interview with Bear Grylls from Survivorman

I hope this is not a repost.

I got it from: http://flyersfieldhouse.blogspot.com...rvivorman.html




This is Bear. And Bear is the host of Man vs. Wild. What? You think with a name like Bear I wouldn't have a tv show or always speak in the third person?

So, yeah, Bear was flipping through the channels looking for my show while I was getting some head and saw some candyass on a show called Survivorman. Pretty clever title, asswad. Not at all a ripoff of Survivor or my show.

Anyways, this dickface's show is apparently about him trying to survive for a week in some sort of terrible condition. For seven days. What does Bear say to that? Eat my ****, ****. That's what.

Want to know why Bear doesn't talk about time in his show? It's irrelevant in the wild and Bear plain doesn't give a ****. One day or six months. Doesn't matter how long it takes me to get out of the wild. This is mother ****ing Bear, former British special ops agent.

This guy is trying to play off his show like he is actually accomplishing something. He was 'stranded in the middle of the sea' on a lifeboat for seven days. Want to know what happened when a little storm came? The *****face signaled for help from his safety crew to pick him up for the night. Safety crew?
Want to see my safety crew? [Flexes] You're looking at Jack Johnson and Mike Tyson right here. Don't worry though, Bear's got permits for these guns.

What's this guys' deal anyway? Is he just some adventure freak looking to make an easy buck? Does he even have a name. It doesn't matter what the **** his name is, no way it's better than 'Bear'.

Bear just looked it up. His name is Les Stroud. Sounds gay right? Guess what? He's a Canadian musician. What a fa ggot.
You might be wondering how Bear just looked that up, seeing as how we're doing this interview in the middle of the Amazon and neither of us has a camera or internet access right? Well, Bear is not going to tell you, but he was a former special ops agent dumbass. Bear can do pretty much anything.

Like see that tiger over there? Looks kind of cool right? You hungry? Be back in five. Seconds that is.

[Drags back a dead tiger and rips the meat off with his teeth]

Don't see Mr. Survivorqueer eating raw tiger flesh now do you? Didn't think so.

Oh, but he has to film himself and Bear has this camera crew. Cry me a ****ing river, dick ripple. Want to know what this camera crew really does?

[Turns the camera around to reveal eight beautiful women]

That's right. The camera is connected to Bear. Bear's filming himself These fine pieces of tail are here for Bear to ****.

Bear gets a little horny in the middle of the wilderness. Bear needs to **** every two hours or my body will shut down. There's three things Bear needs in the wilderness to survive: food, water and *****.

If you don't mind, Bear has to end this interview. It's about twelve minutes until sunset and Bear still needs to ****, start a fire, build a shelter, finish this sudoku and guest star in next weeks' Entourage.

Bear. Out.

i'm gonna name my son bear...i love that show. haven't seen survivor man tho.

I would never name my son bear, ask a gay man why

what is this mess. I'm not even gonna bother reading it

this is stupid. you fail at posting. some nice derogatory sh!t in here to.

thanks for playing.