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Old 07-26-2008, 10:28 AM   #61
stapler12345
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Originally Posted by hi its me alec View Post
So, here are some cliff notes of my current situation.. as short as possible:

- Dating this girl for 20 months.

- Relationship was perfect until she moved to Chicago for school 11 months ago.

- I went and saw her for 1 or 2 weekends every month for the entirety of the school year.. all seemed normal.

- Since she got back for the summer, she hasn't wanted to have sex or anything of that nature.. the last time I got any was about a month ago, more or less. I'd say we've had sex 4 or 5 times in the past 3 months. I've been patient and understanding, not forcing her into anything, trying not to pressure her into talking about it, and trying to understand wtf is going on. She started opening up and saying that sex had been physically uncomfortable for her and whatnot, so I completely understood and moved on.

- The relationship obviously got a little weird somewhere in there, with me not having any idea what was going on and her keeping her mouth shut about everything. When I'd ask "what's wrong?", she would say "nothing."

- Turned out that she had a yeast infection for that whole time (since the beginning of summer,) and didn't even tell me until a week or 2 ago.. there's the problem. I thought this was the answer to everything, she got the infection taken care of, and I thought it would all go back to normal after that.. there's no reason that it shouldn't have.

- All of a sudden, completely out of the blue, she fvcking says that we need to take a break because a.) it feels like we're ''just friends'', b.) she doesn't know what she wants, and c.) she feels like she's missing out on the single life.

- I've just been sitting here like a dumbfounded insomniac azzhole for the past few days, debating whether to end everything. I didn't see her for all of last weekend or this week, but she came over to talk yesterday and hung out with me today and smoked hookah and watched south park. Everything has seemed completely normal and fine in terms of our chemistry. She refuses to kiss me on the lips, and obviously won't do anything related to sex. She wants to remain in 'limbo' like this until the end of summer, then is planning on making a final decision about our relationship when it's time to move back to Chicago.

- Obviously, that plan is flawed and will never work anything out. Making a decision this significant based on 3 months of biatch-induced confusion (that happens to be all cleared up now) would be a pretty bonkers thing to do...

- IMO, she's getting cold feet about the seriousness (well... I guess now it would be the 'former seriousness') of our relationship and is pushing me away in any/every way she can.

- I will NOT let her string me along like this, and I will NOT tolerate any more B.S. excuses for ending our relationship. If there's a legit excuse, fine, but creating problems isn't the solution to anything.

- She disagrees with me about everything.

- Every time I see her, all I want to do is give her the biggest hug in the history of the world and then rip all of her clothes off. I am absolutely head-over-heels in love with this girl, but now I'm pretty much just disappointed in her to a point that might not even be repairable. Even though she recently trampled all over me, she still has our (my) e30 to drive, and she's even driving my car right now because the e30 has a really firm clutch and her left knee is acting up. I mean seriously, I saw Mamma Mia tonight for fvck's sake. Tomorrow, I'm going to be dumping this month's rent money into the e30 to make sure she can get to work safely over the weekend.





Am I right about anything?
hey, welcome to the club. you're gonna be single soon. those 2 things happened to me. just too stubborn to realize it when it happened (6 years ago)
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Old 07-26-2008, 12:46 PM   #62
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yeah sorry alec....things don't sound good

i had a fvcking dream that you updated your post about this...what kind of weird dream is that not to mention the fact i actually dreamt about e46fanatics
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Old 07-26-2008, 02:19 PM   #63
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I've read every post in this thread and there is some damn good advice in here but I don't feel like you listened to any of it. Honestly, I think you should break things off right now and stop letting her play games with you. Why should she be the one in control and able to choose what happens. Take a stand and don't take her ****. Part of the reason she may be acting like this and playing with you is because you are too good to her. She knows that she can act anyway she wants and you will crawl back to her. She takes you for granted man. And to the whole not wanting to kiss you part, seriously WTF? There is something very very wrong here. Dump her and do it fast man.
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Old 07-26-2008, 02:42 PM   #64
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She's walking all over you. You have to step out of line and confuse her. Then you strike.
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Old 07-26-2008, 06:07 PM   #65
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I've read every post in this thread and there is some damn good advice in here but I don't feel like you listened to any of it. Honestly, I think you should break things off right now and stop letting her play games with you. Why should she be the one in control and able to choose what happens. Take a stand and don't take her ****. Part of the reason she may be acting like this and playing with you is because you are too good to her. She knows that she can act anyway she wants and you will crawl back to her. She takes you for granted man. And to the whole not wanting to kiss you part, seriously WTF? There is something very very wrong here. Dump her and do it fast man.


