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|11-02-2006, 12:21 AM||#1|
The Sex Guide
The Sex Guide
Section 1: Why I am writing this Guide
A lot of people on this website ask a lot of questions regarding sex. It seems to me that there is a great deal of confusion and misinformation out there, and I feel compelled to rectify it both for the benefit of the men and their women. This Guide will not teach you how to get dates, how to talk to girls or get their numbers, or even how to seduce them. It is purely about sex - what to do when the clothes are coming off if you want her to remember you for the rest of her life. I'm no Casanova, but I've been around the block many times in a variety of ways, so I do feel qualified to write my reflections on the act and share what I have found to be effective techniques and actions. All the writing herein is my own, and if you don't like it, don't read it. I will occasionally use technical terms and/or anatomical terms like "clitoral hood" or "mucus membranes." If you don't understand, the dictionary is your friend. Most of this guide will be more sympathetic to women than men and will suggest a lot of "un-manly" things; if you're going to call me girly or ****, you can stop reading right now. Macho, manly articles on how to pound her clam into submission are NOT what I'm about. Making her feel like an amazing, beautiful, sensitive woman through mind-blowing sex is our aim, and you're not going to do that by strutting like a rooster and jizzing in her asscrack. Lastly, this Guide is NOT a step-by-step "manual" for sex. For example, I won't tell you EVERY single way in which you can stimulate her nipples. I will give you an example or two or three, but the take-home message would be "stimulate her nipples in a variety of ways." I hope that makes sense.
DISCLAIMER: Don't have sex until you are BOTH EMOTIONALLY READY to handle it. Just because you can get a boner doesn't mean you're ready for sex - relationships are always complicated, and way more so when sex is involved. I won't try to dictate a "proper" age to start having sex, but please, know yourself and your lady, and make a responsible decision on whether you are BOTH ready for it. If you're unsure, wait. Always practice safe sex. Use a condom every time unless you are married and trying to have a child. If you don't use a condom, don't whine to me when you get her pregnant or you catch something that rots your ***** off. Additionally, condoms are not 100% effective against STDs - just because you'll wear one isn't an excuse to have sex with some herpes-ridden skank. Choose your partners carefully.
That said, let's get to it. We'll start with some basics and move on to bigger things.
Section 2: Virgins suck at sex. Live with it.
If you are a virgin, your first time will not rock her world. All macho bragging aside, it's the gospel truth. Probably less than 5% of men had great sex their first time. Most men, no matter how much they've read or heard about sex, won't know how to work her plumbing until they've had some time to examine it and test it out. Having amazing sex your first time would be like riding a bike perfectly on your first try - almost impossible. Despite this fact, you see people all over the internet claiming to have blown her mind the first time. These people are most likely insecure teenagers, and most likely frauds. To prove my point, I will relate the story of how I lost my virginity.
I lost mine in a way I regret. A good friend of mine had a major crush on me for years, and I only halfheartedly reciprocated her feelings, but I let my ***** do the thinking and we fooled around on-and-off for about two years. Then at a party near the end of high school we both got piss drunk and started making out on the host's sofa bed. It was the worst sex ever had by two people. It started as a sloppy drunken make-out. Then we started getting undressed, but for whatever reason (hey, I was smashed) I left my shirt on? She went down on me, and she was terrible at head. She didn't know how to move her head, and she kept biting my dick. I tried to go down on her, but everything tasted like whiskey, and my drunk breath combined with her odor was not pleasant. So, since I did a poor job of eating her out, she was basically bone dry. Plus, I had a severe case of WhiskeyDick, ie, I couldn't stay hard very well because I was so drunk. So we were rolling around on the bed, I was trying to stick it in, and it was not cooperating. We tried doggy style, reverse cowgirl, etc. and my half-flaccid ***** just wouldn't go into her dry vagina. At some point someone walked in on us, thus adding to the awkwardness of the already terrible situation. We finally got it in missionary, but since she was dry the friction was MASSIVE and I didn't last long at all. Maybe 30 seconds or so. I felt bad, so I decided to get her to orgasm manually. I started fingering her and sucking on her nipples, which I knew she liked from previous discussions. At that point she asked me to FIST her (hey, she was smashed too). I said, "Can you be fisted?" She said, "I dunno." I tried but I could only fit 3 fingers up to the knuckles. I settled for double-fingering her. While I was doing that she wanted me to bite her nipples, HARD. So I did, and she came hard after several minutes of nipple biting and hard fingering. As she climaxed she FINALLY got really wet, although it was about 20 minutes too late to do me any good. She passed the hell out after that, I went back to the party and tried to erase my memory of the incident by downing half a bottle of Grey Goose.
