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Love Line

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Old 10-13-2010, 12:22 PM   #1
ara
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Questions to those with successful marriages

1. What are the qualities that your woman has that distinguish her from others in your past.

2. How and when did you know she was the "one", what was the feeling in your heart? i'm curious if you could describe that feeling.

3. How long did it take you in your dating phase to fall in love with her, and has that love subsided or grown?

4. Did getting married change your life when it comes to friends and family? or it stayed the same, just including her more often in those circles?

5. Lastly, did you g/f's/fiance's family, job, education have any impact on your decision? Were you thinking only with your heart? or with your mind and being logical about it?

once there are a few posts, i will post my thoughts and why i made this post, for the record, i'm all for finding the one, just the journey is tough as ****.
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Old 10-13-2010, 01:13 PM   #2
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1. Respect, loyalty, brains and class (and yes, she is beautiful too)
2. When I knew my words or actions could really crush her....because I knew she loved and respected me so much.
3. 30-days. Love has grown more stable supported with alot of respect. Remember, Love is a state of mind, that spills over into all your emotions....not the other way around or else you'll never be satisfied chasing temporary up/down feelings. You DO have control over it. Don't be a slave to emotions.
4. Marriage changes everything. You must start practicing caring for HER as much as you used to only think about yourself. At first, you're not good at it, but it takes time to get better and better - assuming you DO want to improve your life. Happy wife = happy life! Think of it like your wife IS your new self...how would you treat yourself?
5. Yes, I considered the impact on everything. You MUST use your common sense brain and advice from those you respect the most...as she can and will either improve or destroy your new life. It will not stay the same.

Married 17 yrs.
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Old 10-13-2010, 01:42 PM   #3
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+1, well said.
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Old 10-13-2010, 01:51 PM   #4
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http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/

http://bookoutlines.pbworks.com/Why-...And-Not-Others
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I've never heard of a woman wanting more than she actually deserved. Never.
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Old 10-13-2010, 01:54 PM   #5
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and most importantly
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/

and from a business perspective, marry for the following reasons:
1. estate planning
2. she needs a green card, or you do
3. one of you need health insurance from the other's job
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I've never heard of a woman wanting more than she actually deserved. Never.
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Old 11-02-2010, 12:52 PM   #6
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here's my issue, it'll be a year i'm with my gf, our families know each other and her oldest sister used to tutor me, i respect and like their family very much, very nice and fun people.

She's the youngest out of the group, anyway we started dating and whatnot, she's beautiful and is fun to be with, is responsible financially and really cares for me and has fallen in love with me.

When she told me she loves me, i remembered my past relations where i would just say me too, but at 27 years old, i don't have time nor patience to lie and not be honest, i told her that i care for her, respect her and really like her, but i haven't fallen in love with her yet.

Now that's what bothers me, she's fine with it as she thinks (as do I) that eventually i will right?

But it's been a year (a few months of I love you) and i haven't fallen in love with her, i don't know what it is, i don't know where to go from here. She's happy with me, i'm happy too, but i don't want to be just happy.

I would like to fall in love with her or someone eventually, and since it hasn't happened yet i'm confused, do i keep going at it? or do i cut it off?
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:44 AM   #7
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Time to bring the cat out of the bag. In all honesty leaving things as they are now are going to eventually bring out a void between the two of you which could lead to a bad break up. At least if your honest and have a mature conversation with her it will either show you how much you love and care for her or it could begin the end of your relationship in a mature manner leaving you both to part ways and who knows reconnect later on when you've both grown more.
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Old 11-03-2010, 07:46 AM   #8
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1. She is a good person with morals and unconditionally loves me. She is also smoking hot

2. I just felt like I wasn't interested in fawking other chicks and wanted my time spent with her.

3. 2-3 years..It is stronger then it was.

4. Did not change anything as far as friends go, we all still chill. It added another member into my family.

5. I did not even consider what her education was at all. She in fact comes from a single mother who has no post high school education. My wife however graduated from a Big 10 university with her undergrad and is finishing up her masters this spring.


My honest opinion, you cannot love someone fully until you love yourself.
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Old 11-03-2010, 08:13 AM   #9
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OP, go watch Casino for a tutorial on your situation.

But really, if you don't love her now, you're most likely not going to start loving her.

Honest and open communication are required for any relationship. Also managing expectations.
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Old 11-03-2010, 11:42 AM   #10
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OP,

Each couple's relationship is different and are governed by situations/environments onto themselves.
Don't base or gauge your commitment to your girlfriend (or future wife) on others.

Just realize that marriage IS All about compromises - You start doing "things" for her without them asking, things you never really did or thought about before this person came into your life. Her safety, happiness, overall well being becomes your primary level of concern.
That when she is joyful, it brings about a sense of happiness in you that nobody else can do.

It's also about sharing - your feelings, dreams/goals, finances, etc. Even personal thoughts... so start by being honest to yourself and tell her what's holding you back in committing to her fully - with marriage.

