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Old 07-25-2008, 03:23 PM   #41
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where's alec at??? i want an update!
he's prob dealing with this situation, good luck brother. i'll give u my take on this when i get home from work cus ive been trying to collect my thoughts for ya and make sure they come out and make sense.
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Old 07-25-2008, 04:01 PM   #42
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f man I feel you. I dated a girl for 5.5 years, we were house and ring shopping, then she wanted a break, broke up wtih me, then I see her with some dude and I find out she is ENGAGED like 6 months later.
SNAP! sorry to hear that.

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oh and alec, don't take the car back, seriously... i stand by this, NEVER take anything back you give a girl. because then, every single time she steps foot in that car, all she'll think about is you, and it will kill her inside. i told this to my girlfriend recently (4.5 years) she was like "if anything ever happened to us would you take my stuff back?" and i was like "no are you kidding? i bought you basically everything you have, everytime you pickup your phone, you'll think of me. everytime you turn on your tv, you'll think of me. everytime you try on half your clothes, you'll think of me. everytime you reach in your chanel bag you'll think of me, and again when you pull your chanel glasses out of your chanel bag." the list can basically go on forever.
How long will that last? A month? Maybe two? She could probably be over you by then...
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Old 07-25-2008, 04:03 PM   #43
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Sorry to hear, bro...I'm just now getting over the same thing.

The others are right...hang with your friends and definitely date other girls.

Good luck, bro...I know it's gonna be hard

...but you'll be fine
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Old 07-25-2008, 06:15 PM   #44
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Fuk the bs. This is a woman we're talking about, one that potentially betrayed him. After 1 month she won't care, she'll forget about him and move on, that's wtf b1tches do, they're damn butterflies, they go from one flower to the other. Before you know it she'll sell the old bimmer the 1st time it gets a major reapir. And won't even flinch.
Go get your damn car back. Fuk her, fuk all of them.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:27 PM   #45
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Okay, first of all, she's not cheating on me and there are no other guys. I know it sounds naive for someone in my position to say that, but if there was any suspicion of cheating I would take the car back and run it through her fooking house. The reason she refuses to kiss me is that she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea about where we're at right now with our relationship.

I'm not going to take the car back, she paid for her share over the summer.. I've put much more into the car than she has and ever will (including $300ish today) and the car is mine, but I'm not going to strand her just because she's confused, scared, a big *****, etc. I don't know what's going to happen, but my only goal is to remain the better person and deal with what's in front of me, rather than trying to force anything in any direction. The only way for this relationship to end up the way it 'should' is if we both let things happen at the pace they come up. If I freak out and kick her to the curb, I'm no better than she is (not saying she's a bad person at all.)

However, I will say that she's being INSANELY immature about this whole thing. This whole dilemma really is all her fault. I just hope she realizes it before it's too late... I've told her everything I've said to you guys and she's in denial about everything.

Simple step by step:

- She comes back, I'm expecting happiness, love, and sex. She acted really stand-offish ever since the first day and never wanted to have sex.
- I never heard why, only that it was uncomfortable for her.. "uncomfortable" was never declared to be physical or emotional, which made it even more confusing.
- I didn't know how to react because I didn't know what the F was going on, and everything got weird.
- A month or so later, we find out what the problem has always been, and she had just gotten off her period.
- 2 days later, instead of awesome passionate sex, she decides that breaking up is the way to deal with everything.
- Immature defense mechanism, end of story.



Anyway, I'm going to go trade cars with her again and get my damn e46 back, and hopefully she'll enjoy the e30 now that it has a working radio, interior dome lights, no check engine lights, brand new oil and oil/fuel filters, a nice leather e-brake boot, and the awesome smell of a recently detailed car.

Wish me luck guys.. I'm hoping for the best.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:34 PM   #46
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^ ah, ok dude.
1 statement for you.

Love is blind, you too will see this in hindsight one day.
Good luck. I look fwd to reading your next thread on the subject.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:35 PM   #47
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Okay, first of all, she's not cheating on me and there are no other guys. I know it sounds naive for someone in my position to say that, but if there was any suspicion of cheating I would take the car back and run it through her fooking house. The reason she refuses to kiss me is that she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea about where we're at right now with our relationship.