What does the story prove? That just because you start out knowing nothing does NOT mean you have to stay in the dark. In the subsequent years I have had lots of sex and learned a lot about what works, and what doesn't work. I've made more mistakes during sex than I can count - but I've learned from them. And in time, so will you. I'm writing this to speed the process for you. If you're a virgin, as long as you can accept that you're an amateur and are willing to take direction and learn from your mistakes, you'll be fine.
Section 3: Horniness
"Horny" is just slang for "in the mood for sex." Despite the claims of some women, most females in their prime think about sex and get horny almost as often as men do. Horniness is not the same as physical arousal; a man can be in the mood without getting an erection, and women can want sex without experiencing clitoral engorgement or vaginal lubrication. Horniness is a mandatory first stop on the train to good sex. Many men are surprised to know that women can get horny through many of the same mechanisms we experience. Like men, sometimes women get horny from subtle things: a smile, a kiss on the cheek or neck, or simply a thought flashing through their minds, can put them in the mood. Sometimes they like more blatant things: back and foot massages, two-person showers, spooning, whispering naughty things into their ears, etc. All are valid ways of turning a woman on, but NONE are guaranteed to work at any time. Before you initiate any sort of serious sexual activity, make sure your lady is in the mood. You can't just walk up while she's doing the dishes, bend her over, and stick it in. The authorities call that "Rape." The reason I'm not going to spend much time on horniness is that its signs are so widely varied among women. Some horny girls will outright tell you "I want to <del><del>****</del></del>." Others will say and do nothing unless you're already kissing them and sliding your hand under her shirt. Make sure you are both sober, too - alcohol makes us want sex more, but it also decreases our ability to become aroused. Reread my virginity story if you don't believe me. Its up to you to know if your girl wants sex, and as I said, this guide is mostly about the actual sex part, not the mood leading up to it.
Section 4: Kissing
Kissing is an art, and like other arts, some people are naturals, and others have to learn. There are different ways of kissing, and they should be applied separately not only to her lips, but her other parts as well. French kissing is fine for making out, but you'll find that you do it less during sex. Do NOT under ANY circumstances just stick your tongue in her mouth and wag it around. That's what Face-Huggers do in the Alien movies, not what you should do to your girlfriend. Anything you do during a kiss should have a purpose. If you use your tongue during a kiss, use it to trace around her lips or to touch the very tip of her tongue - it should never go very far into her mouth. Most women are fine with simple kissing during sex - lips parted, but no tongue action, and do it softly during foreplay. If you're kissing other parts, you can modify your technique accordingly. If you kiss her neck, do it softly, but sometimes you can throw in a little bit of teeth as a "nibble" on her neck. You can also kiss her neck passionately for a few seconds, then position your mouth just a couple millimeters from her skin and inhale for a few seconds - the warm film of saliva on her skin will be rapidly cooled by evaporation, and the quick change from hot to cold (and back again as you start kissing once more) can excite her. Kissing is something you can experiment with to a large extent, just remember the three cardinal rules: not too slobbery, not much tongue, not much teeth (if any). If you're a good kisser she will be putty in your hands.
Before we get into the sex act, you need to know where a woman's buttons are. There are a number of obvious ones, but there are also many that are subtle. I am going to do my best to list the ones I can think of, from her head to her feet, along with how to find them (if subtle) and some good ways to consider stimulating them.
Top of head - some women love head rubs or scalp massages. Careful you don't put her to sleep.
Ears - Especially earlobes and the outer edges along the top. Good for kissing, nibbling, or sucking.
Cheeks - Kiss or touch with fingertips
Jawline - Kiss or touch with fingertips
Neck - Especially base and nape. Kiss, nibble, touch, lick.
Shoulders - Especially back/top of shoulders. Kiss or massage.
Elbows - Crook of elbow is sensitive to tongue, might tickle
Hands - Massage palm, kiss or lick palm, fingertips, back of hand. Women also love holding your hands while you do other stuff - for example, you could intertwine your fingers with hers and pin them to the sides as you kiss her neck.
Breasts - Not just the nipple. Most women love having their breasts kissed, touched, or even massaged (gently! They're sensitive!). If she has larger breasts, the crease underneath them will be especially sensitive to kisses. Nipples are sensitive to just about anything. You can even bite them VERY softly, but be careful - they're extremely sensitive and hurting her is a great way to kill the mood. Titty<del><del>****</del></del>ing is a porn creation, get it out of your head now - if she has big ones she may do it for you, but she will derive little or no pleasure from it.
