E46 BMW Social Directory E46 FAQ 3-Series Discussion Forums BMW Photo Gallery BMW 3-Series Technical Information E46 Fanatics - The Ultimate BMW Resource BMW Vendors General E46 Forum The Tire Rack's Tire Wheel Forum Forced Induction Forum The Off-Topic The E46 BMW Showroom For Sale, For Trade or Wanting to Buy

Welcome to the E46Fanatics forums. E46Fanatics is the premiere website for BMW 3 series owners around the world with interactive forums, a geographical enthusiast directory, photo galleries, and technical information for BMW enthusiasts.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   E46Fanatics > Everything Else > The Off-Topic > Love Line

Love Line

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 12-22-2009, 12:48 PM   #1
dabears
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Edmonton/Vernon
Posts: 223
My Ride: 2003 BMW M3
In need of some serious help

First off, serious replies only guys... I'm pulling out all the stops to try and get advice (a car forum? hahaha) because to me this is just such a complicated and important decision that will affect the rest of my life forever.

I'll try and make this brief but the past few days have been very emotionally difficult on me, I've never experience the "heaviness in the heart" people describe but now I get it entirely.

Basically I've been friends with this girl who had a boyfriend of 2 years, we were just friends until around last christmas when we started talking and hanging out more often. She had been living with her BF but he worked away from the city so she wanted a roommate, and asked me. I agreed, and for the next 5 months we did everything together. This is when I really started to have feelings for her, we got along so good it was unbelievable. I just ignored them however since she had a serious boyfriend, however when I was camping one night I got a call from her drunk and crying saying how she broke up with him etc. I was pretty honoured to have been told this, she only told her one other friend... who is also a good friend of mine.

However for a period of a week she didn't say anything, I don't think she remembers the conversation since she was very drunk at a wedding. Eventually she told me sober, it was funny hearing it twice but I realised (at least I think) that she is a very shy and insecure girl, and when she drinks her barriers fall down and you can get a glimpse of her true feelings, at least I feel when people drink their inhibitions are lowered.

Anyways I had to leave at the end of summer to go to school out of state. I had one last meal at our place and went to leave, I remember she had put on sunglasses so I couldn't see her cry... I stammered something stupid out of my mouth and left, and when I got in my car and started to drive... I started to choke up. I hadn't cried since I was a kid and it was quite the experience... anyways we decided I should come back over and stay one more night, which did help. Once I moved we talked on the phone at least 3 times a week, for long periods of time. I tried to distance myself a bit from her because I liked her so much it hurt thinking about her, found another girl and let my thoughts dwell on the new girl. 2 months later I broke up with the girl and came back to visit, and it was very hard to see her. All those old feelings came back and when I left it was the same emotional turmoil.

Fast forward to friday, I had just got back into town for christmas holidays, me and a couple friends went over to her place since we were all going to go out to a party... I hadn't drank in over a month and drank a bottle of wine way too fast, she also I think was nervous and drank way too much. I totally blacked out and I believe she did too, but apparently we ended up hooking up in front of everyone and all of our friends ditched us.

She was laughing and cool with it in the morning, saying "it had to happen eventually" but unless it's all in my head (which it probably is) she seems distant now. Our friendship has definitely changed, and I am so frustrated because I don't remember what was said or what happened.

For the past few days I have been severely depressed, and unsure of what to do. I was planning on leaving this city forever... but if I had the chance to be with her I would come study here. I've pretty much decided based on that fact that I need to confront her before I leave next week and let her know the situation. I am prepared to lose the friendship, all rewards in life carry some risk... to me this would be the ultimate reward.

I'm thinking I am going to run the idea by one of our mutual friends and see if she thinks it is a good idea first, and then form a plan... which is where I need help. Should I take her out for dinner before I leave, under the premise that we should hang out before I'm gone until summer? When do I start saying this stuff... when we are done eating? At the beginning before food? I am pretty sure I will start over analyzing things but I am pretty sure I just need to gain the confidence to get out there and do it!

