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Old 08-06-2010, 02:16 PM   #21
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good time
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Old 08-06-2010, 07:36 PM   #22
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wow, I just reread this thread. I'm kinda in the similar boat...hung out with a chick a lot a couple weeks ago - met her friends, fooled around a bit, but now she doesnt wanna kick it at all because she "wants to figure out her career/life." random, LOL. NEXT.
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Old 08-10-2010, 12:44 AM   #23
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exactly, girls are nuts.
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Old 08-10-2010, 02:07 AM   #24
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wow, I just reread this thread. I'm kinda in the similar boat...hung out with a chick a lot a couple weeks ago - met her friends, fooled around a bit, but now she doesnt wanna kick it at all because she "wants to figure out her career/life." random, LOL. NEXT.
Sound's like you didn't have enough investment, that and you couldn't keep her attracted. Good LUCK with the next one

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exactly, girls are nuts.
Tell me, do you still like her?
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Old 08-10-2010, 05:35 PM   #25
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Tell me, do you still like her?
only her lower half
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Old 08-13-2010, 02:13 PM   #26
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Sound's like you didn't have enough investment, that and you couldn't keep her attracted. Good LUCK with the next one :rofl
Haha, I definitely sounded bitter and defensive in that post didn't I? And ya my portfolio is rather non-existant, LMAO. If anything I think I came off a lil too clingy...shes the first chick I spoke to since my ex so it was a real challenge to refrain from texting her/making time to hang out. However, I don't think the level of communication/commitment we had was obsessive (hell, we didn't even have an "us" talk and NEVER spoke on the phone). I'm guessing there was another factor in it. Either way, its nice to be back in the game. I recently started talking to two other girls so we'll see what happens.

And thanks for the well wishes...given the random stuff I've come across these past couple months, I could use a dash of luck.
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Old 08-13-2010, 02:51 PM   #27
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Haha, I definitely sounded bitter and defensive in that post didn't I? And ya my portfolio is rather non-existant, LMAO. If anything I think I came off a lil too clingy...shes the first chick I spoke too since my ex so it was a real challenge to refrain from texting her/making time to hang out. However, I don't think the level of communication/commitment we had was obsessive (hell, we didn't even have an "us" talk and NEVER spoke on the phone). I'm guessing there was another factor in it. Either way, its nice to be back in the game. I recently started talking to two other girls so we'll see what happens.

And thanks for the well wishes...given the random stuff I've come across these past couple months, I could use a dash of luck.
Glad you actually recognized what potentially may have be your problem, try to learn from it though instead of ignoring it and forgetting about it like most guys do.

You stating you were a "lil too clingy", makes it sounds more likely that it was probably just a lose of attraction for you. A tip for the future, women aren't attracted to guys that chase them, they need you to make them chase you. Sure she may feel good and get an ego boost out of you chasing her so yeah, if that's the goal go for it but other wise make her chase you. You have to have the mentality that you're the prize not her. Also learn to flirt properly, when doing so it should come off as almost a small back handed insult delivered as a jock. Example...

Say that she was smiling, you could then laugh and she would probably ask what so funny. Tell her something that'll make her insecure, say it with a smile, "it's funny, your nose wrinkles a little when you smile". She'll probably get shy and you can just be like, "na it's cute don't worry about it". This is basically a perfect demenstration of what proper flirting should look like. You lowered her confidence while not hurting her feelings in the process. This will make you harder to get and remember, women and people in general always want what they can't have. So yeah, learn to flirt better.

As for investment, well it's common sense really but it's something most guys don't think about. Some examples of investment include getting her invested emotionally, invested physically, invested time, invested financially and of course her invested effort in getting you to be with her or whatever. The more you get her invested the harder it'll be for her to leave. This is one of the big reasons women will often ignore or blow off guys they gave their phone numbers to only the other day. The guy didn't get her invested.

