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Love Line

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Old 02-20-2014, 02:34 AM   #1
Shaban
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My fiancée might want me to get rid of my dog

So I've been with my fiancée for almost 4 years now and 2.5 years ago I got a dog, a pitbull. When I first got Molly (dog) she was 3 months old and she was my first house dog. I've had other dogs in the past, but they were guard dogs at my shop. My fiancée at first loved the dog and would think of it as "our dog" since we had always been thinking marriage.

I've trained Molly to the best of my abilities which aren't perfect, but not bad. She knows basic command such as sit, stay, paw, go potty, and go home (cage). She's normally outside most of the day while I'm at work and then comes inside when I get home. Half the time she sits with me, the other half she is in her cage. At night when I go to sleep she stays in her cage.

Molly has faults, she gets excited when people come over and if I'm not holding her she usually jumps on people, but normally when people are coming over I put her in her cage. And usually when she gets excited she doesn't listen to commands.

So now the problem. I've moved out of my parents house and got a townhouse where me and the lady will be living for the next few years and now she's saying she doesn't want the dog there with us. My fiancée lives in Toronto currently, so she's never really around Molly. She's only come to Virginia a couple of times and she never got to know Molly. She says she is scared of her because she's a pit, even though I've showed her reports that pitbulls are very obedient and not how the media portrays them. She also says that she can't stand the smell since pitbulls have a natural odor.

So now I'm torn on what to do. I've told her I won't get rid of Molly, but it's causing a big problem between us. I love my dog and I don't want to be without her. Although I've only had her for a couple years she had helped me a ton with depression, stress, and anxiety. At my parents house Molly stayed in her cage at night, but in the garage (attached, carpeted and heated/air conditioned). The townhouse I got doesn't have a garage... It's 1,200 sq ft and the only place I could keep Molly's cage is in the dining area next to the backdoor. It does have a fenced in backyard just like my parents house, and she would be outside while I'm at work. But my fiancée is still scared of her, doesn't like the smell, and we have a big problem. Any help?

Sorry for the long text, I'm stressed out right now. Also sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors, I'm on my phone.


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Old 02-20-2014, 02:38 AM   #2
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If she loved you she wouldn't force you to make such decision. Especially this delicate situation. You just don't do that to someone.

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Old 02-20-2014, 03:51 AM   #3
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Can´t you take the dog to some type of obedience training course? If the dog was properly trained it wouldn´t be jumping on people, and would listen to commands in stead of getting too excited.

Maybe if your dog was better behaved the fiancé wouldn´t have such a problem with it?
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Old 02-20-2014, 05:37 AM   #4
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My first thought was to say to get rid of the girl. But you lost me after, "she gets excited when people come over and if I'm not holding her she usually jumps on people."

To me this is a huge thing. (Perhaps to others, nothing.) But I have a few friends where I will not go over to their house because they cannot control their animals. Little yappy shits that want to jump on the couch and lick your face or big dogs that jump up on you and snag your clothes with their nails. One of these pairs of friends thinks it is cute that their dogs want to give us "kisses".... What I'd really like to do is to punt the fvckers out the front door!

I'm not a fan of pitbulls and a few other types... But I also don't like the little yappy "kick me" dogs...

Get rid of the dog and ask for BJs every day from here on.
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Old 02-20-2014, 05:40 AM   #5
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I say get rid of her(your fiancé). if she really cared for you she would understand the bond between a man and his dog.

you need to exercise your dog more and try to expose it to as many people as possible. IMO your fiancé just needs to spend time with the dog and she will get over her fear w/ time.
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Old 02-20-2014, 06:12 AM   #6
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I have a real soft spot for pitbulls and have had several over the past 20 years, including "Judy" in my signature photo who has been our family pet for about 10 years. Great dogs that are, in my experience charming enough to make most people fall in love them, even those who thought they didn't like pitbulls because they have a bad reputation.

My advice is to keep the dog and let the girl meet here and get used to her and see where it goes from there and put a lot of effort into training the dog. IMHO-If the girlfriend isn't willing to give this a chance, she is not worth having around anyway.

