Had a falling out...

In march or so this year I had a tough falling out with a really close girl friend of mine. We were very very close and it's hard on me even still.
She has completely thrown me out of her life. We haven't spoken a word to each other since. I've tried contacting her a few times since the day, but it seems she has no interest. Knowing her I know she's going against her will to do this because I know what we had meant a lot to her but I believe she's doing it for her best interest and that's why she stays persistent.

Ill never be able to accept what has happened but I'm done trying, and have been for some time. I want to be able to put it in the past. That's where I need advice.
Every single day since we've stopped taking I have thought about her. Every single freaking day she's been on my mind. I have a girlfriend. I stay busy. I work. But regardless she's still in my mind. No matter how damn hard I try I cannot just leave her behind. As much as I'd prefer to have her back even if only as a friend, that's not going to happen at this point.
I'm not in denial at this point. I just want to stop thinking about her. Sometimes I even dream about her.
This just makes things so much harder and I don't know how to make it stop.

Well, what caused the falling out?

Feeding the wolf...work smart not hard, invested effort is no better than invested emotion. Don't fight your emotions; if they're having a negative impact, then simply don't align yourself with them (same goes for dreams). Instead observe them from an outside perspective, don't judge them. Doing this seems odd and because of that they will stop for the time being, until the next time, then just repeat. Frequency slows until eventually they stop occurring all together; related...

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them...

“A fight is going on inside me... it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you and every other person, too.”

They thought about this for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather... “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied... “The one you feed.”

Originally Posted by huyner328

Well, what caused the falling out?

We were somewhat of an item. She figured I would leave my girlfriend for her. I never did. One day she called me and my girlfriend answered and said not to talk to me. She told me to never talk to her again.
I guess it was kinda like the last straw. She wasn't just a side fling she was pretty much my best friend.
I'm just so tired of thinking about her and hurting because of it. I get that she's not coming back.

Originally Posted by CRSmoak

Feeding the wolf...work smart not hard, invested effort is no better than invested emotion. Don't fight your emotions; if they're having a negative impact, then simply don't align yourself with them (same goes for dreams). Instead observe them from an outside perspective, don't judge them. Doing this seems odd and because of that they will stop for the time being, until the next time, then just repeat. Frequency slows until eventually they stop occurring all together; related...

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them...

“A fight is going on inside me... it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you and every other person, too.”

They thought about this for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather... “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied... “The one you feed.”

I try this the best I can. When I think of her I try to never go into detail. I try to brush over it and move on to the next thought. However the thoughts are frequent and seem to be tied into everything.
Movie? Her. Smell? Her. Summer day? Her. My car? Her.
It's like typically I could just change routine and forget her. But it's not my routine that reminds me of her. It's everything. It's like a freakin disease inside my brain and I can't stop it.

why are you with your current girl again ? lol. seems like you're in a relationship with the wrong person buddy ... better go chase after her.

Originally Posted by ONEinc_StephenK

why are you with your current girl again ? lol. seems like you're in a relationship with the wrong person buddy ... better go chase after her.

Ever been in love with two different people...?
That might be me.
Regardless, the other girl is gone. I just need a way to get her out of my mind. All I want to do is move on. She's gone.

Time will heal all. Maybe you should end your current one and start looking for what you really want.

Originally Posted by huyner328

Time will heal all. Maybe you should end your current one and start looking for what you really want.

Shouldn't things be at least 1% better after 8 months? I mean its so persistent. Every single day she pops into my head. I can't control it.
What if this girl ends up being the one I never really get over? How the hell do I handle that? It's driving me crazy.

Overanalyzing homie. Self worth... you will find another one. There's always better.

+1 on this... Been almost a year for me I still have thoughts. Its not every single day but still couple times a week. I understand where your coming from OP. I will say its gotten better for me albeit slowly but surely. If i am super busy she never enters my thoughts, its now only when im alone and got nothing else on my mind.

Time will heal, just keep trying to move on to another thought asap. Lurking for any hidden advice in this thread on how to permanently stop thinking about a chick.

Also now that i think about it randomely i always have thoughts about all girls ive been with. Its "extremely" rare in most cases but i probably think about each one at least once or twice a year. This current one tho is def in my head to often

Anyone else do that^?

