*** How to get over a break up ***

i forget the technical term for this life view...it's next existentalism obviously but you know what I mean

I guess now the matter is aside from reviewing one's frame point and adjusting certain value's the more interesting part becomes the application...meh or I could just wing it crash n burn get my state of nirvana from successes and learn from failure's but i guess that would be the point right? To focus on the enjoyment of now versus the regrets of a failed later?

Originally Posted by mcr_driver

wow saw this thread funny my comments up top...interesting few months since may...gained 8 hp due to personal weight lost since february was dating two girls now down to one and even she is on the way out unfortunately, still looking for girls but not having any luck. any singles in sgc looking to hang?

I should join SGC since I'm down here now. Maybe we can create an e46fanatics pua workshop, haha

pua workshop

Once my divorce was final after 17 years of marriage I went out and bought my Bimmer. Not the smartest choice of actions but, I've always loved working on my cars and love the 3 series. So with the combination of wrench time and some spirited driving (on occasion) has really helped me clear my head and help me fine me again. Not saying everyday I'm 100%, but everyday gets better!

Originally Posted by mcr_driver

i forget the technical term for this life view...it's next existentalism obviously but you know what I mean

I guess now the matter is aside from reviewing one's frame point and adjusting certain value's the more interesting part becomes the application...meh or I could just wing it crash n burn get my state of nirvana from successes and learn from failure's but i guess that would be the point right? To focus on the enjoyment of now versus the regrets of a failed later?

A state of nirvana would more likely come from the crash & burn than from the successes after. The successes after might give you happiness, nirvana however can not be deprived from what you instinctually perceive as happiness, again… relating to, health, love and power. Health, love and power do not correlate with being or nirvana as we're calling it. In fact, it's usually when a person loses absolutely everything when the state is first really achieved, by everything I mean for example a person moments before death. There are particularly a lot of accounts on this from past drowning victims.

The point is indeed to focus on the now, but "not the regrets of a failed later" is only a part of it. Really you shouldn't focus on the later or past at all, nor the future. Wether they involve or involved regrets or not, doesn't matter.

There are times when thinking about the past and future is important as it's infact required for survival. That's fine, but just be aware that you in fact are thinking of the past for example, don't reminisce on the memories. You are not your past, those memories are not you. You aligning yourself with your past, even if only from ten minutes ago… is you living an illusion. Problems can not exist when you observe them, only situations.

To sumorize…

Happiness requires…

Health - being healthy, exercising, looking good, ect.
Love - having family, friends, a social circle, relationships both sexual and none, etc.
Power - in todays world power is pretty much just money

Nirvana requires…

Living in the now and observing without judgement.
It does not require health, love or power. It does not require you to be a happy person nor a sad and or depressed person. It only requires a focus on the now, observing it without judgement.

Happiness…

Pros - Is easier for people to understand and thus achieve, happiness means you're surviving well, can give you confidence and etc.
Cons - Is temporary and thus requires a constant struggle to maintain.

Nirvana…

Pros - Is a feeling greater than happiness (it's like having sex or doing drugs but with much more clarity of thought), is something you can achieve whenever you want no matter the situation and thus it will always be there for you, things like confidence will no longer matter. It's a state of joy so extreme that nothing else but simply being will matter.

Cons - Very difficult for a lot of people to get into and fully understand. Requires most people to completely readjust they're believe systems thus making it hard to commit to.

In the end nirvana should be your reality, happiness should simply give you something to do. Nirvana while achieving happiness however is really as good as life gets.

^ Nirvana is very hard for me to achieve. When sober, I'm surrounded by thoughts of wanting more in life. "What's the next step in my career. Need more money. I want to buy this and that."

I really like your idea of inner-game. I'm struggling with that as I've made choices in the past that have made it challenging on my inner-game, more specifically a relationship. I was in a very damaged one where my significant other would criticize and complain about me as well as her life. I'd question her as to if she were really happy to be with me, which she'd say yes. But obviously that wasn't the case and I was lying to myself that it would work out. Recovering from this is very hard as I keep having negative thoughts that I'd hear from her mouth. Not to mention, being around someone who'd always complain about life made me reflect and complain about mine. It's hard because there are random times where I have a surge of anger/sad emotions. I need to trek on though.

Originally Posted by jaewonder

^ Nirvana is very hard for me to achieve. When sober, I'm surrounded by thoughts of wanting more in life. "What's the next step in my career. Need more money. I want to buy this and that."

I really like your idea of inner-game. I'm struggling with that as I've made choices in the past that have made it challenging on my inner-game, more specifically a relationship. I was in a very damaged one where my significant other would criticize and complain about me as well as her life. I'd question her as to if she were really happy to be with me, which she'd say yes. But obviously that wasn't the case and I was lying to myself that it would work out. Recovering from this is very hard as I keep having negative thoughts that I'd hear from her mouth. Not to mention, being around someone who'd always complain about life made me reflect and complain about mine. It's hard because there are random times where I have a surge of anger/sad emotions. I need to trek on though.