If it's the "unknown" and what might or might not happen after you marry her, just say so. Be honest, open yourself up to her because she deserves at least that.
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Old 11-03-2010, 01:50 PM   #11
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i have opened up to her, i told her that i don't know what is holding me back, is it that i need more time? is it that this is a real relationship considering my age, not just a fling? Could it be that i'm scared deep down inside? i told her, but i told her that i didn't want to give up until things either change (i.e my feelings) or I get to a place where i cannot take it anymore and end it. She is still with me, she sees hope, i wish i could snap my fingers and fall in love and whatnot, but it ain't that simple.
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Last edited by ara; 11-03-2010 at 01:52 PM.
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:27 PM   #12
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Trust me, Love is not that simple. It's something you BOTH work on, develop and watch grow.
Not like the movies/TV.. or if you do fall that fast and hard for someone > it's probably lust.

Let me ask you > In your heart, Are you searching for a "Better" woman?

From your description, She seems genuinely in love with you and quite confident of what she wants in you.
Ask yourself this.. (Considering you two have known each other since childhood and now together for a year) Can you go on another day without her beside you?

Or, here's a different viewpoint: If another great guy marries her in the near future (in a few months, not years), Will You have any regrets for letting her go / get away?

Married 7 years.
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:21 PM   #13
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caring wise and her "genuiness" can't do better, looks wise she's beautiful and enjoys sex as much as i do, it wouldn't be a better woman, just different.

Her lack of college was a turn off originally, but her circumstances didn't allow it, now she's finishing her mortgage brokerage license.

I can go on another day without her, little background, i've been living with my dad since 12 years old without my mom, she lives in a different city, i grew up very independent and i'm very good at "moving" on. So my answer is yes i can spend a day or days without her, but what part of me is allowing that, the strong indepedent character which was formed through my childhood, or the lack of love for her?

I do care for her, i want the best for her, but it hasn't "clicked" yet, we have great chemistry in bed, but otherwise? stupid situation
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:39 PM   #14
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If you could only choose one thing, what do you think would give you the greatest sense of fulfillment in life?
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:46 PM   #15
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caring wise and her "genuiness" can't do better, looks wise she's beautiful and enjoys sex as much as i do, it wouldn't be a better woman, just different.

Her lack of college was a turn off originally, but her circumstances didn't allow it, now she's finishing her mortgage brokerage license.

I can go on another day without her, little background, i've been living with my dad since 12 years old without my mom, she lives in a different city, i grew up very independent and i'm very good at "moving" on. So my answer is yes i can spend a day or days without her, but what part of me is allowing that, the strong indepedent character which was formed through my childhood, or the lack of love for her?

I do care for her, i want the best for her, but it hasn't "clicked" yet, we have great chemistry in bed, but otherwise? stupid situation
You sound like a high maintenance diva
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Old 11-03-2010, 03:57 PM   #16
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i don't know how to answer that question.

My parents are divorced, so i always told myself that i will not marry until i know and feel that i don't want to spend 1 minute without that person, i rather wait and find the one woman who will make me feel like i need nothing else. Now that would fulfill me, but is that realistic? i doubt it
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Old 11-03-2010, 04:55 PM   #17
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i don't know how to answer that question.

My parents are divorced, so i always told myself that i will not marry until i know and feel that i don't want to spend 1 minute without that person, i rather wait and find the one woman who will make me feel like i need nothing else. Now that would fulfill me, but is that realistic? i doubt it
I don't mean with her or from a woman but just as a whole, just in general. It can be anything, being in love, having kids, helping people, having lots of friends, making money, opening a school or a church, whatever.

What one thing would make you fulfilled the most? Try not to over think it, you already have an ideal future in mind. What part of that future would fulfill you the most?
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Old 11-03-2010, 04:59 PM   #18
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Buddy.
Years of independence developed from an early age is great. You are self reliant and can take care of your own sh!t. That's solid. Seeing what your folks did in the past - divorce - may have put some fear/doubt in you about marriage. However, you are not your father, nor is your girlfriend your mom.

Marriage is about two people coming together Willing to make a New Life together. That's the key. You two will be making something totally yours. Not because of anyone else, nor For anyone else.

But, if you ARE waiting for a woman WHO can make you feel > you "need" Nothing else. You've just found the answer to your own dilemma.
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Old 11-04-2010, 12:05 PM   #19
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My problem has always been that I hate hurting someone so I continue on in the relation just to avoid hurting them but in the end it's gonna happen anyway. I just feel really bad, in the beginning I was hesitant to get into a relationship and she knows that, her father died a month ago which is why I'm trying to drag this along as I don't want to hurt her. But on the other hand I have to think of myself too. I'm meeting a friend of mine tonight to talk it'll be the first time anyone knows something up so id like to ge their take on things too. MAybe I'm giving up signs without kn owing already
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Old 11-04-2010, 01:39 PM   #20
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how long have you been with this girl?
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