Back - Along the spine, and there are also some very sensitive areas on the sides under the shoulder blades. Small of the back is also sensitive. Kiss these areas. Backrubs are also a hit, or soft back scratches with your fingernails that move slowly all the way up her back and all the way back down.
Butt - Kiss the cheeks, can even bite them if she's cool with it. Massaging them is fine too. Spanking lightly can be OK, but don't leave a mark unless she's into BDSM.
Anus - No, I'm not talking about surprise buttsecks. Women have a massive number of nerve endings in the skin surrounding the anus and also at the anal opening. There aren't many actually inside the rectum, which is why most women who enjoy anal say it feels best when the guy is moving (ie, stimulating external nerve endings), and holding still inside the rectum doesn't give them pleasure. Obviously this is a touchy area; most women would never consider allowing a man near their anus. Don't go anywhere near it without prior approval, and even then you should only stimulate the exterior area with your finger or tongue (getting rimmed can actually be extraordinarily pleasurable for women if you're both brave enough to do it - as long as she's had a shower recently and follows good hygiene, it's not really any worse than regular oral sex). Sticking an uninvited finger in there will get you punched.
Perineum - This is more commonly referred to as the "taint" - the area of skin between the vaginal and anal openings. Tongue only for this one - fingers just aren't soft enough.
Leg creases - The lines where her legs join her torso are sensitive to licking and kissing. Hot breath is good too, if she's ticklish here.
Labia majora - The labia majora are the large folds of skin surrounding the vulvar opening. Labia majora means "major lips" in Latin, and they do look like two large lips. Sensitive to licking and fingertips. The minor lips, or labia minora, are just inside the labia majora, and while they are sensitive, I would not classify them as an erogenous zone because they would be difficult to isolate for stimulation.
Clitoris and clitoral hood - This one is obvious, but many men don't know where to find it. The clitoris is the female equivalent of the *****, and the clitoral hood is the equivalent of the penile foreskin. Both homologous organs grow from the same cells in the embryo. The clitoral hood is located at the top of the vulva, right where the labia majora separate from each other. It looks like a small hotdog between the "bun" of the labia. I won't link it, but IIRC there are a couple of good, labeled photos on the wikipedia entry for "clitoris." The clitoris is the most sensitive of all female erogenous zones. If you pull back the hood you can expose the tip of the clitoris, but doing so can often be painful because the area is so sensitive. It is best to lick the clitoral hood or touch it with your fingertips, and not try to provide direct stimulation to the clitoral glans by pulling back the hood unless the lady asks you to do so. Be very gentle.
U-spot - There is a small area of erectile tissue at the urethral opening in the vulva below the clitoris. A study a few years ago found that manually stimulating it with gentle touches can cause a powerful erotic response.
G-spot - Most people seem infatuated with the Grafenberg spot, but it isn't the end-all be-all of vaginal stimulation. It is a patch of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra, which can be stimulated with a finger through the anterior wall of the vagina, about 2-3 inches in. Some say it feels spongy, others disagree. Best stimulated with a single finger, using a "come here" motion.
A-spot - I think the real name is the anterior fornix erogenous zone, or AFE zone. It's on the opposite wall as the G-spot, but much further in - generally it lies just adjacent to the cervix. The same "come-here" motion works wonders on the A-spot, and touching it can make a woman wet extremely quickly, even if she is normally slow to lubricate.
Thighs - Kiss or the insides of the upper thighs, or massage the larger muscles just like a backrub.
Knees - The back of the knee is very sensitive to touch or tongue.
Calves - good for massaging.
Feet - Foot massages will make you her hero.
Toes - Sucking on her toes will probably make her writhe, because it feels very good but it also feels kind of like a tickle.
That's a woman, head to toe. Memorize these zones and you'll be able to smoothly move from one to another during foreplay and sex, and you'll leave her breathless.
