I think I am a MMTL!

Originally Posted by dwass325

One time is a joke. Six times is begging. FYI you're coming off as pathetic.

I'll give your woman a free sample so you don't feel left out.





















































Okay... I'll quit.

Rick,

I've read almost the whole thread and really just stopped by to show support.

If you ever want someone totally objective without any agenda to talk through stuff with, just PM me and I'll send you my number.

I'm not a psychologist (almost...I have a Masters in Industrial/Organizational Psych...but that won't help!), but I'm good at listening and unfortunately, you probably know I'll say what I think...however ill-founded that might be!

My overall reaction to your situation is 'damn.' It's a tough one...not easy to do the math and have it all add up, I can see!

Doug

Originally Posted by dwass325

Serious question for all of you giving advice: have any of you ever been in a relationship with an openly bisexual woman?

Yes but we were just making love buddies I wasn't married to her.

Thanks Doug, I might do that some time soon. I am signing a contract on the house today...the house is a gift from my father-in-law. I own next to nothing myself so I would lose next to nothing if something happens. I am an entrepreneur at heart so maybe I am more willing to risk the investment then others on this forum would. It's like adding infinity by infinity, seems like their should be a logical outcome x + y = z, but when you look at it closely it's really infinity + inifinity = unknowable. I guess WELCOME TO LIFE, right.

Originally Posted by BigDRick323

Thanks Doug, I might do that some time soon. I am signing a contract on the house today...the house is a gift from my father-in-law. I own next to nothing myself so I would lose next to nothing if something happens. I am an entrepreneur at heart so maybe I am more willing to risk the investment then others on this forum would. It's like adding infinity by infinity, seems like their should be a logical outcome x + y = z, but when you look at it closely it's really infinity + inifinity = unknowable. I guess WELCOME TO LIFE, right.

Despite my total dickhead comments, my stomach actually turned a flip for you when I read that. And that wasn't me trying to be a dick. You seem like you're pretty sour about the whole thing and greatly concerned. From what you've told us, your wife seeks a bit more excitement in her life. I don't mean this the wrong way, but I'm glad the child isn't biologically yours. Of course, the emotional aspect of things is going to be tough, but financially, it will be easier.

I do wish the best for you (as mentioned in the PM's we exchanged), so don't think I'm just out to bang your wife.

Originally Posted by dwass325

Serious question for all of you giving advice: have any of you ever been in a relationship with an openly bisexual woman?

You don't need to have experience to see the OP's situation objectively.

1. She (as a married woman) has declared her interest in women.
2. She has taken steps to act on said interest by arranging a date.
3. OP is uncomfortable with it but hopes that his wife chooses the right path (i.e. not cheating on him with women) which, putting it politely, is naive.
4. OP feels an obligation to his wife's daughter. That's admirable, but ultimately he has no responsibility for her and that shouldn't be the reason to stick around if the marriage is finished otherwise.
5. OP is buying a house with his wife while this is going on. :mindblown:
6. She started stripping after they were married. Some guys are ok with it, but I know that would be a game changer for me.


If number 1, 2, or 6 were happening on its own that would be enough for me to have serious concerns, but put viewing the whole picture, I just don't see how anyone in their right mind would think this is a relationship that is geared for success. I'm not an advocate of divorce and think that marriage is worth salvaging in most cases, so maybe they can get through this if she doesn't end up following through by cheating on him.

If I were in this situation and were as delusional as the OP, I would hope a close friend would set me straight and pull my head out of my butt.

But then again, I have no experience with bi-sexual women

Pretty sure the house is a gift from father inlaw.

Originally Posted by rohde88

Pretty sure the house is a gift from father inlaw.

That changes everything

Originally Posted by SLVR JDM

That changes everything

well, it elicited a frowny face from you.

wow! yes, the whole situ is mindblowing indeed. at this point OP, just go along for the ride and i hope you have good insurance when the accident happens. best to you.

CRS once again makes excellent posts.

My viewpoint on the situation is to make this as least painful on all parties. I agree Stripping/swinging may be progress but it's effects on everyone involved are unknown. Rick has stated his uncomfortable feelings on most of the aspects of the relationship and has the opportunity to walk away relatively unscathed.

This is rare and he should use it to protect himself and not give up that ability easily.

Originally Posted by dwass325

Serious question for all of you giving advice: have any of you ever been in a relationship with an openly bisexual woman?

Yes. Lasted a few months, was fun but not anything I personally could do for an extended period.

Originally Posted by Mark M

However, never once was her or my opinion and views disregarded. Everything that happened was always mutual and agreed to.

This.

Originally Posted by BigDRick323

I have only been in one other long-term relationship (not committed).

We have been to couples counseling and she admitted things to me and the counselor I had never heard before. She is adopted and has been "taken care of" her entire life, breakfast in bed, unlimited cash, maids, nannies...etc etc. This is really her first attempt at a real marriage and being a real mother and wife in a new country, speaking a different language. I have tried to be as accommodating as possible. I don't think she likes me working because her last marriage her husband did not work and she was used to having him around, so it's just different.

Being this is only your second serious relationship I would expect this to be difficult to let go of. However, you can find someone else to love, she will not be the only one.

The other issue is that with a life of being taken care of, regardless of being set for life or not I'm not surprised she is always looking for something "new". You having to work a regular 9-5 will cause issues as well.

