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Old 11-12-2008, 12:45 AM   #1
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relationship help....

so i have been dating this girl for about 1.5 years and really am into her. during the summer we are plainly amazing i love being with her! we were perfect together. now im down at college about a hour and forty five minutes away, and we hardly get to see each other. (2 to 3 times a month) i myself think we talk enough, once in the morning (call or text) some times in the afternoon, and almost everynight (by phone). now my gf is getting more and more frustrated about not talking enough, and i just dont have time. I have class then i usually am in the library for 2-3 hours a night, and i usually lift and work out. im going from the time i wake up to the time i get home to sleep.

she is pushing more and more about trying to talk more but i really feel like i cant, and i get so stressed about everything else i cant handle it.

i love her i really do but as of now i feel like my life needs to be more focused on studying and focusing on school and well like tonight, i spent 30 minutes talking with her about how i cant always talk and alot of times my phone is on silent and or in my bag where i cant get to it.

i just know if i was there with her things would be perfect! really honestly i could marry this girl. but right now i feel like i have no time in my life to handle all these things. anyone have any advice for me

i myself see my self less stressed with no gf but i cant see myself breaking it off as i care about her. i dont know what to do, help!
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Old 11-12-2008, 03:28 AM   #2
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if your gf is feeling that you are not talking enough with her, then she would eventually subconsciously try to fill that void through someone else. and when that happens, she might just begin to realize that she might be happier with this new guy especially since he is around. if you truly feel that your studies and your working out is more important than your making time to talk with her, then tell her straight up so that she will have the chance to make the decision to accept things the way they are or maybe break up and start seeing someone else that can and will fulfill her needs. it's only fair.
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Old 11-12-2008, 04:36 AM   #3
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Go to her weekends and give at least and hour a day total talking to her. Gotta compromise if you wanna keep your girl. She should also understand that you may not be able to do that during exam week.
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Old 11-12-2008, 03:52 PM   #4
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Go to her weekends and give at least and hour a day total talking to her. Gotta compromise if you wanna keep your girl. She should also understand that you may not be able to do that during exam week.
+1 she should understand that your education comes first. That is something that (should) you marry her she will reep the benefits as well.
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Old 11-12-2008, 04:12 PM   #5
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Go to her weekends and give at least and hour a day total talking to her. Gotta compromise if you wanna keep your girl. She should also understand that you may not be able to do that during exam week.
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+1 she should understand that your education comes first. That is something that (should) you marry her she will reep the benefits as well.
+1 ... be honest with her, if you can't talk tell her that, tell her you got study, be straight up, I've recently had the same issue and I've learnt from my gf if i don't feel like talking one night she will understand and we will talk tomorrow.

Discuss it with her.
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Old 11-12-2008, 04:17 PM   #6
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dude i feel u its tough my ex moved to another state and we talked every single day for hours but it still wasnt enough! she ended up "filling that void" with someone else...suxs cuz i know she still has feelings for me and its been more than a year...if i were u id try till it fails so than if u guys do break up at least u get to say i tried to make it work
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Old 11-12-2008, 04:48 PM   #7
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read the writing on the wall bud.............eventually shell find someone else and give you the guilt trip that you didnt make enuff time for her..............beat her to the punch, break up with her..............if she doesnt come around, just let her go...............dont let chicks stress you out bud............there is more to life..........ive been single since the end of march and im doing a ok.............sure i have bad days, but im stress free..........
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Old 11-13-2008, 03:03 AM   #8
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i was going to contribute but everything that i was about to say has already been said

aside from trust and communication, respect is another key factor in any successful relationship, and with that respect comes understanding towards many things, INCLUDING priorities or obligations of either person within the relationship, specifically priorities and obligations outside of the relationship.

she needs to understand that an education is extremely important and should be your number one priority at this point in your life. will you make time for her? of course, afterall, she is important, reassure her that you will always make time for her and that she will always be important to you, but also make her understand that you MUST focus on school and she will have to accept it for the relationship to work.

tell her just like that, that way youre not backing her into a corner and you give her something to think about, heres how it will break down:

A) you tell her that she will have to accept that you must focus on school and that she will have to accept it for the relationship to work, your strong feelings for her are reciprocated, she understands, and she will let you focus on your school work while she adapts and learns to be satisfied with the time you make for her, her acceptance of this will allow the relationship to remain strong and everything wlll be ok.

b) you tell her that she will have to accept that you must focus on school and that she will have to accept it for the relationship to work, she feels as if she wants more attention from you than you are able to give, with expectations that you take attention away from things in your life that you find extremely important just so you can spend time with her, she is selfish and doesnt care what you have to neglect, as long as you find time to spend with her, in which case, you can reiterate to her once more that school is your number one priority and explain to her why its so important to you, if she doesnt understand or refuses to accept it, drop her and move on.

relationships, must like anything in life is a COMPROMISE, a little give, and a little take, you cant always have everything 100% in the way that you want, like in this situation, you cant devote all your time and attention to either her or your school, so it will end up being a compromise, with the obvious more important thing getting the lion's share of the attention.

in the hierarchy of priorities in a college students life:

1) family - will always be there for you no matter what, people you can always count on to help you through w/e it is in life that you are having problems with, you should always hold family as the nearest and dearest priority in your life, above all else.

2) school - this is what your future rides on, a good education can take you very far in life, thus for the sake of your future, you must put forth maximum effort here, the way i see it, you get out of life what you put into it, aside from family, this must always remain at the top of your list of priorities.