Section 6: Foreplay
Here's where we really start getting into the meat of this guide. Our aim is to make her feel incredible, and to do that, we first have to get over our inherent selfishness as men. Most guys are into sex because they want a blowjob and some <del>*****</del>; they want to bust a nut, watch sportscenter, and fall asleep (don't argue with me and say "NOT ME!!"; maybe you're not "most guys"). This might be fun for the guy, but it selfishly frustrates the girl, and will eventually land a man in her "dumped" pile. If this sounds like you, change your attitude, right here and right now. When I think about my favorite part of sex, I don't think about how well she sucked me, or how long I lasted, or anything else related to me. My favorite part of sex is the look on a woman's face right as she goes over the line between "building" and "coming." Focus on her. The man is ALMOST ALWAYS going to have an orgasm during sex. Women don't have that luxurious guarantee, so it should be our goal to make her feel as good as possible, because we know we're probably going to get ours. If you make her feel incredible, she will want to reciprocate 100% of the time, because women are more thoughtful than men.
A study about ten years ago found that women respond MUCH more to mental stimulation than men. In the study, men and women were asked to read erotic stories, and blood flow to their genitals was measured with a non-invasive device as they read. The women, as I recall, had an increase in blood flow to their genitals that was approximately 7 times greater than the men. To get a good erection, many men need physical contact, not necessarily to the *****, but between themselves and their lovers. Women, on the other hand, can become extremely wet without their lovers ever touching them at all. Some rare women can even climax just from the power of their own imaginations. What does this tell us? It tells us that physical stimulation of a woman's erogenous zones is only a part of foreplay and cannot constitute the whole if your goal is to fully please her. You must arouse her MENTALLY as well as physically.
There are many ways to do this. Dirty talk is one way, but don't go overboard and tell her you're going to "nail her in the stink-tube." Paint her a vivid mental image of what you're going to do to her and whisper it to her as you initiate foreplay (ie, while you unbutton her shirt or something): "First I'm going to kiss my way from your left shoulder toward your right shoulder. When I reach your neck I'll move up and kiss my way to your earlobe, then move slowly back down, kissing on the base of your neck with my tongue and nibbling gently on your skin." Let her picture that in her mind. It will give her goosebumps. Even if YOU don't know exactly where on her neck she likes to get kissed, her MIND will fill in the blanks and imagine a perfect series of kisses tracing the exact line you described. Then, follow through on your promise, to the best of your ability. Then come up to kiss her, and tell her about a couple more minutes worth of what you're going to do to her. Etcetera.
Another way is teasing. For example, if you get her bra off, don't dive straight for the nipples. That's boring, predictable, and for some women it can even be painful. You can spend a few minutes getting VERY close to them, but don't touch them at all. After some time, you can kiss your way up to one areola, and sloooowly drag the tip of your tongue up to and around the nipple. She will be going nuts at this point. In this way, you are making her imagination run wild: "When is he going for my nipple? This time? Next time?" etc. You can use more than just your mouth, too. If she's naked, your hands can trace her hips, and go down the line where her leg joins her body without actually touching her vulva. It's close enough to make her shiver, but it teases her without making actual contact. You can even use your breath - hot breath on the back of her neck will drive her crazy (eat a Tic-Tac ). Remember the list of erogenous zones and use it to your advantage.
Physical stimulation is obviously important too. The list of zones has lots of suggestions. Use ALL of them. Mix up the order, do some experimenting, etc. Tease each area first before going in for the kill. Make sure she knows she can guide you and that you'll be OK with it - if it doesn't feel amazing, she should feel comfortable telling you to move on. If it does feel good, she should feel comfortable telling you not to stop.
Obviously, an important facet of foreplay is oral sex. It takes some skill to properly please a woman orally, but it's fairly easy to learn (and fun to practice! ). Don't go straight for the clitoris. Play around down there. Start by licking her labia, leg creases, and even perineum. Breathe on her clitoral hood to get it warm, and slowly slide the tip of your tongue onto it. Gradually work your way up from very light, slow tongue movements to heavier, faster grinding (if you advance too quickly, it may hurt, because the clitoris is so sensitive). You may even take the hood into your mouth and suck on it gently, or roll it around on your tongue, depending on her particular anatomy. The idea is to slowly acclimatize the clitoris to friction, to prepare her for actual intercourse. If you do it right she will soak the sheets. Once she's that wet, try some fingering. If you go for the G-spot, put light pressure downward with your other hand on top of her pudendum - this will increase the pressure of your finger on the spot. Don't press too hard or you may hurt her.
