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Old 05-01-2012, 01:30 PM   #201
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Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532 View Post
Good friends then.

Let it happen honestly.

If you go out looking purposely you will most likely get disgruntled, and you're not in the right mindset to take that too well. Just do whatever you want to do for awhile. If one of the things you want to go is go looking for chicks then do it, but I wouldn't force it. Just roll with it, play games like you said and just chill for awhile.
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Yup. I tried to work out a long-distance relationship again with an ex that was not loyal. I was the one sacrificing more to make it work, flying and visiting her. During one of my visits, she looked through my phone because she was convinced that I'm the shady one, but I had nothing to hide. On the flipside, I caught her deleting text convos on her phone. I returned back home and on a weekend, she said she was going out with a friend. She went MIA. Calls went straight to her voicemail and later in the night calls did go through, but were ignored. In the morning, she called me as if nothing happened. I asked her why she didn't pick up her phone and she initially said that she didn't get any calls, but later admitted to getting calls, but was too trashed and didn't pick up.

It's over and I am genuinely trying this time to move on. A reason why I kept going back was that I didn't want to be single and craved that companionship. I still crave the companionship, but my progression in my career and financial status has helped regain self-confidence.

I have not met anyone new yet and am not actively trying to search for one. Rather, I'm more focused on trying to be completely comfortable with who I am and where I am in life. I go about each day giving it all at work, hitting the gym, and reading books that were on my to-read list.

And in the end, I am thankful for having good friends for listening and dealing with my relationship dramas.
Could one of you come over here and punch me in the head?

Here I am, almost 4 months later, and we're talking again. She never really left me alone. Now I'm letting her try and sneak her way back into my life. It's like she's forcing me to break her heart over and over again.

On the one hand I'm certain that we can't get back together after what she said to me/the way she acted--I can't see that trust being restored. On the other hand I feel like I need to try to make it work. This might be b/c I hadn't been in a srs relationship for a while, so I might be holding due to a sense of fear re: not meeting another person. Clearly, that's not a good reason to try to work things out.

Am I nuts, or what?
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Doing drugs and having sex... oh wow big deal. Well it is actually a HUGE deal.
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Old 05-01-2012, 01:34 PM   #202
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If you question your actions, ignore what you hope, and go for what you see. The fact that you're here means you know better, you just need someone to solidify it.

It won't work.
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Old 05-01-2012, 02:01 PM   #203
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Haven't been in this forum for a week and smelled crisis.


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Am I nuts, or what?

No.

My first guess is you're letting her do it to you because it's convenient. I have a close friend who did the same thing. Wasn't going to talk to her; kept talking to her and she wormed her way back into his life about 6 months ago after they were split for a year.

They were poison for one another from the start for totally different reasons on each side and I told him I was disappointed that he decided to go down the the road again.

He fought me on it telling me all the reasons it was ok, so I let him do his thing.

That ended just on Easter when she came to my house and started and argument with him in my driveway and he laid into her with all the reasons I told him it wouldn't work.

Another 6 months he wasted.

Don't do it to yourself. You're setting yourself back and lowering your standards by sticking with something that won't work. In most cases when it's over; it really is over unless you sacrifice a piece of yourself to make it work. There are too many options to do that; yet many people do because they're scared of being alone.

For your benefit and hers; kick her man. You both need it from the sounds of it. Say your goodbyes and well wishes and then don't talk to her so you can both forget about one another for a LONG time.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:18 PM   #204
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If you question your actions, ignore what you hope, and go for what you see. The fact that you're here means you know better, you just need someone to solidify it.

It won't work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532 View Post
My first guess is you're letting her do it to you because it's convenient. I have a close friend who did the same thing. Wasn't going to talk to her; kept talking to her and she wormed her way back into his life about 6 months ago after they were split for a year.

Another 6 months he wasted.

Don't do it to yourself. You're setting yourself back and lowering your standards by sticking with something that won't work. In most cases when it's over; it really is over unless you sacrifice a piece of yourself to make it work. There are too many options to do that; yet many people do because they're scared of being alone.

For your benefit and hers; kick her man. You both need it from the sounds of it. Say your goodbyes and well wishes and then don't talk to her so you can both forget about one another for a LONG time.
That's definitely what I don't want to do--look back 6 mos. from now and ask myself why I didn't trust my gut. And I think it mostly has to do with the fear of being alone. It's funny, I didn't mind it for the long ass time before I met her, but now it's a problem? Haha. Man, I need to sack up.

I just told her that we shouldn't talk anymore and she already lashed out a little. This shouldn't be difficult. I know we're not the right fit for one another; I think we just filled that void for each other.

