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Go Back   E46Fanatics > Everything Else > The Off-Topic > Love Line

Love Line

View Poll Results: Is it possible?
Yes 34 73.91%
No 12 26.09%
Voters: 46. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-14-2008, 09:36 PM   #41
efoursix04
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lol its possible. i know couples that have been married for 20 years and the man is still caught cheating.
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Old 10-15-2008, 05:28 AM   #42
1TEXM3
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it is sad that fidelity broke... especially with the kids. you should not compromise with the things that you need in life. i personally do not think you can have an affair with someone for a year without feelings... that is a long time and you mentioned that they work together, so the feelings probably grew. probably bringing others into the relationship over time gave him the thought that it was ok. maybe he thought it was a one time thing, but kept it going. whatever... do what is best for you both along with the kids. do not forget that being a single parent is no easy task, yet, the freedom of being out of a trustless relationship can be preffered. counseling is a wonderful beginning. i guess i am saying, do not settle. there are plenty of faithful men and women out there for us all.
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Old 10-15-2008, 06:14 AM   #43
02ci
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I am sure now i know that by bringing other peopke into the relationship was not a good idea. But i think that was even more reason not to go behind my back. When it was all said and done he was the one years ago who suggested the idea. I am not going to sit here and put all the blame on him. There was something there that was missing to drive him to go elsewhere. To this day my kids know nothing of the situation and i would like to keep it that wasy for as long as i can.

Oncwe again thanks for the advice.
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Old 10-15-2008, 10:17 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by 02ci View Post
Yes to an extent i may not have been having sex with him as much as he wanted to but i was really trying to make an effort to do it more. It wasnt that i was not attracted to him because i was and still am. It was both of our schedules. He works 12 hour shifts and i on the other hand am left do deal with everything else. The last time he slept with her was 2 weeks ago. The week prior to that we had sex three days straight in a row. The week he cheated i was on my cycle (sorry i know some of you didnt want to hear that) so we didnt do anything.
Wait, wait, wait.

While it sounds as if lack of sex (his perspective) may have been a contributing factor, that does not mean it's simply all your fault. HIS responsibility was to bring the subject up and talk to you about it, giving both of you the chance to work this out together, rather than going straight to having an affair.

As I said before, his responsibility also included meeting your needs by talking to you and listening to you.

Unfortunately, IF he did tell you that he wanted to have sex more often and you didn't change your behavior, then he would feel more justified in seeking satisfaction elsewhere. I'm not saying this is what happened; I'm just trying to give you an idea how men react.

Most men I know feel that - when they get married - having their sexual needs met within the marriage is part and parcel of the deal. When the wife loses interest in sex after marriage, the men feel betrayed and cheated (as in: fraud).

The second most important thing to most men is companionship. They want a cute woman to hang out with and do things with. Yet you mentioned that he DOESN'T take you to his car-related activities, which is not a good sign.

To make things more complicated, it is human nature (especially male human nature) to become bored with the same partner in the same position in the same way after several years. So it takes some effort on the part of BOTH spouses to keep things interesting. And it's starting to sound like HE is not making much of an effort, either.

He works 12-hour shifts...how many days a week? Every day? OK, so he's working hard, and he just wants to play and relax when he's not working. But it sounds like he's doing that by himself, and pretty much ignoring all other responsibilities besides work by leaving you to handle things. He's at work all day, and then he hangs out with his buddies or his mistress while the "wifey" stays home and makes sure everything's kosher at the nest for when he appears. That's not being very fair to you, either.

Anyway, MY POINT IS: it sounds like you've been neglecting his needs, and he's been neglecting yours. We can delay gratification of our needs and wants, but after a while that wears thin, and we feel like we're giving and not receiving. But it sounds like you still love him and want this to work.

So, talk to him about it. Openly and directly. Don't beat around the bush, and DO NOT expect him to read your mind or somehow "know" what you mean or need. Tell him exactly what you wrote here: that you still love him, that you're still attracted to him, that you want your love life to be better. AND tell him what is true for your needs (now I'm making stuff up): you know he works long hours but you want him to spend more time with you, you want him to help out more with the kids, etc.

Get some joint counseling! And if he's not interested, make it clear to him that there IS a problem here that you WILL NOT IGNORE. If he's not interested, I think it also shows that he's a selfish man who wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

Good luck.
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Old 10-15-2008, 01:19 PM   #45
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I agree with your point. The thing is that he will take me out to the car shows and hang outs but that is where he draws the line. It is as if he is almost ashamed to be seen with me in public. We hang out with the same people all the time. I have asked him to go to some meets regarding the BMW and he just wont go.