Fingering is also important. Not only is it an opportunity for you to provide her with more pleasure, it’s also an opportunity for you to check her level of lubrication, become acquainted with her anatomy, etc. Fingering takes two basic forms: manual stimulation of the external genitalia, and manual penetrative stimulation of the vagina. We’ll discuss both. The first type, manual external stimulation, covers the touching of anything on her “outside.” This includes her labia, inner thighs, perineum, anus, and clitoris. Touching these areas softly can be very erotic for most women, especially with your fingertips. The clitoris and anus are particularly sensitive, as we’ve discussed. Most external stimulation focuses on the clitoris, so make sure she is aroused enough to handle you touching it (otherwise it can be painful). Use either a single fingertip to flicker across the hood vertically, or use the pads of one or more fingers to rub the hood (vertically, sideways, or in a circle – listen to your lady). This can result in orgasm for many women, and is actually the method used by most women when they masturbate. It will take you a while to learn how to get her there, though – same way that you can masturbate to orgasm faster than she can give you a handjob. Second comes actual penetration, ie inserting one or more fingers into her vagina. Slide the finger in slowly, making sure to get it plenty wet with her fluids so you don’t cause her any pain (it may take a number of slow, partial in-and-out strokes to accomplish this). Use the list of erogenous zones to memorize the spots inside the vagina that are particularly innervated, and use a fingertip or pad to rub or flicker across them. Some women prefer a fast flickering motion of your fingertip, some prefer a slow rubbing, etc. – again, listen to your lady. It is important that you not attempt either type of penetration until she is fully wet, otherwise the friction will be excessive and penetrative fingering will be downright painful. Read her body language and try new techniques if you’re not driving her wild.
The most important thing to remember about foreplay is to TAKE YOUR TIME. Remember, at this point we are devoted to making her feel incredible. You should devote at LEAST 20 minutes to foreplay, and that's just the time that YOU are working on HER. 30 minutes minimum is better. She should be soaking wet and begging you for sex, and you should still make her wait a few more minutes. Some women will get aggressive and grab you, flip you over, and start doing stuff to you. Others will be passive. A good gauge is to come up and whisper "What do you want right now?". The answer will either be "Sex" or "More foreplay", but either way she'll be going crazy. Ask her how bad she wants it, and then tell her to make you want it that badly too. She'll do a number on you. Just hang on for the ride.
Once she starts teasing you during your turn, you still have to have your wits about you. Don't be a neanderthal and try to force her to deep throat you. Let her work her magic. You can guide her just as she guided you, but in my experience, most women can do at least a decent job of turning a guy on. Don't be afraid to tell her what you like, or what feels good. Let her know if she's making you feel good, it will encourage her to do more and will make her happy. After a while, neither of you will be able to take it any more. Then it's time to get out that condom I mentioned earlier. Make sure you know how to open a condom quickly and get it on quickly. So many men whine about condoms being hard to open and put on. I've never once had a problem with it, so either I'm the smartest man in the world, or maybe I just pay some <del>****</del>ing attention to how to open condoms! Roll it on and let's talk about sex, baby.
Now that her pump is primed, you can:
A) Jam it in and bangarang until you nut in her hair
B) Spit on your dick and stick it up her anus
C) Grab her ****, mash them together, and <del>****</del> her cleavage
D) Read the rest of this guide so you don't look like a pre-pubescent sex n00blet
If you did not answer (D), make yourself a bleach martini and go watch Weapons of <del>***</del> Destruction #4 for the 50th time.
If you've made it this far (ie, to the sex), the hardest part is over. Being good at foreplay is harder than being good at sex. Foreplay involves all sorts of body parts, and all sorts of techniques. Sexual intercourse revolves around a single thing: ***** in vagina --> ***** out of vagina, and repeat as necessary. That said, it's not good to just start wailing away on your lady friend. The vagina and external genitals are a woman's most sensitive areas, and you have to treat them accordingly. There is, unfortunately, a caveat here: remember when I said virgins suck at sex? It's usually true for women as well. If she's inexperienced, she may not have a good rhythm down yet, or she may not even know how to reach orgasm. Women aren't born pros any more than men are, and unfortunately that means it may not always be possible to rock her world (tough if she doesn't even know how to rock her own world). Many, MANY women have never had an orgasm in their entire lives, and it takes time to learn how. Many older women who have never climaxed may have given up hope of ever getting there. It will take time to overcome these obstacles, but be patient, and as you have more sex with her, you'll both get better at it.
There are really only two variables when it comes to the mechanics of sex: depth and speed. Both depth and speed must be varied throughout sex. A piano that only plays one note and only at a certain tempo is a very boring instrument. Likewise, a man who stays at the same depth and speed throughout sex is not very good at sex. There's no set method here, but just be sure to greatly vary your speed and depth of thrusting when you're on top. Remember where the erogenous zones are (Gspot, Aspot, Uspot, and clitoris) and try to choose positions or angles that will make your ***** hit those spots. I will not attempt here to catalog sexual positions; there are so many that they would double or triple the length of this already-long document. If you want to find new positions, just google "sexual positions" and you will get hundreds of hits.