I want to make a point about emotional investment specifically. ANY emotion is better than none, even bad emotion as crazy as that sounds. The reason is because she'll at least remember you, by bad emotion though I don't mean insult her. I'm mean try leading the conversation into a topic that'll make her sad or something.

Anyway, try it with the two new girls. Just keep practicing and always try and learn from your mistakes
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Old 08-14-2010, 12:24 PM   #28
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Me thinks CR writes for AskMen.com or is one of their mentors.

Either way, it is all true advice. Women are an enigma, but once you break down the psychological components and act with logic you can work it to your advantage. The hard part is sustaining it. When in a long term relationship us guys get complacent and lose our Alpha Male edge. We get too comfortable and we cease to be that challenging exciting center of attention of our girl's heart and mind. Then in little more than a New York minute she is gone.....on to a new man who for the moment may be a new thrill to her.

Unfortunately, my cousin who has been married for 12 years is doing just that. She is bored in her marriage, Her husband has let down his alpha ways and she met someone on the internet and will be having a weekend with him later this month. Wrong I know. But illustrates how some of the principles work.
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Old 08-14-2010, 08:10 PM   #29
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Me thinks CR writes for AskMen.com or is one of their mentors.

Either way, it is all true advice. Women are an enigma, but once you break down the psychological components and act with logic you can work it to your advantage. The hard part is sustaining it. When in a long term relationship us guys get complacent and lose our Alpha Male edge. We get too comfortable and we cease to be that challenging exciting center of attention of our girl's heart and mind. Then in little more than a New York minute she is gone.....on to a new man who for the moment may be a new thrill to her.

Unfortunately, my cousin who has been married for 12 years is doing just that. She is bored in her marriage, Her husband has let down his alpha ways and she met someone on the internet and will be having a weekend with him later this month. Wrong I know. But illustrates how some of the principles work.


Though let's not leave the women off the hook here either, guys are just as likely as women to find someone else if not given the proper incentive to stay and play.

It's all just part of the game, learn from your mistakes or don't but it is what it is. The person getting dumped, cheated on or whatever else is ironically enough the person who's usually ultimately at fault. It sucks taking the responsibility for such things as you'd be the one who's hurt but in the grand scheme of things it's usually best to do it anyway. Doing so not only gives you a better mentality more capable of attracting other women, but you'll learn from your mistakes easier this way as well.

Learning and studying things related to topics such as these however, are NOT just about getting laid. It's about understanding your partner and how you can best please him or her, both physically AND MENTALLY.

Anyway, just some more random thoughts.
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Old 08-15-2010, 10:10 PM   #30
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^^^ I enjoy reading your posts man.

Ya, I just got back from a date with one of these chicks I was talking about. She showed a lil disinterest in my kino escalation (hand holding test...she held it for a minute then let go)...so I backed off for the rest of the date and pushed a lot more than I pulled. I negged her a lot and reeled her back in with hugs a lot more sparingly than I usually do. I figured a K-close would seem more needy than bold from the vibe she gave me (she didn't seem as comfortable being too close) so I just went in to smell her perfume a couple times to build tension and continued to neg. I also made sure that she was doing more of the talking/qualifying to me than vice versa.

At the end of the date, I asked her when she was available to go the this bar that I told her about and she told me in two days...I guess that's a pretty big IOI from every way you look at it. I sent her a text shortly after the date saying: "Wow, horrible date. See u on tuesday " she replied "Yeah worst date ever!..Ha" We shall see what happens...

Thanks again for your advice CRS...it definitely motivated me to get serious again about pickup. Any critique/input would be appreciated.


