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Old 08-26-2013, 01:37 PM   #21
SLVR JDM
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My wife and I have very few hobbies in common. That said, she allows me to carve out some time to spend on them (golf, shooting, etc) which don't exactly just take an hour.
Part of my responsibility to her is to know when is a good time to spend on my hobbies and when my commitments/responsibilities to her and my kids are too high for me to break away. More often than not, I skip doing a hobby to help her or spend time with her. If we didn't have kids it wouldn't require such a deliberate thought process, but my point is, you have to weigh your priorities and sense when it is a good time to break away vs. spending time with her.

Also, if you explain that spending time on your car is generally when you're hanging out with your friends, that would be good. She needs to give you some alone time and time with friends. The fact that is a car is immaterial.

My wife doesn't understand golf, but she cares enough about me to know that I like to get out there with some friends and break away for a little while. If it were basket weaving, she'd feel the same way (but probably think I was ghey).
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Old 08-26-2013, 01:41 PM   #22
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My wife and I have very few hobbies in common. That said, she allows me to carve out some time to spend on them (golf, shooting, etc) which don't exactly just take an hour.
Part of my responsibility to her is to know when is a good time to spend on my hobbies and when my commitments/responsibilities to her and my kids are too high for me to break away. More often than not, I skip doing a hobby to help her or spend time with her. If we didn't have kids it wouldn't require such a deliberate thought process, but my point is, you have to weigh your priorities and sense when it is a good time to break away vs. spending time with her.

Also, if you explain that spending time on your car is generally when you're hanging out with your friends, that would be good. She needs to give you some alone time and time with friends. The fact that is a car is immaterial.

My wife doesn't understand golf, but she cares enough about me to know that I like to get out there with some friends and break away for a little while. If it were basket weaving, she'd feel the same way (but probably think I was ghey).

Lol! And that's something worth admiring. I just want mutual understanding from her. I imagine the kids make it a little more complex. However the lines have just become so blurred. I don't know when is a good time to break away. Or if that time even exists.
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Old 08-26-2013, 01:45 PM   #23
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Annoyed. Lifestyles clashing.

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Lol! And that's something worth admiring. I just want mutual understanding from her. I imagine the kids make it a little more complex. However the lines have just become so blurred. I don't know when is a good time to break away. Or if that time even exists.
That time needs to exist. Time apart from one another is just as important to the health of the relationship as time spent together.

Sounds like a communication issue at heart, you need to make her understand that you need time to do your own things, but that that doesn't mean you want to be away from her.


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Old 08-26-2013, 01:46 PM   #24
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Both, honestly. She expects to see me everyday. And i love that. But at the same time i want to see the boys, ya know? And they go hand in hand as we mostly work on cars when we do see one another. Its so hard to tell her that i'm chilling with ____ or doing _____ because she gets all sad and pouty. Then its just depressing knowing i let her down. All of her friends have recently gone to college. Shes staying behind for one more year to crank on her music. I honestly feel smothered. Haven't seen any of my friends in months. Working on my car is more or less therapy for me, a release from work and the stresses of life in general.
sounds immature. You only have a few choices though. Bring it up, let it go, or hang out with your friends instead and cause a problem.
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Old 08-26-2013, 01:47 PM   #25
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That time needs to exist. Time apart from one another is just as important to the health of the relationship as time spent together.

Sounds like a communication issue at heart, you need to make her understand that you need time to do your own things, but that that doesn't mean you want to be away from her.


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Exactly.

Its just hard knowing her mates aren't around at the moment. I really am in love with this girl so i hate feeling like i hurt her in any way shape or form. I just need to find that balance.
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Old 08-26-2013, 01:47 PM   #26
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Lol! And that's something worth admiring. I just want mutual understanding from her. I imagine the kids make it a little more complex. However the lines have just become so blurred. I don't know when is a good time to break away. Or if that time even exists.
I dated a chick who pulled me away from all my friends...it wasn't something I was consciously aware of until some of my buddies pointed it out. I was in denial and told them they were crazy since I wanted to be with her.

