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Love Line

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Old 12-06-2010, 01:48 PM   #1
ara
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Tricky Situation

Yes i know i recently broke up, and no i'm not getting into another relationship just yet, even though all my friends are betting i will be before i know it, literally betting against me lol, *******s.

I will make this as conscise as possible.

My dad's very good friend, has a son. I met him 5 or 6 years ago, he's 2 years younger than me. Anyway we become acquaintances, and evnetually friends, but i cannot say a close close friend, i see him even now maybe once a month dinner with other friends and whatnot. He has his own circle of friends, i have mine, but they overlap and hence we have dinner once in a while. He's a cool kid, a little different than my regular friends, but it won't get closer than what we have now. This was the preface.

5 years ago, i go on vacation with 3 of my best buds, and 5 girls. The whole group meshes perfectly and we all keep in touch to this day, still party together to this day etc.

Now after knowing these girls, i literally partied with them for years, we're all very close, and most of these girls are who helped me out with my prior relationships, it was perfect having htem as friends. I never develop feelings with anyone. So one night so drunk, and one of the other girls was drunk, we made out, at the club and left to my place, i didn't bang her as i knocked out.

We laughed it off, still didn't have feelings towards her, she's gorgeous and an amazing friend. A while later, we go out again one night, serious make out and groping sessionz in the club.

Now right before the first time, i found out that she had dated my friend, my dad's friends son back a few years ago. After that night, i started going out with someone, and she got back with him, they tried it out, and we both were unhappy and kept coming to each other to talk and help each other. At that point i had slight feelings towards her, but i genuinly wanted it to work with her and him, and i gave her solid advice which they followed and helped, but eventually he dumped her for the 2nd time.

And i eventually dumped my girl, then went out with this last recent one.

Now we're both single, i don't know where i stand, i don't know what's right. We went out recently to a mall right before i broke up as i needed to talk and help for some shopping, and she text me "so it's a date" then "oh wait you have a gf "

didn't think much of it.

I like this girl, and she's just my type, if i were to decide to get back into a relationship, i wouldn't mind trying with her, but not sure if i should, or if i'm in the wrong.

to me i add up the making out, groping, the small comments, we always message each other for lunch or dinner to hang and catch up, we have great chemistry, but i'm not sure how to approach it, or if i even should.

New years is coming up, and i'm gonna be with my group of girls with some friends, i'll gauge that night and think about it? lol i donno
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Old 12-06-2010, 01:52 PM   #2
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And you wonder why your friends bet against you. All I can say is GL man! I'd tread carefully, since you actually seem to care about this woman's friendship. Most men don't realize the value of having women as good friends, but once you do, it's not something you want to mess up. I wouldn't trade my female friends for anything.
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Old 12-06-2010, 02:09 PM   #3
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i value her, and at the same time i wonder if i'm breaking "guy" rules. Is it wrong? for me to have some feelings for someone that dated a friend?

i really don't know. If i knew him before her and they dated from the get go and i knew it, i would do it differently, but the way things happened, i'm not sure what to do.
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Old 12-06-2010, 02:46 PM   #4
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I say give it time and see what happens, she what she does and hints and then in a month or so it seems like its right then just go for it. Obviously hes not a GOOD friend so its whatever, itll be a little awkward to be around him but nothing that would be unbearable. I would give it a little bit of time though and really think if this is something you really want to do.
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Old 12-06-2010, 02:51 PM   #5
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what are you waiting for. date her. and post a pic.
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Old 12-06-2010, 03:06 PM   #6
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lol you're friends are right
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Old 12-06-2010, 03:29 PM   #7
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Was waiting for you
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Old 12-06-2010, 04:16 PM   #8
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seriously, what's wrong with dating her? i was like that with a friend. she wanted me bad and we fooled around a few times. by the time i came to my senses and fell for her really hard she had moved on. i was physically ill for weeks when the shiet went down and she moved away. she's married now and we've reconciled and they are really good friends, but i know i missed out on something pretty good. dating friends is sticky business.
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Old 12-06-2010, 04:30 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ara View Post
Now we're both single, i don't know where i stand, i don't know what's right. We went out recently to a mall right before i broke up as i needed to talk and help for some shopping, and she text me "so it's a date" then "oh wait you have a gf "

didn't think much of it.

I like this girl, and she's just my type, if i were to decide to get back into a relationship, i wouldn't mind trying with her, but not sure if i should, or if i'm in the wrong.

to me i add up the making out, groping, the small comments, we always message each other for lunch or dinner to hang and catch up, we have great chemistry, but i'm not sure how to approach it, or if i even should.

New years is coming up, and i'm gonna be with my group of girls with some friends, i'll gauge that night and think about it? lol i donno
This is perfect man.. you're in the sweet spot.

You have a trusting, friendly rapport established with just a hint of sexual tension. I strive to keep all my female friends right at this distance. This scenario is an easy play.

For the record, I don't think you owe her ex-man anything in this case… UNLESS he has come to you for relationship advice regarding this girl in the past. Then there are some Bro Codes to abide by so you don't look like a meddlesome backstabber. But if not, then quit d1cking around and get at her.

You’re in a good spot. You and her already discuss intimate relationship details. That means she trusts you and has already had a chance to pre-screen how you treat a lady. That's a win for you.

Next time you guys are hanging out alone sharing your feelings and having one of these deep conversations about relationships... wait for the right moment and ask her flat out...

You: "Do you ever think about us?"

Her: "umm... like, what do you mean?"

You: "I mean us... like together." Then you take the lead by casually admitting that you have thought about it. You comment on how awesome she is to hang out with and how well the two of you get along. Do not creep her out by professing your love for her. Your goal is to feel out her response to the idea.