Thanks guys. It's funny how seeing someone spell it out for you in black and white makes a difference.
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Old 06-15-2012, 10:32 AM   #205
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That's definitely what I don't want to do--look back 6 mos. from now and ask myself why I didn't trust my gut. And I think it mostly has to do with the fear of being alone. It's funny, I didn't mind it for the long ass time before I met her, but now it's a problem? Haha. Man, I need to sack up.

I just told her that we shouldn't talk anymore and she already lashed out a little. This shouldn't be difficult. I know we're not the right fit for one another; I think we just filled that void for each other.

Thanks guys. It's funny how seeing someone spell it out for you in black and white makes a difference.
Fear of being alone is huge for most people. The majority of people will settle and "change" to make a relationship work all because they're afraid of being alone. Don't do that.

There are too many things to see and experience in the world to make the fear of being alone seem minute in comparison. In addition changing the definition of what "alone" is in your mind also can be a big help.

Any updates man?
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Old 06-15-2012, 11:34 AM   #206
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Fear of being alone is huge for most people. The majority of people will settle and "change" to make a relationship work all because they're afraid of being alone. Don't do that.

There are too many things to see and experience in the world to make the fear of being alone seem minute in comparison. In addition changing the definition of what "alone" is in your mind also can be a big help.

Any updates man?
I'm much better off. I don't second guess my decision at all now.

Believe it or not, she still hasn't stopped contacting me. Sh!t, we were only together a year. It's been 5 months since I broke it off and she won't give up! Pretty damn persistent--sent me several texts last night, actually. 99% of the time I don't respond at all. Honestly, I'm pretty sure she has some srs emotional issues to address.
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Old 07-17-2012, 10:18 AM   #207
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Showed up last night around 10:30pm and started banging on my window--crying the whole time. I was lying there in bed about to fall asleep Just a reminder: I broke up with her in JANUARY! WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I think it's restraining order time.
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Old 07-17-2012, 10:47 AM   #208
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Showed up last night around 10:30pm and started banging on my window--crying the whole time. I was lying there in bed about to fall asleep Just a reminder: I broke up with her in JANUARY! WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I think it's restraining order time.
that's crazy dude.

But I should just add something that I've said in my old thread.

Meet another cool girl and hook up. Over the last few weeks my ex kept popping into my head and after this past weekend with that other girl I am completely honest with myself and know I did not want her, I was just being an emo and wanted female attention haha.
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Old 07-17-2012, 11:08 AM   #209
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that's crazy dude.

But I should just add something that I've said in my old thread.

Meet another cool girl and hook up. Over the last few weeks my ex kept popping into my head and after this past weekend with that other girl I am completely honest with myself and know I did not want her, I was just being an emo and wanted female attention haha.
Haha. I'm on my way. Been out with a few chicks this past week. The thing is I'm SO over her at this point. He crazy ass behavior over the past few months has made it much easier to get her out of my head.
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Old 07-17-2012, 12:50 PM   #210
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Haha. I'm on my way. Been out with a few chicks this past week. The thing is I'm SO over her at this point. He crazy ass behavior over the past few months has made it much easier to get her out of my head.
that's it man. I always reflect back on the stupid sh1t we would fight about. The last night we were together we got into it because she got home late when she had to get sh1t ready for her nieces party and instead of just listening to her complain I told her her sister was right for being annoyed. I can't deal with people that can never be wrong or are afraid of the truth. fuuck that man, I am the total opposite. Tell me I'm wrong and an idiot and I'll thank you for it, not flip out like a child.
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Old 08-21-2012, 02:34 PM   #211
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Showed up last night around 10:30pm and started banging on my window--crying the whole time. I was lying there in bed about to fall asleep Just a reminder: I broke up with her in JANUARY! WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I think it's restraining order time.
totally missed this. That is sad man. She still on your ****?
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Old 08-21-2012, 03:58 PM   #212
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totally missed this. That is sad man. She still on your ****?
She sent one email a few weeks after that incident--basically apologizing. Haven't heard from her since. You're right, it is sad. Even though she drove me nuts and was acting crazy as all get out, I still felt bad for her.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:15 PM   #213
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Maybe she's lurking here...just contacted me again Might be moving away for work, or something. Asking if I want to talk...
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Old 09-17-2012, 10:11 AM   #214
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gf and i broke up over the weekend. Thanks to this post, I am able to find some focus.
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Old 09-17-2012, 10:37 AM   #215
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Damn.. This helped a lot!
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Old 10-07-2012, 10:23 AM   #216
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Hey bud, first, you might want to check out the thread I started the other day EX GF ISSUES...need advice!"

You kind of sound like you're in a similar situation as me as far as still having feelings for her. To be completely honest, if you still have feelings for her, talking to her and still being her "friend" is probably one of the worst things for you. A) You won't get back together with her if you do that, and if that's actually your intention; and B) it will just mess with your emotions talking to her regularly but not having the oldthings that came with the relationship.

