Kind of on the fence here

Originally Posted by invictvs

That was my plan, but reading HellFish's dilemma has made me further doubt it. My issue is sexual chemistry. She's a nice girl and likes to have sensual type sex. She also dresses rather conservatively. I, on the other hand, am a sexual deviant and generally like overtly sexual girls that wear tight skirts and heels and like to have crazy sex. It also doesn't help that I want to bang every hot girl in sight.

HellFish, is that the type of chemistry you're lacking? Do you have emotional, but not sexual chemistry, or sexual and not emotional?

sent you a PM

Dude, I think it's you. A lot of times, when we feel inadequately happy with ourselves, we project that onto others, and sometimes by the sheer fact that someone is attracted to you and that you have them in a relationship brings down their 'marketability'. I have a feeling if you broke up with this chick and saw her out one day, you'd feel differently about her. I don't know. Think about it.

Originally Posted by 'busa

Dude, I think it's you. A lot of times, when we feel inadequately happy with ourselves, we project that onto others, and sometimes by the sheer fact that someone is attracted to you and that you have them in a relationship brings down their 'marketability'. I have a feeling if you broke up with this chick and saw her out one day, you'd feel differently about her. I don't know. Think about it.

I am sure some of it is me but honestly, she is a very submissive person. I need someone that is more assertive and quite frankly, has more backbone. Example - she took a 3 month unpaid internship on the premise that she would be hired after and she DID NOT ask what the salary was going to be because she was uncomfortable. 3 months goes by and they lowball the **** out of her. Just an example of how submissive she is.

But do you really need someone that is more assertive and has more backbone or is that just something you've found to justify your feelings. For example, I have a car with a slightly outdated nav system. I need one that is more up to date and more responsive. If I get a car like that, I might find that it's lacking in some other way.

I guess what's tipping me off is that you get along well, you find her physically attractive and she seems to be a good person, yet you look for things to nitpick. Don't think I'm bashing you or anything. It's a normal human condition, but I think if you find ways to feel more positively about yourself, you'll feel better about her, too.

If you can't do that, maybe do not lead her on...

I may be on the same boat

Originally Posted by bmwTuner1

I may be on the same boat

Why are you on the same boat?

Originally Posted by HellFish

I have talked about this situation before but cliff notes..

Been dating this girl for about a year and I only have positive things to say about her - gets along with my family, we never fight, we have fun together, we enjoy the same stuff, she couldn't be a nicer person etc... I am 26 btw and she's around the same age.

Only problem is - I just don't feel that deep attraction to her. I don't know if I can say "I love you". We've been dating for about a year and I kind of feel like if I don't feel that way by now, I don't think I will. I hate to break up with someone that is so great on paper but I am just not sure... And if you have to ask if its the right person its not... right?

For you married people - is that deep emotional connection essential for a marriage to work?

I have already broken up with her once about 5 months ago because of the same feelings but we got back together in the hopes of developing that deeper level of chemistry. I still don't feel it. She was devastated the first time I broke up with her... my stomach is churning over doing it again.

In the end I hate to lose someone that is such a great partner, and would make a great life partner... its just the attraction and emotional connection. What is weird is I find her physically attractive, but still not "attracted to her"... That is weird to me.

I meant to comment on this a couple of days ago but I see it never posted. My internet sucks balls at home. Anyway, listen if you say this girl is so good on paper and would make a great life partner, u guys don't even argue then wat is it that you want? If a girl like that doesn't make you happy what is? A hoe, bitch, slut? That type of girl will only bring headaches and a few diseases bro.

Many guys wish they had what you do and you're not apprediating it. Many are probably going to think my response is gay but then again sometimes you have to be mature about things like this. Sometimes you don't know what love is till waaay down the road. It took me 8 years to realize I'm in love with my best friend. Just think about it if you haven't already broken her heart and potentially lost something good.

Originally Posted by bmwracer9

Anyway, listen if you say this girl is so good on paper and would make a great life partner, u guys don't even argue then wat is it that you want? If a girl like that doesn't make you happy what is? A hoe, bitch, slut? That type of girl will only bring headaches and a few diseases bro.

I'm assuming he wants someone where there is an animal attraction, for lack of a better term. Someone who will make HIM want to work harder at it and present a challenge. If this girl played harder to get (or harder to please) he'd probably be more into her.

An ideal relationship is a balance of this, the best friend and the girl just out of reach all in one package. You keep trying for her like she keeps trying for you and inbetween you get together for sex, dinner and cuddling up to watch tv.

Originally Posted by mcr_driver

An ideal relationship is a balance of this, the best friend and the girl just out of reach all in one package. You keep trying for her like she keeps trying for you and inbetween you get together for sex, dinner and cuddling up to watch tv.

Sounds right.