E46 BMW Social Directory E46 FAQ 3-Series Discussion Forums BMW Photo Gallery BMW 3-Series Technical Information E46 Fanatics - The Ultimate BMW Resource BMW Vendors General E46 Forum The Tire Rack's Tire Wheel Forum Forced Induction Forum The Off-Topic The E46 BMW Showroom For Sale, For Trade or Wanting to Buy

Welcome to the E46Fanatics forums. E46Fanatics is the premiere website for BMW 3 series owners around the world with interactive forums, a geographical enthusiast directory, photo galleries, and technical information for BMW enthusiasts.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   E46Fanatics > Everything Else > The Off-Topic > Love Line

Love Line

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 10-04-2012, 09:54 AM   #61
VaderDave
Invictus
 
VaderDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: El Dorado Hills, CA
Posts: 11,896
My Ride: 330CiC ZHP
Quote:
Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post


Not really different values, we share almost everything, its just dietary stuff mainly.



I feel there is compatibility on all levels that I have been searching for. No, I did not try to fit her in there, she just naturally checked all of my requirements.

Being with her is effortless and natural, no fights or anything. I love the way she looks, we have an awesome time together, the other stuff is minor to me. Nobody is perfect, but she is perfect for me.
I'm thinking (based just on what you've said, so with very limited perspective) that the religion thing is more important to her than it is to you--not so much in the present, but in the future when you have kids. It sounds like she can overlook your differing religions within your relationship, but has a line drawn in the sand when it comes to eventually having kids someday. You had mentioned a willingness to expose the kids to both faiths, but it sounds like she has reservations about this plan.
VaderDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 09:57 AM   #62
redtoesblue
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: South OC
Posts: 15
My Ride: Lex
Quote:
Originally Posted by VaderDave View Post
I'm thinking (based just on what you've said, so with very limited perspective) that the religion thing is more important to her than it is to you--not so much in the present, but in the future when you have kids. It sounds like she can overlook your differing religions within your relationship, but has a line drawn in the sand when it comes to eventually having kids someday. You had mentioned a willingness to expose the kids to both faiths, but it sounds like she has reservations about this plan.
You may be right, however, I would assume a logical discussion would help to come to a decision, not immediately making a concrete unilateral decision and trying to break away. This behavior is what is concerning, since it was all of a sudden and left very little room for discussion.
__________________
I have the best sig ever.
redtoesblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:10 AM   #63
generic
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: virginia beach
Posts: 74
My Ride: 2002 BMW 330ci
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bimmer4Lyfe View Post
um... pretty much the whole thing.... but If I had to pick one...

+1

Sent from my DROID3 using Bimmer App
generic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:16 AM   #64
VaderDave
Invictus
 
VaderDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: El Dorado Hills, CA
Posts: 11,896
My Ride: 330CiC ZHP
Quote:
Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post
You may be right, however, I would assume a logical discussion would help to come to a decision, not immediately making a concrete unilateral decision and trying to break away. This behavior is what is concerning, since it was all of a sudden and left very little room for discussion.
What would a logical discussion lead to? Are you willing to forego your religion for her? It doesn't look like she's willing to do that. If that's the case, then it could be that she already did the logical analysis in her head and decided that it was best to break it off before you wound up in a situation where everyone (including kids) gets hurt.

But it could be that I'm projecting my own biases here, because I would never even consider having a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my religious and moral beliefs.
VaderDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:17 AM   #65
redtoesblue
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: South OC
Posts: 15
My Ride: Lex
Quote:
Originally Posted by generic View Post
+1

Sent from my DROID3 using Bimmer App
I remember seeing this movie way back in the day, I think the scene that you're referring to is when he is overly sensitive or something. I get it guys, I really do. I am working on getting stronger in this regard. It's very hard when you are looking at something so beautiful and perfect in your mind that you want so badly but can't have.
__________________
I have the best sig ever.
redtoesblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:19 AM   #66
redtoesblue
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: South OC
Posts: 15
My Ride: Lex
Quote:
Originally Posted by VaderDave View Post
What would a logical discussion lead to? Are you willing to forego your religion for her? It doesn't look like she's willing to do that. If that's the case, then it could be that she already did the logical analysis in her head and decided that it was best to break it off before you wound up in a situation where everyone (including kids) gets hurt.

