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Old 09-28-2007, 11:04 AM   #1
1edyson
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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! - Gut Busting Jokes

- some are recycled -

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Donuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blond?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What's the difference between a new girlfriend and a new dog?
After 2 weeks, you still call the dog.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying 'Yo.'

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him 'Sum Ting Wong

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... 'a recipe'.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

AND....LAST BUT NOT LEAST

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****.
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Old 09-28-2007, 01:19 PM   #2
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Old 09-28-2007, 01:23 PM   #3
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
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Old 09-28-2007, 01:43 PM   #4
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs


hahahahahahah
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Either pursue her and risk getting Mono, or don't pursue her,...stay home and use your Mano.

It's either Mono or Mano .... You decide
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:06 PM   #5
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.


I don't get these two.
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:12 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Rush4theYehO View Post
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.


I don't get these two.
you serious?
Italians are known for talking with their hands and post office workers are known for going "postal" and shooting fellow employees. A flag flying at half mast signifies death. The history behind that stems from sea battles when during battles, the flag of the surrendering forces was lowered half way down the flag mast in order to allow the flag of the victor to be erected above it.
Legend says that when a ship lost a crew member, the flag was lowered to half mast to allow the space above for the flag of the greatest conqueror of all, the Angel of Death.
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:14 PM   #7
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^me thinks a member of the post office crew kick the can aka died. so they looking for replacement.
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:16 PM   #8
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Ahhh, now I get it.
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:18 PM   #9
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lmao
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:25 PM   #10
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omg
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:52 PM   #11
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^me thinks a member of the post office crew kick the can aka died. so they looking for replacement.
because postal workers are notorious for going on shooting sprees at their place of work
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Old 09-28-2007, 03:15 PM   #12
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funny list !
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E46Fanatics - the Honda community of gun owners. Keep staying classy, I'm sure you all are going to be excellent examples of how to keep gun rights from being infringed. :facepalm:
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Old 09-28-2007, 05:34 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by 1edyson View Post

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
LOL!
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Old 09-28-2007, 06:07 PM   #14
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

^^ is this implying that the wife is cheating and the distance is 45 minutes from each other?
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E46Fanatics - the Honda community of gun owners. Keep staying classy, I'm sure you all are going to be excellent examples of how to keep gun rights from being infringed. :facepalm:
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Old 09-28-2007, 06:39 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again View Post
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

^^ is this implying that the wife is cheating and the distance is 45 minutes from each other?
sex

hand holding
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I agree with JonJon.
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Old 09-28-2007, 07:02 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1edyson View Post

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
My wife thought this was funny.
I guess we know what she thinks of me... oh well!
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Old 09-28-2007, 07:05 PM   #17
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What's the difference between a priest and acne.........................
Acne doesn't come on your face till your 13.
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Old 09-29-2007, 12:20 AM   #18
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Old 09-29-2007, 12:22 AM   #19
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sex

hand holding
Funniest thing in this thread.
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Old 09-29-2007, 12:43 AM   #20
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wow, great thread
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