I realized my friends were right after I was ready to break up with her. What a waste of time...but I learned a lot from that relationship.

The right girl will integrate with your friends and at least understand that you have hobbies which you need some time to enjoy. She doesn't have to be a car chick, just appreciate that you're into them...or whatever it is you're into.
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Old 08-26-2013, 01:51 PM   #27
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I dated a chick who pulled me away from all my friends...it wasn't something I was consciously aware of until some of my buddies pointed it out. I was in denial and told them they were crazy since I wanted to be with her.

I realized my friends were right after I was ready to break up with her. What a waste of time...but I learned a lot from that relationship.

The right girl will integrate with your friends and at least understand that you have hobbies which you need some time to enjoy. She doesn't have to be a car chick, just appreciate that you're into them...or whatever it is you're into.
I really plan to marry this girl. But at the same time i don't want to cut communications with anyone who has had my back from the start and become completely reliant on her. To put it plainly....she needs constant attention. Shes like another high maintenance car. She was the girl who everyone wanted in school. Shes used to constant

Shes a great girl and takes good care of me. Doesn't take advantage of me. I just need some time to think about monkeys and potatoes.
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Old 08-26-2013, 01:56 PM   #28
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sounds immature. You only have a few choices though. Bring it up, let it go, or hang out with your friends instead and cause a problem.
Solly...try to keep in mind that i am not in my 30s. So while it may seem immature to you. It matters at the moment. Still trying to find my place in life & in other peoples lives. I am aware of the choices i have. I would like to know how others would handle it.
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Old 08-26-2013, 01:58 PM   #29
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On top of showing her obvious cases of you putting her first, I think you just need to have a talk with her and explain to her what's going on more than anything else. My guess is that she's upset that all of her friends are gone and is concentrating all of that extra attention on you. Communication is key and I think you guys just have a gap to fill in your communication.

Worst comes to worst, ask her to come help out with your car. Next time you're out giving the car a wash have her come help...and post pics of course.
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Old 08-26-2013, 02:00 PM   #30
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On top of showing her obvious cases of you putting her first, I think you just need to have a talk with her and explain to her what's going on more than anything else. My guess is that she's upset that all of her friends are gone and is concentrating all of that extra attention on you. Communication is key and I think you guys just have a gap to fill in your communication.

Worst comes to worst, ask her to come help out with your car. Next time you're out giving the car a wash have her come help...and post pics of course.
Best advice yet. Thanks man


I would actually love to see her get dirty with me and my friends. And pictarz. But of course.
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Old 08-26-2013, 02:03 PM   #31
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To put it plainly....she needs constant attention. Shes like another high maintenance car. She was the girl who everyone wanted in school. Shes used to constant
Oh man, I couldn't put up with that
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Old 08-26-2013, 02:04 PM   #32
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Solly...try to keep in mind that i am not in my 30s. So while it may seem immature to you. It matters at the moment. Still trying to find my place in life & in other peoples lives. I am aware of the choices i have. I would like to know how others would handle it.
she's immature. Not you. She can't handle her bf hanging with the guys? That's not a trait that changes. I don't think I've ever met someone that went from being like that to saying yeah go ahead, hang with your friends.
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Old 08-26-2013, 02:10 PM   #33
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You play drums?!? I don't necessarily need her participation, although it would be cool to work with her! Just her cooperation. She gets to do everything she would want to do in a day from 7-6. Once i'm off, i'm next on her list. In that time frame i haven't gotten anything personal accomplished.
Have for years - was a snare line cracker for a year in HS.

She should respect that you have hobbies. I had free reign to do whatever I wanted when I wanted and my ex and I had to make time to see each other - but we didn't badger each other for time.

I've dated girls that wanted to be around all the time - I hated it, felt smothered. I'll spend Friday and Sat night with the gal, but Saturday I'm going paintballing, sailing, grocery shopping - whatever I wanna do.
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Old 08-26-2013, 02:17 PM   #34
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Re: Annoyed. Lifestyles clashing.

