Okay... So I´m having a difficult time with what to do here...

Hey everyone !

Well, I´m on a situation that is a bit tricky. I have a friend that I´ve known for about 9 years, we´ve always been friends but only recently, when she ended her relationship of 2.5 years, I started to be spend more time with her, and with that, I´ve grown feelings of more than plain friendship for her. Currently, everytime she goes out at night, she goes out with me and comes back home with me, if she needs help with anything, she calls me, etc. We have the same group of friends (she doesn´t hang out much with her college friends because they live far from us) and we pretty much know everything about each others life.
Now, I have two problems with all this. The first and most important is, how can I understand if all this relationship we´ve developed is just being very good friends or if she is also seeing this with a possible future.
Also, sometimes I run out of things to talk to her because we are always together, can you guys give me some suggestions on topics ??
Finally, I´m more than very afraid to tell her how I feel because we have the same friends and it would be awkward if it didn´t go through well.

Thanks !

do you think you are stuck in the 'friend zone'? that's what it sounds like from my perspective, just wondering what you think

when she goes out with you and comes home with you....but you find yourself not in her bed...you, my friend, are in teh friend zone...hate to break it to you but just so you know....besides you've known her for 9 years and she chose other guys instead of you....cmon man..the signs are so obvious!
keep this girl as a friend but do go out with other girls too

Originally Posted by aapriadi

when she goes out with you and comes home with you....but you find yourself not in her bed...you, my friend, are in teh friend zone...hate to break it to you but just so you know....besides you've known her for 9 years and she chose other guys instead of you....cmon man..the signs are so obvious!
keep this girl as a friend but do go out with other girls too

Well, yeah but we haven´t been with each other much during those 9 years, I´ve met her when I was 11 years old because we lived on the same building and attended the same school, but we grew apart and didn´t hang out for like 7 years, only 2 months ago she ended her relationship and we started talking and hanging out again.
I don´t know if I´m in the friend zone or not, probably am, but I´m also thinking maybe its because I don´t make a move that I don´t find myself in bed, I just wanna make sure where I am before I do anything, any tips for finding out for sure if we´re just friends or not ?

Tell her you are ending the friendship and then kiss her on the lips. Do it now!

Tell her you are ending the friendship and then kiss her on the lips. Do it!

in a nut shell, it sounds like you are probably in the friend zone, if she is constantly going out with u and coming home with you while things stay platonic, turning to you with her problems and confiding in you, chances are she sees you as her "pillar male friend", the one that girls would often describe as the one thats "like a brother to me" and the one that she counts on for support and to always look out for her and take care of her.... as a best friend, and nothing more.

for now, your feelings are nothing more than a ticking time bomb, IF you cant control them. until there comes a time where you are out with her and she gives you a more than obvious sign that she reciprocates these feelings or that she is interested in pursing something more with you than just a friendship, id say forget about it and move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea and the chances of catching this one is long gone.

what i would do in your shoes (and believe me ive been through this too):

stay close to her, do what you normally do with her, go out with her, hang out, etc., keep it just the two of you, take her out to dinner or to a movie or some sort of "date like" casual atmosphere where the two of you can enjoy each other's company, this will in turn allow her to subconsciously get used to seeing herself in a "dating" situation with you (get her comfortable with seeing you in a way other than just a friend), keep the conversation light, make her laugh, steer clear of topics that will allow her to "vent" to you, and keep doing this on a regular basis, and see how she will react to it, if she suggests that you guys should start dating, then great, but if not, move on, because if shes not interested in being more than friends and you bring up the idea of dating, that would hurt the friendship and things will be awkward from then on. not worth the risk of compromising a friendship in which you value.

as far as what to talk about, just relax, seeing a girl everyday and spending hours on end with one another will deplete your list of things to talk about pretty quickly. obviously we cant give you a list of things to talk about because none of us know her personally, but my best suggestion would be to keep the conversation light, dont think too much, go to places that will give you something to talk about and just relax and say what comes to mind, or take her to see or do something that SHE enjoys, ask her about it, and have HER make the conversation and you can just comment on what she has to say.

Originally Posted by Novare330

in a nut shell, it sounds like you are probably in the friend zone, if she is constantly going out with u and coming home with you while things stay platonic, turning to you with her problems and confiding in you, chances are she sees you as her "pillar male friend", the one that girls would often describe as the one thats "like a brother to me" and the one that she counts on for support and to always look out for her and take care of her.... as a best friend, and nothing more.

for now, your feelings are nothing more than a ticking time bomb, IF you cant control them. until there comes a time where you are out with her and she gives you a more than obvious sign that she reciprocates these feelings or that she is interested in pursing something more with you than just a friendship, id say forget about it and move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea and the chances of catching this one is long gone.

what i would do in your shoes (and believe me ive been through this too):

stay close to her, do what you normally do with her, go out with her, hang out, etc., keep it just the two of you, take her out to dinner or to a movie or some sort of "date like" casual atmosphere where the two of you can enjoy each other's company, this will in turn allow her to subconsciously get used to seeing herself in a "dating" situation with you (get her comfortable with seeing you in a way other than just a friend), keep the conversation light, make her laugh, steer clear of topics that will allow her to "vent" to you, and keep doing this on a regular basis, and see how she will react to it, if she suggests that you guys should start dating, then great, but if not, move on, because if shes not interested in being more than friends and you bring up the idea of dating, that would hurt the friendship and things will be awkward from then on. not worth the risk of compromising a friendship in which you value.

as far as what to talk about, just relax, seeing a girl everyday and spending hours on end with one another will deplete your list of things to talk about pretty quickly. obviously we cant give you a list of things to talk about because none of us know her personally, but my best suggestion would be to keep the conversation light, dont think too much, go to places that will give you something to talk about and just relax and say what comes to mind, or take her to see or do something that SHE enjoys, ask her about it, and have HER make the conversation and you can just comment on what she has to say.

