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Love Line

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Old 05-07-2013, 11:30 PM   #21
HBizzo88
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I got lazy and she got fat, a life story

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My honest opinion: You don't want the relationship, and you're afraid of disappointing the people that are pressuring the relationship to succeed. If I were you, I would question how much resentment you will gain from continuing. In my opinion, the relationship wasn't destined, because no relationship is destined. Being in a relationship is generally destined, but with whom, is undetermined and left up to timing. You're trapped, and you're subconsciously trying to find things wrong with her in hopes that it will end it for you. If you end it for personal reasons, you're afraid of being seen as the villain. If you end it because of her laziness and weight gain, you have enough justification to not be seen completely as the villain.

In my opinion, there's no road to take with this relationship that will lead to happiness. There's one that leads to spending the rest of your life with her, but it won't be happy. The only road to happiness in this situation is to cut ties, get outside of the trap, and find someone YOU want to be with, not one society wants you to be with.
+1.

You need to at least take a break if that's possible. See whats out there and remember what it's like to be free. It sounds like this relationship has taken its toll on you, and you're forcing yourself to be fine with that.


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Old 05-08-2013, 12:19 AM   #22
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I got lazy and she got fat, a life story

You know OP, I can understand what you are going through... Take your time and don't rush into any decision just yet.... You see, as humans it's the way we think at time that dictates the outcome in life.... You care deeply for this young lady and her for you... Your feelings of wanting to be single again are normal... You said you've cheated on her before, which was wrong, but it happened already, can't get that back... As one person posted already, your fighting your youth and time... You are a man now, and so you have to put away childish things... Think about this, do you see her yourself with her...? You say you can only see yourself having kids with her and that's perfect. Starting wanting her, send her lil messages and such... Call on lunch break and rekindle the spark from before... remember, the grass is only greener on the side you water it on the most... And while the physical is good... There's so much more to life than that... I wish you and her the best of luck... And hope things work out... Lastly, pray about it... Prayer always helps... Always... God bless...


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Old 05-08-2013, 12:28 AM   #23
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:06 PM   #24
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Must be tough to open up like that.... You seem to have a good insight to yourself and your relationship.

Off hand, it sounds to me like you need more variety / uncertainty in your life to give you new and different stuff to experience. The trick is to keep your gf the constant in your life.

It also seems to me that in part it's about growing up and leaving your boy / youth behind in a way. You can't go backwards nor can you be a carefree boy all your life... Life it seems is pushing you forward and in a way you're resisting. It's sometimes a tough thing to deal with, but once you're over that hurdle it's very rewarding in ways that you can't even imagine right now.
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You know I hate to say it but the times in which he cheated and the duration for which it happened it could go either way. I think if he had done it now that would be different but he was younger more ignorant and in college, life happens, obviously he moved on from it. I am not saying it was okay for him to cheat but like I said life happens in ways we never imagine.
Listen to these guys, they have good perspectives.

Also keep in mind, you won't be the strapping young handsome guy you might be, forever either. You'll get fat as well - it works both ways. The key is to continue to do what you've done, which is identify issues as they arise and work at them.

Sounds like she's ready to do that with you, and that's the important part. You two seem to have the right attitude by and large for one another, so build on it.

Don't underestimate what you have, a lot of people are much less fortunate. Add a bit of hard work to it and shape the relationship the way you wish. You won't find that magical partner who you will forever unconditionally love and adore for the rest of your life. Neither will she. Everything has ups and downs and to me it seesm like you're going through a 'fixable' down. You have something good going, and if you let this one go, the next one will be a distant second because age matters as well. The older you get, IMO that 'automatic click' tends to be harder to come across because you're already set in your life and used to being a certain way.

Here's another perspective: I personally don't believe in dating for 5 years+ because things will just run out of steam. At some point, marriage is an essential component to keeping the flame alive. Do you think that getting married is that logical next step that will put back the zing in the relationship? (a lot of people on here are about to start flaming me.. )