This is something you're really going to have to start working on yourself, I can give you advice but before doing so... try rereading my posts and then writing yourself a reply, giving yourself advice. You need to learn to start recognizing the flaws in your thought processes FOR YOURSELF, and how to start changing them. You have to start and my suggestion above is really as good a place to start as any.

It is rather interesting insight, rereading your posts has made me realize how I've already naturally done some of these things but I think I need to make a more conscious effort. Like I stated a while back I am getting more confident in myself developed inner-game/nirvana...I've had some of those moments as I am sure most have but when I reflect, usually while running, I can start to pinpoint them. Being at home doesn't really help in the process but going out to a public area alone sounds kind of odd for me still. Perhaps it's a lack of inner-game still or something else. I sound pretty pathetic talking like this actually But being honest is just that sometimes it makes you realize what your doing right and wrong. Like I am seeing the results of becoming healthier in my lifestyle choices. This year has been a lot more enjoyable then years past and I am slowly getting to be the me I am internally.

Ok enough venting, I actually was tempted to start a thread detailing my "new" life here in OT just to inspire or influence others to make positive changes like I have. It's funny because some old asian woman waved to me I guess I inadvertently got her to start running which is kind of cool that I inspired someone. I've even noticed some of my coworkers losing weight because they said they saw me doing it

Originally Posted by mcr_driver

It is rather interesting insight, rereading your posts has made me realize how I've already naturally done some of these things but I think I need to make a more conscious effort. Like I stated a while back I am getting more confident in myself developed inner-game/nirvana...I've had some of those moments as I am sure most have but when I reflect, usually while running, I can start to pinpoint them. Being at home doesn't really help in the process but going out to a public area alone sounds kind of odd for me still. Perhaps it's a lack of inner-game still or something else. I sound pretty pathetic talking like this actually But being honest is just that sometimes it makes you realize what your doing right and wrong. Like I am seeing the results of becoming healthier in my lifestyle choices. This year has been a lot more enjoyable then years past and I am slowly getting to be the me I am internally.

Ok enough venting, I actually was tempted to start a thread detailing my "new" life here in OT just to inspire or influence others to make positive changes like I have. It's funny because some old asian woman waved to me I guess I inadvertently got her to start running which is kind of cool that I inspired someone. I've even noticed some of my coworkers losing weight because they said they saw me doing it

I'm not really catching on to this... "Like I stated a while back I am getting more confident in myself developed inner-game/nirvana...I've had some of those moments as I am sure most have but when I reflect, usually while running, I can start to pinpoint them. Being at home doesn't really help in the process but going out to a public area alone sounds kind of odd for me still."

What moments? Also, being at home doesn't really help in the process of what? You implying that going out in public would help makes me think your talking about pickup, or maybe not... honestly, you've pretty much lost me

That said, this is actually a really interesting statement to think about... "I am slowly getting to be the me I am internally." Here's my view on it... I am not my possessions, I am not my relationships, I am not my body, I am not my emotions, I am not my thoughts and I am not my memories. All these things relate to past and future, they only exist because of it. My true self or as you put it, "the me I am internally" is basically just being one with everything or nirvana. I would say, "in a state of nirvana" but I'm talking about nirvana in it's fullest and truest sense. However being in nirvana (notice I didn't say, "in a state of nirvana"), there can be no individuality! Think about it... all our memories, thoughts, experiences and etcetera are what make us who we are. In a state of nirvana however you do not associate with them, you don't associate or align yourself with anything other than just being, you simply observe everything without judgement. The interesting part is that without all those things, we are all truly the same. So the "you, you are internally", is in fact everyone else as well. Anyway, if you can find the point in me just writing this let me know

Sorry that was a sort of rant, I was implying that while I am far form a constant pursuit of nirvana I can relate to what your saying in enjoying those moments of nirvana that you really don't realize your in till you reflect after wards. As for the going out thing I was implying more so for me just going out period because nothing happens while your home alone things happen when you go out and interact with people.

Kind of funny how that first line "Here's my view on it... I am not my possessions, I am not my relationships, I am not my body, I am not my emotions, I am not my thoughts and I am not my memories" reminds me of something tyler durden from fight club would say It's a intriguing tangent we've kind of gotten on. We've really thread jacked this a bit haven't we I think I need more opportunities to "be me" which is rather difficult to say the least but as I reflect it gets easier. Once again thanks inadvertently.

god I am ****ing reeling right now

yesterday was fine. today? not so much.

life has those moments learn from them and better yourself...i actually wrecked my e46 recently it's a total loss...but on the bright side of things out of that i am now debt free aside from my credit cards...not the best of stories but you need to look at the positives in the negative situations in your life and grow from it...