Alec, you are a good guy. You're really nice to her, love her, and respect her. She wants to leave, but doesn't know how to say it because you've been so kind to her and have given her so many things in the past that she is too ashamed / doesn't have the courage to tell you upfront. She probably isn't feeling the same way about you anymore, it's probably best that you move on.

Sorry bro, it's so much easier to say from an outsider's perspective than from yours, since you're constantly thinking about all the things that you still want to happen and stuff like that.
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Old 07-26-2008, 07:58 PM   #66
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I've read every post in this thread and there is some damn good advice in here but I don't feel like you listened to any of it. Honestly, I think you should break things off right now and stop letting her play games with you. Why should she be the one in control and able to choose what happens. Take a stand and don't take her ****. Part of the reason she may be acting like this and playing with you is because you are too good to her. She knows that she can act anyway she wants and you will crawl back to her. She takes you for granted man. And to the whole not wanting to kiss you part, seriously WTF? There is something very very wrong here. Dump her and do it fast man.
Hey now, I read everything intently and agree wholeheartedly with about 75% of what's been said to me. It's just too hard for me to break it off, even though I know it's probably a very good idea. I know how bad this sounds, but I would choose to be walked all over rather than drop my guard and call it quits.

That doesn't mean I'm not going to do it though, there are about 3 weeks left until she goes back. I'm definitely sick and tired of being taken for granted. She literally chose Chicago over me because it has big buildings, good shopping, and a big lake that looks like an ocean. She also promised she wouldn't study abroad without me and, guess what, that plan didn't even last through first semester of last year.
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Old 07-26-2008, 08:00 PM   #67
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But yeah, I really want to say thanks to everyone who posted up their thoughts. It means a hell of a lot to me.
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Old 07-26-2008, 08:11 PM   #68
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Get her dumbass to pay for your tickets!!! Hope all goes well man, I understand it's really hard to just break off the emotional connection. Hopefully you will be better at it than me.
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Old 07-26-2008, 09:34 PM   #69
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Originally Posted by hi its me alec View Post
Hey now, I read everything intently and agree wholeheartedly with about 75% of what's been said to me. It's just too hard for me to break it off, even though I know it's probably a very good idea. I know how bad this sounds, but I would choose to be walked all over rather than drop my guard and call it quits.

That doesn't mean I'm not going to do it though, there are about 3 weeks left until she goes back. I'm definitely sick and tired of being taken for granted. She literally chose Chicago over me because it has big buildings, good shopping, and a big lake that looks like an ocean. She also promised she wouldn't study abroad without me and, guess what, that plan didn't even last through first semester of last year.
Sorry if I came off like a dick, I didn't mean to lol I'm only trying to help. I think the long term relationship might have gotten in the way and it seems like that changed her just by seeing that see totally changed her mind about studying abroad. I hope everything works out well for you man and hopefully my advice was helpful
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Old 07-27-2008, 07:23 AM   #70
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I know how bad this sounds, but I would choose to be walked all over rather than drop my guard and call it quits.
Worse thing you could do if you ever want her or any girls respect. I've gone through MANY similar situations and letting a girl take control over you turns them off.

In my analysis, you're turning a blind eye to the inevitable and I'm sure you will do what you feel in your heart is right. I know you don't want to hear it, but your heart is wrong right now. Listen to the head between your shoulders because it knows the right thing to do.

It really sounds weird but the more you care, the more you will push her away. Here's one thing someone told me that I wish I knew earlier on, "You're the catch". Don't be the chaser, let them come to you.

You probably won't listen to me and think you're situation is unique, it's not. In 2002, I met a "her", she was nothing, just arrived in the states, struggling to pass her english classes and looking for a lot of guidance. She wasn't that hot (now that I think about it) but there was something that attracted me to her. So here is the synopsis of events:
  • Spring/Summer 2002: Met in class (college), after finals, I asked her out
  • Fall 2002: We became a couple after a rocky start (parents didn't like me)
  • Spring 2003: I helped her finish up her AS degree
  • Summer 2003: She moved in with me
  • Fall 2003: I helped her get a full ride to GWU for her BS, she quits her part-time job, I pay all the bills including gas for her car, repairs, food, clothes (150 pairs of jeans, numerous dresses, and a closet full of purses), she was basically my wife.
  • 2004: She's madly, deeply in love with me. I take her on trips to Hawaii (my home town) to meet mom.
  • Spring 2005: I ask her to get a part-time job to help with the bills. She says no, that she's too busy with school. She says when she graduates, she'll work full time for a year to help me catch up before going off to medical school. Mind you she promises me a Ferrari when she becomes a doctor *laff*
  • Summer 2005: She pushes the marriage issue. I agree, I buy her a $20k engagement ring to be married next year.
  • Winter 2005: All these expenses are catching up to me, I'm beginning to drown. But still no help, she wants to finish school.
  • Spring 2006: She finishes school and gets a full time job. But guess what, she can only give me a few hundred dollars a month because she needs to help her parents. WTF!!! I/We need the money more then her parents.
  • Summer 2006: She starts acting weird. Sex is infrequent. Kissing/intimacy is almost non-existent. She says I should check out other girls.
  • Fall 2006: She's not sure I'm the one because I won't have the same education she has/wants. She moves back home to her parents. For a few months, she would come over for sex, but on her terms and no kissing. Finally she breaks things off and says, she's seeing/sleeping with someone else. I go nuts.
  • Winter 2006: She tells me she's going back to her home country for a vacation. She comes back 3 weeks later and tells me that she's planning on marrying her ex in her home country so he can come to the US.
  • Spring 2007: She's engaged and plans to get married in the summer of 2007, but guess what, it's to a different guy whom shes known for a month. I beg and plead not to do that. I let her walk all over me. She loses all respect for me.
  • Summer 2007: I finally accept the inevitable. I'm pissed about everything. I finally let go when she called me to say "what's up, can we be friends?" I tell her to "fvck off and die, don't ever call me again"
  • Winter 2007: I'm dating again