Best of luck
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Old 02-20-2014, 06:50 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Big Rick View Post
To me this is a huge thing. (Perhaps to others, nothing.) But I have a few friends where I will not go over to their house because they cannot control their animals. Little yappy shits that want to jump on the couch and lick your face or big dogs that jump up on you and snag your clothes with their nails. One of these pairs of friends thinks it is cute that their dogs want to give us "kisses".... What I'd really like to do is to punt the fvckers out the front door!
I agree. Nothing worse than an untrained dog.
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Old 02-20-2014, 06:57 AM   #8
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Get rid of the women, the dog will always love ya, she's not a guarantee, dogs get excited when ppl come over, no matter what the bread, I'd never choose a women over my dog, if she can't except your dog she doesn't care as much as she says and she's not the right one, no women should ever come btwn a man and his dog or a man and his car.


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Old 02-20-2014, 07:02 AM   #9
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I wish my life problems were this easy! Get rid of the fiancée. You really want to spend the rest of your life with a woman like this? Forcing you to get rid of a dog is the first of many decisions SHE will be making for you... Your fiancée is a typical "dream smasher". Meaning, if you marry her you WILL live your life how SHE wants.

Good luck
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Old 02-20-2014, 08:05 AM   #10
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fiancee' who "wants"?


meh
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Old 02-20-2014, 08:26 AM   #11
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you give in now, you will be making concessions the rest of your married life. red flag
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Old 02-20-2014, 08:41 AM   #12
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Education is key for everyone involved.

I'm a dog lover, period. But I'm partial to the dogs I've had good experiences owning/training; American Pitbull Terriers and a black lab

Compromise: you agree to train the dog, give the dog everything it needs to be a functioning member of the pack. She agrees to learn about the breed and give you time. Give a realistic deadline. I'd say a year. But with hard work, in 6 months she should be rocking. Give an ultimatum, if in that year she is not behaving properly then you promise rehome her. The rehoming well benefit everyone. Especially the dog. Bad behavior will lead to bad situations. Better to put her in a house that understands and can train, then to risk her causing havoc and headlining a news report with your name in it.


Simultaneously train yourself, the dog, then the future wife.

Educate the wife. Google "PITBULL FACEBOOK" tons of links pop up. 2 super stars are Tattor-tot and Elle. Both hero dogs that did the unexpected. Also be a fan of a page called "we are lovers not fighters". Good information, lots of pro dog stuff.

Educate her on the negative's. All cases involving pitbull type dogs or any dog for that matter include: abused, neglected, unsocialized, unsupervised, lose untrained dogs. From what you say, your dog is a few of those. Her concerns have merit.

Educate yourself. Read books, watch YouTube, practice(play) everyday with the dog. At this point an hour a day learning and playing will do wonders. You have to make it fun. Dogs will do anything before food is served. Use their very own food as a training treat. Save actual treats for when they do spectacular things. Dogs are also creatures of habit. Feed them at the same time, walk them at the same time, train/play at the same time.

Educate the dog. A 4 year old dog by now should listen very attentively to their owner. All their energy outburst should be minimal(your dog is bored and doesn't get the simulation she needs).
The jumping: she needs more interactions with humans as well as dogs(socialization). Different types, sizes, colors, languages if possible.

Cage training: I'm a supporter if using a closed cage while potty training. Once a dog is trained the only 2 reasons to put them in there are to sleep at night with an open cage. While your away for less then 8 hours with a closed cage. Outside of that they see that cage as a safe zone. I wouldn't ever hit my dog and put them in the cage as punishment.

Dogs live in the moment. They did something wrong, 3 hours later you discover it. They don't remember they did it. They don't really care if they did do it. That scared look on their faces right before you pummel them is FEAR. Fear of the expression on your face and you're body language NOT the expression of guilt.

Keeping the cage in a family area is good for the dog. It makes them feel like your I'm the room "with" them like a family(a pack) vice keeping them double looked in a spare room or the garage. Away from the pack.

Pitbulls are very intelligent. They respond well to obedience training. Just hope closed minded people don't already have some kind of ban at your local training center.

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This is Hayde. I got her at about 6 month. I owned her for about 5 months before I had to move to California. Because of BSL=breed specific legislation. I was unable to find a place for us to live while stationed here. I spent 2 months looking and trying. I even came out here for 2 weeks and did walk thru's with houses, apartments, rooms, everything, everywhere. No one would allow us to live there. I might of called/visited 60-70 places before I gave up and rehomed her.

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She new lots of commands at less than a year old. Eat, sit, lay, come, stay, beg, stand, cage, leash, up, down, cage, I'm sure there were more. My girlfriend was able to walk her while pregnant and with the baby in the stroller without issues.