Edit: I am actually sorta interested on this theory of investment - what are some examples of getting a woman invested in you? I feel like sex is probably the biggest piece of investment for most women (i.e. they "give themselves" in exchange for your future commitment and companionship)...is this what you mean?
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Old 08-15-2010, 10:19 PM   #31
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Similar situation happened to me not too long ago bro. She is going to pass her time with you until she finds what she wants, and by that I mean someone else. Not saying that you're not good enough for her, because I'm almost 100% positive that you're better than her. She said all of those things to you because it was what she was feeling at that time and she said it and meant it, but like I said, at that time. You like her a lot, because she did what all men desire, show you interest and make you feel really good inside. When she did that you received what we men look for and that thing is validation, but take what she says with a grain of salt. Prepare yourself for arguements because she's going to stick around and say and do things to give you a strong impression of wanting to be with you, but on the flip side she won't want a relationship at all. This in turn might make you constantly think that she wants a relationship, and after a while you might even feel irritated to hang out with her just because she's got your emotions running in circles. I'm sorry if I sound negative, I'm just trying to look out for a fellow man. Good look my man.
+1. Had something similar too -- she told me she loved me and that I was the best thing ever, brought up kids, kids names, etc, then out of the blue, ended it. Cut all ties to me, blocked me on FB and everything. Noticed she started blowing up some other dude's FB wall and things. Said she was more mature than me, and I smothered her by giving her a key to my apt six weeks into it (she lived an just over an hour away; seemed logical).

Basically, just enjoy what you have, but don't look into things too much. She's telling you what she thinks you want to hear to get your attention. Now that she has it and she knows she has it, she's getting a little bored. It's nothing you're doing, it's just she moves quickly and gets bored easily. Like the others have said, nothing's wrong with you; you're better than her. She's the one that's messing things up.

Try the best you can to not get attached; girls like these aren't worth our time. They've obviously not gotten past high school, despite thinking they have. Enjoy your time, enjoy her company and don't take it personally if things go sour. If things actually turn out well, then my hat's off to you.

Good luck!
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Old 08-16-2010, 12:38 AM   #32
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^^^ I enjoy reading your posts man.

Ya, I just got back from a date with one of these chicks I was talking about. She showed a lil disinterest in my kino escalation (hand holding test...she held it for a minute then let go)...so I backed off for the rest of the date and pushed a lot more than I pulled. I negged her a lot and reeled her back in with hugs a lot more sparingly than I usually do. I figured a K-close would seem more needy than bold from the vibe she gave me (she didn't seem as comfortable being too close) so I just went in to smell her perfume a couple times to build tension and continued to neg. I also made sure that she was doing more of the talking/qualifying to me than vice versa.

At the end of the date, I asked her when she was available to go the this bar that I told her about and she told me in two days...I guess that's a pretty big IOI from every way you look at it. I sent her a text shortly after the date saying: "Wow, horrible date. See u on tuesday " she replied "Yeah worst date ever!..Ha" We shall see what happens...

Thanks again for your advice CRS...it definitely motivated me to get serious again about pickup. Any critique/input would be appreciated.


Edit: I am actually sorta interested on this theory of investment - what are some examples of getting a woman invested in you? I feel like sex is probably the biggest piece of investment for most women (i.e. they "give themselves" in exchange for your future commitment and companionship)...is this what you mean?
Lol, surprised again.

Anyway, without knowing all the little details and and actually seeing the body language and what not... It's kinda hard to critique. Her letting go of your hands may have had little to do on the bases of resistance and more so simply on physical comfort. Again though, I can't be to sure without the details. Overall it looks to me like you pretty much hit everything on the money. Now if your goal was to get laid on the first date then obviously not so much but I'm assuming those weren't in fact your intentions.

About the kiss though, it sounds like it may have been more of a setting problem than one of attraction or comfort. I'm basing this off the fact that you wrote it might have come off as needy were you to have kissed her. Next time when walking her to the door, just before you get there start to lead and turn a little and finally slightly backwards just as you get to the door. Try to get some good eye contact while doing so to make it seem more natural, you should keep chatting and flirting a little while doing this. In the end she'll be the one facing door not you. Don't have you back directly in front of the door though keep it a bit of an angle, stand at a bit of an angle to her as well, again it'll make it seem more natural/comfortable. All this should give you a bit more control over the situation as she'll need your permission to go in. Not technically but I'm sure you get what I mean. Talk for a few seconds and then just stop to try and create that moment of silence/tension. Hold eye contact for 3-5 seconds than just go for it. No other big advice though really, you seem to be doing pretty good, just keep reading up and practicing.