But it could be that I'm projecting my own biases here, because I would never even consider having a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my religious and moral beliefs.
I believe she did go ahead and do her own thinking, however, I know for a fact that based upon her calculations, she didn't include my input. How could she make a decision based upon limited input from the person she would be with?

She doesn't believe in divorce either, so she would be sticking to whatever if she got married.
__________________
I have the best sig ever.
redtoesblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:26 AM   #67
VaderDave
Invictus
 
VaderDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: El Dorado Hills, CA
Posts: 11,896
My Ride: 330CiC ZHP
Quote:
Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post
I believe she did go ahead and do her own thinking, however, I know for a fact that based upon her calculations, she didn't include my input. How could she make a decision based upon limited input from the person she would be with?

She doesn't believe in divorce either, so she would be sticking to whatever if she got married.
She's probably basing off the conversations you appear to have already had about the subject, where you said you wanted kids raised with exposure to both faiths. You have probably provided more input on the matter than you realize or remember. And, quite frankly, that's the more useful input, because when you said it you were being truthful about your perspective and not saying things in an effort to get her to stay with you.
VaderDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:31 AM   #68
redtoesblue
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: South OC
Posts: 15
My Ride: Lex
Quote:
Originally Posted by VaderDave View Post
She's probably basing off the conversations you appear to have already had about the subject, where you said you wanted kids raised with exposure to both faiths. You have probably provided more input on the matter than you realize or remember. And, quite frankly, that's the more useful input, because when you said it you were being truthful about your perspective and not saying things in an effort to get her to stay with you.
Agreed, but some of the stuff I said, I said "I don't know" to, partly because I have no clue what they are. She said she wanted kids baptized, I had no clue what that was until she explained it to me. So there needed to be a component of education to help me understand. That didn't happen to a lot of these things.

I have been doing some educating in terms of my faith to dispel any false notions that she or others had. It's hard, Islam has a bad rep out there due to these idiots.
__________________
I have the best sig ever.
redtoesblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:39 AM   #69
VaderDave
Invictus
 
VaderDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: El Dorado Hills, CA
Posts: 11,896
My Ride: 330CiC ZHP
Quote:
Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post
Agreed, but some of the stuff I said, I said "I don't know" to, partly because I have no clue what they are. She said she wanted kids baptized, I had no clue what that was until she explained it to me. So there needed to be a component of education to help me understand. That didn't happen to a lot of these things.

I have been doing some educating in terms of my faith to dispel any false notions that she or others had. It's hard, Islam has a bad rep out there due to these idiots.
Well, I guess you'll see how things go when you meet. I doubt it's a matter of education, however. If she's like the Catholics I know, she believes that you're either Catholic or you're going to hell. That's a pretty heavy burden to lay on someone who's contemplating having kids with someone of another faith and then letting her partner expose those kids to a non-Catholic religion. So while you're thinking "we can work out these differences," she may be thinking "I can't allow myself to have kids in this relationship if I might wind up being partly responsible for their damnation."
VaderDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 10:58 AM   #70
redtoesblue
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: South OC
Posts: 15
My Ride: Lex
Quote:
Originally Posted by VaderDave View Post
Well, I guess you'll see how things go when you meet. I doubt it's a matter of education, however. If she's like the Catholics I know, she believes that you're either Catholic or you're going to hell. That's a pretty heavy burden to lay on someone who's contemplating having kids with someone of another faith and then letting her partner expose those kids to a non-Catholic religion. So while you're thinking "we can work out these differences," she may be thinking "I can't allow myself to have kids in this relationship if I might wind up being partly responsible for their damnation."
Crap, didn't know it was like that with Catholics, she seems so chill and doesn't even really go to church that often. She did mention something about original sin, not sure what that is. But is that a radical concept? I mean, do people who believe that are typically more religious?
__________________
I have the best sig ever.
redtoesblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 11:00 AM   #71
Hockeyman17
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Port Moody, B.C. Canada
Posts: 128
My Ride: 2005 E46 M3 SMG
I'm pretty sure her mind is made up already. To me it sounds like religion is a big part of her not wanting this to continue in the long term. TBH, you are coming across as smothering and desperate. All the things you want to tell her are just going to scare her away even more.