Thrusting feels good, but remember, the real point is to give her an orgasm. This will only happen with her help, because women vary wildly in their preferred way of coming during sex. Some women can get there in any position and quickly, others can only do it in one position after 20 or 30 minutes of trying, and (as I said) some can't do it at all. I can't tell you exactly how to make her orgasm, but I can give you some good rules of thumb. Firstly, women rarely climax through penetrative sex alone. Purely vaginal orgasm is very uncommon; most women need at least some form of clitoral stimulation. Therefore, you should try to ensure that you are providing friction for her clitoris. If you are in missionary, try moving toward the headboard to get your pelvis closer to her clitoris, which will provide friction. If she's on top, have her ride you and she can grind her clitoris against you with a back-and-forth motion of her hips. Sometimes it will help if you put her legs under yours as she rides you, because it puts more pressure between your bodies and keeps her from slipping. If she's not quite sure how to do it, a hand between your bodies right under her clitoris (palm touching you, tip of your middle finger touching your ***** at the base) will give her a better surface to grind against.
Equally important is the woman's mindset. If you did your job right during foreplay, she will be in the right mindset. Women must be relaxed, comfortable, and very aroused to reach orgasm. Make sure you are providing an environment conducive to those things, and you'll be removing a major obstacle. Don't neglect the rest of her body just because you're in the holiest of holy holes. You can still kiss her mouth, neck, breasts and shoulders. You can touch her breasts, back, hair, face, etc. You can still talk dirty. Make her whole body feel alive, not just her vagina, and your sex will be much, much better. Enjoy everything about it - the sounds, the smells, the tastes, the sights, the feelings. The thoughts, even.
In any case, let's assume your girl knows how to come, and you can get her there. Let her build close, and then stop her. Do this a few times. Women's plumbing works in mysterious ways, and forcing her to build several times before her actual orgasm will make it far more intense. Tell her you want to look deep into her eyes when she climaxes. When she does, it will be one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen. TELL HER SO. Let her know, right in that post-orgasmic glow, that at that moment she is the most beautiful, sensuous, amazing woman you have ever seen or known. Your words will be seared into her memory for the rest of her life.
Let's say you've managed to give her at least one orgasm, and it's now your turn. For the love of God, come inside her (into the condom, of course). Not only does it feel better, but coming on women is pretty degrading. If you're in a long-term relationship, it's one thing, but if you started having sex with this person recently, coming on her breasts, face, back, stomach, etc. is not sexy for her. Besides, coming inside a girl feels better. Coming on her just feels like masturbating to orgasm, and if I was going to masturbate, I wouldn't have spent an hour sexing this girl, I would have spent five minutes in the bathroom with a paper towel. Remember, we're trying to have GOOD sex, not PORN sex. Get on top of her and thrust slowly and deeply to build yourself up. Try to stay slow, steady and deep through your orgasm as you look directly into her eyes. It feels intense and she will love looking into your eyes, just as you loved looking into hers.
After sex, ALWAYS CUDDLE WITH HER, for at least 20 or 30 minutes. If you jump up and turn on the TV, or roll over and fall asleep, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Women have more emotional needs than men, and they want to talk about sex after they have it. Talk with her about how good it felt, what you were thinking, your favorite part, etc. Help her relive it in her mind's eye (again, mental stimulation!). This talking will actually help her remember the sex much better and is what will cement you in her mind as a great lover and keep her thinking about you for days. Besides, what's not to love about cuddling with a beautiful naked woman and talking about sex?
A lot of people have asked about premature ejaculation. TRUE premature ejaculation is a medical condition characterized by extremely fast male orgasm. Most people do not have true premature ejaculation; they just aren't experienced enough to know how to last longer. If you find yourself climaxing and ejaculating faster than you'd like, you have several options:
1) Just hold still and stop thrusting for a few seconds. Your orgasm will fade and you can proceed. That's usually what I do; if I'm getting close and want to stop it, I thrust it as deep as I can and hold it there for a few seconds, taking the opportunity to kiss the girl deeply. Most chicks go nuts because it feels so good to get it that deep and they love getting kissed well. They don't know the real reason I did it.