Just based from the short post you made, I do NOT think you should get back together with her....or at least not for a WHILE (and I mean months+). If she said she's fallen out of love with you, then she means it. And that just means that if you do get back together with her, you'll be setting yourself up for the exact same situation you are in now...and that's NOT GOOD.

This is what I'm doing right now (and I do get the feeling of wanting to be back with her like you), so take it for what its worth.
1) Stop thinking about "getting back together": Right now, the relationship isn't working. Will it in the future? No one knows, but that really doesn't matter right now. I'm making my best effort to IGNORE all thoughts of relationship/breakup. The moment you think about her, you have a choice: IMMEDIATELY think abut something else and refuse to let yourself dwell, or give in and get all AND if you do happen to fall into the trap of thinking about her, think about the negatives. Not saying bash the girl in your mind, but remember a few instances where you were disgusted with her. Think about what she did to make you feel like that, think about how you felt, and think about how that is NOT something you want in a woman

2) AVOID all contact I have deleted my ex's #, email, and pictures. The only thing I left is my facebook - I will explain more below regarding "no reactions". All the things that remind you of your ex, remove them from your life. I took the framed pic she gave me of us, I opened the dumpster, and I threw that **** as HARD as I could, along with everything else I owned that reminded me of her. The last thing you want is to be walking around your house/on your comp., etc and have something remind you of her. If you come upon something like that, get rid of it ASAP. If you can't get rid of it, then just push the thought of her OUT! I know its hard, but you got to

3)No Reactions My ex started putting dumb **** on her facebook as to which I can almost guarantee were directed solely at getting a reaction out of me. (i.e. she's now "Single"). These acts are immature and dramatic. Dont respond, don't give-in, and really, avoid even looking for them! I didn't put "single" on my facebook, I didn't put some stupid status, or vent with some "blog" for her to see (she doesn't knw about e46 ). Nothing dude. Don't let her see you do anything that shows the effect she's having on you. Act like everything she does has ZERO effect on you. Not only will it make her feel dumb, but it will give you an EGO boost and start making you think, "wait...this stuff really doesn't have that much of an effect on me". I didn't delete pics of us off facebook, I didn't block her, nothing like that. As long as you can control yourself from looking, it will make you feel better, and make you the bigger person. And as time goes she will probably try to make bigger efforts to get a reaction out of you (i.e. posting a pic for you to see of her and another guys). One, you shouldn't be looking! Two, DO NOT REACT. The moment you react, you set yourself back in your own mind, and you have simply given in to her games. NO REACTIONS

4) Preoccupy!!! Like the original post said, just preoccupy yourself. I'm in the middle of law school finals so I'm trying to put all my energy towards studying. Go to the gym (SOOO theraputic), grab some food with buddies, go buy some magazines, rent a movie, anything. Just don't be idle!

5)LAST: NO NEGATIVITY If you do in fact talk to her (which you really shouldn't, at least until your feelings have subsided - and defintely no in-person stuff...stay away from actually beng around her!), don't be negative. Don't be an @sshole to her, but also dont be a p-ssy. Don't talk about your "relationship", or getting back together. Don't be snide or act bitter. If you act as though you're still happy and enjoying life (without her!) it will send her for a mind f uck, make you feel better about yourself, and make you the bigger person.

If you want to get back together with her, or be completely done with it, this will work for both I think. But like I said, you should NOT be thinking about getting back together. If anything, this is time for YOU to see if you are happier without her, or if you see other qualities in girls that you want in a wifey. You may love your ex, but you may just start talking to new girls and realize there are some qualities she's missing that you never realized you wanted. Use this time to grow as a person.

Goodluck bro! Its tough, but its definitely do-able
VERY VERY Helpful. Thank you so much for posting that.
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Old 10-12-2012, 10:02 AM   #217
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Maybe she's lurking here...just contacted me again Might be moving away for work, or something. Asking if I want to talk...




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Old 11-20-2012, 03:12 AM   #218
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Day two after the break up, mix of emotions, some parts glad most parts are disappointed and hurt she wasn't willing to work things out. Other parts of me are wondering wtf happened and whether i am right or wrong in all of it.
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Old 11-20-2012, 03:43 AM   #219
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It's been over 2 months since the breakup. She has a new boyfriend.... I'm sad sigh
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Old 11-20-2012, 11:21 AM   #220
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Sorry to hear, that's why I defriend block and remove them from my life. No point looking back at the past when the past failed you. I just need to learn the lesson from it. But that doesn't mean I'm not curious to know if I was right or not about certain things.

For giggles I went back to an old online dating sight, hopefully to meet some new people and maybe get my sex drive back, so we'll see if lulz will be had soon.
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