Work on it, resolve your internal conflicts within yourself first, and make sure you're ready to take that leap of faith with her. If you're not, then it's best to walk away. If you do see the light at the end of the tunnel, then talk to her, be honest with her, work towards making this relationship successful. Years later you can look back and thank me.
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:34 PM   #25
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"You don't know what you're missing until it's gone" is BS. Just as much BS as waiting for the "one." It's a fear of not finding an equal partner than the last, and clinging to a failed relationship and settling. Don't settle to settle down, find the one you want and then settle. From OP's honesty, it doesn't look like this one was ever something he wanted. So, why make him suffer for something he never wanted just to make sure he doesn't miss it?
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:46 PM   #26
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^ I told ya, I'm about to start getting flamed! Just another perspective for OP to think about and decide for himself I suppose!
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Old 05-08-2013, 01:54 PM   #27
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I'd be willing to gamble the ONLY reason he's still with her is because he's been following your perspective the entire time.
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Old 05-08-2013, 10:03 PM   #28
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I always have a hard time thinking of anything to say in these threads because I was one of the lucky few who met someone perfect for me when I was young and never looked back. Good luck, OP. I hope you are able to work things out in a way that will help you and her achieve long-term happiness, whether that means you're together or apart.
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Old 05-08-2013, 10:37 PM   #29
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:19 AM   #30
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Try to spice it up, wear storm trooper costumes.
You're doing it wrong he's gotta go ewok on this one.
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Old 05-09-2013, 10:43 AM   #31
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"You don't know what you're missing until it's gone" is BS. Just as much BS as waiting for the "one." It's a fear of not finding an equal partner than the last, and clinging to a failed relationship and settling. Don't settle to settle down, find the one you want and then settle. From OP's honesty, it doesn't look like this one was ever something he wanted. So, why make him suffer for something he never wanted just to make sure he doesn't miss it?
One of my ex's best friends told her to stay in her last relationship because "at our age it's hard to find someone". Good thing she didn't listen. That friend is still in a relationship with someone she doesn't really like just because it's convenient. And her roommate is 31 and basically checked out in terms of finding someone. She refuses to try the online thing and me and my gf are trying to help but the only people that hit on her are married men lol. Lets be honest though, most people are scumbags. When I look around I think wow how do some of these dudes even find gf's.

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Old 05-09-2013, 12:55 PM   #32
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So I'm getting married in less than a month. I regret opening this thread
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Old 05-09-2013, 02:19 PM   #33
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I'm reading all your posts. Thanks guys! I'm happy to see different views, gives me something to think about.
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Old 05-09-2013, 03:08 PM   #34
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So I'm getting married in less than a month. I regret opening this thread
this sh1t went fast as hell. How long was the engagement?

And don't regret it. Most of this sh1t will seem so petty when people grow up. You're getting married and people are getting caught up in girls liking their instagram pics. Swallow that.

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Old 05-09-2013, 03:56 PM   #35
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this sh1t went fast as hell. How long was the engagement?

And don't regret it. Most of this sh1t will seem so petty when people grow up. You're getting married and people are getting caught up in girls liking their instagram pics. Swallow that.
May 2011 - we met
April 2012 - we got engaged
June 2013 - we get married
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:35 AM   #36
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May 2011 - we met
April 2012 - we got engaged
June 2013 - we get married
I thought you just got engaged. Sh1t flew by. BTW I didn't get my invite.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:55 AM   #37
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I thought you just got engaged. Sh1t flew by. BTW I didn't get my invite.
+1 I keep checking my mailbox but I haven't seen it yet.
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Old 05-10-2013, 05:04 PM   #38
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I always have a hard time thinking of anything to say in these threads because I was one of the lucky few who met someone perfect for me when I was young and never looked back. Good luck, OP. I hope you are able to work things out in a way that will help you and her achieve long-term happiness, whether that means you're together or apart.
+1, well she made it work, I too met someone in high school and got married years later to the same girl. I was a bit immature and tried to break up with her 3 times for no reason. I just wanted to have sex with someone different. She moved out of state for school (dated a guy for a week) but broke it off with him b/c she was thinking about me. We broke up when she moved and I dated a few other girls. When she got back, she visit me at my college. She was very flirty. Asked me how much I missed her etc. We got back together and the rest is history. She's an awesome girl/wife/mother. We've been together since 1994 and rarely argue. A lot of families and friends think we put on a show. We both just don't like to argue. And when we are mad, we are both silent. I am glad she held on to this relationship. When I said I realized I am shallow is because most of my ex's blew up. I can't imagine having sex with a fatty.
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:55 PM   #39
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I've never heard of a woman wanting more than she actually deserved. Never.
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Old 05-17-2013, 03:46 AM   #40
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