What investment does is make it harder for women to forget, ignore or leave you.
Think about how many guys get numbers only to have the women blow them off later, this is a perfect example of why investment is so important.

Technically having a child though would be the biggest form of investment. Getting a woman pregnant to increase the chances of her staying though seems a bit umm... well yeah... But hey, I'm sure we've both heard of women that've done it

Anyway, sex is usually considered to be the biggest form of investment but honestly others can be very powerful as well. There are a few for forms of investment you should memorize, here they are in no particular order...

1. Getting her invested emotionally (example... get her talk about a pet that passed away or something)
2. Getting her invested physically (holding hands, hugging, kissing, sex, etc.)
3. Getting her to invest time (the more time she's spent or spends with you the better)
4. Getting her to invest financially (example... get her to buy you a drink. Really I would advise most to skip this form of investment though as it requires a bit of skill. Save this form of investment for once you're dating)
5. Getting her to invest effort (how hard is she trying to get you, is she the prize or are you)
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Old 08-16-2010, 03:27 AM   #33
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^^^ You are fvcking awesome!!! Yes, the hand holding thing could have been a comfort issue...I rubbed her fingers with my thumb and she definitely complied and rubbed my fingers back...her hand definitely felt small in mine, so maybe comfort was the issue. Ugh I guess my sticking point was just in the kiss (I'm usually able to nail a push-pull routine that leads to a kiss on the first date!). By smelling her perfume, I wanted to see how she responded to me coming into her space - she let me smell her neck but only for a second or two before pulling away (other girls, I usually pull away at about 3 alligator, and theyre still standing there). But, perhaps you're right and it was the setting - we were in a 10mph strip of road that passed through some small shops and people walking around.

Either way the IOI's are there: she definitely seemed to enjoy expressing her ideas/experiences to me, agreed to a day 2 in the very near future (at a bar, a setting notorious for greasing the wheels of kino escalation, no less), and confirmed said day 2 in a text...so I'm guessing tuesday's date will go well (if she doesnt flake of course).

Anyway, thanks again. If you're ever in SoCal area, don't hesitate to hit me up, I owe you a drink
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Old 08-16-2010, 05:55 PM   #34
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^^^ You are fvcking awesome!!! Yes, the hand holding thing could have been a comfort issue...I rubbed her fingers with my thumb and she definitely complied and rubbed my fingers back...her hand definitely felt small in mine, so maybe comfort was the issue. Ugh I guess my sticking point was just in the kiss (I'm usually able to nail a push-pull routine that leads to a kiss on the first date!). By smelling her perfume, I wanted to see how she responded to me coming into her space - she let me smell her neck but only for a second or two before pulling away (other girls, I usually pull away at about 3 alligator, and theyre still standing there). But, perhaps you're right and it was the setting - we were in a 10mph strip of road that passed through some small shops and people walking around.

Either way the IOI's are there: she definitely seemed to enjoy expressing her ideas/experiences to me, agreed to a day 2 in the very near future (at a bar, a setting notorious for greasing the wheels of kino escalation, no less), and confirmed said day 2 in a text...so I'm guessing tuesday's date will go well (if she doesnt flake of course).

Anyway, thanks again. If you're ever in SoCal area, don't hesitate to hit me up, I owe you a drink
Hmm... I don't know, hard for me to say about the kissing situation. Maybe privacy would've of been better, either way it doesn't seem like it was a big deal. Just make sure you do it on the next date, doing so on the third is kinda pushing it IMO. I'll be honest though, I've never actually heard of the "alligator" thing you were talking about, but I guess it's probably just some way to measure her comfort levels through a congruence test.

If the congruence tests don't go your way just keep DHVing and negging her. Anyway, you seem much more knowledgable than most AFCs so I'm sure you'll make it work.

Have fun man
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