Her answer will be "Yes/I dunno/maybe/sometimes..." with some kind of caveat attached. She'll drop some reason why she thinks you and her haven't happened yet.

At this point, you're on your own because that caveat could be anything. It may be something very easy to navigate like her “not knowing you were interested.” Or on the other hand, you could have completely misinterpreted her readiness. She may not be fully over her ex. Or, she may just want to be single for a while.

None of that really matters though. As long as you didn't go all out professing your love for her you can still pull back and preserve the friendship without awkwardness. It all in how adept you are at manipulating the conversation. Plus, you still accomplished a lot by planting the seed in her head.

I consider these “No Lose” situations.
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Old 12-06-2010, 04:37 PM   #10
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This guy dumped her twice, so I say have no guilt exploring the possibilities.
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Old 12-06-2010, 04:51 PM   #11
217Bimmer
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Originally Posted by BeRzErKaS View Post
This is perfect man.. you're in the sweet spot.

You have a trusting, friendly rapport established with just a hint of sexual tension. I strive to keep all my female friends right at this distance. This scenario is an easy play.

For the record, I don't think you owe her ex-man anything in this case… UNLESS he has come to you for relationship advice regarding this girl in the past. Then there are some Bro Codes to abide by so you don't look like a meddlesome backstabber. But if not, then quit d1cking around and get at her.

You’re in a good spot. You and her already discuss intimate relationship details. That means she trusts you and has already had a chance to pre-screen how you treat a lady. That's a win for you.

Next time you guys are hanging out alone sharing your feelings and having one of these deep conversations about relationships... wait for the right moment and ask her flat out...

You: "Do you ever think about us?"

Her: "umm... like, what do you mean?"

You: "I mean us... like together." Then you take the lead by casually admitting that you have thought about it. You comment on how awesome she is to hang out with and how well the two of you get along. Do not creep her out by professing your love for her. Your goal is to feel out her response to the idea.

Her answer will be "Yes/I dunno/maybe/sometimes..." with some kind of caveat attached. She'll drop some reason why she thinks you and her haven't happened yet.

At this point, you're on your own because that caveat could be anything. It may be something very easy to navigate like her “not knowing you were interested.” Or on the other hand, you could have completely misinterpreted her readiness. She may not be fully over her ex. Or, she may just want to be single for a while.

None of that really matters though. As long as you didn't go all out professing your love for her you can still pull back and preserve the friendship without awkwardness. It all in how adept you are at manipulating the conversation. Plus, you still accomplished a lot by planting the seed in her head.

I consider these “No Lose” situations.
just passionately kiss her when you're sober and she'll know what you mean without some ghey middle schoolesque convo.
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Old 12-06-2010, 05:26 PM   #12
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I will see what new years brings us. Were going to be at the same table All her friends love me, even if they have bfs they cheer when I go out with them. So I'm good there. But I have to be careful as I have to make sure she has feelings for me. Even though he's not a close friend I.e coming over all the time I still care for him and his family. Would it be wise to take it up with him ?
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Old 12-06-2010, 05:39 PM   #13
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if you do it new years odds are you'll be smashed and it won't be any different than the other times you made out. you really need this to be about emotion, not an alcohol induced hook up.

even though you are in the clear i would run it by your boy. as they are done just tell him you have feelings for her and just want his blessing should anything come of it. i don't see why he'd care unless he's a jealous douche
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Old 12-06-2010, 06:31 PM   #14
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i meant that i will be with her and all our friends from about 8 pm till who knows what time, so before i get drunk i want to be able to properly gauge our chemistry between us. It's one of those situations where i don't want to lose her as a friend, as we all are perfect friends, but at the same time this opportunity is ripe, and I've known her for years, i do like her, can see something coming out of this.

But the friend thing, i can't dismiss the guy as an acquaintance, but he's not one of the main "boys", i have my group of 4-5 guys that on a weekly basis are either at my place chilling, or we go catch movies and have dinner, occasionally this other friend will join us, due to his schedule, and he's a bit younger than us and has his own crowd also. One of my closest friends is his cousin, maybe i should run it by him and see what he thinks.
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Old 12-06-2010, 11:51 PM   #15
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do it before hand. You know you'll be drinking, it's a holiday, etc etc etc. Changes the mood for the evening. Figure it out in a sober environment if you want to actually persue a relationship.

And yeah, talk to your friend as well. You don't need his "permission", but it would be a classy move to at least let him know you want to go out with her.
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Old 12-07-2010, 07:41 AM   #16
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i'll see how our night goes in a few weeks, if i decide to get with her, and i know she's on the same page, then i will go and talk to him.
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Old 12-07-2010, 08:35 AM   #17
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thanks to the snow storm, no work, and she's not working, we're going shopping afternoon for my dad and sister's bday. woohoo

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Old 12-07-2010, 03:54 PM   #18
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thanks to the snow storm, no work, and she's not working, we're going shopping afternoon for my dad and sister's bday. woohoo

You sure she doesn't think of you as gay jkjk
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Old 12-07-2010, 10:45 PM   #19
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no went to buy my dad and sister bday gifts, they're born on the same day. I donno, we had a good time, we laughed, i can make her laugh till her eyes bleed, and she had fun i know.

But i'm not going to rush for anything, i always find something wrong with someone, it's like i have a radar for deficiencies. So i'm just gonna go real slow, honestly, i'm 50/50 in being into this, because i have a lot now going on in my life in terms of work, my businesses and just enjoying life in general. So i need to know if i want to slow down a bit.

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Old 12-08-2010, 01:15 AM   #20
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no went to buy my dad and sister bday gifts, they're born on the same day. I donno, we had a good time, we laughed, i can make her laugh till her eyes bleed, and she had fun i know.
I wouldn't think that laughing until eyes are bleeding would create good memories...
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