I'm not going to take the car back, she paid for her share over the summer.. I've put much more into the car than she has and ever will (including $300ish today) and the car is mine, but I'm not going to strand her just because she's confused, scared, a big *****, etc. I don't know what's going to happen, but my only goal is to remain the better person and deal with what's in front of me, rather than trying to force anything in any direction. The only way for this relationship to end up the way it 'should' is if we both let things happen at the pace they come up. If I freak out and kick her to the curb, I'm no better than she is (not saying she's a bad person at all.)

However, I will say that she's being INSANELY immature about this whole thing. This whole dilemma really is all her fault. I just hope she realizes it before it's too late... I've told her everything I've said to you guys and she's in denial about everything.

Simple step by step:

- She comes back, I'm expecting happiness, love, and sex. She acted really stand-offish ever since the first day and never wanted to have sex.
- I never heard why, only that it was uncomfortable for her.. "uncomfortable" was never declared to be physical or emotional, which made it even more confusing.
- I didn't know how to react because I didn't know what the F was going on, and everything got weird.
- A month or so later, we find out what the problem has always been, and she had just gotten off her period.
- 2 days later, instead of awesome passionate sex, she decides that breaking up is the way to deal with everything.
- Immature defense mechanism, end of story.



Anyway, I'm going to go trade cars with her again and get my damn e46 back, and hopefully she'll enjoy the e30 now that it has a working radio, interior dome lights, no check engine lights, brand new oil and oil/fuel filters, a nice leather e-brake boot, and the awesome smell of a recently detailed car.

Wish me luck guys.. I'm hoping for the best.


wish you the best of luck man, hope you won't need it
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:42 PM   #48
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good luck dude, keep your head up and on straight
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:46 PM   #49
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Oh, and don't dump any money into the car to get her to work safely...only spend the money if it is being done for you...sounds harsh, but don't waste the cash on her if you don't need to. You are giving her a free ride man, not good.
I agree with all of this.

Sorry to hear man...

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Old 07-25-2008, 08:57 PM   #50
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wow..IM sorry, but not her, you
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Old 07-25-2008, 09:49 PM   #51
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fawking b i c h e s all say the same thing .......fawk her! my girl tells me that once month....

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Old 07-25-2008, 11:13 PM   #52
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Hey man, guess I'm a little late to the party, looks like you've already got a good idea of where things are heading.

I know this is already your intuition, but I agree with you that there's no reason to assume or rush to judgement on the idea that she's cheating on you. Sex is a huge part of a relationship, it's essential (some relationships ONLY work because of it!), so I'd conjecture that being without it for a while (due to the infection) caused her to lose that feeling of intimacy with you. That, combined with the distance (which is always a hard thing to deal with, especially when relationships don't start that way) did indeed cause her to reassess wanting to be in a committed relationship at all.

You do need to stand your ground here. You can't let her get what she wants (the closeness and "friendship" factor of having a boyfriend) without giving you what you want (the intimacy and love). Make it clear to her that you love her and what you want is more than she's willing to give, so things have to end until she wises up and figures things out. It's not at all unheard of that they come back after their period of "discovery", happened to a friend of mine and they got married 6 months after being apart for 3 or 4 years. There's no reason to hide the fact though that you were willing to put in the effort with the distance, and that this is entirely her actions that are dictating the fact that things can't go on. It'll make it that much more stark when she realizes she's missing out on a good guy.

And I'd suggest taking back the car. I know it seems like a dick move, but it exemplifies that it's part of the total package of being with you. It doesn't sound like something you BOUGHT her so much as something that's yours that you let her use. If it was a gift, that's one thing, but it doesn't sound like that. A regular guy friend does not do the car deal with her like a boyfriend does. But reminding her of things that she'll miss out on without you, even as materialisitic and practical as that, will just highlight the consequences of her decisions. On the other hand, the hassle of having to find herself a car and/or rides for who knows how long may just foster resentment in her and cause her to feel even more independent when she finally figures it out. Your call, base the decision on how well you know her.

