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Old 08-13-2013, 09:05 AM   #1
yousharenow
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Women, Careers, and their Age.

I broke up with my gf of a year just about a month ago and a little distance has given me some insight on the matter that I wanted to spitball with you guys.

My assertion:
Women in their mid 20's, especially super competitive ones(like my ex) are over-focused on their career so that they can relax in their 30's. This causes things like tunnel vision and emotional unavailability as the order of the day is professional progress, not relationship development. However, it seems once they crest 30 and are in a solid place in their profession they warm up to the idea of a relationship.

What is driving this is my Ex was a Business Consultant at Booz-Allen Hamilton and then switched over to a more respected firm. What's funny as once we broke up my buds told me she was moving to Dallas for a few months for a chance to run some project(professional advancement). While I don't blame a 26 year old woman for wanting her career more than a relationship, its hard for me to understand because I have a different frame of reference.

Fast Forward to last night and I had an awesome conversation with a woman at KMPG over this very exact thing. She is 32, smoking hot, has her **** together, and makes plenty of money. She is focused on meeting the right guy etc etc etc.

I started my career around 4 years earlier than my peers. I made my "big jump" when I moved to Atlanta at 24 and since then I have been the senior guy, developing my career at my own pace as being at the top of my division I don't feel the pressure to continually advance...I'm good.

When I was 23 I was all about career advancement too but again, when I made the huge jump in my career and climbed to the top rather fast, once I got there I chilled out. Tiffany(the KPMG) girl comes off the same way, as she has done the whole "career conquering" thing in her 20's and now is just "looking for love" if you will.


Am I crazy and just correlating sh!t that doesn't even matter, or is this a bit of a thematic idea with women my age? I'm professionally ahead of my age group, leaving me essentially socioeconomically isolated lol.

IM GOING TO DIE ALONE, OH JESUS.

Last edited by yousharenow; 08-14-2013 at 11:03 AM. Reason: I can't listen
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Old 08-13-2013, 09:20 AM   #2
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Seems to make sense for me. The 20s are an interesting age.
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Last edited by Tom5933; 08-13-2013 at 09:21 AM.
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Old 08-13-2013, 09:26 AM   #3
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Re: Women, Careers, and their Age.

Agree with your assertions.

Look at how much pressure women have.... career, family, spouse, children. It's natural that the really smart ones who understand this and do want it all will budget their time and physical / emotional / biological resources accordingly.



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Old 08-13-2013, 09:28 AM   #4
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What is funny is that after her parents met me back in the Spring, they loved me.

However even though mom loved me, she warned "I'm not saying you should be getting married, now is the time for you to focus on your career, but I like him".

Her mom is kind of an emotionally absent being. I think she has resentment that she is college educated and chose to have kids rather than a career, so she lives vicarously through her only daughter.

Half of me was terrified she would turn into her mom..lady just seems miserable.
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Old 08-13-2013, 09:40 AM   #5
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it depends on the person. It's crazy to think this is what all 20-30 year old women do. It just may be a little more normal now than it was 30 years ago.
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Old 08-13-2013, 10:12 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by yousharenow View Post
I'm professionally ahead of my age group, leaving me essentially socioeconomically isolated lol.
If all you have in common with your "friends" is your age and how much money you make then you are right, you're going to die alone.
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Old 08-13-2013, 10:24 AM   #7
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Women, Careers, and their Age.

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Old 08-13-2013, 10:33 AM   #8
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Re: Women, Careers, and their Age.

OP is an intellectual.

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Old 08-13-2013, 11:31 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DylloS View Post
it depends on the person. It's crazy to think this is what all 20-30 year old women do. It just may be a little more normal now than it was 30 years ago.
That's why I asked. I haven't dated any other really successful professional mid 20's so I didn't know how "normal" this was.


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If all you have in common with your "friends" is your age and how much money you make then you are right, you're going to die alone.
Seem's like you missed the boat on this one. My friends are older than me by no less than 4 years. This is due to similarities in lifestyles, these are the guys I drink with, play disc golf with, etc.

They however are not my social peer group that I have in school or you see running around clubs.

Big difference.



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Last edited by yousharenow; 08-13-2013 at 11:31 AM.
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Old 08-13-2013, 12:30 PM   #10
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Seem's like you missed the boat on this one. My friends are older than me by no less than 4 years. This is due to similarities in lifestyles, these are the guys I drink with, play disc golf with, etc.

They however are not my social peer group that I have in school or you see running around clubs.
"Social peer group" sounds like an awkward way of saying your acquaintances to whom you want to befriend, but are not actually friends with.