The worst part is that I wanted her back so much, I pardoned all her indiscretions in hopes that she would change her mind. But by doing so, she looked down on me like I had no self respect. What I should've done is just let go when she started suggesting I check out other girls. I put myself in major debt for her so she should have a comfortable life. I'm working my way out now but at least I've regained my dignity and confidence.

I know you don't want to hear it but you will find better, hotter, nicer girls. You're young, don't waste it, date as many girls as you can and don't care too much. Save that for when you're married.

Hopefully, one of our stories will sink in before you lose all respect for yourself.
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Old 07-27-2008, 08:28 AM   #71
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^ wow man. Wow. Sorry to read all that. Really helps to put what's happened to me in perspective! Actually, just about the same month my last ex and I broke up, I got a call from my best friend saying his wife left him. He had pined for this girl for years, ever since she broke up with him after college. They finally reunited a few years later, and got engaged within months. I went to their wedding in Mexico in December of '05. Seemed like the ultimate feel-good romantic tale. Then about a year ago she just up and said she didn't love him anymore and wanted out of their marriage. Sucks!
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Old 07-27-2008, 08:51 AM   #72
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This part of the summer is when all the break-up happen it seems.
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Old 07-27-2008, 11:11 AM   #73
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Damn this is a great advice/story thread but so depressing. Dumb *****es. Alec, give us an update!
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Old 07-27-2008, 11:29 AM   #74
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She probably got that yeast infection from another dude thats why she did not tell you till recently. She probably met somebody else and got a taste of the single life. If she thinks the grass is greener on the other side tell her to step and either sell her the e30 or take that sh!t back.
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Old 07-27-2008, 12:32 PM   #75
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She probably got that yeast infection from another dude thats why she did not tell you till recently. She probably met somebody else and got a taste of the single life. If she thinks the grass is greener on the other side tell her to step and either sell her the e30 or take that sh!t back.
i thought this too, but i kept forgetting to say it.
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Old 07-27-2008, 01:06 PM   #76
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Need another update. not to sound like i'm enjoying this or something like that, but IMO the more alec see's what you guys are saying the more likely he is to believe it.
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Old 07-27-2008, 01:21 PM   #77
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Alec, you're getting played man. You are not her father. You shouldn't be throwing all your money into a girl at this age - especially when that girl isn't doing anything for you. It's one thing if she's got some "lady" problems and sex is uncomfortable for her, but no kissing? She's already done with the entire thing but won't tell you that because you're funding her entire life right now. It really is time to cut losses and move on. You should go get whichever car of yours she has, whatever else of yours she has, and move on.

I would be shocked if, in several months, you did not find out she was cheating on you.
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Old 07-27-2008, 04:55 PM   #78
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I was in the exact situation as you are now, where I thought It wasn't going to be the same. Just give her time and try to disconnect yourself from her for a while... then get back to her. It worked for me.


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Old 07-27-2008, 05:25 PM   #79
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take your e30 back......and send her fvcuking ass back to chicago, sucks but u gotta do what u gotta do
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Old 07-27-2008, 06:39 PM   #80
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Alec you're a good guy but you are totally wrong about this whole thing.

Don't be a doormat bro. If she isn't cheating on you shes definitely doesn't give a crap about you anymore. But it sounds a lot like shes cheating.

Get your E30 back like right now, tell her you're completely fine with a break and that she can take all the thinking time she wants but not to expect you to wait up. Right now it sounds like shes wearing the pants in the relationship. Get your balls out of her glass jar pronto man.
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Either pursue her and risk getting Mono, or don't pursue her,...stay home and use your Mano.

It's either Mono or Mano .... You decide
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