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Old 02-10-2008, 08:04 PM   #81
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Somebody in this thread needs to shut the hell up already.

Chad we've all been there. If you love her but are unhappy in the relationship just move on man, I've been there. I loved my ex but we constantly argued (mainly b/c of her) but I wasn't happy or in love. Our relationship has gotten much better as friends, not saying that will be the case for you but what are you going to do. I know I was happy as hell to get out but I still felt how you're feeling. Time to move on, before you know it you'll have a new chick and you'll look back on this wondering why you felt this way.

As an aside, you're thinking a lot like a female. They tend to reflect on their time invested in a relationship whereas guys are normally concerned with their happiness. I don't give a flying **** how long I've invested in a relationship if I'm not happy. Girls do and they're always willing to work things out even if they're not happy because they need that companionship and don't want to "throw away" all that time spent. I also don't enter relationships knowing I will probably be wasting her time.
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Old 02-12-2008, 04:59 PM   #82
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Somebody in this thread needs to shut the hell up already.

Chad we've all been there. If you love her but are unhappy in the relationship just move on man, I've been there. I loved my ex but we constantly argued (mainly b/c of her) but I wasn't happy or in love. Our relationship has gotten much better as friends, not saying that will be the case for you but what are you going to do. I know I was happy as hell to get out but I still felt how you're feeling. Time to move on, before you know it you'll have a new chick and you'll look back on this wondering why you felt this way.

As an aside, you're thinking a lot like a female. They tend to reflect on their time invested in a relationship whereas guys are normally concerned with their happiness. I don't give a flying **** how long I've invested in a relationship if I'm not happy. Girls do and they're always willing to work things out even if they're not happy because they need that companionship and don't want to "throw away" all that time spent. I also don't enter relationships knowing I will probably be wasting her time.

Come on man. Don't be so tough with the guy. He just needs to speak it out. You know how it is.
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Old 02-12-2008, 05:10 PM   #83
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My best friend since I was like 3 did that. He spent all his time with his new/1st gf in high school. he realized his mistake a few years later and apologized many times over, but the damage had been done at that point. We are still friends, but a couple years ago we were family. I just do not think he understood that he could have both his friends and a gf
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:11 PM   #84
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Mmm what if ur only friend in life is ur girlfriend
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Old 02-12-2008, 08:50 PM   #85
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Mmm what if ur only friend in life is ur girlfriend
Then there are larger issues at hand.

I haven't read the past 5 pages, but let me tell you this.

1. You should never have to cut to friends for a gf, or vice versa.
2. You as an adult should be able to manage both.
3. If your friends/gf don't see eye to eye with you on basic relationship(friend of gf) then ditch them. They'll never change, neither will you.
4. Do what makes you happy not being at the expense of others.
5. We all break up, that's how you get to reflect on what has happened.

Lastly, my gf's get first priority when I want to make plans, but I dedicate time for friends as well. If I make plans with a gf or friend, the plans stay. I'll never break plans with someone for someone else.

Good luck and **** on.
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Old 02-13-2008, 03:38 PM   #86
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I'm surprised no one has mentioned the obvious TRUST issues the OPs girl had with him. She obviously didn't trust him, so he did the right thing by ditching her insecure a$$! If your gonna marry a woman someday, that woman should trust you COMPLETELY (and vice versa), NO QUESTIONS ASKED. If she can't trust you and wants you to ditch a female friend/ex you've had a good friendship with for YEARS, she's got to go. Or smarten up and trust her man. Trust is the foundation of love.

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Old 02-15-2008, 01:22 AM   #87
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you are 100% right dude
bro's before ***'s

girls come and go but friends last longer.
compare older people who have HS friends vs HS sweethearts way more have friends
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:41 AM   #88
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compare older people who have HS friends vs HS sweethearts way more have friends
bad comparison...
a lot of ppl never got any in HS
but everyone has friends in HS
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:53 AM   #89
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i would... reason is that a real friend should understand that sometimes priorities change and not hold that against you.... the only friends that i "accept" *****ing about me spending too much time with my gf are ones who have never really been with a girl... had they been, they would also understand and would not ***** about it.
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:36 AM   #90
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i would... reason is that a real friend should understand that sometimes priorities change and not hold that against you.... the only friends that i "accept" *****ing about me spending too much time with my gf are ones who have never really been with a girl... had they been, they would also understand and would not ***** about it.
You're right. Priorities change, you have limited free time/vacation hours/money/holidays, etc. Sometimes you also outgrow your friends.

But the OP's situation is not a matter of priorities, or only having X hours of free time and choosing to spend most of it with his g/f instead of his buddies.