And I seriously doubt it's because of socioeconomic status. That's unless you flaunt your current status to the same degree you do on this forum. In which case, I could certainly understand their aversion to your friendship.
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Old 08-13-2013, 12:38 PM   #11
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"Social peer group" sounds like an awkward way of saying your acquaintances to whom you want to befriend, but are not actually friends with.
Not at all. Its my age peers in social settings, because peers of my age do not exist in a professional context.


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And I seriously doubt it's because of socioeconomic status. That's unless you flaunt your current status to the same degree you do on this forum. In which case, I could certainly understand their aversion to your friendship.
I've explained this dozens of times and somehow you habitually miss the boat.

Birds of a feather flock together for a reason.

My Work peers are at youngest 8 years my senior.
My Social Age peers are 26 years old and want to club and fvck biches n get money.

So whom with do you relate to? People in class are 2-6 years younger than me and have no perspective outside of college. My professional peers are all in a different life stage with kids and stuff. Guys my age aren't as weathered by life and a professional environment so they are still wild and out.

I'll define the term for you in an effort to get you to stop embarrassing yourself ; "Socioeconomic status (SES) is an economic and sociological combined total measure of a person's work experience and of an individual's or family's economic and social position in relation to others, based on income, education, and occupation."

So yes, socioeconomic isolation is exactly what it is.

BTW - nobody's flaunting anything. Work on that self confidence - it's showing again.

Last edited by yousharenow; 08-13-2013 at 12:42 PM.
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Old 08-13-2013, 12:59 PM   #12
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Anyone who thinks they are conquering their career in their 20's is delusional. Your work in your 20's can and will certainly set the tone for your career path, but to think that you've climbed to the top of your profession in your 20's in pretty out of touch with reality. Sure, it can happen, but those are the folks on the front of magazines and trade publications.....not you.
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Old 08-13-2013, 01:04 PM   #13
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...
They know what is what
But they don't know what is what
They just strut.
What the fu.ck?
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Old 08-13-2013, 01:16 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by SLVR JDM View Post
Anyone who thinks they are conquering their career in their 20's is delusional. Your work in your 20's can and will certainly set the tone for your career path, but to think that you've climbed to the top of your profession in your 20's in pretty out of touch with reality. Sure, it can happen, but those are the folks on the front of magazines and trade publications.....not you.
I didn't invent the internet or discover gravity. I could be more productive if I were to move to the sales side of the house but I cant travel due to school in the evenings. I've maxed out what I can do without traveling.

I am the "tallest hog at the trough" in my engineering division. Company wide(50 offices) the only guys above me are practice managers. Could I make the jump into their jobs in a few years - sure. The thing is that the only other dude I worked with near my age was 3 years older than me and he was still a rank or two down - that's all I'm getting at, I've hit a glass ceiling and I'm perfectly comfortable with it. IEEE published a paper I wrote on Statistical Over subscription but I was able to do that just to piss off my old boss. I don't know too many other 20's professionals who can at least put that feather in their cap.

Personally I wouldn't mind a 50% travel gig with Cisco but I really want to do school more.


But we are digressing, this isn't a thread about how I own 20 buildings and a submarine and space ship and one of Jupiter's moon's is named after me and yadda yadda yadda. This is all just conditional anecdotal evidence for why I find a lot of other professionals my age much more engaged in their careers, even at the expense of a relationship it seems. Am I wrong, especially considering women in the workplace?


Quote:
Originally Posted by casino is no lie View Post
They know what is what
But they don't know what is what
They just strut.
What the fu.ck?

Last edited by yousharenow; 08-13-2013 at 01:22 PM.
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Old 08-13-2013, 01:43 PM   #15
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Most women who are that focused on their career are trying to prove something to daddy. I read that on the back of a bus seat once.
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Old 08-13-2013, 02:07 PM   #16
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Seems like it, I hang out with my neighbor, described similarly to the girl you know at KPMG..she hangs out with other powerful women in the area, program managers, directors, you name it..they all have on thing in common. Looking for love. Meanwhile the jackass 26 year old neighbor (me) continually drags her back into going out at night, doing the young 20's party thing..all her friends are single (the same career oriented women) and all are desperate to find a dude..it must suck being a chick sometimes.
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Old 08-13-2013, 02:11 PM   #17
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Most women who are that focused on their career are trying to prove something to daddy. I read that on the back of a bus seat once.
I would totally buy that but she comes from a "normal" house, 2 older brothers and all.

Dad was a partner at Deloitte back in the day. From what I gathered, her motivation was she heard dad say "I'm the money maker so were going to do what I wanna do" to her mom when she was a kid and she swore to never let a man talk to her like that.

