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Old 06-10-2013, 11:22 PM   #1
C4RLOS
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What Do I Do?

We've been officially dating for about 1 year and 10 months. Friends for about 4 years. I know that I'm the person she sees herself marrying, but as of now, I can't say the feeling is mutual.

I think of the break-up and it bums me out to think of how sad she'll get. What do I do when she cries and asks why? It's really nothing against her- it just doesn't feel like she's someone I could could see myself with for the rest of my life... right now. I'm 22, going on 23.

Fuuuck me.
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Old 06-10-2013, 11:43 PM   #2
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Do it sooner rather than later. I know the feeling....she will get over it after some time
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Old 06-11-2013, 12:38 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by C4RLOS View Post
We've been officially dating for about 1 year and 10 months. Friends for about 4 years. I know that I'm the person she sees herself marrying, but as of now, I can't say the feeling is mutual.

I think of the break-up and it bums me out to think of how sad she'll get. What do I do when she cries and asks why? It's really nothing against her- it just doesn't feel like she's someone I could could see myself with for the rest of my life... right now. I'm 22, going on 23.

Fuuuck me.
Take the plunge into singlehood. At this age, you will have less regrets than you would if you stayed with her. I'm 24 myself and found myself in the same predicament right before I graduated a few years ago. I remember having strong clarity with why I lost attraction and did not see myself ultimately with her. I knew I'd go through periods of loneliness so I wrote myself an email of my reasons for ending the relationship. Kind of weird because I didn't start missing her or pondering the thought of contacting her until about a year after. At that point, reading my email definitely helped me to stay grounded and was effective in preventing me from contacting her.
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Old 06-11-2013, 06:01 AM   #4
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it is tough because you feel badly for her and to be expected, but you must take care of your happiness too... if you feel it is not going to work, look out for you.... it is only fair to you and her...surely she will be sad... and it is hard for both of you, but in the end, she will benefit by knowing how you feel before other situations occur... gl OP.
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Old 06-11-2013, 11:21 AM   #5
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Never easy. Just gotta do it for yourself. Maybe try a break and see if you really do miss her.
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Old 06-11-2013, 12:17 PM   #6
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You don't know what you have till it's gone. Perhaps a break may help but ultimately if you didn't love her from day1 you won't love her from day 10000 either.
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Old 06-11-2013, 12:24 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1TEXM3 View Post
it is tough because you feel badly for her and to be expected, but you must take care of your happiness too... if you feel it is not going to work, look out for you.... it is only fair to you and her...surely she will be sad... and it is hard for both of you, but in the end, she will benefit by knowing how you feel before other situations occur... gl OP.
Agree with this. It will also take time to talk to her as a friend as well. Best if you guys don't talk for a bit and then slowly start again.


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Old 06-11-2013, 11:46 PM   #8
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Give it at least one last try: put your all into serving and loving her and see if you don't rekindle the feelings you had before.
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Old 06-15-2013, 04:00 PM   #9
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Just remember that life works in weird ways that doesn't make sense initially but, eventually the pieces will come together. When it comes to relationship I used to over analyze it a lot. I couldn't cut ties because I would feel bad for the girl. I'd worry if she'd make it without me by her side and such.
Staying in a one way street relationship is a burden. You just have to up and go for the sake of both parties.

I eventually did that. I cut ties with an ex, was bittered, moved on for a few years and lived my own life. And now the girl I once loved and hated is back in the picture somewhere.

Point is, don't over think things. If you feel you don't love her anymore than leave. Don't drag it. Just leave if you don't want to be with her anymore.
Things will sort themselves out on their own later on down the road.

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Old 06-15-2013, 07:27 PM   #10
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You are 23... The best advice my parents ever gave me was to NEVER go from someone's son or daughter to someone's husband or wife! YOU need YOUR time to sow your oats... And so does she! (You didn't mention her age though.)

Tell her that you need some space to see and do things. Not necessarily to DO other women... But to be free! You will BOTH go through some rough times and there will be a time or two when you will want to cave in... Don't! And don't let her sweet talk you. If you want to occasionally hook up as friends to make it easier.. Some people can handle that... It is up to you!
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Old 06-15-2013, 08:35 PM   #11
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Re: What Do I Do?

We need pics of her op to give you better advice

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Old 06-24-2013, 12:47 AM   #12
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Living Single is not a bad thing. If both of you aren't on the same page then don't do it. I know a few of my friends who stayed together after college, and they are still together because they saw what they wanted in a marriage and life mate. Who was it that just said the same thing that you said... oh Wayne Brady. He married his best friend and then got a divorce because they both didn't feel the fit of marriage. They were better off being friends.

If you are honest with her, she should understand. You can start off with what you said "I know you see me as someone you could marry. I don't feel the same. I mean, I can't give you what you want in a marriage. Truthfully, right now I really don't know what I want in a marriage. I think it's a answer I need to find for myself. It's not that I need to have space, but I need to find what I want in life. And right now I don't have the answer. I like you as a friend, but I don't see our relationship going beyond that and I don't want to hold you back." blah blah blah
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Old 06-25-2013, 12:57 AM   #13
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Well lets ask a few questions first before saying break it off etc.