The OP's g/f told him he's not allowed to be friends with one of his lifelong friends simply because the friend is female.

Frankly, I'm very surprised at the number of dudes that have replied in this thread saying they would put up with that.
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:43 AM   #91
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You're right. Priorities change, you have limited free time/vacation hours/money/holidays, etc. Sometimes you also outgrow your friends.

But the OP's situation is not a matter of priorities, or only having X hours of free time and choosing to spend most of it with his g/f instead of his buddies.

The OP's g/f told him he's not allowed to be friends with one of his lifelong friends simply because the friend is female.

Frankly, I'm very surprised at the number of dudes that have replied in this thread saying they would put up with that.
in that case, no f*ing way. As you can imagine, i read the title, and responded... didn't want to read the whole thing.

Given the situation, I would say that she is right for being concerned, hell i get nervous when my gf spends time with male friends who i think are sketchy, and that you will limit the time slightly.

I don't think it is right for her to say who you can and who you can not spend your time with but i completely understand where she is coming from. My gf comes from a big state school, knows a lot of sketchballs, and, when they call her asking to go out, it definitely would upset me a bit if she took them up on it... u know?
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:59 PM   #92
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in that case, no f*ing way. As you can imagine, i read the title, and responded... didn't want to read the whole thing.

Given the situation, I would say that she is right for being concerned, hell i get nervous when my gf spends time with male friends who i think are sketchy, and that you will limit the time slightly.

I don't think it is right for her to say who you can and who you can not spend your time with but i completely understand where she is coming from. My gf comes from a big state school, knows a lot of sketchballs, and, when they call her asking to go out, it definitely would upset me a bit if she took them up on it... u know?
With regards to the OP, the female friend his gf wants him to cut all contact with is 600 miles away, so I doubt her line of reasoning matches yours.

As for your situation, what you say concerns me. Why do you get nervous if your gf spends time with sketchy male friends? If she's gonna end up digging one of them more than she digs you, then how strong are her feelings for you to begin with? If her commitment to you is so weak that all it takes is hanging out with another dude and she'll cheat on you, then what are you doing with her anyway?

I can understand being upset if your g/f is sacrificing time with you in order to hang out with a bunch of other dudes, but you could say the same thing if it was a bunch of chicks, too. So in that case, it's about the time, not about the gender of who she's with. I can also understand being tipped over if some dude calls her for a "date" and she agrees to go.

But it sounds like you're only sure of your relationship, or her faithfulness to you, if you can keep her away from other dudes. I couldn't live like that. You're trying to keep her away from temptation, but temptation is all over the place out in the big wide world. You can't keep her away from all of it. At some point you have to trust that she's with you because she wants to be. And if she truly wants to be, it doesn't matter who calls her or how sketchy the dudes are, she'll do the right thing for your relationship. If she doesn't want to be with you, or isn't trustworthy enough to do the right thing, you need a new chick.

Just in case anyone's next response is "I trust my g/f, it's the dudes I don't trust", let me just beat you to the punch by saying that's .

I don't mean to preach, and maybe I'm the last person in the world you should take advice from about this . But that's my $0.02.
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Old 02-16-2008, 02:39 AM   #93
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With regards to the OP, the female friend his gf wants him to cut all contact with is 600 miles away, so I doubt her line of reasoning matches yours.

As for your situation, what you say concerns me. Why do you get nervous if your gf spends time with sketchy male friends? If she's gonna end up digging one of them more than she digs you, then how strong are her feelings for you to begin with? If her commitment to you is so weak that all it takes is hanging out with another dude and she'll cheat on you, then what are you doing with her anyway?

I can understand being upset if your g/f is sacrificing time with you in order to hang out with a bunch of other dudes, but you could say the same thing if it was a bunch of chicks, too. So in that case, it's about the time, not about the gender of who she's with. I can also understand being tipped over if some dude calls her for a "date" and she agrees to go.

But it sounds like you're only sure of your relationship, or her faithfulness to you, if you can keep her away from other dudes. I couldn't live like that. You're trying to keep her away from temptation, but temptation is all over the place out in the big wide world. You can't keep her away from all of it. At some point you have to trust that she's with you because she wants to be. And if she truly wants to be, it doesn't matter who calls her or how sketchy the dudes are, she'll do the right thing for your relationship. If she doesn't want to be with you, or isn't trustworthy enough to do the right thing, you need a new chick.

Just in case anyone's next response is "I trust my g/f, it's the dudes I don't trust", let me just beat you to the punch by saying that's .