I think you should expect the worst and like others have said focus on yourself. It will be tough to move on but you will.
Hockeyman17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 11:05 AM   #72
Custom3
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Dirty Jersey
Posts: 5,435
My Ride: HellRot 330CI
she said she doesn't see a future with you....she loves you (so she says) but shes not IN love with you. Move on....
Custom3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 11:08 AM   #73
SamDoe1
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Minnesnowta
Posts: 3,486
My Ride: Clubs baby seals
Quote:
Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post
I believe she did go ahead and do her own thinking, however, I know for a fact that based upon her calculations, she didn't include my input. How could she make a decision based upon limited input from the person she would be with?

She doesn't believe in divorce either, so she would be sticking to whatever if she got married.
Your input doesn't matter here. I was trying to avoid saying this before but if I was in your position, I'd break it off with her right now. It has only been one month, that's it. It's really not love, it's infatuation. She's the first big thing since your last relationship and that's why you're hanging on for dear life. You will be MUCH better off if you just walk on this.

Also, I would be willing to bet that she'd divorce you without a problem if you two were to ever get married.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post
Crap, didn't know it was like that with Catholics, she seems so chill and doesn't even really go to church that often. She did mention something about original sin, not sure what that is. But is that a radical concept? I mean, do people who believe that are typically more religious?


Seriously? You are 32 years old and are telling me that you didn't know this?

Now I'm not sure if trolling or actually being honest...
SamDoe1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 11:26 AM   #74
redtoesblue
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: South OC
Posts: 15
My Ride: Lex
Quote:
Originally Posted by SamDoe1 View Post
Your input doesn't matter here. I was trying to avoid saying this before but if I was in your position, I'd break it off with her right now. It has only been one month, that's it. It's really not love, it's infatuation. She's the first big thing since your last relationship and that's why you're hanging on for dear life. You will be MUCH better off if you just walk on this.

Also, I would be willing to bet that she'd divorce you without a problem if you two were to ever get married.





Seriously? You are 32 years old and are telling me that you didn't know this?

Now I'm not sure if trolling or actually being honest...
Sorry man, I just was never exposed to different religions growing up. I grew up sheltered I guess.
__________________
I have the best sig ever.
redtoesblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 12:04 PM   #75
VaderDave
Invictus
 
VaderDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: El Dorado Hills, CA
Posts: 11,896
My Ride: 330CiC ZHP
Quote:
Originally Posted by SamDoe1 View Post
Your input doesn't matter here. I was trying to avoid saying this before but if I was in your position, I'd break it off with her right now. It has only been one month, that's it. It's really not love, it's infatuation. She's the first big thing since your last relationship and that's why you're hanging on for dear life. You will be MUCH better off if you just walk on this.
Geez, I totally missed this in the first post. myself. Time to move on, I think.
VaderDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 01:14 PM   #76
dreamdrivedrift
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ithaca, NY --> Baltimore, MD
Posts: 6,461
My Ride: 99 M3 & 95 325i
Send a message via AIM to dreamdrivedrift
This may suck to hear, but EVERYTHING, including people, are replaceable.

For a true long-term relationship, figure out if the logistics will work before feelings mess everything up.
__________________
Chris

Last edited by dreamdrivedrift; 10-04-2012 at 01:15 PM.
dreamdrivedrift is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 01:24 PM   #77
SamDoe1
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Minnesnowta
Posts: 3,486
My Ride: Clubs baby seals
Quote:
Originally Posted by redtoesblue View Post
Sorry man, I just was never exposed to different religions growing up. I grew up sheltered I guess.
Your "growing up" period ended 10 years ago. I'll say it again, time to move on and find someone you're more compatible with.
SamDoe1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 01:53 PM   #78
CollinsE90
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The bar
Posts: 340
My Ride: 330i
I will say one thing OP, you've handled the advice tactfully. If she doesn't recognize your sincerity, and wants something else, she doesn't deserve you.
__________________
CollinsE90 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 05:58 PM   #79
VaderDave
Invictus
 
VaderDave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: El Dorado Hills, CA
Posts: 11,896
My Ride: 330CiC ZHP
I will be interested to see how the conversation went.
VaderDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2012, 07:03 PM   #80
SamDoe1
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Minnesnowta
Posts: 3,486
My Ride: Clubs baby seals
Quote:
Originally Posted by VaderDave View Post
I will be interested to see how the conversation went.
Me too, hope he comes back and tells us.
SamDoe1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON





All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:51 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
(c) 1999 - 2011 performanceIX Inc - privacy policy - terms of use