Originally Posted by BigDRick323

I couldn't imagine the frustration of moving to Ecuador and all of a sudden being a husband and father and taking a job where no one speaks my first language and being away from my family...it would be tough. I might act out in certain ways.

You cannot make others problems your own. That's cold I know; but very true nonetheless. Make sure you take care of yourself first and don't make excuses for her. A relationship is about being for one another, not you catering to her.

She should look to you for strength and guidance. Right now it seems she's looking to you to let her do whatever she wants.

Originally Posted by speedcrazy1532

CRS once again makes excellent posts.

My viewpoint on the situation is to make this as least painful on all parties. I agree Stripping/swinging may be progress but it's effects on everyone involved are unknown. Rick has stated his uncomfortable feelings on most of the aspects of the relationship and has the opportunity to walk away relatively unscathed.

This is rare and he should use it to protect himself and not give up that ability easily.




Yes. Lasted a few months, was fun but not anything I personally could do for an extended period.



This.



Being this is only your second serious relationship I would expect this to be difficult to let go of. However, you can find someone else to love, she will not be the only one.

The other issue is that with a life of being taken care of, regardless of being set for life or not I'm not surprised she is always looking for something "new". You having to work a regular 9-5 will cause issues as well.



You cannot make others problems your own. That's cold I know; but very true nonetheless. Make sure you take care of yourself first and don't make excuses for her. A relationship is about being for one another, not you catering to her.

She should look to you for strength and guidance. Right now it seems she's looking to you to let her do whatever she wants.

She had a little bit of a realization moment last night, not sure what happened, but she told me she feels like she is hurting me, I wanted to say "really, now you get it.." but I just told her yes. She cancelled her date for tonight and not sure if she's going to try again. She also was reconsidering stripping. She only works maybe 2 nights a week, but she is starting to wonder if it's such a good idea. She just wants to make her own money. (I have given her about 5 different business ideas she could start with her friends and could make a ton of money, based off her fashion, bi-lingual abilities, etc.)

That sounds like a start. Like most of the people who have posted in this thread I do hope this works out for you. Good luck

Good luck man. Bottom line is have a backup plan for when it head heads south. Like most people in relationships, don't be that sucker that runs on hopes and dreams!

Ok, so things have not pressed in the right direction, but she is finally going to see a psychologist next week, date and time made. I hope this helps her, but not convinced yet. I think she acts like a 17 year old more often than naught and it is making life difficult on everyone. My family adores her and treats her life Family, which also makes it difficult.

I am ready to protect myself if this goes further south, but she is now working at a very "popular" strip club near the airport and now I am just praying no one I know sees her there. I have a lot of friends in business and sales who often have to cater to clientele. She is still on the matchmaking website and wants to be with a woman.

BTW, she thinks she has been depressed for a while and with our puppy gone missing she is despondent.

From a 3rd party perspective you need to get the F out of there. I get it feelings and emotions are tough to get around both with your spouse and her daughter, but this is getting worse and worse. Over time this will not be healthy for you and is going to destroy you and your family emotionally.

Not sure what to say.

She sounds totally incapable of prioritizing life issues and grounding herself. She seems like a leaf floating on the water and whatever way the currents pull her she will drift.

I can tell you now, meeting with a therapist won't to any long term lasting good. She'll buy into it in the short term, she'll put up an act that it is helping, but it won't last.

One of the things I look for on a first date with a girl is to try and get at their focus or their drive. Are they grounded, do they have a passion, a vision for themself. Or are they a leach just looking for someone successful to cling to.

Originally Posted by BigDRick323

Ok, so things have not pressed in the right direction, but she is finally going to see a psychologist next week, date and time made. I hope this helps her, but not convinced yet. I think she acts like a 17 year old more often than naught and it is making life difficult on everyone. My family adores her and treats her life Family, which also makes it difficult.

I am ready to protect myself if this goes further south, but she is now working at a very "popular" strip club near the airport and now I am just praying no one I know sees her there. I have a lot of friends in business and sales who often have to cater to clientele. She is still on the matchmaking website and wants to be with a woman.

BTW, she thinks she has been depressed for a while and with our puppy gone missing she is despondent.

You need to leave. I can't really say much else. Will she come around? Probably not.

If she does would it be worth all the work you're going to have to do to get her there? I'm not talking about therapists.

IF she comes around it will be after round after round of emotional roller coasters for you and her to the point where you both will tear one another down and slowly rebuild. In the end IF you end up together for the long term you'll both be giving in to huge concessions that you may have never wanted just to stick it out.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

She seems to be just trying to appease you at this point ie therapist. If she wants to take of her clothes and munch carpet despite everything you two supposedly have; why would you stick around?

Just as a side note most therapists will ultimately side with the women. I have no studies to support this; just personal experiences through friends both male and female.

Seriously, make the hard decision and get out.

Originally Posted by BigDRick323

I think I am a MMTL!

i don't see the problem. i pray for this every day.

Everyone on here was right. My wife has been lying to me since January when she cheated on me with a female friend of hers. Yesterday was probably the worst of my life. The worst is I dont know what else she has done...i think we're going to go to a psychiatrist and figure out how to move forward...i still love her but dont trust her, really difficult.

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