I don't mean to preach, and maybe I'm the last person in the world you should take advice from about this . But that's my $0.02.
I don't think it is about trust when your significant others meets a friend of the opposite sex. If she (in my case since I am male) sees a male friend just by themselves, then there is a problem. If she is gathering with her friends, and includes male, well that is a different story.
There will always be a time were there will be problems with your significant other, and if the friend who she relys on is a male, they will go take a drink, talk about the problems, get drunk to forget about the problems, then next morning, they are together in the same bed. I don't know if I was clear in the previous statement, but I think you can imagine what I am trying to say.
It is not about trust, but sometimes is avoiding the problems that can come to you.
As human beings, we all make mistake, but it is about reducing the margin of mistakes.
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Old 02-16-2008, 08:34 AM   #94
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i dont think i could ever give up my friends for girlfriends.....a reliable friend is really hard to find and i learnt that the hard way.....besides girls = major drama
brothers before hoes for me....and if my dingdong needs some loving, either one of my palms can do the job
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Old 02-16-2008, 10:44 AM   #95
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Bro, I'm going to pick this apart a little bit, but make sure you read my last comment.

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I don't think it is about trust when your significant others meets a friend of the opposite sex. If she (in my case since I am male) sees a male friend just by themselves, then there is a problem. If she is gathering with her friends, and includes male, well that is a different story.
If there is no trust issue, why is that a problem? If she has committed to you, and she's trustworthy, what is it you're worried about? Would it be OK if he was gay, way older or way younger, ugly? What if he was her brother? Or her 1st cousin (and not from Arkansas), or her brother-in-law? Third cousin, not related by blood? What if you KNEW he couldn't get it up?

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There will always be a time were there will be problems with your significant other, and if the friend who she relys on is a male, they will go take a drink, talk about the problems, get drunk to forget about the problems, then next morning, they are together in the same bed.
You sound so certain of that, and that's a real short trip from mad at you to talking with him to boning him. I reiterate what I said before, if your g/f is this close to cheating on you or leaving you for another dude, then either she doesn't have strong feelings for you, or she's not trustworthy. Either way, what are you doing in an LTR with her anyway? And if the relationship is that weak, and she does cheat or leave you, what have you really lost?

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I don't know if I was clear in the previous statement, but I think you can imagine what I am trying to say. It is not about trust, but sometimes is avoiding the problems that can come to you. As human beings, we all make mistake, but it is about reducing the margin of mistakes.
I disagree that it's not about trust. Frankly, I think with you it is about trust, but you don't want to say that, or admit it to yourself, because no one wants to say they don't trust their g/f. I can't blame you that.

You're absolutely right that we all make mistakes. Believe me, I've made some monstrous ones in my time. But there are two problems with what you're trying to do:

- Your confidence in the relationship is built on your ability to keep her away from other men. What about the dudes she works with? The one sitting next to her on the plane for 2 hours? The one that's always at Starbucks at the same time as her? The guy that teaches her favorite cardio class at the gym? You can't keep her away from all temptations. Hell, I'd say unless you've got her on a real short leash, you can't keep her away from 90% of them. If she's willing/wanting to cheat on you or leave you, she'll have AMPLE opportunity no matter what rules you set for her. You're never going to be totally sure of the safety of your relationship. That's a recipe for disaster and misery.

- Even if you are successful in keeping her away from the situations by setting these rules for her, she's going to be more like your pet than your g/f. Your dog loves you because you feed him and play with him and give him a warm place to sleep. If he grew up at the neighbor's house, he'd be just as happy and love them just as much. He just doesn't know any better. The fundamental reason your g/f would be with you is because you'd successfully blocked her from having access to any other options. To me, that's not any way to go through life. She should be your g/f because she chooses you above any others. If she makes that choice, then let her make it over and over again every minute of every day. And believe in her ability and willingness to do that.

Kangman, at the end of the day, bro, you're the one that's gotta be happy with yourself and your life. And there are about a zillion people that are smater than me about stuff like this. What I've said is just my $0.02, and you're more than welcome to tell me to f^ck off.
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Old 03-19-2008, 10:35 AM   #96
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Come on dude, 18 years > 1 year, basic math. B-tches come and go. Your friends will be there no matter what.
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Old 03-19-2008, 10:47 AM   #97
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I don't think it is about trust when your significant others meets a friend of the opposite sex. If she (in my case since I am male) sees a male friend just by themselves, then there is a problem. If she is gathering with her friends, and includes male, well that is a different story.
There will always be a time were there will be problems with your significant other, and if the friend who she relys on is a male, they will go take a drink, talk about the problems, get drunk to forget about the problems, then next morning, they are together in the same bed. I don't know if I was clear in the previous statement, but I think you can imagine what I am trying to say.
It is not about trust, but sometimes is avoiding the problems that can come to you.
As human beings, we all make mistake, but it is about reducing the margin of mistakes.
i actually largely agree with this.... the problem is not in a girl having a guy as a friend... that is fine. The problem is when the guy becomes a source of comfort for her and they spend a lot of time together...

