Thought of the Day

Originally Posted by southpaw

I want Gheybe right now.

Originally Posted by iwannagofast

the beer poop- it arrives after a long night of drinking beer. its always messy, it always stinks and it always sputters when it comes out.

the big bobber poop- a poop that sinks to the bottom of the toilet only to then float back up to the top. it may or may not actually look like a real bobber.

the birthing poop- the poop so big and hard it feels as if you are giving birth to a soda can

bungee poop- the kind of poop that just hangs off your azz before it falls into the water

captain's hook poop- a poop that comes out in with a strange hook shape to it so that it curls to the left or right until it touches your butt cheek

the cement block poop- the kind of poop that when it hits the water it sounds like a giant brick was thrown into a deep lake. you can almost feel the bowl rumble

the clinger poop- the poop that clings to your butt and wont let go. it usually requires you to grab both but cheeks and giggle them in order to get it off. this is the one where you use the reflection of the water like a mirror to make sure it has in fact fell off

the cork poop- even after the second or third flush, its still floating in the toilet. how do i get rid of it? WTF! this usually happens at someone else's house.

the crippler poop- the poop that takes so long your legs begin to go numb from the lack of blood flow to the legs.

the dirty bowl poop- the kind of poop that flies out a million pieces a second, reminiscent of a avalanche- but with rocket like propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl

the frightened turtle poop- the kind of poop that just pokes its head out and then quickly retreats. this sometimes turns into a teflon poop.

the ghost poop- you know you have pooped. but there are no marks on the toilet paper and also no visible poop in the bowl... hmmmmm

the gooey poop- the consistency of hot tar. after you wipe your ass 30+ times the poop is still there. you end up putting toilet paper in your boxers to assure you do not stain them.

the incredible hulk poop- there are two main kinds. the large green poops we sometimes mysteriously take. or the poop that sits in the bowl over night and incredibly expands to twice its original size.

jack the ripper poop- the kind of poop that yanks the hairs surrounding your anus out and usually results in minor pain.

king kong poop- a poop so big that you know it wont go down the toilet unless you break it int smaller chunks. a coat hanger works really well. this too also usually happens at someone else's house

mexican food poop- the kind of poop that makes your butt hole feel as if it is on fire.

the never ending poop- the poop that flows like urine, and just when you start to wipe, your stomach rumbles and it begins to flow once again.

the OH SHYT poop- the kind of poop where you wipe so much that you run out of toilet paper and end up thinking OH SHYT.

the OH my god poop- you poop so much you feel as if you have lost weight poop. what a great feeling

the one-wiper poop- the poop that comes out so clean you only need to wipe once. sometimes a second wipe may be used but this is only because you do not believe that this is true.

the party poop- the giant poop that you have to take at a party. when you flush you begin to get scared as the water begins to rise to the rim of the bowl.

the peak-a-boo poop- the poop so eager to be free that you get a giant turtle head patiently waiting till you sit down on the toilet.

the periscope poop- a poop so long that it starts at the bottom of the bowl and sticks out the water resembling a periscope.

the fake poop. this is no poop at all. its the poop that you fake you need to take in order to wipe the swampness out of your azz crack.

the pop vein in forehead poop- this is the poop that killed Elvis. it does not begin to come out util you are sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. the end result is usually a very dense pebble and is not worth the effort put in.

the right now poop- one way or another, you are going to poop. this usually makes you waddle your way to the bathroom to make it on time

the ring of fire poop- similar to the mexican poop, this happens after you eat spicy food and your butt hole feels as if it is the inside of your car cigarette lighter

the second thought poop- the poop that when you think you are done and finished wiping. you begin to stand up only to realize there is more in you and it must come out.

the snake poop- the squishy poop that is usually very small in diameter but at least 3 feet long.

the teflon poop- comes out soooo slick, clean and easy that you hardly feel it. no traces of poop on the toilet paper. you have to look in the bowl just to make sure you have in fact pooped.

the dry heave poop- the poop you have nightmares about. it comes out like urine and very quickly. your anus has no idea that the poop has run out so it proceeds to dry heave above the water for an extended period of time.

the wet cheeks poop- the poop that hits the water sideways only to splash the urine/water mixture in the bowl up onto both azz cheeks.

the windy city poop- when you sit down to poop and fart so long and hard that you no longer need to poop

the wish poop- while sitting on the toilet all cramped up and in pain. you wish that you could just poop. this usually is accompanied by short sparatic farts.

Damn, I haven't seen the poop list in a long time.

Originally Posted by Gheybe

Wiping at work is like giving a chainsaw a lapdance.

So I see your workplace has quality TP too. Ours is like sandpaper, and not the nice 1200 grit stuff either, I'm talking 400 grit AT BEST. Sanding one's arsehole is NOT fun.

Three thoughts of the day:
1) I don't like Vietnamese food
2) Every car I buy for the rest of my life will have heated seats (it's like driving in a jacuzzi)
3) I don't understand why pointless small talk is socially acceptable. Why can't we all just go about our business and speak when there is something worth saying.

Republicans

3 thoughts of the day
1) Aquire currency
2) Get leid
3) Make sure rims are clean and tires are shined.

/thread

gator boots with the pimped out gucci suits

Yellow wrist watch, Gucci flip flops..

I'm here to fvck sh!t up!

I wonder if my kid will a fart as much as me.

"wish the preacher would hurry up so I can get some food!"

Sent from my iPhone 4 using BimmerApp

Does condensation apply to farts? If I'm in bed, and I rip one that makes me almost puke, do I have to worry about that gas converting to a liquid under the covers?

In no particular order, I really, really miss my father; Johnny Carson; new Mel Brooks movies; affordable, fixable sporty cars without power-everything; my late mom's laughter, and cooking; paper maps; getting home in time to watch some classic TV sitcoms; the Dallas Cowboys being winners; traveling with my late wife; George Carlin; buck-a-gallon gas; traveling safely in Mexico; Ray Charles; seeing the New York skyline with the World Trade Center towers; Calvin & Hobbes; running my own business and the challenges and satisfaction of always meeting a 600-person payroll biweekly; my 911; Polaroid pictures; going to college; and having to find phone booths on the road when I needed to call somebody. Sighhhhhh...

should i eat that steak now before bed or keep it for tomorrow before training..

Originally Posted by Bartacus

Does condensation apply to farts? If I'm in bed, and I rip one that makes me almost puke, do I have to worry about that gas converting to a liquid under the covers?

doesn't that require a lot of temperature and pressure changes?



speaking of gas... i just ate some taco bell
$5 buck box
i'll be needing the toilet soon

Originally Posted by fordpwns

gator boots with the pimped out gucci suits

ain't got no job, but I stay sharp...

Thought about pooping then having my way with Gheybe.

oh gawd^


just bought new toilet paper for the house. oh sweet sweet soft nectar.

Originally Posted by Gheybe

oh gawd^


just bought new toilet paper for the house. oh sweet sweet soft nectar.

Please see brazilians in other thread. I must go poop.