As for the sex, we have been or at least i thought i was making a better effort to want him and be with him sexually more often then what i wanted. I was willing to do better and realised that it was not all about me. Never have i been that type of person. I will always put someone else before me and no i am starting to see that maybe i gave him to much room.

He works anywhere from 4 to 5 days a week and the majority of the time he has weekends off. But when he is home we really dont spend time togeher. He is kinda doing his own thing and i am doing mine. I have always wanted him and i to spend more time together but he seemes to want otherwhise.

We are talking alot more about our problems so i will give him that much. I laid down some rules and one was to go to counsiling. I also told him if she turns out pregnant or i catch him in another lie we are done. I will over look one hugh Mistake but no more then that. I will not allow someone to abuse me like that over and over again.
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Old 10-15-2008, 06:42 PM   #46
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i commend you to try and work things out. you attitude is far from an easy one to find. you are both very young and it will take time, yet he needs to prove you are his #1!!! Best, Tex
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Old 10-16-2008, 06:07 AM   #47
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I truly am thankful to everyone that has commented on my situation! People have said some things on here that has made me look at things differently. And, I appreciate that.
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Old 10-16-2008, 11:20 AM   #48
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myspace/facebook always causes problems.. the day I get married, I'll make sure both of our accounts are deleted
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Old 10-16-2008, 04:05 PM   #49
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just my $0.02.

This is a pretty serious issue and although I didn't take the time to read every response (cause they're long and numerous) I thought writing without knowing what other people already said would either give new insight and a different perspective to you or it would reinforce what has already been said.

To answer your first question, yes I believe it is possible to love someone and yet have sex with someone else. Honestly I think (and many of you guys may disagree with me) that the greatest sign and indicator of love is how you kiss. You can f**k, screw, sleep with anyone and porn stars do all the time. But in our society and culture presently, sex has been severely reduced in regards to what it means.

For most guys, sex can honestly be reduced to just a physical act to "feel good" in the physical sense. Hence, many guys pride themselves in their sexual conquests. Hence, one night stands exist. I am not saying sex never means anything though. Sex in its purest form is the greatest act of love two people can share. But it can also be nothing more than a f**k.

But kissing... passionate and meaningful kissing is different. You don't kiss the people you don't care about or love. Look at porn. Both the guy and girl hardly ever kiss. They may have a makeout session in the beginning as an "intro" but they NEVER kiss past that.

I guess I speak from personal experience... and a lot of you guys can disagree if you want... but in college... with the girls I never really cared about, but ****ed anyways.... I didnt want to kiss them... kissing seemed way too emotional.... but with the girsl that I really cared for and grew to love, kissing would be something I wanted from them.

So i really do honestly think that it is possible to love someone and yet have sex with someone else.

As other fanatics have mentioned... he has probably slept with other girls because he was missing something in the relationship. Either he was bored. He needed more excitement. Or whatever it was... he thought he could find it elsewhere. In another girl. I am 99.9999% sure that he has no feelings for this girl other than the fact that she is a good f**k, or a new f**k (the only reason I can't say 100% is because everyone is different and you never know).

In any case.. I'm sorry for the situation your'e in. I hope things work out the best for you.

Best Wishes,
Chris
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Old 10-16-2008, 04:20 PM   #50
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personally, i dont cheat, and if i caught my girl doing it id never speak to her again, throw her ass on the street etc........your a better person than i am
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Old 10-17-2008, 02:03 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by gettin leid View Post
just my $0.02.

This is a pretty serious issue and although I didn't take the time to read every response (cause they're long and numerous) I thought writing without knowing what other people already said would either give new insight and a different perspective to you or it would reinforce what has already been said.

To answer your first question, yes I believe it is possible to love someone and yet have sex with someone else. Honestly I think (and many of you guys may disagree with me) that the greatest sign and indicator of love is how you kiss. You can f**k, screw, sleep with anyone and porn stars do all the time. But in our society and culture presently, sex has been severely reduced in regards to what it means.

For most guys, sex can honestly be reduced to just a physical act to "feel good" in the physical sense. Hence, many guys pride themselves in their sexual conquests. Hence, one night stands exist. I am not saying sex never means anything though. Sex in its purest form is the greatest act of love two people can share. But it can also be nothing more than a f**k.

But kissing... passionate and meaningful kissing is different. You don't kiss the people you don't care about or love. Look at porn. Both the guy and girl hardly ever kiss. They may have a makeout session in the beginning as an "intro" but they NEVER kiss past that.

I guess I speak from personal experience... and a lot of you guys can disagree if you want... but in college... with the girls I never really cared about, but ****ed anyways.... I didnt want to kiss them... kissing seemed way too emotional.... but with the girsl that I really cared for and grew to love, kissing would be something I wanted from them.