You try to "brush over it", you "can't stop it", asking how do you "handle it", you can't "control it", etc. Did you even read what I wrote? I'm gonna be blunt...my advice is about as good as it's gonna get (so reread if necessary), there is no quick fix so you can go ahead and stop searching.

Answering to SPQR...it's normal, read any decent book on memory/memorization and/or neural networks to understand why. If you want to move on then read my first post; if you want to stop thinking about her as much (and no they're not the same thing), then put simply...start investing (emotionally, physically, financially, time and/or effort) heavily in new, preferably enjoyable, and in overlapping 'things' in anyway related to and/or associated with one or more of your current problem trigger/anchor points. Beyond that it gets a bit complicated. In all honestly though, if you're not hung up on her then who cares, memories aren't bad unless you make them such.

Youre not alone. Been 4+ yrs and ex is on my mind only because things ended and there was no closure or explaination then poof she was gone without a trace.

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Originally Posted by gqkris

Youre not alone. Been 4+ yrs and ex is on my mind only because things ended and there was no closure or explaination then poof she was gone without a trace.

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That's exactly how things ended with my girl.

Should I try to contact her to get closure? She changed her number and was very persistent in ignoring me since the day she decided to end things so I don't want to be annoying or creepy. I don't know. I wish this wasn't so difficult.

Originally Posted by peytonracer4

Should I try to contact her to get closure? She changed her number and was very persistent in ignoring me since the day she decided to end things so I don't want to be annoying or creepy. I don't know. I wish this wasn't so difficult.

Should just wait and do your thing. Let her make the move. I waited less than a yr and my ex had sent me a friend request through facebook. But i declined it. Thinking back i should have accepted and started slowly so i could find out what had happened. She did call me from a private number way before that happened and she kept saying "ummm ummm" when i said hello but knew it was her but she hung up on me. So fast forward 4yrs hoping she has grown up (she 26 now) i had sent her a request (shes got almost the limit on her page so i dont even know if she knows its me, so many damn people ad her) Im only doing this for me so i can finally talk to her about what happened but i knew she did it for the best since she moved to LA and im in Canada. Things were getting expensive (for me!)

Sorry to thread jack but i know how it feels. You just have to let things be for now. So both of you can clear up your own heads.

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Originally Posted by peytonracer4

We were somewhat of an item. She figured I would leave my girlfriend for her. I never did. One day she called me and my girlfriend answered and said not to talk to me. She told me to never talk to her again.
I guess it was kinda like the last straw. She wasn't just a side fling she was pretty much my best friend.
I'm just so tired of thinking about her and hurting because of it. I get that she's not coming back.

Originally Posted by peytonracer4

That's exactly how things ended with my girl.

Bro.

Have been in the same situation for about a year now myself. Not necessarily for the same reasons though, timing wasn't right for us and just couldn't figure out how to make it work. However I still think about her all the time and wonder if it will ever get any better. We were really good friends before and of course we said it would be there after...but that never works how you want it to. I've tried being in contact with her but she does the same type of thing, I've come to realize there is nothing that "I" can do about that and just have to do my best to keep on going. I just keep my mind on the fact that things happen for a reason and leave a small bit of hope that maybe down the road it might work itself out.

I'd say just do your best to your mind on what you currently have in your life and make sure you are making decisions for yourself and what makes you happy. It's hard to deal with the fact that sometimes there is nothing more that you can do....but that's just where things get left at times and you have to do your best to be understand that.

I had a falling out with a girl a few years back. She was pretty much my best friend, we talked from morning until late night non stop. We talked about anything and everything. I'm fairly certain she wanted to be with me but one day I fuccked it up and then we didn't speak for 3 years. Recently I sent her a message, and we started talking again, it's like nothing happened but I lost my chance to be with her. She has a bf and said she's probably going to marry him and that I shot myself in the foot and blew it. Maybe she'll break up with him or maybe she won't. But I won't hold my breath and neither should you guys. Sh!t happens and it works both ways, if she wanted to be with you she will send you a message or give her time.

Was driving today and thought I saw her walking. My heart literally stopped for about 5 seconds. It wasn't her but I haven't seen her in a good 8 months. I'm still shaky :/ this sucks. I want to forget her