3) friends - good friends and best friends in particular, will always be there for you, they will be there before you meet your significant other, and they will be there long after they are gone, its harder to lose a best friend than it is a significant other, therefore, keep these people near you, and as always, as the age old adage goes, "bros before h<ph>o<ph>es"

4) gf/bf - always should be last on the list, as brutal as it sounds, you dont need one of these to be happy. for most of us, we will go through many gf/bf's in our life times, its nice to have one, but there are much more important things in life, especially when it comes to family, school, and best friends. are gf/bf's important? yes, but are there more important things in life? absolutely
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Old 11-13-2008, 06:12 AM   #9
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so i have been dating this girl for about 1.5 years and really am into her. during the summer we are plainly amazing i love being with her! we were perfect together. now im down at college about a hour and forty five minutes away, and we hardly get to see each other. (2 to 3 times a month) i myself think we talk enough, once in the morning (call or text) some times in the afternoon, and almost everynight (by phone). now my gf is getting more and more frustrated about not talking enough, and i just dont have time. I have class then i usually am in the library for 2-3 hours a night, and i usually lift and work out. im going from the time i wake up to the time i get home to sleep.

she is pushing more and more about trying to talk more but i really feel like i cant, and i get so stressed about everything else i cant handle it.

i love her i really do but as of now i feel like my life needs to be more focused on studying and focusing on school and well like tonight, i spent 30 minutes talking with her about how i cant always talk and alot of times my phone is on silent and or in my bag where i cant get to it.

i just know if i was there with her things would be perfect! really honestly i could marry this girl. but right now i feel like i have no time in my life to handle all these things. anyone have any advice for me

i myself see my self less stressed with no gf but i cant see myself breaking it off as i care about her. i dont know what to do, help!
I'm 27. I've been with the same girl since I was 22, actually just married her a couple of months ago in September. To this day I still fvck her every night like we just meet.....I've had my ups and downs but we have worked through it..If you really love this girl and think you could really marry her, everything else in your life shouldn't matter but doing whatever it takes to ensure she is fulfilled and happy...If you don't really feel that way, you are wasting hers and your time.
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Old 11-13-2008, 08:13 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Novare330 View Post
i was going to contribute but everything that i was about to say has already been said

aside from trust and communication, respect is another key factor in any successful relationship, and with that respect comes understanding towards many things, INCLUDING priorities or obligations of either person within the relationship, specifically priorities and obligations outside of the relationship.

she needs to understand that an education is extremely important and should be your number one priority at this point in your life. will you make time for her? of course, afterall, she is important, reassure her that you will always make time for her and that she will always be important to you, but also make her understand that you MUST focus on school and she will have to accept it for the relationship to work.

tell her just like that, that way youre not backing her into a corner and you give her something to think about, heres how it will break down:

A) you tell her that she will have to accept that you must focus on school and that she will have to accept it for the relationship to work, your strong feelings for her are reciprocated, she understands, and she will let you focus on your school work while she adapts and learns to be satisfied with the time you make for her, her acceptance of this will allow the relationship to remain strong and everything wlll be ok.

b) you tell her that she will have to accept that you must focus on school and that she will have to accept it for the relationship to work, she feels as if she wants more attention from you than you are able to give, with expectations that you take attention away from things in your life that you find extremely important just so you can spend time with her, she is selfish and doesnt care what you have to neglect, as long as you find time to spend with her, in which case, you can reiterate to her once more that school is your number one priority and explain to her why its so important to you, if she doesnt understand or refuses to accept it, drop her and move on.

relationships, must like anything in life is a COMPROMISE, a little give, and a little take, you cant always have everything 100% in the way that you want, like in this situation, you cant devote all your time and attention to either her or your school, so it will end up being a compromise, with the obvious more important thing getting the lion's share of the attention.

in the hierarchy of priorities in a college students life:

1) family - will always be there for you no matter what, people you can always count on to help you through w/e it is in life that you are having problems with, you should always hold family as the nearest and dearest priority in your life, above all else.

2) school - this is what your future rides on, a good education can take you very far in life, thus for the sake of your future, you must put forth maximum effort here, the way i see it, you get out of life what you put into it, aside from family, this must always remain at the top of your list of priorities.

3) friends - good friends and best friends in particular, will always be there for you, they will be there before you meet your significant other, and they will be there long after they are gone, its harder to lose a best friend than it is a significant other, therefore, keep these people near you, and as always, as the age old adage goes, "bros before h<ph>o<ph>es"

4) gf/bf - always should be last on the list, as brutal as it sounds, you dont need one of these to be happy. for most of us, we will go through many gf/bf's in our life times, its nice to have one, but there are much more important things in life, especially when it comes to family, school, and best friends. are gf/bf's important? yes, but are there more important things in life? absolutely

exactly what i tried to tell the last girl, she didnt get it, buh bye
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Old 11-13-2008, 08:26 AM   #11
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I would prepare yourself for the possibility things might be coming to an end. As I see it, whether distance or the hassle involved with speaking/seeing each other, it likely won't work
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Old 11-13-2008, 08:29 AM   #12
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time to find some local a$$, buddy! This sh1t won't last.
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Old 11-13-2008, 12:58 PM   #13
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time to find some local a$$, buddy! This sh1t won't last.
Howie.

How are you hanging in there?
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Old 11-15-2008, 03:57 PM   #14
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well i took in a lot of your guys advise and it looks like were gonna try and work through it. i came back this weekend to see her and we gonna try and see each other at least once or twice a month minimum but we will see how it goes. i think it was good to finally just sit down and talk things over with her face to face.


thanks for the input you guys its much appreciated!
kyle
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