The EAT command. My dogs are not allowed to "attack" the food bowl. They sit, stay while I serve up the bowl. Place the bowl down and walk Away. She was NOT allowed to approach the bowl and eat until given the command EAT. The longest she sat there was 10 minutes while I walked away into another room. She choose to leave the food and follow me into the room. She also was required to stop eating if I touched, moved, put my hand in the bowl. Think about children wanting to play with the dog while eating. Once I was finished playing with her food she waited until given the EAT command again.

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She wasn't allowed to enter any room without permission. Command: come.
She wasn't allowed to walk thru any exterior doors without the command COME, including the double garage door. I would open the door, command STAY, walk outside while she watched from the door. Move about for a minute or 2 reminding her to STAY. I would give the command from 30 feet away COME and age would bolt out ready for the world.

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And commands UP/DOWN. I had a table outside that we used to groom her on everyday. Command UP, SIT, STAY and I would brush her coat everyday. Walk away from the table command STAY and she would wait patently. Brush her some more, give her a treat. Command DOWN and she would follow me inside, no command to reenter the house.

Ask if she wanted some "smell good". She would jump and twitch and run around with excitement. I sprayed her down with AXE body spray everyday. Cheaper than the dog stuff, smells better, and last longer.

Sorry so long winded. I love my pets. And I agree with you on your depression/anxiety and the NEED to have her.

Educate educate educate and good luck.




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Old 02-20-2014, 09:51 AM   #13
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First of all, how are you marrying someone who lives in Toronto and has only met your dog a few times????

Secondly, you need to take your dog through a training class or two. Get her through some advanced obedience training and maybe even canine good citizen training and your wife to be will begin to love her.

Lastly, if your wife says "it's the dog or me" and actually follows through with it...well it probably wasn't meant to be. I would not give my dog up for a girl under any circumstances (other than it killed someone) and that was made abundantly clear to my now wife before we even got engaged. She wasn't a dog lover before but came around very quickly after living with one.
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Old 02-20-2014, 09:52 AM   #14
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Lock both your fiancée and your dog in the trunk of your car or a closet for an hour, go let them both out and see who is happy to see you.

Right off the bat I wouldn't be able to see myself with a women who would give me an ultimatum of her or the dog. That being said, training for the dog is crucial and you two should do it together.
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Old 02-20-2014, 10:34 AM   #15
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1) obedience training
2) get a house with a yard
3) then decide whether to keep fiancée


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Old 02-20-2014, 12:53 PM   #16
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Ok well let me make some things clear. She didn't give me an ultimatum. She said she wants to keep the option of rehoming on the table. I told her that it wasn't an option. I told her the dog will be outside until I get home and that I'll take care of her. Also, based on all the suggestions I'll probably put her in an obedience course.

My dog is also very obedient except for when she gets excited. Also my fiancée doesn't know about the jumping up on people and I agree with whoever stated before that it's annoying as hell. Her concerns are that she's afraid because it's a pitbull, and the cleanliness factor. She's a clean freak, so it's a lot different for her dealing with a shedding and smelly dog.

As for the person who said they spray their dog with axe, is that ok for their coat? Because Molly already has a lot of dandruff and I have to put a product in her food to help tame that.

Molly never tried to bite if I take away her food, the only time she'll bite is when I'm playing rough with her and she doesn't actually bite down, just grabs my hand with her mouth, but as soon as I say no to her she stops and starts licking. She knows to stay, but not as well as the person above mentioned. She will stay, but if I go to a different room she will follow.

Also, you stated not to use the cage as punishment and I've heard this before, but I have... She understands that if she does something wrong she goes to her cage, but she also uses it as a safe zone for herself. She sits/sleeps on her cage on her own and before I got her spayed, she would go in there whenever she felt as if she were pregnant (she never was and never even close). She's never gotten possessive over a toy or blanket or anything like that.



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Old 02-20-2014, 01:33 PM   #17
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Old 02-20-2014, 01:39 PM   #18
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You don't spray yourself with Axe, why would you spray your dog with it? It's a dog, it smells like a dog, and it's wonderful.
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Old 02-20-2014, 03:24 PM   #19
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1) obedience training
2) get a house with a yard
3) then decide whether to keep fiancée


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Old 02-20-2014, 10:55 PM   #20
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tell her it's you or the dog. Problem solved she will allow the dog.
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