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Love Line

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Old 01-06-2013, 09:47 PM   #1
willkenni05
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Question Thoughts on which route to take?

What has this world come to... I'm in the love line section of e46f!!! Obviously looking for an unbiased opinion(s) I've been going with this girl for almost 6 months, she is perfect, we have never fought (our 1st problem) mostly because we're both really laid back... we've joked about marriage and kids and everything was great... Until December 15th... She went to see her mom (lives 6 hrs away) Who was in really bad shape, fever, headaches, I guess she couldn't even identify her own daughter... Needless to say my girl was really worried her mom has had a lot of health issues over the years and this adds to her worries.

After she got back she was just so unattached to everything, me, my family, work... We used to have sex just about every other night, after she came back I was lucky if she wanted to cuddle... She didn't go to my family christmas, and told me not to come to her local family's christmas because she needed some family time, I agreed... Two days after christmas she did the whole we need to talk routine and told me she can't handle a relationship right now and needs to be alone... she was depressed... I tried to reason with her saying I wanted to stay together and help her through this, she wasn't having any of it, said she needed space, took a bag full of clothes, and said goodbye, and moved in with her grandma... I rent a house, 80% of her stuff is still here, clothes, college books, everything...

Fast forward to today, we had planned a trip up to see her family the weekend of my birthday, this coming weekend, I told her she should still come with she could stay at her moms, I'll stay in the hotel whatever, it'd be good for her to see her mom (I've been talking to her mom the entire time we've been apart she insists her daughter is blowing this out of proportion) She said she couldn't she picked up that weekend at work... So I asked if she'd want to go on her next weekend off, she said no promises. I was irratated, I straight out asked if she ever wanted us to get back together, she reaffirmed she doesn't want anything right now and this is hard for her too but depression knows no cure... I love this girl very much, and I don't want to lose her for good but it seems like no matter what path I take it's fairly ineffective.

Thoughts?
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Old 01-06-2013, 10:30 PM   #2
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Sounds like she met another guy. Also, talking to her mom is hurting you.
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Old 01-06-2013, 10:34 PM   #3
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Idk about te other guy thing it's possible but that wouldn't be my first guess, you just have to let her do her thing man..when a woman says she wants out, let her do what she wants. Resisting her request will do nothing but hinder your goal of being together. Let her see what it's like without you, you really have no choice.
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Old 01-06-2013, 10:47 PM   #4
willkenni05
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Call it denial if you will, but I don't think it's another guy, she was considering moving back up to help her mom until her grandma talked her out of that (her mom lives in a rough neighborhood thus the reason she came down to live with her grandma a couple years ago) unless she has a new guy in both places. It's just so hard to let her be and do my own thing, she's in the back of my mind constantly... She's had a lot happen to her early in life, her uncle raped her when she was 12, her brother put a knife to her throat not long after (both into meth, another reason why she moved) She doesn't want anything to do with a psychologist because "they don't understand what she's been through". I see her point... to a point, but she keeps to herself so much that it just boils over and she just can't handle it all, or at least that's my take on it...

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Old 01-06-2013, 11:34 PM   #5
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no offense but she's got issues bro..baggage definitely..it's not surprising now that she's cutting you off. She can't handle you being loving etc.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:40 PM   #6
willkenni05
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Exactly what one of my friends said, she's not used to being pampered and loved, she's used to being taken advantage of and doing things on her own... So she didn't know how to handle it.

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Old 01-06-2013, 11:47 PM   #7
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Honestly man with all the stuff that's happened the relationship may be gone. Aside from you guys breaking up, pursuing it obviously isn't helping you, but making things seem worse. not saying you won't end up back together, but you definitely need to explore your options. If its meant to be she'll come back, but maybe you'll find something better. Then it'll all make sense. Sounds tough bro

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Old 01-07-2013, 12:02 AM   #8
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It's tough alright, a lot tougher than it seems, I fell hard for this one, she has baggage, she came out right away with that. She's an incredible girl especially considering what she's been through and if she needs space that's what I've got to do... But this is all new to me, what are the rules to that, what DIY do I follow? Do I talk to her at all? Do I tell her to move the rest of her stuff out or just leave it go for now?

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Old 01-07-2013, 12:15 AM   #9
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Funny I got similar advice recently from a friend regarding my EX not too long ago however I do agree with most people here let it go and do you. If she comes back be aware of the baggage she is dragging with her and realize she needs help.
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Old 01-07-2013, 06:15 AM   #10
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You fell for her because she has "baggage" that you can help her with. Something has drastically changed her opinion of you for some reason, whether another interest or for some personal reason. Let her go; you won't do it, but you have to. There is nothing you can do, and trying to get her back by talking to her mom is hurting you every time you talk to her.

Move on.
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Old 01-07-2013, 06:30 AM   #11
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Cut all communications and see what else is out there.
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Old 01-07-2013, 07:18 AM   #12
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Like all others have said...the longer you try and pursue her...the more it will DESTROY your chances of getting back with her. I capitalized destroy for a reason. Trust us!

Girls want an alpha man. You pining after her and caring / loving so much is not alpha. Have a final call with her...tell her you wish her the best....that your time together was special....and let her know you are closing that door so that you both can move on, that it does neither of you any good to keep that door partially open. Don't get emotional, don't get mushy. Instead come across strong but caring / understanding.

You'll have set an alpha tone and you'll have kept your dignity. If you keep pining over her...you will lose dignity.

Move on with your life and keep active but don't mistake her calls or texts as attempts to get back together. They are just her way of trying to open the door slightly to feed her ego. Close the door my friend and get her stuff outta your place.
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Old 01-07-2013, 08:16 AM   #13
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distance yourself a little and see what happens. She obviously isn't into you like you are her so don't be unfair to yourself. You can never convince someone to be with you if they don't want to be.
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Old 01-07-2013, 08:43 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by willkenni05 View Post
After she got back she was just so unattached to everything, me, my family, work...
That's exactly how I would behave given her situation. Some people simply distance themselves because their minds are else where.
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Old 01-07-2013, 09:15 AM   #15
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Some distance in a circumstance is expected, but she's got a lot on her mind and maybe has other baggage she's dealing with at the same time.

As much as it sucks to have it fall apart in a manner like this, it is best to keep your distance and see how she reacts. You could play the "wait and see" game, but probably are setting yourself up for disappointment. You don't have to go on booty patrol right away, but it is probably best to move on the best way you can.
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Old 01-07-2013, 10:08 AM   #16
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You fell for her because she has "baggage" that you can help her with. Something has drastically changed her opinion of you for some reason, whether another interest or for some personal reason. Let her go; you won't do it, but you have to. There is nothing you can do, and trying to get her back by talking to her mom is hurting you every time you talk to her.

Move on.
Sucks but it's true. OP keep in mind, everything we are telling you is very blunt and straightforward, easier said than done to take our advice. Good luck.
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Old 01-07-2013, 10:13 AM   #17
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Problem one, no girl is PERFECT.
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Old 01-10-2013, 01:25 PM   #18
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talking to the mom really cuts into your relationship with the girl.

Girl wants you to be on her side, not her moms.
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