I need help!
__________________
dabears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 01:04 PM   #2
NJ///M
Registered User
 
NJ///M's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: BEAST COAST
Posts: 362
My Ride: TACO TRUCK/CBR600F4
To me, it sounds like her response after you two hooking up was just sexual frustration. now that its released she can move on. It could be beneficial to you to know if she meant more by taking her out. In any case bring it up at the end, If you dont get the answer you want youll be upset and it will make the rest of the meal awkward
__________________

"You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend; Those with loaded guns and those who dig."
NJ///M is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 03:07 PM   #3
Hartge50
Kleemann Info Centre GmBH
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: BMW World :)
Posts: 470
My Ride: The Hertz Mobile
You should watch The Hangover with her and tell her how you feel.
Hartge50 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 05:22 PM   #4
CMT247
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: seattle
Posts: 74
My Ride: 07 VW GTI
Tough situation man, tell her at the end.. talk about how you are not sure where the two of you are... ask her what her thoughts are, put it all out on the table, no regrets. Good luck man.
CMT247 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 05:31 PM   #5
217Bimmer
E46Fanatic
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: not Illinois
Posts: 146
My Ride: 2001 BMW 330i
I was sick for a few weeks (feeling like throwing up, heart heavy) when a girl told me she no longer felt the same about me. Even though it sucked, in the long run it was better to just know how she felt and move on. We are good friends now and there is no awkwardness. Just be straight with her and hopefully she will be with you. Letting things linger will only make you miserable.
217Bimmer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-22-2009, 07:33 PM   #6
cooh23
Got Mis-shift?
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: My Underground Lair
Posts: 830
My Ride: 12 Bent Valves
I would talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. You obviously have that kind of relationship with her where you can talk to her openly.

The part that's going to make that hard to do is that she might be avoiding you. If you get her to talk to you then just be honest about how you're feeling.

I have a friend that went through the exact same situation as you. He really like this girl for so long and finally when he had the courage to tell her how he feels, he expected to get shut down. All he wanted was to get that feeling out of his system and let her know how he feels.

It's better to find out where you are with her rather than not knowing and having all these "what if's" in your head.

Good luck man and I know what you mean when you said heavy in the heart feeling.. it sucks.
__________________
cooh23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 12:33 AM   #7
kushy
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: kids these days are pu55ies
Posts: 238
My Ride: automatic m3
Take her out for a nice dinner. Act like you always do, don't act shady and make her think somethings up. After dinner go to her house and just hang out for a bit. You don't wanna wait too long to tell her so wait 10 or 20 mins to let her know how you're feeling. Be honest with her about how you feel and tell her what you want. If she doesn't feel the same way or want the same thing as you do, then move on! Find other girls who will not only keep your mind of girl #1 but someone who is better. Life is to short to waste time on b!tches. Good luck man, it doesn't matter what she say's it's just good to do it as soon as possible.
kushy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 05:35 AM   #8
Keno
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Sunset Blvd
Posts: 461
My Ride: smelly & leaky 330ci
Send a message via AIM to Keno
Quote:
Originally Posted by kushy View Post
...Life is to short to waste time on b!tches....
First off I'm a fan of your techno mixes, great stuff. You also give the impression that you are a very interesting and outgoing person through your threads (i.e. rave culture, ur halloween costume, etc). And its obvious that you are in need of a genuine response, so here's the best of what I can gather:

First, keep in mind that the purpose of finding a soulmate, is to enhance your life...not to complete it. In other words, your life is great without a girl, just not enhanced romantically. Remember that your life is pretty good, and it shows in your posts. Personally, I think you deserve better than some chick who relies on alcohol to exaggerate what little emotional attachment she has to you. But, I'm sure you know your situation better than me, so here it goes:

I suggest you go in there and take her on a fun date. Do not take her out to dinner; take her out after she eats on her own (less money wasted and she isn't pressured to feel guilty if she doesn't put out or something). Please flirt and initiate a wild hookup that starts in your car (shouldn't be hard man, go look at Christmas lights and go in for a kiss after she says something u genuinely like). When you're done with the carnal pleasures, talk about how you have to go away soon. Remember that girls are extremely emotional, needy, and compassionate after a good dose of intimacy (doesn't even have to be sex, as long as you hit her "limit" for the night).

If she really wants to be with you, now would be the time for her to tell you. On the occasion that she does express a mutual desire for something serious, you cannot give in to your desire to spend the whole night with her. She must long for your presence and see you as challenge or she'll never learn to appreciate you => Have a good reason to drop her off within an hour or so. Also, I'd still be skeptical of her at this point (she has a lotta history to make up for), so don't hand over your heart until she proves herself.

If she does not want to be with you, she will be honest and tell you that she doesn't want to lead you on. Respect her truthfulness but refrain from telling her any more/guilting her. Take her home, delete her phone number, facebook, email, etc, etc. And move on knowing that you treated her like she deserved to be treated (hit & quit). Its obvious that she may not understand why she deserves to be cut off...but she'll get over it a lot easier than you would if you continued contact - remember that!