Be a gentleman and open her door-this will minimize the wear and tear on the passenger side. And win you brownie points.

15 minute her 15 minute routine.
Reservations at 7. Tell her they are at 6. Pick her up at 5. Be patient and make sure she is ready and beautiful(keep make-up out of the car. At 6 say: oh babe we're late. But you look beautiful and don't worry, my car is fast we'll make it in time. AGAIN winning brownie points.

Treat whatever she drives with as much love and respect as you treat your own. She's realize 2 things:

1 you care for her safety and well-being.
2 your passion isn't for the car but the actions that come with working with your hands.

Lastly: she's a looker and possibly the next Mariah or Leanne or Whitney. Put all your **** to the side and don't sign an annulment.

Good luck brother. Your still really young.


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Old 08-26-2013, 02:44 PM   #35
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Be a gentleman and open her door-this will minimize the wear and tear on the passenger side. And win you brownie points.

15 minute her 15 minute routine.
Reservations at 7. Tell her they are at 6. Pick her up at 5. Be patient and make sure she is ready and beautiful(keep make-up out of the car. At 6 say: oh babe we're late. But you look beautiful and don't worry, my car is fast we'll make it in time. AGAIN winning brownie points.

Treat whatever she drives with as much love and respect as you treat your own. She's realize 2 things:

1 you care for her safety and well-being.
2 your passion isn't for the car but the actions that come with working with your hands.

Lastly: she's a looker and possibly the next Mariah or Leanne or Whitney. Put all your **** to the side and don't sign an annulment.

Good luck brother. Your still really young.


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You are the man. Thanks for your input, we are just on different planets when it comes to certain things i suppose. She always looks beautiful i make sure to let her know. I have sacrificed a lot so far to be with her and continue to do so. I just need to man up and let her know that i need other things in life besides her to remain happy.
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Old 08-26-2013, 03:16 PM   #36
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Annoyed. Lifestyles clashing.

There's some good advice on here. Let me add my 2 cents.

First, and foremost, your g/f should never feel insecure about your car. She probably feels like you're cheating on her with your car. She notices the sparkle in your eye when you look back at the M3 after a nice wash and wax/polish. She notices this. You need to have that same sparkle when you're looking at her.
She has to feel #1- not be in competition with your car. I had a similar situation many years ago when I did a Euro Delivery on my '03 330ci. Lets just say things didn't end well- she hated my car and my "obsession" with it.

Here's what I would do:
1. Surprise her with a couples massage or just spoil her with a spa day- consists of mani/pedi + 1 hour massage at a nice place.
2. Detail her car inside and out- treat her car with the same respect you treat yours- maybe she'll get the hint to reciprocate
3. Surprise her when she's traveling making her music- show her you took initiative and are spontaneous

Good luck kiddo !


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Old 08-26-2013, 04:38 PM   #37
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it's a goddamn car
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Old 08-26-2013, 05:19 PM   #38
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The meme kind of has a point. If she can't respect your M3 then she must not respect you. Flip your story, imagine if you thought her music career was ridiculous and you demeaned her by saying she should strive to better herself in a more meaningful capacity (nurse, engineer, etc.) how would she feel?

You're in a relationship, she is not your queen and you are not a peon, man up son.
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Old 08-26-2013, 05:49 PM   #39
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You're in a relationship, she is not your queen and you are not a peon, man up son.
Best advice ITT
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Old 08-26-2013, 06:56 PM   #40
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it's a goddamn car
Eh. I hate to pull a mango. But the website does have fanatic written in it.

Let me put it this way.

Think back to something you truly wanted, even when you were younger. You saved up and finally bought it yourself. The feeling when you actually got it was awesome. I just haven't lost that awesome feeling yet. Not sure if i ever will. I dreamt of this car when i was younger and plan to keep it for a very long time.

Plus dude.....im fukn 30,000$ deep. Depreciating or not. Its an asset that retains value based on my care of it. Besides, its a DIY dream car when it comes to tinkering with it.
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