So i really do honestly think that it is possible to love someone and yet have sex with someone else.

As other fanatics have mentioned... he has probably slept with other girls because he was missing something in the relationship. Either he was bored. He needed more excitement. Or whatever it was... he thought he could find it elsewhere. In another girl. I am 99.9999% sure that he has no feelings for this girl other than the fact that she is a good f**k, or a new f**k (the only reason I can't say 100% is because everyone is different and you never know).

In any case.. I'm sorry for the situation your'e in. I hope things work out the best for you.

Best Wishes,
Chris
+1, there was this one hyna i ****ed couple times. she wanted to kiss and lock hands ( you know when you hold hands and lock your fingers). to me that is a nono. Like you said to much emotions involved there.

i woule never want to kiss her, make out was another story.

yeah, if my girl cheated on me, i would kick her out of my house. i never cheater on her, and if she did its over. would never want to talk to her.
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Old 11-12-2008, 05:19 AM   #52
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updates 02ci??????????
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Old 11-12-2008, 03:43 PM   #53
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Well, we have been going to the counciling and things seemed to be going good for a while. But on Monday i went to pick him up from work and she walked out in front of my car not even knowing that i was there. When she walked out and i seen her that was the first time had i had ever seen her in person. SO i took the time to get a really good look at her. As she was walking to her car......i looked at her stomach and seen that she was pregnant! I could have just lost it there but i didnt. I called my husband and asked him what she was wearing that day and he confirmed that it was her. I then told him that she was pregnant. He said he didnt know anything about that. To me she looks like she is 3 months pregnant if not a little more. She claims she is nly 9 weeks pregnant. The thing is she is a Nurse and i know that she can make up stuff all the time. I know for a fact the last time they slept together was September 26th. But to get back to the story, i called her and asked her myself if she was pregnant. She said that was none of my buisness and i then told her if it was by my husband then it was my buisness.
She said yes! I asked her if my husband knew, she said No! I asked her if she does keep the baby would she have a DNA test done. She said yes. I had heard from other people that she had also been sleeping with two other people so i am not sure IF this baby is even his. But i do know that i REALLY hate the fact that i am in this situation. But i dont know what to do! My husband was doing the right thing after the s&^t hit the fan. We were communicating more and having a good time. Really enjoying each others company. I really thought things were going to work out for the better. But now i feel like i am back at square one and dont know what to do. I dont want to be with someone that has produced a kid threw our relatioship but i dont want to give up on us because we were doing so well for a while now. I just feel torn.
I have talked to people and everone gives different advice. I personally tink this chick is crazy in the head from all the lies that she has told me and what i have heard her say to my husband. All i ever wanted was for someone to love and respect me the ay i have done for him.
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Old 11-12-2008, 07:36 PM   #54
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You are a good and valuable woman; i can tell by the way you present this scenario. It is far from easy. Only you have the answers you wish for in this relationship. I give you alot of credit, because I dont know how I could do it. I guess since there exists some gray area as to whom the dad is, you could keep proceeding. I wish I could tell you it is simple to resolve, but emotions, children, and finances jade the picture. Maybe you need to seek counseling individually to iron out your own thoughts. I continue to wish the best for you... sounds like you deserve nothingless.
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Old 11-12-2008, 08:16 PM   #55
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I really appreciate that! I know when it is all said and done i have been a good person through all of this. There are times when i wish i wasnt. But i just have to remember what i want and never lose sight of that. I know my husband has made a mistake but he is showing signs that he wants things to be better. And that is the reason that i think this can work out. I really appreciate all the advice that i have gooten from everone on here. It has really helped me to underdstand things.
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Old 11-12-2008, 08:34 PM   #56
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of the girl he was banging
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Old 11-13-2008, 01:39 AM   #57
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myspace/facebook always causes problems.. the day I get married, I'll make sure both of our accounts are deleted
friend just got married, his wife went on his facebook and myspace account, and when he got back home from work that day... all hell broke loose...

so deleting those accounts after marriage is a smart move...
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Old 11-13-2008, 08:57 AM   #58
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Here is her myspace page. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endid=59510707


Tell me what you think!

Last edited by 02ci; 11-13-2008 at 08:59 AM. Reason: left out part of message
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Old 11-13-2008, 07:16 PM   #59
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Here is her myspace page. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endid=59510707


Tell me what you think!
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Old 11-14-2008, 05:36 AM   #60
1TEXM3
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Here is her myspace page. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endid=59510707


Tell me what you think!
ahhh nasty!!!!!
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