2) Pull it out to minimize contact and friction and wait a few seconds for your orgasm to fade. Then resume sex.
3) Pull it out and squeeze your glans with your fingers, which makes the orgasm fade quickly. Doing this several times during sex will slowly build your endurance. This is a recognized medical fact, promoted by sex doctors, and is generally the most-used method of therapy for true premature ejaculation. I would only use it if the above two don't work though, as it kind of breaks the mood.
Some people recommend combating fast ejaculation by masturbating before sex, or having the woman give you oral to completion before sex. This really isn't good advice. First of all, it's selfish, which girls hate, and second, she's going to get tired real quick of having to blow you and wait out your refractory period every time she wants sex. The masturbation idea isn't great either, because it removes all spontaneity from your sex life. Eventually you'll come to rely on it (pardon the pun), and you'll never be able to have spur-of-the-moment sex because you haven't yanked it recently. It's better to learn how to control it during sex. Then you can have sex whenever, however, whoever, and still have it under control. I can go 30 minutes easy just using the technique I described previously. Another good action is to tell your girl about it - communication is always good for relationships and for sex. Frame the statement right so she gets into it. Don't just say "hey, I come fast, so be careful if I look like I'm close." Wait until you're having sex and say something like, "Oh my god, you're so tight right now, I'm gonna have to be careful cause you're making me feel so good." Women love flattery, and they will also appreciate your honesty.
A word on multiple orgasms: I see a LOT of people claiming that they can give their woman 5+ orgasms in one sitting. I would bet that the VAST majority of these man are either lying themselves, being lied to by their girlfriends, or are dating a girl who just doesn't know what a real orgasm feels like, and she assumes that "bursts of higher pleasure" must be orgasms. For example, I'm the first man to ever make my current girlfriend have an orgasm. I asked her what she did before, and she told me that, since she didn't know what an orgasm felt like, she didn't know how intense they were. She said sex felt very good, and she assumed that was what an orgasm felt like, so she would just tell the guy she had come and let him finish. The real number of women who have multiple orgasms is very small, only a few percent of the population. And most of them can only have 2-3 orgasms, not 5-10 as I see being claimed. There is also confusion in the medical literature as to what, exactly, a "multiple orgasm" is - whether they have to be immediately consecutive, or simply occur during the same long sexual encounter. In either case the vast majority of women do not have multiple orgasms, so to find five or ten men in a single forum who claim to have such women is improbable.
Section 8: Advanced Users Only
I'd like to devote a section to the more "wild" sexual activities, like rough sex, anal, and group sex. We'll start with rough sex.
"Rough sex" can describe anything from slapping her on the <del>***</del> during doggy style all the way up to full-on bondage and BDSM. For our purposes, I'm talking about the less-deviant forms of rough sex, like hair pulling, choking, etc. Rough sex has a place in everyone's sex life. The degree depends entirely on the two partners. Just about every woman likes it occasionally when her man <del>****</del>s her hard and fast and maybe pulls her hair a little. I encourage you to explore this arena, as rough sex can be extremely erotic, but make sure you both have clearly delineated boundaries and that you know how to stop the other person if they go too far. Personally, my girlfriend loves to have her hair pulled during doggy style, and likes to be choked occasionally during missionary, and likes to be tied up or blindfolded on occasion. All of these are healthy, normal, and fun, as long as you don't go too far and actually injure someone.