I think that, the fact she was an elite athlete, and the fact her mom never got to have a career despite being college educated as she jumped right into having kids(mom kinda lives vicariously through her). She derives pleasure from beating a level on a game or professional success, not really from personal relationships it seems.

IDK - she just randomly hit me up on FB and I just don't get her. It's like talking to a robot. What's funny is that all my friends that have met her have said the same thing - she is sweet and all but she is kinda robotic and vapid. A month away from it all and I can't be with a vapid person lol. But again, I'm not sure if a vapid personality is a corollary with professional success, or just this chick.

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Old 08-13-2013, 02:29 PM   #18
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I would totally buy that but she comes from a "normal" house, 2 older brothers and all.

Dad was a partner at Deloitte back in the day. From what I gathered, her motivation was she heard dad say "I'm the money maker so were going to do what I wanna do" to her mom when she was a kid and she swore to never let a man talk to her like that.

I think that, the fact she was an elite athlete, and the fact her mom never got to have a career despite being college educated as she jumped right into having kids(mom kinda lives vicariously through her). She derives pleasure from beating a level on a game or professional success, not really from personal relationships it seems.

IDK - she just randomly hit me up on FB and I just don't get her. It's like talking to a robot. What's funny is that all my friends that have met her have said the same thing - she is sweet and all but she is kinda robotic and vapid. A month away from it all and I can't be with a vapid person lol. But again, I'm not sure if a vapid personality is a corollary with professional success, or just this chick.
I know the sort of woman you are talking about. Rather than working hard to earn daddy's approval, they work hard to show him that she doesn't need a man to bring home the bacon like he did. It is just the flip side of the coin. Daughters are very impressionable and even the slightest thing like what you've described can really alter the way they look at work, their role in a household, relationships, etc.

I could not be less attracted to females of either sort. There is a middle ground of wanting to maintain a job, be a stay at home mom, and not be in it just to get to the top of the company.

It doesn't just have to be CEO or stay at home mom. I can safely say that my wife works a ton harder when she's at home with our kids than on the days when she's at work. She works part time and we're never at a loss for conversation when she's off for the summer with the kids. If the only thing you have to discuss is work, she isn't the right person for you. We talk about work and she understands my ambitions (to move ahead), my priorities (family first), etc. I understand hers as well.

JMHO.
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Old 08-13-2013, 02:40 PM   #19
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I know the sort of woman you are talking about. Rather than working hard to earn daddy's approval, they work hard to show him that she doesn't need a man to bring home the bacon like he did. It is just the flip side of the coin. Daughters are very impressionable and even the slightest thing like what you've described can really alter the way they look at work, their role in a household, relationships, etc.

I could not be less attracted to females of either sort. There is a middle ground of wanting to maintain a job, be a stay at home mom, and not be in it just to get to the top of the company.

It doesn't just have to be CEO or stay at home mom. I can safely say that my wife works a ton harder when she's at home with our kids than on the days when she's at work. She works part time and we're never at a loss for conversation when she's off for the summer with the kids. If the only thing you have to discuss is work, she isn't the right person for you. We talk about work and she understands my ambitions (to move ahead), my priorities (family first), etc. I understand hers as well.

JMHO.
Ya know-that's been my real learning curve from all this is that I dated a super warm-super connection girl who just wanted to be a housewife in Tx. I could not disdain that lifestyle choice any more than I currently do - not saying it is wrong or whatever but for me and my life - I absolutely can not stand it.


Then I met this one and she's the complete other end of the spectrum. Strong, independent, pretty, but kinda vapid when she is sober.


Then, I meet Tiffany(KMPG chick I met last night) & she is right down the middle, she's successful and warm at the same time which is EXACTLY the kinda girl I am looking for...I'm just not sure I am ready to get back into dating yet.

I have a real soft spot for teachers and nurses though as I find they have a healthy middle ground of being both warm by nature from their job, but also professionally successful. The ex tried to tell me that warmth/emotional availability is an inverse of professional success.

That's when I hung up the phone.


Bear in mind I am still young as I am only 26, but I feel like I genuinely have a a solid idea of what I want out of a woman and its comforting knowing that they DO exist. I was told that I am too picky and this that and the other, but if wanting a professionally successful emotionally available pretty woman is asking to much - I'll just go gay or something.
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Old 08-13-2013, 02:50 PM   #20
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You have a problem with women who are super competitive, career focused and emotionally unavailable.

Yet you frequently reference your accomplishments relative to others (i.e., competitive), constantly highlight your career aspirations (i.e., career focused) and appear to be dismissive when others allude to the fact you come across as pompous (i.e., emotionally unavailable).

This entire thread could be confused with your CV.
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