Originally Posted by CRSmoak

A state of nirvana would more likely come from the crash & burn than from the successes after. The successes after might give you happiness, nirvana however can not be deprived from what you instinctually perceive as happiness, again… relating to, health, love and power. Health, love and power do not correlate with being or nirvana as we're calling it. In fact, it's usually when a person loses absolutely everything when the state is first really achieved, by everything I mean for example a person moments before death. There are particularly a lot of accounts on this from past drowning victims.

The point is indeed to focus on the now, but "not the regrets of a failed later" is only a part of it. Really you shouldn't focus on the later or past at all, nor the future. Wether they involve or involved regrets or not, doesn't matter.

There are times when thinking about the past and future is important as it's infact required for survival. That's fine, but just be aware that you in fact are thinking of the past for example, don't reminisce on the memories. You are not your past, those memories are not you. You aligning yourself with your past, even if only from ten minutes ago… is you living an illusion. Problems can not exist when you observe them, only situations.

To sumorize…

Happiness requires…

Health - being healthy, exercising, looking good, ect.
Love - having family, friends, a social circle, relationships both sexual and none, etc.
Power - in todays world power is pretty much just money

Nirvana requires…

Living in the now and observing without judgement.
It does not require health, love or power. It does not require you to be a happy person nor a sad and or depressed person. It only requires a focus on the now, observing it without judgement.

Happiness…

Pros - Is easier for people to understand and thus achieve, happiness means you're surviving well, can give you confidence and etc.
Cons - Is temporary and thus requires a constant struggle to maintain.

Nirvana…

Pros - Is a feeling greater than happiness (it's like having sex or doing drugs but with much more clarity of thought), is something you can achieve whenever you want no matter the situation and thus it will always be there for you, things like confidence will no longer matter. It's a state of joy so extreme that nothing else but simply being will matter.

Cons - Very difficult for a lot of people to get into and fully understand. Requires most people to completely readjust they're believe systems thus making it hard to commit to.

In the end nirvana should be your reality, happiness should simply give you something to do. Nirvana while achieving happiness however is really as good as life gets.

It may be worth the trip from PA to VA to have a few drinks with you man. Well said.

Just went through a breakup with a girl ive been with for about 2 and a half years. This thread, even years old, has already begun helping me recover. Thanks.

Been almost a year now and still having a tough time. Been focusing on myself, but even that's been stressful. Working 40-60 hours a week and taking a night class has burnt me out. I still manage to hit the gym though at least twice a week, but now developed a drinking problem. I drink at least 2 beers a day for the past few months and drink heavily on the weekends with friends.

My ex drunk dialed me a month ago using her friends phone. I have her number blocked, likewise she blocked me. That brought back a whole lot of negative emotions. She cheated on me, but still doesn't see it as her doing wrong and blames me for it and wants me back to being the old me. Not happening.

I want to be content with my life right now, but still a bit sad that I haven't met anyone that I like. Not even sure if I'm ready for another relationship either. A bit confused.

lol I was with a girl for 5 years... I basically caught her cheating on me... That was two years ago. I last spoke to her 1 year ago. Still think about her/situation every day. It sucks and I don't wish it upon anyone. She also doesn't admit that she did anything wrong and says I was being insecure. I think anyone would be insecure if they had good reason to think their GF was cheating on them, or even shopping around on them.

Originally Posted by HellFish

lol I was with a girl for 5 years... I basically caught her cheating on me... That was two years ago. I last spoke to her 1 year ago. Still think about her/situation every day. It sucks and I don't wish it upon anyone. She also doesn't admit that she did anything wrong and says I was being insecure. I think anyone would be insecure if they had good reason to think their GF was cheating on them, or even shopping around on them.

I feel you. I think about the situation almost everyday and it brews a lot of anger and rage. I need to let it go because it's holding me back and turning me into a person that I don't want to be - a grouch.

Although it weighs on me every day, it doesn't really hold me back from doing anything. When I am out with friends or active doing something else, I am fine. It is mostly when I am bored. I will say, it kind of makes me wish I had a GF whenever I am single (like now) because I guess I feel like if I had another girl then the hole would be partially filled. Selfish I know but all you can do is look after #1.

I gave a little giggle when I read this thread like a week ago.
And now.. I am a member.

I don't know how long I can be and feel better. I had a hard time today because I said to myself that I must hold my tears. I hope you guys who just trying to work on get over a break up can do it.
Everyday I wake up I tell myself I'll stop loving him, but it's just a lie. The sad feeling keeps coming back no matter how hard I try.