Oh, and I hope you told her the thing about, despite everything, all you wanna do when you see her is give her a hug and make love. That's a powerful statement, and if that doesn't cause her to feel bad or put things in perspective for her, nothing will.
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:23 PM   #53
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I just went through the same situation with my gf. Her being confused, perhaps not as committed as myself in the relationship. We went on a break that lasted a week. Now things are not perfect, and they are certainly not what they exactly used to be, but these kind of things take time. Give her her space and hopefully she will turn around. If not, move on.
Hey man, glad to hear you guys are still working on things. I hope it pans out the way you want.
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:49 PM   #54
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sorry to hear bro. As many of the guys in here I went through almost the same BS. She wanted to take a break all of a sudden was not sure what she wanted. Those were the sh1t days, no matter how hard it was to live with the feeling that she is not there, there is nothing you can do about it.. Let her be, if you are confident that she did not cheat on you then trust that feeling and give her her space. Us guys are better at knowing if she really cheated, women on the other hand live in denial even if their man is fuking 3 other women and she knows about it, she will still think that everything its ok and those vag stains were from her, they will still be in denial>> this is what allows us to play them and mess around with other women. In my situation she ended up coming back bc she knew she made the mistake of her life,, no contact and space is the best thing you can do. Fuk the car, go out with your buddies meet some new girls make her miss you. There is a high chance that she will come to her senses and realize she is doing a dumb ass mistake, women do this sh1t all the time they make decisions by their feelings and 99% of the time they are always confused!!


Oh and dont put up with the no sex bullsh1t, we all get gfs so we can fuk the **** out of them.. tell her straight up sex or gtfo
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Old 07-26-2008, 12:04 AM   #55
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Old 07-26-2008, 12:45 AM   #56
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Old 07-26-2008, 02:36 AM   #57
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Hey Alec, hope things are going alright. You're probably in a bad mood....just don't do anything dumb! I remember you posting all about her, it's hard to see the other side of things. Good luck.
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Old 07-26-2008, 05:26 AM   #58
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Okay, first of all, she's not cheating on me and there are no other guys. I know it sounds naive for someone in my position to say that, but if there was any suspicion of cheating I would take the car back and run it through her fooking house. The reason she refuses to kiss me is that she doesn't want me to get the wrong idea about where we're at right now with our relationship.

I'm not going to take the car back, she paid for her share over the summer.. I've put much more into the car than she has and ever will (including $300ish today) and the car is mine, but I'm not going to strand her just because she's confused, scared, a big *****, etc. I don't know what's going to happen, but my only goal is to remain the better person and deal with what's in front of me, rather than trying to force anything in any direction. The only way for this relationship to end up the way it 'should' is if we both let things happen at the pace they come up. If I freak out and kick her to the curb, I'm no better than she is (not saying she's a bad person at all.)

However, I will say that she's being INSANELY immature about this whole thing. This whole dilemma really is all her fault. I just hope she realizes it before it's too late... I've told her everything I've said to you guys and she's in denial about everything.

Simple step by step:

- She comes back, I'm expecting happiness, love, and sex. She acted really stand-offish ever since the first day and never wanted to have sex.
- I never heard why, only that it was uncomfortable for her.. "uncomfortable" was never declared to be physical or emotional, which made it even more confusing.
- I didn't know how to react because I didn't know what the F was going on, and everything got weird.
- A month or so later, we find out what the problem has always been, and she had just gotten off her period.
- 2 days later, instead of awesome passionate sex, she decides that breaking up is the way to deal with everything.
- Immature defense mechanism, end of story.



Anyway, I'm going to go trade cars with her again and get my damn e46 back, and hopefully she'll enjoy the e30 now that it has a working radio, interior dome lights, no check engine lights, brand new oil and oil/fuel filters, a nice leather e-brake boot, and the awesome smell of a recently detailed car.

Wish me luck guys.. I'm hoping for the best.
There is no doubt that all of us on here hope it works out the right way for you Alec, but I fear you may be about to be hit by a truck... But the best of luck to you bro
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Old 07-26-2008, 05:26 AM   #59
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Alec, man, I love you and I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me 5 months ago. I was 110% in the relationship, but she just started to drift away. No cheating or anything, and I'm certain it's not the case in your relationship, but like you the sex just stopped. I played Mr. Patient for over a year, and even went into super awesome boyfriend mode, but once they stop having sex with you that is a huge warning sign. Usually it starts with the "sex hurts" or "i'm sore" dealy, then it stops altogether. It happened to me and other guys I know.

Best of luck to you, I can't tell you whether to leave or not since I'm not you. But I will tell you many of us "older" guys have seen this before, and it's safe to say none of us are with that girl anymore. Keep your head up, don't do anything rash, and just understand that it happens and you will be OK!
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Old 07-26-2008, 05:29 AM   #60
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no sex, then why is she a gf, thats what female friends are for. no sex, then gtfo
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