All I have to say is Thank You ! some of what you wrote I was already thinking, but you made things quite clearer.

Originally Posted by Novare330

in a nut shell, it sounds like you are probably in the friend zone, if she is constantly going out with u and coming home with you while things stay platonic, turning to you with her problems and confiding in you, chances are she sees you as her "pillar male friend", the one that girls would often describe as the one thats "like a brother to me" and the one that she counts on for support and to always look out for her and take care of her.... as a best friend, and nothing more.

for now, your feelings are nothing more than a ticking time bomb, IF you cant control them. until there comes a time where you are out with her and she gives you a more than obvious sign that she reciprocates these feelings or that she is interested in pursing something more with you than just a friendship, id say forget about it and move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea and the chances of catching this one is long gone.

what i would do in your shoes (and believe me ive been through this too):

stay close to her, do what you normally do with her, go out with her, hang out, etc., keep it just the two of you, take her out to dinner or to a movie or some sort of "date like" casual atmosphere where the two of you can enjoy each other's company, this will in turn allow her to subconsciously get used to seeing herself in a "dating" situation with you (get her comfortable with seeing you in a way other than just a friend), keep the conversation light, make her laugh, steer clear of topics that will allow her to "vent" to you, and keep doing this on a regular basis, and see how she will react to it, if she suggests that you guys should start dating, then great, but if not, move on, because if shes not interested in being more than friends and you bring up the idea of dating, that would hurt the friendship and things will be awkward from then on. not worth the risk of compromising a friendship in which you value.

as far as what to talk about, just relax, seeing a girl everyday and spending hours on end with one another will deplete your list of things to talk about pretty quickly. obviously we cant give you a list of things to talk about because none of us know her personally, but my best suggestion would be to keep the conversation light, dont think too much, go to places that will give you something to talk about and just relax and say what comes to mind, or take her to see or do something that SHE enjoys, ask her about it, and have HER make the conversation and you can just comment on what she has to say.

damn, this guy is a pro

Originally Posted by Novare330

in a nut shell, it sounds like you are probably in the friend zone, if she is constantly going out with u and coming home with you while things stay platonic, turning to you with her problems and confiding in you, chances are she sees you as her "pillar male friend", the one that girls would often describe as the one thats "like a brother to me" and the one that she counts on for support and to always look out for her and take care of her.... as a best friend, and nothing more.

for now, your feelings are nothing more than a ticking time bomb, IF you cant control them. until there comes a time where you are out with her and she gives you a more than obvious sign that she reciprocates these feelings or that she is interested in pursing something more with you than just a friendship, id say forget about it and move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea and the chances of catching this one is long gone.

what i would do in your shoes (and believe me ive been through this too):

stay close to her, do what you normally do with her, go out with her, hang out, etc., keep it just the two of you, take her out to dinner or to a movie or some sort of "date like" casual atmosphere where the two of you can enjoy each other's company, this will in turn allow her to subconsciously get used to seeing herself in a "dating" situation with you (get her comfortable with seeing you in a way other than just a friend), keep the conversation light, make her laugh, steer clear of topics that will allow her to "vent" to you, and keep doing this on a regular basis, and see how she will react to it, if she suggests that you guys should start dating, then great, but if not, move on, because if shes not interested in being more than friends and you bring up the idea of dating, that would hurt the friendship and things will be awkward from then on. not worth the risk of compromising a friendship in which you value.

as far as what to talk about, just relax, seeing a girl everyday and spending hours on end with one another will deplete your list of things to talk about pretty quickly. obviously we cant give you a list of things to talk about because none of us know her personally, but my best suggestion would be to keep the conversation light, dont think too much, go to places that will give you something to talk about and just relax and say what comes to mind, or take her to see or do something that SHE enjoys, ask her about it, and have HER make the conversation and you can just comment on what she has to say.

I agree.

sounds like you need to get her into your bed after one of those nights of hangin out...then "accidentally" wake up wrapped around her!

Ladder theory

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory

The Ladder Theory, or "LT," is a pseudoscientific explanation of the ways in which men and women evaluate members of the opposite sex upon first impressions. In the "Ladder theory" model, this decision is typically made quickly and is often final. This determines the other's potential as a future mate. Ladder theory began as satire, but developed into an elaborated, unsubstantiated model of the dynamics of male-female attraction. While Ladder theory has many supporters[citation needed] and claims to be grounded in "decades of sociological research," the theory has never appeared in a referenced journal or scientific forum and its proponents cite no studies or data sets to support their conclusions.

The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is becasue in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.

The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered and intellectual *****s are made. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.

Originally Posted by Silveraudi

All I have to say is Thank You ! some of what you wrote I was already thinking, but you made things quite clearer.

np man might have came off a bit harsh in a few parts, but just tryin to look out for u man, there have been times in the past that i wished people would have given me "raw" advice instead of sugar coated ones, its always better to hear things straight up

hope everything works out for you bro

Originally Posted by highschooler

damn, this guy is a pro

ive been through my fair share of **** lol just trying to keep others from making the same mistakes u kno?

Originally Posted by \\\VLADA

I agree.

One of the true tests of compatability with a woman is to be able to just sit and say nothing - to be completely comfortable in each other's presence. You're not there because you still want to impress her. Be natural and what will be will be.