1- What specifically about her do you not see yourself with in the future? Why wouldn't you marry this girl?
2- Are you physically attracted to her? Do you guys have sex? Often? Does that feel forced or unnatural?
3- When you look at other girls do you get a sense of desire? Like you're being held back by your relationship?
4- When you see your single friends etc. does that lifestyle appeal to you right then and there?
5- When you're with your girlfriend, is it uneasy being around her because you have these thoughts?


Reason I ask is because a lot of time the idea of marriage in itself can be intimidating and make you run for the hills. Even if your answer to all these questions point towards you being in the relationship, you can psyche yourself out by the thoughts of marriage. Its a huge commitment of course, but the thing is, you don't need to be thinking or planning for that right now. You might feel like the idea of being with her forever and ever is too binding, too limiting, too much to give up at 22 going on 23. Thats the catch though, you aren't giving up any of that right now. If you plan your current thoughts, today tomorrow now around this fictional idea that she's ready for marriage, or that you might be or not be, it will mess you up man. Thinking like that will make you think crazy thoughts. People get married when they reach a point in their life that says I don't need anything else BUT my life partner. Your body will tell you that when the time is right maybe not for this girl, but for A girl out there. No need to let that M word screw with you and have you make an irrational decision. You may find also that when the time for marriage comes up, it isn't 100% the girl, its 90% the girl, 10% the situation she comes with, her in laws, her financial situation, her habits in life, her dreams her goals etc etc etc. Just live your life right now and if the relationship TODAY isn't a burden on your happiness than don't let a fictional decision of years from now cloud your view.
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Old 06-26-2013, 10:45 AM   #14
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^ +1
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Old 06-26-2013, 11:04 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by bostonsc4 View Post
Well lets ask a few questions first before saying break it off etc.

1- What specifically about her do you not see yourself with in the future? Why wouldn't you marry this girl?
2- Are you physically attracted to her? Do you guys have sex? Often? Does that feel forced or unnatural?
3- When you look at other girls do you get a sense of desire? Like you're being held back by your relationship?
4- When you see your single friends etc. does that lifestyle appeal to you right then and there?
5- When you're with your girlfriend, is it uneasy being around her because you have these thoughts?


Reason I ask is because a lot of time the idea of marriage in itself can be intimidating and make you run for the hills. Even if your answer to all these questions point towards you being in the relationship, you can psyche yourself out by the thoughts of marriage. Its a huge commitment of course, but the thing is, you don't need to be thinking or planning for that right now. You might feel like the idea of being with her forever and ever is too binding, too limiting, too much to give up at 22 going on 23. Thats the catch though, you aren't giving up any of that right now. If you plan your current thoughts, today tomorrow now around this fictional idea that she's ready for marriage, or that you might be or not be, it will mess you up man. Thinking like that will make you think crazy thoughts. People get married when they reach a point in their life that says I don't need anything else BUT my life partner. Your body will tell you that when the time is right maybe not for this girl, but for A girl out there. No need to let that M word screw with you and have you make an irrational decision. You may find also that when the time for marriage comes up, it isn't 100% the girl, its 90% the girl, 10% the situation she comes with, her in laws, her financial situation, her habits in life, her dreams her goals etc etc etc. Just live your life right now and if the relationship TODAY isn't a burden on your happiness than don't let a fictional decision of years from now cloud your view.
^ +2

Best post in this thread.
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Old 06-26-2013, 01:41 PM   #16
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Given your age and that you are not engaged or married to her I would recommend ending the relationship and moving on. The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. And I sense you're indifferent to her existence.
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:51 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by bostonsc4 View Post
Well lets ask a few questions first before saying break it off etc.

1- What specifically about her do you not see yourself with in the future? Why wouldn't you marry this girl?
2- Are you physically attracted to her? Do you guys have sex? Often? Does that feel forced or unnatural?
3- When you look at other girls do you get a sense of desire? Like you're being held back by your relationship?
4- When you see your single friends etc. does that lifestyle appeal to you right then and there?
5- When you're with your girlfriend, is it uneasy being around her because you have these thoughts?


Reason I ask is because a lot of time the idea of marriage in itself can be intimidating and make you run for the hills. Even if your answer to all these questions point towards you being in the relationship, you can psyche yourself out by the thoughts of marriage. Its a huge commitment of course, but the thing is, you don't need to be thinking or planning for that right now. You might feel like the idea of being with her forever and ever is too binding, too limiting, too much to give up at 22 going on 23. Thats the catch though, you aren't giving up any of that right now. If you plan your current thoughts, today tomorrow now around this fictional idea that she's ready for marriage, or that you might be or not be, it will mess you up man. Thinking like that will make you think crazy thoughts. People get married when they reach a point in their life that says I don't need anything else BUT my life partner. Your body will tell you that when the time is right maybe not for this girl, but for A girl out there. No need to let that M word screw with you and have you make an irrational decision. You may find also that when the time for marriage comes up, it isn't 100% the girl, its 90% the girl, 10% the situation she comes with, her in laws, her financial situation, her habits in life, her dreams her goals etc etc etc. Just live your life right now and if the relationship TODAY isn't a burden on your happiness than don't let a fictional decision of years from now cloud your view.

^^^ This Op.
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Old 09-12-2014, 06:01 PM   #18
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Old 09-12-2014, 06:04 PM   #19
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**** her right in the pussy
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Old 09-13-2014, 05:43 PM   #20
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MODS: Please delete. Thanks!
No update? Did she find out about this site and your screen name?
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