In my previous relationship, I did EVERYTHING for this girl. We were together just under 2 years and things ended after she cheated on me with a colleague while I was out of town. I had told her ahead of time, based on their interactions and her comments, that he was interested in her, pursuing her, and, if he succeeded in getting with her, that things would, of course, be over for good. She told me 1000000 times that he was just a friend and that nothing would ever happen.

When she confided in me and told me the truth upon my return home (which I really respected), i wasn't shocked. I knew it was just a matter of time before the guy who was "just a friend" took advantage of her trust, got drunk with her at an "after work function" and blew up everything we had built. They ended up in our apartment in my bed with her.

The next morning, she felt terrible. She said she threw up all the following day and after telling me, she broke down like nothing i had ever seen before. I told her i had to leave, packed up my most needed stuff, and walked out. I ended up breaking down myself for weeks but I kept telling her that I needed time, space, and had to think things through. She begged me again and again saying she never ever would do it again, the she couldn't stand herself for doing what she had done, and that she didnt' understand why she would ever do it... she told me over and over that i was the world to her and i truly believe it... I was more than her bf... I was her best friend and my family was hers (she is originally from far away and spent far more time with my family than she did speaking with hers on the phone even - yet alone with them).

So, did she love me? Yes
Did she care for me more than anyone else? Yes
Did she loathe her actions? Yes
Did she wish she could take it back? Yes
Did it mean anything? No
Did it happen because our relationship was weak? No
Did it happen because the guy built up trust with her and then took advantage of that trust? Yes

Basicly, it was the guy's doing... he won and I truly don't blame my ex. She was unable to control herself after getting black out drunk with someone she trusted and had faith in. So, no... I don't believe that guy friends who are verrrry close with a significant other is ever safe. Especially at a young age. I am not saying that you should have a hawk eye on your wife or once you are very mature but as a 24 year old (25 in sept) who is dating a 22 year old (turs 23 next month) I can't help but get worried with who she hangs out with.

I value our relationship, will do whatever it takes to keep it in one piece, and will, even if questionable, try and influence who she does and does not trust but commenting on potential intentions.. I have seen it again and again and again.. It has nothing to do with how she feels about you but more so how trustworthy she believes another male friend to be... if she is totally comfortable and trusting in him and he is sexually interested in her, he will make advances on her if wasted and, if not of right mind, the girl might just take him up on it (even if she never would otherwise)

Cliff notes: guys are crappy... if a girl is too trustworthy of a "guy friend" he could potentially put her in a positions where they are both drunk in which case he could take advantage of that trust... if intoxicated enough, even a very loyal, intelligent girl who loves her significant other will potentially cheat... it's just the way of the world and you are, in my opinion, completely entitled as a boyfriend to try and prevent this happening by either warning ur gf of the guy's intentions or keeping a close eye on their time together (just checking in with her while they are together). If she is at a bar with the "male friend" and is too drunk to decently communicate on the phone, i see no reason to be worried.
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Old 03-19-2008, 12:11 PM   #98
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I gave up all my friends for my wife. The situation was a little different than the norm.

We had a falling out for a month, and in that time, she was with my best friend. All my friends knew about it, but didn't tell me. It still kills me a little bit. It took forever to trust her again. I stopped hanging out with my friends. It was hard, but for the best.

All of them wanted her. No matter what would happen, all of them wanted her.

It was for the best. They all live with thier parents still, and 2 don't have jobs. Oh yea, they are all older than me. I'll be 28 in October.

It was the best thing I could have done.
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Old 03-21-2008, 12:21 PM   #99
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hahaha dude it doesn't even sound like they were your friends to start with. it's clear to see that some of us have friends that we can call brothers, and it's also clear that some people didn't have the luck we did. Have fun watching sex and the city.
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Old 03-21-2008, 01:37 PM   #100
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1. If I was you, I would kick his ass so bad that he will not be able to f**k a girl anymore.
2. Those people who did not let you know what was going on, they are NOT your friends.
Time for revenge my friend. They say its "an eye for an eye". My way? an eye for a hair.
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