And well, if she doesn't want to hook up with you, talk for half hour more and drop her off. And proceed to cut her off.

This is how I would handle a situation. You may opt for something else. Either way, I hope this helped a little.

Good luck,

-nmtdriver
__________________

Last edited by Keno; 12-23-2009 at 05:38 AM.
Keno is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 06:48 AM   #9
SydeSho
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Central PA
Posts: 60
My Ride: 325i, S4
After dinner, swallow hard and tell her you have something to say and you have wanted to say it for a long time. If she gets all teary eyed, tell her how you feel.

If you tell her you have something to say and just looks at you like "what?".... Tell her you're thinking about getting a sex change... If she freaks, she loves you, if not, friend zone.

I understand how you feel about this girl, I really do, and if you screw this up, you could sacrifice the closeness of your relationship, at least for a while. No pressure or anything, but it's all you. Risking it all is better than not knowing!

Good luck!
__________________
Back in Black.
SydeSho is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-23-2009, 02:26 PM   #10
huyner328
Bradolf Pittler
 
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: 703
Posts: 2,880
My Ride: E90 ///M3, E30 325ic
Send a message via AIM to huyner328
She needs an Electro Mix, PRONTO BRO.
huyner328 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 03:14 PM   #11
dabears
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Edmonton/Vernon
Posts: 223
My Ride: 2003 BMW M3
After having a great talk with my mom who I only see every christmas, I've decided to not go ahead and do this. My gut says it won't work, and my mother had such great things to say, I feel 100x better now. I'm going to just move on with my life, go to the beautiful university of victoria, and when I come back in may for the summer I will try and work on having a relationship naturally, and without confrontation. I will wait for that moment, which I know have come before, and seize it. If it doesn't work, oh well I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm still taking her out to hang out one more time, going to try and have the most fun possible and leave on that note. Thanks for the advice guys, I have girls back at school to keep my mind off her for the time being hopefully.
__________________
dabears is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 04:00 PM   #12
CMT247
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: seattle
Posts: 74
My Ride: 07 VW GTI
glad to hear you are feeling better; hopefully it will work out next summer!
CMT247 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2009, 07:25 PM   #13
kushy
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: kids these days are pu55ies
Posts: 238
My Ride: automatic m3
Quote:
Originally Posted by dabears View Post
After having a great talk with my mom who I only see every christmas, I've decided to not go ahead and do this. My gut says it won't work, and my mother had such great things to say, I feel 100x better now. I'm going to just move on with my life, go to the beautiful university of victoria, and when I come back in may for the summer I will try and work on having a relationship naturally, and without confrontation. I will wait for that moment, which I know have come before, and seize it. If it doesn't work, oh well I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm still taking her out to hang out one more time, going to try and have the most fun possible and leave on that note. Thanks for the advice guys, I have girls back at school to keep my mind off her for the time being hopefully.
Good choice. I wouldn't have the willpower to do this, just cause it would bother me not knowing what could have been. It is true that there are many other girls out there, and you seem like a smart and cool guy. You won't have any trouble finding a girl who loves you as much as you love her. Good luck and Merry Christmas!
kushy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2009, 01:07 AM   #14
Fractal Seb
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Maryland
Posts: 752
My Ride: spoon AP2
this is a great read.good luck in life man hope everything works out. this made me think of one of my favorite quotes: "in the end, everything tends to unfold as it should". merry xmas
__________________
Fractal Seb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2009, 05:59 AM   #15
Sherweeeny
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Sydney
Posts: 4,535
My Ride: BMW Civic
i wouldnt take her out to dinner. not to say something that could potentially go wrong.
just go over to hers, and do this:

you- oi princess, come here, i gotta have a talk to u
broad- okay
you- i know we get along heaps well and i absolutely love spending time with u, as gay as that sounds, and after we hooked up, i was happy, but now that we arent the same anymore, im awfully dissapointed. why is this?
broad- i dont know, maybe because i rub my clitoris over you, it makes it awkward
you- well i fap over you... so maybe we can just have sex?
broad- "takes off clothes and presents bumhole"

okay maybe just do the first few steps, and see what she says, then go from there!
good luck buddy.
__________________
Sherweeeny is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Censor is ON





All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:29 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
(c) 1999 - 2011 performanceIX Inc - privacy policy - terms of use