...simple, because I'm bored and feel like it.

Serious question for all of you giving advice: have any of you ever been in a relationship with an openly bisexual woman?

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

Well, shit. I was typing up an epic novel of a PM, re-read it, thought it would be offensive, and canned it.

If you want, I'll have that MFF threesome with your woman. See my original PM.

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

I'm telling you, dude... I'll take the hit for you and let her get it out of her system AND you don't deal with the stress of it anymore. It's win-win!

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

Want me to send her my resume? Married women are my specialty.

In all seriousness, I hope you three have fun in a hotel room somewhere, drunk off mediocre wine.

Sent from the Bamavarian Nexus.

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

Bring back another man. Not to share, but for yourself. See how she feels.

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

Dude. Again. I'll bang your wife, everyone leaves happy. Except you. You might not enjoy it so much.

Originally Posted by SPDSKTR

Don't listen to them. Best advice you can take is sit on the couch and let me have her for about six hours. I'll repair any damages to your bed, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and/or garage (if you have one).

One time is a joke. Six times is begging. FYI you're coming off as pathetic.

Originally Posted by dwass325

Serious question for all of you giving advice: have any of you ever been in a relationship with an openly bisexual woman?

I hooked up with a "lesbian" for a while... she left me for a chick.

Originally Posted by dwass325

One time is a joke. Six times is begging. FYI you're coming off as pathetic.

Had a serious relationship for 3 years with a girl that had a bisexual past. The relationship was secure enough that we did invite another girl into our bedroom a few times. Thankfully it never caused any issues. Ultimately the relationship ended for other reasons.

However, never once was her or my opinion and views disregarded. Everything that happened was always mutual and agreed to.

My name is not on the child's birth certificate. My wife was previously married to someone in Ecuador and they were divorced 5 years ago. I met her 3 years ago and once we were in a committed relationship, even while she was living in Ecuador I was faithful, but that's just me. I have only been in one other long-term relationship (not committed).

We have been to couples counseling and she admitted things to me and the counselor I had never heard before. She is adopted and has been "taken care of" her entire life, breakfast in bed, unlimited cash, maids, nannies...etc etc. This is really her first attempt at a real marriage and being a real mother and wife in a new country, speaking a different language. I have tried to be as accommodating as possible. I don't think she likes me working because her last marriage her husband did not work and she was used to having him around, so it's just different. I feel dor her in terms of trying to adjust to a new life.

I couldn't imagine the frustration of moving to Ecuador and all of a sudden being a husband and father and taking a job where no one speaks my first language and being away from my family...it would be tough. I might act out in certain ways.