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Love Line

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Old 03-28-2014, 12:20 PM   #1
Icyhot1
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Unhappy Problems with girlfriends ex-husband

Sooo My girlfriend has been divorced for 2 years and of that 2 years we have been going out for one.
She has a child with her ex husband which the share custody 1 week she has the child the other week he does.

The reason they got divorced is from what she told me they were never happy and he put hands on her. Every time he calls her about their child it turns into a argument.

So she told him about me and that she wants me to introduce myself to him since im going to be around their child. So I say okay and I call him.

Dude immediately starts going off on me like I did something to him. I could even get a word in. Then he goes off saying he wants something in writing that doesn't say im a murder or a gambler or a child molester. So im cool and say okay dude whatever and hang up the phone.

A couple of months go by and since he gave me that speech I haven't been around their child so on the weeks she has her child I don't come by I keep it to text and phone calls.

A couple of months pass and she wants me to call him again so I call him and I'm being cordial and he jumps into shouting at me on the phone so I hang up.

I tell her about this and all she says is yeah he is a asshole but you have to do this.

It seems pretty obvious to me this dude hates me and hasn't even met me or he just has anger issues.

I love this woman but I just feel like maybe she is divorced on paper but not in her mind she seems to be scared of him.

Not sure what to do.....

What would you do ?
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Old 03-28-2014, 12:26 PM   #2
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Nothing. That's your options.
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Old 03-28-2014, 12:28 PM   #3
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Ask yourself a tough question: Can I deal with this situation the rest of my life.
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Old 03-28-2014, 12:37 PM   #4
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Ask yourself a tough question: Can I deal with this situation the rest of my life.
I'm not sure
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Old 03-28-2014, 12:40 PM   #5
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You could go on Jerry Springer, Maury or another one of those day time shows to air your sh!t. You've put yourself in this position by getting involved in a situation that involves these factors. Not aiming to be rude about it, however it's what you signed up for. Don't take it personally. You are banging this dudes ex and there is a child involved, not many people are cordial about such things and going to roll out the red carpet.

It is truths such as these that make me very hesitant when involving myself with girls with kids and ex husbands and the like. If you truly feel the way that you do about this women, know it is something you will have to deal with from this point on. Be as cordial as you can with him, don't go giving him any ammunition in the situation by yelling/getting confrontational with him.
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Old 03-28-2014, 01:16 PM   #6
SamDoe1
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Originally Posted by Icyhot1 View Post
I'm not sure
Then you're probably not ready for this or should get out while you can.

Also, who are you really?

No one comes on here with a question like this after signing up this month and having zero posts.

Last edited by SamDoe1; 03-28-2014 at 01:17 PM.
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Old 03-28-2014, 01:53 PM   #7
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Ask yourself a tough question: Can I deal with this situation the rest of my life.
sucks, but this pretty much sums it up.
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Old 03-28-2014, 01:59 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by SamDoe1 View Post
Then you're probably not ready for this or should get out while you can.

Also, who are you really?

No one comes on here with a question like this after signing up this month and having zero posts.
Everyone knows e46 OT is the place for honest advice
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Old 03-28-2014, 03:26 PM   #9
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it's not up to you to try to win this dude over. but you did your part and initiated contact on more than one occasion.

it sounds to me like she's trying to stir **** up to be honest.
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:38 PM   #10
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what?!! why the fvck are you calling her ex?

tell that asshole if he ever wants to see his kids again he better shut his damn pie hole before you play the taped conversations to a lawyer
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:58 PM   #11
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why do you "have to do this"?
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:59 PM   #12
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also, it sounds like she has good cause to be afraid of him.
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Old 03-29-2014, 11:26 PM   #13
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sleep with both of them.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:09 PM   #14
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why do you "have to do this"?
He says if we eventually move in together its some kinda of agreement they have.
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Old 03-30-2014, 04:10 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Icyhot1 View Post
He says if we eventually move in together its some kinda of agreement they have.

An agreement that you have to talk to him?


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Old 03-30-2014, 07:03 PM   #16
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A agreement that he has to talk to her new significant other and the same for her since that person will be around their child
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Old 03-30-2014, 07:09 PM   #17
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well guess what? you tried to satisfy that agreement on a number of occasions. tell her to have him contact you when he feels he can hold a conversation like an adult.
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Old 03-30-2014, 08:00 PM   #18
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I went through something similar with my current wife and her ex over my now step son. I just ignored the dads aggressive advances and treated the kid good eventually he came around and were on good terms now

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Old 04-01-2014, 01:40 PM   #19
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Dude speaking from experience...this is not your issue. It is her issue!!!!! It is her past baggage. If it were me I would tell her she needs to get her baggage in order asap otherwise walk. It is not your job to woo over the ex husband. Sure there is a kid involved but it is not like you are taking the kid on solo trips to the zoo or to the circus. My guess is that she is always around when the kid is around. Hence why this is her issue not yours!
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Old 04-01-2014, 02:19 PM   #20
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In almost all standard settlement agreements (i.e. divorce papers) there is a clause in there about new relationships/introducing the child/cohabitation, etc. This is standard and it protects the other parent from the other bringing too many people around the child and/or living with someone not being married. In other words, it makes each party consider more carefully who they choose to be around the child.

It's normal for the father to want to know who his child is hanging out with. But the way he is acting is, of course, ridiculous and over the top.

I'm not sure why your girlfriend is insisting that you call her ex husband-that is pretty unusual. Normally this type of thing is done in person. However, she should be the one facilitating any sort of meeting, not you.

My suggestion would be to speak to her about it and ask her to arrange something *on neutral territory* (not at anyone's residence) for just a quick 10-minute meet and greet.

At the end of the day, it would be a royal ordeal for the ex husband to enforce the settlement agreement (you might want to find out what it says, exactly), but the two of you don't want to give him any extra ammo in case he has other grievances so following it would be the right thing to do.

Hope that helps.
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