Anal sex also encompasses a variety of things, from true anal sex down to rimming, fingering, etc. As I said before, this is a touchy area. Relaxation is KEY - if she is tense, anything anal will be painful and you will get red-carded. Hygiene is also key - there are lots of funky bacteria that live in the human gut, and ideally we want them to stay there. Don't go anal to oral or anal to vaginal, or you will cross-contaminate with bacteria and either get her sick or give her bacterial vaginosis. It might even be a good idea for her to shower first, just to be on the safe side. If you're actually putting anything (finger, *****) inside her rectum, make sure she has recently emptied the area, if you know what I mean. Don't even bring it up with a new girl, wait a few months or years, and never do ANYTHING without permission. If you get her permission to try, start very small and ease her into the idea of you touching her there. For example, during doggy style vaginal sex, you could put light pressure on her anus with the pad of your thumb, of use the thumb tip to stimulate around her anus. Many women find this very pleasurable. Even for this early step, it's helpful to have a lubricant of some sort to keep anything from hurting her, because if it hurts, playtime is over. Astroglide is my favorite, and very popular, but there are many good brands. Avoid anything flavored or scented; you don't want to put flavor and scent chemicals in your girlfriend's bum. Make sure it's water-soluble and not oil- or petroleum-based. A little lube goes a very long way; modern lubes are extremely slippery, so for just putting a little pressure on her anus, you only need a pea-sized drop or two. Put it on your thumb and touch away. If she enjoys that, you can either try rimming (tongue on anus) or finger penetration. Either will be pleasurable for her, but again, you have to make sure she's relaxed first. I know rimming probably sounds gross to a lot of people, but if your girl is hygienic it's really no big deal, and the first time I did it to my current girlfriend, it felt so good it brought tears to her eyes. Rimming requires no lube, penetration obviously does. Start small with a single finger, preferably your pinky. Put 1 or 2mL of lube on your finger and another mL on her anus. The stuff is Uber-slick, so you can easily (and slowly) slide your finger in. Again, take your time, and keep her relaxed and comfortable. If true anal sex is your goal, work your way up over weeks or months. Start with a finger, go to two fingers, maybe even try a butt plug, before trying with your dick. You'll get the hang of it quickly and you'll know how fast you can go, what she's comfortable with, etc. If she ever says stop, then stop, or you're a douchebag. Once she's comfortable with anal play, you can do combos like the shocker. Personally I use a move I named the "Triple Crown": middle finger in anus, index finger in vagina on g-spot, and tongue on clitoris, all simultaneously. She can't get enough.
I'll finish up with a note on group sex. I'm lucky enough to have had a number of threesomes and to have a girlfriend who really enjoys threesomes. A lot of guys think this is the ultimate accomplishment in sex. It's not. I actually find threesomes to be much more challenging and only marginally more fun than regular sex with my girlfriend. The girls often get into each other and will ignore the man, which is frustrating. You can only have sex with one at a time, so you're limited to fingering or licking the other girl or watching the girl you're <del>****</del>ing play with the other woman. While I know that sounds awesome on paper, it's not everything it's cracked up to be. There are a whole lot of logistical issues that you can't anticipate until you're in the moment. It's also hard to find sexually open, mature women to join you and your girlfriend, and who understand that it's only for the sex, and there's no commitment involved. Now, I'm NOT saying group sex isn't fun, or that you shouldn't try it if you get the chance. But be aware that it's difficult, can be dangerous, and certainly is not for everyone.
Section 9: Conclusion
I hope this has been an informative read. As I said before, I didn't set out to tell you exactly how to please any woman. That can't be done by anyone, because women are unique individuals who have different needs, wants, etc. I do hope I've shed some light on some common misconceptions and helped some of the less-experienced folks gain some insight into sex. If you think I left a topic out, tell me so, and I will amend the Guide to include my thoughts on that subject. Questions are welcome, though I might just add the answers to the Guide and tell you to reread Section X.
Thanks for reading,
So Cal Sluts. Team Kaotic.
|11-02-2006, 02:52 PM||#8|
Join Date: Feb 2006
My Ride: 2003 325i ZSP 5MT
Well done, young Jedi.
|11-08-2006, 03:01 AM||#13|
uhh. I go by the motto "**** SCHOOL"
it does me pretty good with the write ups.
you prob couldnt guess my age.
I think most of it. is pretty much dead on.
So Cal Sluts. Team Kaotic.
|11-15-2006, 11:41 PM||#15|
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: The Land of Scotch
My Ride: E46 M3 Individual
|11-16-2006, 10:35 PM||#16|
Join Date: Jun 2006
My Ride: Black on Black ZHP
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT AN AWESOMNE SOTRY BRO.....i can relate unfortuntely to the friend and sex for teh first time.....regrets regrets
|11-30-2006, 06:57 PM||#17|
Join Date: Jul 2004
My Ride: 2000 328i
Wow.... I mean... seriously.... I don't want to e-toot-my-e-horn but I have seen a lot of poonan if you know what I mean... and you my friend have taken notes and used the scientific method for the benefit of all mankind.
I knew alot of that already and use it *daily* but I think many men will benefit from understanding the inner workings of the human female.
I will add this though... once you get to the advanced level with both partners.. then and only then can you realy appreciate the rough crazy.. nut in her hair type of sex.
I am rolling on a BANGIN STOCK 2002 330i. The Dubs are stock 17's, the color is topaz. Stereo - yup H/K stock. I am a clean slate.
P.S> I really want trade + $ (local/Eastern PA) my rims type 44 17s. as well as buy a full set of clears (post-facelifted sedan)
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